Rating: 
Summary: This Book Saved My Spirit and My Life
Review: Being the person I am, and desperately wanting to save my relationship with the man I loved, I picked up this book to find out how I could change myself after my husband accused me of being verbally abusive. What I found out was that *I* was actually the victim of a severe verbal abuser. EVERY aspect of verbal abuse described in this book has been used on me by this man, and I thought that I was the one with the problem - he convinced me of that - it's part of the abuse, as you will be able to understand after reading this book. I left him, and life has never been better for me. I have a long way to go in recovery emotionally, physically, and financially, but by eliminating the abuse from my life, I finally have the confidence I need to heal. Reading this book saved my spirit, and sincerely saved my life. Verbal abusers steal everything important from you...do not let them...read this book and learn how to save yourself
Rating:
Summary: The Verbally Abusive Relationship
Review: This book is a wonderful tool for those that know that things in their relationship don't feel right but cannot name what they feel. The book explores many specific types of verbal abuse. It clarifies that the woman is not over-reacting or crazy in her feelings. It also touches on the effects of verbal abuse on the children. Many times the partners of abusers become passive and feel that if they try harder the relationship will be better. This book opens the reader's eyes to the truth. There is never a reason for verbal abuse! The book also offers some suggestions to help you stop the abuse in your life. It is in an easy-to-understand format and will be a benefit to many. As my husband seeks help for his problem, I am reading this book so that I will recognize abuse and can teach my daughters to set limits and not pass this curse (of allowing yourself to be abused)on to my children.I highly reccommend: The Verbally Abusive Relationship!
Rating: 
Summary: Great for Identification, but Dump that Abuser!
Review: This book helped me realize that I was being verbally abused. I thought verbal abuse was screaming and name calling. I learned from this book that it can be much more subtle. According to this author, when someone withholds affection and conversation and they engage in subtle put downs, it's abuse. I completely agree.The main criticism I have is that the author seems ambivalent about telling victims to leave their abusers. Instead she gives you permission to stand up to the person. Asking someone to stop won't make them stop or change them. Just because you stand up to someone doesn't mean that they won't do it again. Don't you deserve more than this from a "love" relationship? If someone is treating you like this, they have major problems. This is not love. My advice is to get away from them--life is too short and you will more than likely not be able to change this person. See things for what they are and realize that you deserve much better. I was married to a verbal abuser for 13 years. When I made him move out, I was afraid. Still, I found a great job that I enjoy. I have new friends. The men I date treat me with respect.
Rating: 
Summary: Two-way street
Review: A person could understandably pick up a book with this title and expect it to be about verbal abuse suffered by both men and women. It is arguable whether Ms. Evans' counsel produces healthy attitudes in abused women. Certainly, the extent to which she stretches the definition of "verbal abuse" creates a situation in which most any woman can claim to be a victim. What is unarguable, and indefensible, is the way she ignores verbally abused men. The title states that the book is about verbally abusive relationships, but it is not. It is only about relationships in which men verbally abuse women. The book is, in essence, a lie, because its very foundation is the rotten idea that the only abusive relationships are those in which men abuse women. After the first edition appeared, I wrote Ms. Evans about my concerns in this regard, and I'm sure others did as well. As a result, she only bothered, in this second edition, to add a brief note in the FAQ at the end, which basically says that the vast majority of abusive relationships are cases in which men abuse women. Anyone who lives in the real world knows better. What is clear is that the vast majority of Ms. Evans' clients are female (no surprise there) and from dealing with this self-selected sample, she has drawn inaccurate conclusions about the whole. Ms. Evans also indicates that those few men who are abused would do best to have a separate book written about them. My question is "why?" What is it about men that makes Ms. Evans unable to write about them (though she appears to feel very well qualified to write as abusers, based solely on the unchallenged testimony of women). At any rate, if this book is only about women as victims, it should say so clearly in the title, or in the subtitle--at least on the book jacket. Because those of us who live in the real world know that women do abuse men verbally. Women abuse men physically too, but they lack equal tools in that department. Unless a person is stupid enough to believe that women cannot equal men verbally (contrary to all scientific evidence) or that women are just inherently morally superior to men, the lie upon which this book rests is too obvious to need pointing out. But it's been pointed out to this women, and yet she persists. Not exactly science, folks! If all you want is Ms. Evans' personal biases, this is the book you should buy and read.
Rating:
Summary: This book is AWFUL!
Review: This is a very important topic, and one that I have taken very seriously. However the author has done a terrible job of addressing the issue. While there are some great points in this book, they are lost in the horrible atmosphere she has created. My wife and I have read this book at the suggestion of our counselor. Our home has become a living hell! Every sentence uttered is disected. Even the most caring and innocent attempts at communication are now suspect. In painting only men as the issue, and in casting a net so large that ANYTHING a man says to a woman can be called abusive, this author has DAMAGED my marriage more than helped it. Do yourself a favor. Find a book that addresses the issue in a more balanced way. It will take months, if not years, to undo the damage this book has caused in our lives...
Rating:
Summary: breakthrough book for women in unhealthy relationships
Review: This book has enormous power for women wondering what is wrong with their relationships. It identifies and describes several types of behavior men use to confuse, control and abuse their partners. It also details how these patterns of abuse can take their toll - through things like depression, poor self esteem, and addictions. Most people who have been verbally abused by their partner do not recognize it as abuse. It can go on for years, with distasterous consequences. But Pat's book provides victims of abuse with clear instructions for recognizing what types of behavior should not be tolerated - and what to do about it. This book should be required reading for anyone struggling to understand what has gone wrong with their intimate relationships. For those who have not known abuse, it may seem to be of little value. But for thousands of people in support groups for abuse around the country, it has strengthened and changed lives. I have never written a recommendation for a book on Amazon before, but I felt compelled to write one for this book. It is that good.
Rating:
Summary: Worse than awful: This book is damaging to society!
Review: I agree completely with the post by Warren Gray. This is a lopsided, bigoted, biased diatribe, penned by an obviously predjudiced person, totally without objective method or purpose. As Warren points out, the author shows absolutely no scientific or even non-scientific evidence to support her ludicrous proposition that men are biologically or socially disposed to be the abuser in relationships. Thank God I didn't let my abusive spouse see this (which I had bought with hopes she might read it and see her behavior). Unfortunately, I didn't do my homework before the purchase. I read the intro, and then threw it in the trash. Of course, other reviewers who may agree with the author's bias, either haven't read the book, or are themselves bigoted. From my experience, woman are far superior to men in the "skills" of verbal dominance and abuse. Just ask Dr. Laura!
Rating:
Summary: "The Bible for abused people"
Review: Patricia's Book is the "bible" for all of us suffering from the craziness of a verbally abusive marriage/relationship, I never realised that it wasn't just me who lived in "fear" constantly of being yelled and put down, critisized and worst of all the kids abused too, this book explains how the abusers mind works and why we are "tricked" into thinking its "our fault". This book really is a must for the healing and understanding of the dynamics of what's going on and what we must do to survivie.
Rating:
Summary: Evans Book Saves a Life!
Review: This book is the first to put a name to this destructive behavior, verbal abuse. Evans points out that physical abuse *never* happens without the verbal abuse occuring first. That was a true eye opener and wake up call for many. The VA victim feels confused and off balance and that is precisely what the abuser wants. Evans helps victims reclaim their power and be aware that there is no such thing as *just* verbal abuse, emotional abuse comes right along with it and too often, physical violence is the logical next step. Without this book, some of us would not have understood VA well enough to get out and believe me when I tell you at least one of us would no longer be alive. [...]
Rating:
Summary: a profoundly "life-saving" work
Review: Ms. Evan's book should be mandatory reading for every student in high school and college. Reading her book was a "water-shed" experience for me. The information she presented helped me to begin to deal with the effects of an abusive marriage. Prior to reading her book, I was experiencing severe post-traumatic stress reaction and was having great difficulty functioning emotionally. I could not grasp what was happening to me and why. I was in a nightmare that did not end. As I read her book, I felt a door of knowledge and hope open. The information helped me to begin a journey of healing. I have also been able to share this knowledge and book with other women (and men) who are suffering abuse. Her book is a life-saver, and a profound work. I am totally indebted to her.
| 
