Rating: 
Summary: No more relationship ambivalence!
Review: Believe it or not - I picked this book up on a marriage retreat weekend! I had been going back and forth in my head for years over the issue of leaving or staying. We spent thousands of dollars on counseling and retreats yet I was on the verge of making myself crazy with no clear decision ever coming from the incredible amount of thought I put into the question of whether I should leave or not. I could always come up with a long Pros list of why I should with an equally long Cons list of why I shouldn't. I read this book in two hours and knew that I was incredibly unhappy in my marriage and had to get out. Kirschenbaum helps the reader to assess their relationship through a series of guidelines and come to the decision on their own. No more pros and cons lists, just a step-by-step guide on how to make the decision that's right for you. I am in the process of a divorce now but know that this is the right decision. On difficult days, I sit down with this book and review some of the questions that she asks in such a no-nonsense way and remember that yes- I am happier being out of my relationship.
Rating:
Summary: A Great Tool
Review: The author does a great job of talking to the reader in a no-nonsense way about relationship ambivalance, which is something that many of us go through at least once in our lifetimes. It's a fantastic tool to help you examine how you feel about your relationship and if most people who feel the way you do were happier staying or leaving. I found this book to be extremely helpful--I had already made my decision before I read it, but it gave me reassurance that I made the best choice for me. It just reiterated what I already knew, but it was good to hear it from another source. If you are debating leaving a long-term relationship or marriage, buy this book. I have 5 friends that I am FORCING to read it just so they can get out of the state of ambivalence which helps no one. I know this book will help them in one way or another. Good luck...
Rating:
Summary: Scary - in the best sense
Review: My husband & I have had our share of ups & downs over 20 years; 10 years ago we did marriage counseling for 2 years, and just started up agin. We're in the middle of a nasty, passive-aggressive fight right now, so I bought this book yesterday when I was in the bookstore for something else (also reading Goleman's Emotional Intelligence - enlightening stuff). I'm about half-way through, and I want to buy a copy for my husband to read. I'm afraid that I recognized myself in some of the chapters, here I'm thinking I might want to leave - what if he wants to leave me? MK's questions are truly helping me to focus on what issues are important, and I believe will help us focus our discussions with our counselor to be more productive. If I'm doing destructive things, and this relationship has value to me, then I need to work on changing those behaviors. We have lots to work on, but I suspect this book has articulated something for me that my husband has never been able to, and it feels at the moment like this has the potential to turn things around for me (and, I hope, us).The concepts are very clearly communicated, with examples, which always helps me to really "get" concepts. It's an easy read, though I recommend keeping a box of tissues nearby. Obviously it's very thought-provoking. As other reviewers have said (often more eloquently) - MK is gentle but very very direct. She will support your quest for honest answers, and in my mind has been careful to leave the ultimate decision in the readers' hands. That said, it is SO helpful to have feedback from other people who've had the same questions I do. I wasn't going to give the book 5 stars because I don't want to give the impression that it has all the answers - but I've changed my mind, because I think that a book that points you at your own answers is probably superior.
Rating:
Summary: Seriously Good
Review: This is a seriously good book. At face value, it's a book that get's you off the fence, helping you to make a yes/no decision about your relationship with your "significant other." But it is in fact more than that. Kirshenbaum's poplular, easy to read, though at times over dramatic style, give us an insight into a variety of relationship issues and situations no matter what the nature of the relationship. I found myself annotating, underlining and agreeing too often for comfort. The book helped me make rational sense of what I had come to believe as being more ambiguous than it actually is. The nuts and bolts of good and less good relating are gently, skillfully and at times ruthlessly revealed. Ambiguities and subtle deceits are debunked. That is not to say that all the mystery has been removed or clinically examined. But Ms Kirshenbaum let's you know some cold hard facts that it's 'better you know.' Did I leave or did I stay? I left... and now I look back with, somewhat astonished compassion on the madness that was my previous relationship and the happiness I've experienced over the last 2 years in my current relationship. No regrets.
Rating:
Summary: Can I give it 6 stars?
Review: This book is awesome. It's the only place I have found that discusses every issue that I struggled with in deciding to get divorced. Re-reading it confirmed that I made the right decision, and the guidelines are useful for determining if my next relationship will be one that is based on "the right stuff."
Rating:
Summary: The truth at last
Review: I was in tears by the third chapter. Finally, I was able to get an objective view of my marriage and see where love had gone wrong. I had never been able to separate my relationship with my children from the one I had with my husband until looking at things step by step as the book directs. It's a real eye-opener for anyone wondering what their relationship is about. And it's not just for those on the verge of leaving. It offers support for reasons why you shouldn't give up and keep trying to save your marriage.
Rating:
Summary: Scary - in the best sense
Review: My husband & I have had our share of ups & downs over 20 years; 10 years ago we did marriage counseling for 2 years, and just started up agin. We're in the middle of a nasty, passive-aggressive fight right now, so I bought this book yesterday when I was in the bookstore for something else (also reading Goleman's Emotional Intelligence - enlightening stuff). I'm about half-way through, and I want to buy a copy for my husband to read. I'm afraid that I recognized myself in some of the chapters, here I'm thinking I might want to leave - what if he wants to leave me? MK's questions are truly helping me to focus on what issues are important, and I believe will help us focus our discussions with our counselor to be more productive. If I'm doing destructive things, and this relationship has value to me, then I need to work on changing those behaviors. We have lots to work on, but I suspect this book has articulated something for me that my husband has never been able to, and it feels at the moment like this has the potential to turn things around for me (and, I hope, us). The concepts are very clearly communicated, with examples, which always helps me to really "get" concepts. It's an easy read, though I recommend keeping a box of tissues nearby. Obviously it's very thought-provoking. As other reviewers have said (often more eloquently) - MK is gentle but very very direct. She will support your quest for honest answers, and in my mind has been careful to leave the ultimate decision in the readers' hands. That said, it is SO helpful to have feedback from other people who've had the same questions I do. I wasn't going to give the book 5 stars because I don't want to give the impression that it has all the answers - but I've changed my mind, because I think that a book that points you at your own answers is probably superior.
Rating:
Summary: Excellent book
Review: I like the book because the author is factual, gives sound advice, sees pros and cons for leaving or staying, and brings enough examples to illustrate her point. She does not try to persuade or counsel you to stay in or leave a relationship, she helps you with questions to sort out your situation and then make a decision. She helps you to see that other factors than love may influence your decision, like money, prestige, or concern for your children. And she cautions that many people idealize the life they could have after divorce and would be better off to check out realities before they take final steps. It's a great book.
Rating:
Summary: Life Changing Book
Review: This book helped me make the decision I knew I needed to make. What it gave me was clarity. And now, over a year after I finally had the courage to leave my husband, I know I truly made the right decision. It has some excellent valid points. A good book for anyone in a relationship or contemplating one. I know just reading this book will help me in my next relationship or choosing a life partner. I have read many self-help and relationship books, but this one is very practical and to the point.
Rating:
Summary: If you're on the fence, read this book
Review: This book was recommended to me in May of 2002 by my therapist, who I went to see after I considered leaving my 7-year marriage due to being "cut off" sexually. I'd been to therapists before and none seemed to convince me that my need to leave and keep my sanity was better than staying and keeping my vows. I brought the book home after my first appointment. I read it in two days and filled out each question/answer segment on a sheet of paper. Since my husband knew I'd gone to employee assistance to see the therapist, I shared the book with him and told him that if he was interested in our marriage that he should read the book and also notate his answers to each chapter so we could share those answers with one another later. I gave him six months to read and notate and when we compared answers I was horrified to see that not only did he NOT take this book seriously, he all but laughed at me for taking it as seriously as I did. With this book and his reaction, I started the search for a place to live. Long story short, I left him two months later and I've NEVER been sorry I did. I have never been happier. I have recommended it to other women who can't seem to make up their minds whether to get out of their marriages or not. If you're on the fence and can't seem to make a decision whether to leave or to stay, this is the book to read. I thank my therapist for having the good sense to point me in the right direction.
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