Rating: Summary: Excellent advice for strengthening your marriage Review: "Show me a couple who has a mutually satisfying sexual relationship and I'll show you a couple I can pick out of a crowd. There's an almost visible bond between them-the gentle touches, knowing glances, laughter and warmth when their eyes meet. You can feel the connection between them." (Davis, p. 32) How many couples miss this with their partner? Sex becomes a chronic source of tension in too many relationships. One partner has a high drive; the other one has a "leave me alone" attitude. Michele Davis offers excellent advice for those wanting to rekindle their sexual relationship and strengthen their marriage. She makes astute observations, such as noting the assumption many woman have that their husbands want sex because "having sex is like scratching an itch; it's a purely physical need." She continues,"I am convinced that one of the grossest misunderstandings about sex is the belief many women have that men desire sex because they just want, or better yet, need a physical release. It's true that men (and some women) love an occasional quickie without much emotional hoopla. However I've been privileged to hear men describe the way they really feel when their wives aren't' interested. And if you've assumed that your husband wants sex just to "get off," what I've heard will undoubtedly surprise you." (David, p. 56-7) This book is an easy read, with plenty of relatable examples and excellent tips, i.e., sexy solutions. Davis has an excellent understanding of both partner's dilemmas and she bridges the understanding and communication gap that so often leads couples to divorce or to suffer unhappy marriages. She helps you recapture that mutually satisfying sexual relationship, and more broadly, that soulmate relationship, you may have lost with your partner.
Rating: Summary: Much Needed Book! Review: Congratulations to Weiner-Davis for providing the best book on the market for couples where one feels strongly about needing sex and the other partner has a low sex drive. Extremely reassuring for women who have the stonger sex drive. Weiner-Davis provides the wisdom of an experience sex therapist without pages and pages of theory. Just straight talk on the realities of the disappointment, yet with options for creating a more satisfying relationship.
Rating: Summary: A Start, But Too Simplistic & Broad -See Below For More Help Review: Deeper issues are at hand in a "sex-starved" marriage than Michele Weiner-Davis deals with in this book. In the vast majority of cases other than those dealing with physical problems (although it can occur here too), the root of a "sex-starved" marriage or relationship is a very real and very prominent disease called "Sexual Anorexia." Sexual Anorexia is the active withholding of emotions, feelings, affection, and sex. It is a form of control. Much like a Food Anorexic with eating, a Sexual Anorexic will starve a marriage and relationship of sex and physical affection for deeper emotional reasons and avoidance. (See below for the sources of these definitions.) Sexual Anorexia is not even mentioned in Weiner-Davis' book. For such a "comprehensive" book, this is a significant oversight and deletion.
Weiner-Davis devotes most of her pages to painting and describing various "sex-starved" scenarios, but offers minimal practical help and only cursory "scratch the surface" behavioral approaches to the problem. Reading these descriptions does offer a person a feeling of not being so alone. (Just look here at other reviews indicating a feeling of hope at the revelation that others are dealing with such difficulty.) The descriptions alone, though, do not leave one feeling hopeful about getting help. The book is so broad in its scope and soupy in its application that one comes away recognizing the problem but not really knowing how to get targeted help for it.
There is hope, and there are more in-depth, well-researched, targeted, and practical books. I would recommend any of the books by Dr. Douglas Weiss and Dr. Patrick Carnes found here on Amazon. Both men are forerunners in the research, study, and counseling of Sexual Anorexia. Their respective websites are www.sexaddict.com www.winningatmarriage.com and www.sexhelp.com You will find excellent information, explanation, definitions, resources, links, and contact numbers for help.
If you want a cursory explanation of what a marriage without sex looks like, purchase Weiner-Davis' book. If you want to go beyond that picture and get practical help, check out the doctors and resources above.
Rating: Summary: What a great book! Review: Finally! Someone is speaking the truth about men who just aren't interested. All you ever hear is that women aren't in the mood for sex. In my marriage of 28 years, it's always been my husband who has no interest in our sex life. This has been very painful and made even more painful by the fact that I have felt so alone. Because no one else talks about men not craving sex, I've spent that last 28 years wondering what's wrong with me! Now I know I'm not alone. This book really gave me a boost. It also helped me see that I don't always handle this situation the best way. I am going to re-read it and ask my husband to read it too. It really is a guide for couples, just like the title suggests. What a relief!
Rating: Summary: Lonely Mom Review: FINALLY!!! I'm not alone!! After being married for 18 years...18 very lonely years, I found this book that describes my life. I finally realize that that there is nothing wrong with me...and I now better understand that my husband's complete lack of interest, is not intentional. What a wonderful book! It took me packing a bag and getting ready to leave to get my husband's attention enough to make him read the book as well. The next morning..he was a different man. I firmly believe that this book may be the tool that will save my marriage. This is a must read for all couples!!
Rating: Summary: lonely wife Review: i am a 28 year old, reasonably attractive, successful woman. i've been married for less than a year. but for the past three years, my husband has been uninterested in sex with me. i assumed that once we got married and things settled down, he would feel enough trust to be intimate. i was wrong. because i've been thinking about this more and more, i bought this book in the hopes it might actually help out. i don't want to give up my marriage.while i think the book provides excellent insight into the low sex drive female, advertisements to the contrary, it really does not provide enough helpful information to those of us women who are "over-sexed". i have already tried many of the suggestions given. they have not worked. i will say that this book did help me identity several unhelpful behaviors, which i will stop. but i realize my husband, who will not go to counseling and doesn't want to talk about it, will not change. all in all, well-written, friendly, easy to read. also, great info for the higher sex drive man in terms of how to deal with a wife who is not so inclined. some of these points are transferable to the higher sexed woman. some are not. my sense from the book is that if you are a higher sex drive woman (or man really), your best bet is to try not to think about, find some hobbies and forget the sex stuff... even this book essentially argues that it is up to the lower sex partner to change. good luck.
Rating: Summary: there is help! Review: I am a 38 year-old, attractive woman whose husband could care less about touching, caressing or making love to me. Until I read this book, I thought I had the only marriage in America that was a pretty much platonic. It's not that we have no sex, it's just that it is so infrequent (and always me that has to initiate) - that this makes me feel less than womanly. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in this kind of a marriage. Now, after reading this book, I've learned that I am not alone and I am forever grateful for that. Even though other men still seem to be attracted to me, I had convinced myself that there must be something wrong with me. Now I don't think so anymore. I also learned that I've probably been doing all the wrong things to change the situation. I plan on changing my approach immediately. I get very angry and critical and I can now see how that turns my husband away. I feel much better already knowing that I have a plan. I highly recommend that anyone dealing with this issue in their marriage read this book. It's well-written and it will make you feel that the author has been hanging around your bedroom. For me, this book is a Godsend.
Rating: Summary: Must have been the allergies Review: I am a skeptical, "glass half empty" kind of guy who has absolutely no use for self-help psychobabble written by "experts" for people who can't think or feel for themselves, or who don't have friends to talk to. These books are for people who call psychic hotlines. So could I really have had tears in my eyes as I read this book? Nah, must have been the allergies. My marriage has been floundering for a while, and I have tried everything to fix it. I am not one of those people who thinks that problems in a relationship are the other person's fault, nor am I emotionally bottled up and unable to (more or less articulately) express my feelings. Yet my efforts, and my issues with my marriage, have consistently been ignored, dismissed and minimized. I was at the point of giving up and accepting that my marriage was just a loveless partnership for raising kids. Ever more distant from my wife, she finally started to recognise that there was a serious problem, but she thought that it was mostly with me. Then I found out about this book. I don't know whether it will save my marriage, but it has definitely saved my sanity. If you are a person who needs way more sex than your spouse, or are the low desire spouse frustrated with constant badgering from your favorite sex maniac, this book will be like waking up from a bad dream. It will ring so true to you that it will feel like you've been spied on. You will hear your exact thoughts, as well as those of your spouse, precisely articulated. This book prescribes hard work and behavior changes for both spouses, and getting there requires commitment and persistence, but even if it doesn't save your marriage, it will make you feel so much better just knowing that someone understands.
Rating: Summary: WRONGLY TITLED: RIGHTLY WRITTEN Review: I have not read the entire book--only bits and pieces while at different book-stores. And I know why I am hesitating in purchasing it just yet: a. The marriage of the friends for whom I want to buy the book is at a very early stage, and maybe they dont need this book just yet.
b. But the bigger reason is the title of the book. Using the word 'starved' has made it appear as a one-sided book---a book only for those whose libido is high----whereas typically the low-libido person needs to read this book also, since s/he needs to u.stand how her/his insensitivity to the sexual needs of her/his partner, can be ruining an otherwise happy marriage.
The 'starved' seems to spell only the 'deprived' partner's state, whereas in as much as it takes 2 to tango (and make love), both people need to be addressed. Infact, inside the covers, the book does precisely that----its a very well written book, with equal sections for both the people. Thus it should be definitely a very useful book for both partners.
Maybe a title like: 'SEX-DEVOID MARRIAGE' sounds more neutral in its approach.
Rating: Summary: Edifiying Book Review: I purchased "The Sex-Starved Marriage" to use as a resource for a fictional book I'm writing which deals with this very issue. I recommend this book to any couple who is mismatched in the sexual desire arena. Not your typical how-to book, thank goodness, but a book that offers help for both partners. I'm passing it on to friends who are faced with the same situation.
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