Rating: 
Summary: Thorough, honest and easy to read.
Review: Don't go away without reading what Writegirl has to say (below). Hers is an exhaustive review with which I heartily agree. The only problem with Kirshenbaum's book is that, contrary to what the author promises, I am still on the fence about whether I should stay or go. No, that's not accurate; I know I should go, but I don't want to, so I keep hoping for a miracle. Her last chapter is good: She is very sympathetic to those who will leave and those who will stay. This is probably the last book on this subject I will read, and I have read a LOT! The next book will undoubtedly have a title something like: "How to Live Alone and Like It." (Anyway, I have a dog who, I think, is loyal to me.)
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Summary: Be very careful with the GUIDELINES presented in this book
Review: This is a great book for helping identify problem areas but the guidelines for leaving are self serving. After my first reading about a year ago I was confident in a decision to leave my relationship. However after reflection on my vows to love, not be loved, and after much hard work on my relationship, can I now read the book again and realize that my relationship is too good to leave. We are still working on our relationship and always will be. The part of this book that disturbed me most was that the guidelines are directed at those sitting around waiting for their partner to change. And while the author does mention on several occasions that change is the responsibility of both parties some of the follow up advice doesnt carry through that theme. I highly recommend reading "Communication : Key to Your Marriage by H. Norman Wright, and "How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together by Susan Page. These books helped me direct better response to the problems uncovered by "Too Good To Leave" and will provide the encouragement you need to try and make it work.
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Summary: Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay
Review: What can I say other than THANK-YOU from the bottom of my heart!!!! I took this book out of the library in 1997 - and OOPS, I paid the charges, as I never returned it!!!!! Periodically I glance at it, just to laugh at the right choice I made! Your book turned my life around, upside down, rightside up etc. Exactly what I needed, right at the time I needed something to help me make up my mind. I had two beautiful children to think about, and many questions. I also had answers to questions I'd never asked myself - your book asked me!!!! The kicker for me, was when my boyfriend of 6+ years LAUGHED at me for reading your book. He joked and insulted and basically cut down ANY attempt at even looking at OUR life logically. That did it for me!!!! Long gone were my pleadings for counselling, I knew your book made sense that even an imbacile could understand, but still.....he laughed! I stayed in that poisonous relationship for a few more months (endured another "run away" by him - but this time with definite boundaries for myself and my girls. Eventually, even he couldn't ignore these boundaries - although he tried hard to keep me on "his track". We moved at the end of summer, 1998. THANK YOU, we have never looked back!!!! Our life is awesome! I've stayed away from any relationship that is not strictly friendship. My girls want me to date, but I won't until I feel my girls and I are ready to take that "leap of faith" again. Their dad, as usual, doesn't pay any more/less attention to them than he did living a short distance away - WE DID THE RIGHT THING!!!!! NO MORE BROKEN HEARTS for any of us. THANKS for taking the time and effort in applying your obvious talent and expertise to an area that really needed to be explored! As much as he laughed then, I can guarantee you, I'VE LAUGHED 1000 TIMES MORE!. Sincerely, Susan and girls
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Summary: Excellent, Concise and well-written book
Review: Wow! I am so glad I bought this book, after agonizing for 8 years I finally made a move to leave, but still wasn't sure. In the first 2 chapters of this book, I found that my decision was the right one. Thanks Mira, for making things clear. I'm keeping this book on the reference shelf in case I ever get lost again.
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Summary: No easy answers, but excellent guidance
Review: After two years of agonizing over whether I should end my marriage, I found this book. It doesn't give definitive answers, but helps you organize your thoughts and feelings, and look at the relationship as a whole. It didn't make it easier, or less painful, but it did help me move confidently toward the decision I had to make.
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Summary: For Late Bloomers, THIS Is The Book
Review: I first needed this book -- okay, I needed it before I married. I recognize now that I needed it in 1988, when the pain and confusion were enormous, and the counseling I received was, to put it generously, ridiculous. But Kirshenbaum hadn't yet written the book. Then I needed it in 1995, when totally on the fence. But Kirshenbaum hadn't yet published. Finally she did, in 1996 (hardcover), and even though I'd already made the decision to leave, and knew somehow it was right, I bought the book. Gosh, how come I wasn't taught all this stuff before?!? Too Good To Leave is not only the book you pick up when you're on the fence. It's not just the book you turn to to make sure you made the best choice under the circumstances. It's the book you refer to again and again and again to help you learn what IS a healthy relationship, what IS love. Because in showing us what ill-health can look like, Kirshenbaum also teaches those of us who just didn't get it what we can look for in the future, when our hearts decide to risk again. This is an easy read: each chapter is structured the same way, with the issue, circumstances, diagnostic questions, couples examples from Kirshenbaum's practice (she provides therapy in the Boston area), and guidelines...are most people in this particular situation happier if they leave or if they stay? She begins with the incredibly painful (are you being beaten?) and moves through the book toward less and less clearcut circumstances. Take Chapter 8, for example: "What Is This Thing Called Love?" The issue: is there any real love left? Kirshenbaum reviews what people know of love (not a whole lot, it develops), discusses feeling and perceptions, and hits a diagnostic question: "In spite of admirable qualities, and stepping back from any temporary anger or disappointment, do you genuinely LIKE your partner, and does your partner seem to like you?" A poser, right? So Kirshenbaum walks you through her experience with Ann (married to Dave) who has had to work through this question. Does she really like Dave? Or does she merely like what Dave likes? Painful. Very painful. But healthy, because the guideline Ann must confront is, "If it's clear to you that basically and overall you just don't like your partner, then your love is a ghost... Quick take: In the long run -- no like, no love." (The quick takes, available with each guideline,are wonderfully useful as memorizable, immediate reminders.) Kirshenbaum continues through the chapter with different examples of couples wondering if love is present, with more guidelines and suggestions for unraveling the knots. This is powerful healing, because it names the problem. In medicine, the terror that comes with extraordinary pain can be eased by words: "Sounds like a kidney stone." Definition removes confusion removes fear. Just so does Kirshenbaum, in defining what we know is present, ease our hearts. We're not crazy. There is something odd here. And we are not alone in our perceptions. By showing us what is unhealthy in relationships, then, Kirshenbaum also teaches what is healthy. You've got to have like, to have love. Quick take #7: "Power people poison passion." Okay...so passion flowers where neither partner is into power. Quick take #28: "Time heals all healable wounds." But some wounds are so severe, and some partners so unwilling to act in healing ways, that the relationship is not a healing one. Okay...look not for partners who seem perfect, but for partners who are both unwilling to harm, and willing to heal. Where was Kirshenbaum when I was 12? I've grown so much from this book. Buy it, borrow it, somehow READ it before 2001 arrives. Bring your new learning with you into the new year.
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Summary: Wish I'd read this book oceans of tears ago!
Review: Whether because of timing or circumstances, Ms. Kirshenbaum's book was the BEST self-help book I have ever read on this subject or any other. I could have saved thousands of dollars on marriage therapists! She writes on a layman's level, zeros right in on the heart of the issues (no matter what your particular marital problem), and asks questions that clarify, clarify, clarify...something people who don't absolutely hate their spouse or marriage really need. As she says, no more balance sheets of positives and negatives which always just keeps one trapped in ambivalence. This is true no matter which side of the marriage/divorce fence one ultimately ends up on. Truly a wonderful book.
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Summary: I was so impressed, I bought copies for all my friends
Review: This book offers true insight into what normally should be relatively simple issues. However, as is our tendency, when we are "in love," we all too often ignore the most obvious of signs. Mira sets it out in a very systematic manner; although she repeatedly cautions the reader that the final decision is the reader's. One reviewer stated that only people who left liked the book. This is simply not true. I've applied Mira's guidelines to 2 relationships--the first, I left allowing me to venture into the second and for which, after some conflicts arose, I decided to stay. The guidelines helped establish the issues both he and I need to work on. I am an attorney. I keep one of my copies in my office readily available for divorce clients. I strongly recommend this book for anyone contemplating change in a relationship whether leaving or staying!
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Summary: Great wisdom about marriage!
Review: Kirshenbaum holds healthy, loving relationships in the very highest regard, but she also zeros right in on the bad aspects of a sick marriage -- the ones we try to kid ourselves about -- the ones we try to say don't really matter, and we'll just try not to notice them. Those are the problems that corrode the soul and cause people to either shut down emotionally or to get into destructive codependent living. She takes time to explore each issue, and doesn't allow the reader to glibly say Oh, no that's not me, or Oh, yes! We have to look at ourselves and our partners in depth. In my book "Your Pocket Divorce Guide" and in every divorce workshop and guidance I offer, I recommend this book. There's nothing else like it on the book store (or e-store) shelves. If you're in doubt, read it. If you're still agonizing about a divorce that's already happened, read it. You'll gain enormous perspective.
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Summary: This book saved my marriage.
Review: I don't want to go on & on. Just about everything good's been said about this book & it's true. It is concise and straightforward and honest. My husband & I went through it page by page and assessed our marriage as too good to leave by a long shot--we had just gotten caught up in temporary problems and misconceptions. I highly recommend this book to all my friends whenever they have relationship trouble. Everyone I've recommended it to has loved it, too.
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