Rating: 
Summary: Dealing with a boyfriend who was child of divorce
Review: As a child of an intact marriage, I've often baffled at the unexplained, mysterious behavior of my "child of divorce" boyfriend at times. I expected to gain a better understanding of his behavior through this book, after watching Oprah's show and seeing some of his bahaviors explained. The book has not only accomplished that, but I've also gained insight into some of my own behaviors - stemming from the sometimes unhappy marriage of my own parents, although they "toughed it out for the kids". This book received numerous head nods and tears, and has given me the direction I needed in the relationship I'm currently in.
Rating:
Summary: A Must Read
Review: I was anxious to read this book as my parents divorced 28 years ago when I was 2 years old. I can not express how strongly I feel about the importance of this book and Dr Wallerstein's study. Here is irrefutable evidence that the effects of divorce on children are profound. A solid argument for the elimination of the no-fault divorce and for reanalyzing the benefits of staying together in the best interest of the children.This book should be required reading for anyone who hopes to have a family someday and for anyone whose life is affected by a divorce or by a child of divorce. Anyone you know?
Rating:
Summary: Interesting, filled with facts
Review: As a child of divorce I could relate so well to the people in this fascinating look into the "real" lives of children of divorced parents. I think her study was a fantastic idea and she approaches the subjects of her study with a blend of compassion and formality that is unique. Beautifully written and filled with tragic and touching stories of people who survived the heart break of divorced parents. I am recommending this book to many fellow generation X-ers who are the product of broken homes. Excellent book!
Rating:
Summary: Shining Light on the Truth
Review: It's too bad that people are picking this book apart as a purely scientific study, void of any emotional weight, when divorce is NOT scientific! It is a holistic event for everyone involved: emotional, psychological, spiritual, and physical torture - especially for the children. The authors' main purpose is to shed the light of truth on the complete misconceptions and lies that divorced parents chow down on a regular basis to make their guilty indigestion better (I like to call it the "Magical Tums"). It is not to continue to make everyone feel better about this individual and societal phenomenon. It's the truth - it hurts and it heals. Having your family completely rip apart into shreds and shower around you is not a pleasant event, no matter your income or geographical situation. This event colors the perspectives of every member of the broken family for many years (usually a lifetime), and Wallerstein's study is helpful in understanding that there is a shared multitude of complicated feelings, situations, and struggles that a child of divorce may experience. I saw myself, my brother, my husband, my best friend, and many other people that I have known in this book. I would definitely recommend this book to anyone who is touched by divorce and is seeking some healing. It is not the end all to be all guide to life, but it was so helpful to this child of divorce that I heartily give this book a "rock on!".
Rating:
Summary: It's about time
Review: As an adult child of divorce in my mid-twenties, I have always been feeling like something was missing or incomplete. I really like the fact that this book was written from so many different perspectives. It has given me insight to identify with the problems that I need to address to move on as an adult. I have always shut out divorce as a contributor of my adult problems, but this definitely makes me feel good about the course of life I have taken and goals that I have set. I know now that I am on the right track and know what challenges may lie in from of me. Not only have I been able to understand myself better, but many of my friends who have reacted differently to this topic.
Rating:
Summary: More Attention Needed By Children + Less Parential Time
Review: I might get personal with this review, but in my defense, this book will most certainly stir up emotions for *anyone* who has been through a divorce. Author Judith Wallerstein has studied children of divorce for 25 years, and in this book she compares them with children from intact families. The results are universally startling, and unfortunately the audience who needs this book the most are those least likely to hear the message - parents. As the pressures on a single parent mount to gigantic proportions, we tell ourselves little white lies about how well our children are doing. This is only human. The universal dilema of divorced families is that children need more attention while parents have less to give them. However, even the youngest children (3 years) quickly learn to play our games, to act happy in order to receive Mommy or Daddy's approval. It is in your childrens' best interests for you not to fall into this trap. By simply being in a divorced family, your kids have much greater odds of drug and alcohol abuse, deliquency, poor grades, lesser educational future, and a very slim chance of creating a healthly family of their own. The legacy of your failed marriage will carry through much of their adult lives as part of their self-worth and self-confidence. By remaining brutally honest with your children - and brutally honest with yourself - you can help prevent your children from hiding their emotional needs and eventually becoming numb to them. Many of the popular myths surrounding children and divorce are simply not true - "Isn't it better for children to leave a house full of conflict?" No. Wallerstein has compared hundreds of children with similiar domestic situations - constant fighting, infidelity, substance abuse, etc. - and in every case the children fared better when their parents remained married despite their problems. The most disturbing message I farmed from Wallerstein evidence is that divorcing for the sake of another relationship, or because you simply can't "work it out", is an act of criminal selfishness. You are trading your childrens' happiness and future for your own. The fighting and bickering does not stop. No matter what you circumstances, seek professional councel before you continue. Unfortunately, Wallerstein neither considers the pressures on a divorced family as a whole, nor offers concrete solutions. Her suggested solutions are not well researched or supported. How can a woman without education be expected to work full time plusgo to night school, yet still gather enough energy to spend time with her children? A parent in this situation is trapped. The legal system and men in general are also reviewed in a shallow atmosphere of judgement and unrealistic expectations. If you are already past a divorce, this book can do little more that offer you a glimpse into the mind of your child, or if you are a child of divorce, help you to understand what other childs (now adults) feel about their parents' divorce. Still, this book has worth a read if only because it negates some of the most popular philosophy in our divorce culture. Fight the Power!
Rating:
Summary: She got it right!
Review: I was a child age 7 when my parents divorced. As I read this book, I thought to myself that Ms.Wallerstein hit the bullseye. When parents divorce, it may be better for them (or may not be) but it definately changes the course of the child's life forever. So many of the insights mentioned in the book were like lightning - yes, yes, yes, I thought! Many of the items this book touches on, from how visitation interferes with childhood play time and the ability to make play mates to how children move into a caregiver mode after divorce to how, as an adult, a child of divorce doesn't have role models for how to resolve disputes in a marriage are so right on. Reading this book articulated many feelings that I had or still have but didn't know how to express. This book would be useful to anyone who is a child of divorce, is a parent thinking of divorce or a parent going through a divorce and even spouses of children of divorce, who come from intact families. I don't think the legal system or most of the adults in a divorce see what the repercussions will be through the eyes of the child. This book shows the harm that can be done, even when the parents are civil or still friendly after a divorce. As to the remedy, well, I think that the book shows the advantage of communication, not only with the child during a divorce but throught out the lifetime of that child can make a difference. If you are a child of divorce, I strongly recommend this book. It will help you see some of the whys behind your actions. It spoke volumes to me!
Rating: 
Summary: not much hope here
Review: As an adult child of divorce, I identified with many of the stories. It helps to know you weren't alone and to get some insight on why you are as you are. However, it left me totally bummed, pessimistic, and not very hopeful about my marriage prospects. Worse, there was little advice or encouragement on how to "turn things around" as an adult. I almost wish I hadn't read this, I feel more doomed than ever before.
Rating: 
Summary: Interesting...but there's more to the story
Review: Case studies make for compelling reading, and you can't helpbut be moved by the experiences of these children of divorce. But thisbook will not give you point by point advice, even though it can behelpful if you are able to learn by example. I see another reviewerrecommends Relationship Rescue, and I agree that couples need to makemore effort in getting back to what brought them together. ... We allknow, however, that every story is unique; it's another of thosethreshold situations.
Rating: 
Summary: Very unscientific and unfounded.
Review: Don't let the media hype around this book fool you into thinking her findings are scienfically valid. She points out all the negatives about what happens in a divorce, but doesn't mention anything about how those same children would have fared if parents stayed together (how would you mature if all you see was constant fighting by your parents?). Studies has shown conclusively that parents that stayed together 'for the children' despite their unhappiness cause more harm to their children than a happily divorced family. If she had used a control group and followed those children (whose parents stayed together despite being unhappy), she would have discovered the same thing as dozens of other scientifically valid studies have: that children who come from those family are worst off than children that come from divorce parents.
| 
