Rating: 
Summary: Abused Confused Fearful Anxiety Ridden Depressed Destructive
Review: I strongly recommend this book for anyone seeking to find help with identity issues, self-esteem issues, mood disorders, any type of addiction, reoccurring unresolved anger, troubling relationship, boundary and trust issues. Excellent compliments to this book are: The Angry Heart: Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Disorders by Joseph Santoro and Ronald Cohen; The Narcissistic Family: Diagnosis and Treatment by Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert Pressman; Emotional Blackmail: When People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward and Donna Frazier; Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson; Why Is It Always About You?: The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss and James Masterson; Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man by Scott Wetzler; Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin and Lidija Rangelovska (Editor); Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents by Nina Brown; Treating Attachment Disorders: From Theory to Therapy by Karl Heinz Brisch and Kenneth Kronenberg; Toxic Coworkers: How to Deal with Dysfunctional People on the Job by Alan Cavaiola and Neil Lavender. And if you want to pursue the subject even further, you may be interested in reading The Narcissistic / Borderline Couple: A Psychoanalytic Perspective On Marital Treatment; Parenting with Love and Logic: Teaching Children Responsibility by Jim Fay and Foster Cline.
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Summary: This Book Changed My Life
Review: It has been nearly two years since I found "Stop Walking on Eggshells". My mother's doctor told us that her borderline personality disorder was responsible for most of her current symptoms. I searched the internet for information about this disorder and found this wonderful book. My mother has suffered all her life and those of us close to her suffered with her. Once I understood the disorder it was easier to understand her behavior. Personality disorders are not well understood and there are no easy answers to how to deal with the person who has one. When I accompanied her on subsequent visits to her psychiatrist I understood more of what he was talking about. The specific cases discussed in the book from information gathered at the one author's web site were especially helpful. I later found that web site (BPD Central) and joined a support group. This group has helped me on a personal level. How does one measure the value of a book that truly changes a person's life? I have become a stronger person which benefits my borderline mother as well as myself. Thank you to all the authors, especially Randi Kreger the owner of BPD Central.
Rating:
Summary: Excellent book, realistic and balanced
Review: This excellent book has quite understandably received 5-star reviews from most readers. This is because it does a superb job in explaining borderline personality disorder (BPD), and suggesting strategies for coping with the borderline in your life. I am writing this review to take issue with one of the few negative reviews: "Worthless and harmful", by Ospawno. This reviewer felt that the book (1) is "incredibly simplistic"; (2) "lacks a sound foundation in clinical research" and (3) actually just encourages "the "non" borderline to feel justified in dumping their borderline partner". All three charges are unfounded. The book is written in an easy-to-read style; Ospawno says that the authors seem to have believed "that most reading it possess an fifth grade education". Wake up, Ospawno, half of the people in the USA basically do possess the equivalent of a fifth grade education! Guess what, many of them have to deal with BPD in their lives too! The language is simple, the concepts are not, and they are well explained. Secondly, to the extent that the book deals with the characteristics of BPD, it remains well in touch with the DSM definition of the disorder at all times and is thus clinically well grounded. Ospawno's vague academic ramblings about "cluster B traits" and whatnot are irrelevant. Based on my experience and on the experience of hundreds if not thousands of people with BPD in their lives, the depiction of the disorder in this book is spot on. Thirdly, the claim that the book just encourages the "non"-BPD partner to dump the BPD partner is the most unfair of all. About two thirds of the book, from pp. 85-220, is about how to deal with BPD on a day-to-day basis. Ospawno finds this advice "vague and ambiguous", but frankly, I would like to see him do a better job. BPD is not easy to live with. On the message boards run by one of the authors you will see people trying to deal with the disorder, and you will sometimes see what Ospawno calls "vindictive folks spewing vitriolic hate against their ex". If he had any actual knowledge of what it's like to live with BPD, he would understand that this is a pretty natural reaction in some cases. It's not a consequence of reading this book, which is most of the time more kind to the borderline than I would be inclined to be myself. Rather, it's a consequence of living with BPD, which Ospawno clearly knows nothing about. In short, the book is not "worthless and harmful", it is valuable and life-affirming. If you have someone with BPD in your life, this book will give you the knowledge to address your situation in whatever way you decide is best.
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Summary: Living with a BPD is different then reading about them...
Review: Living with a BPD is different then reading about them, but not in this book. I consulted with "experts" about my former spouse who has BPD their impressions are MUCH different then the actual experience. When seeking counseling I was blamed for her outrageous behavior, as anyone who has lived with a BPD they begin their formation at very early ages. The book was surprising in the honestly from those recovering from BPD. While married to a BPD I heard the "real story" behind many of the events of her childhood (from her) those events were never discussed as honestly in front of counselors. This book was both illuminating and liberating to finally hear groups of people echoing my own experiences. Even the frank quotations read like a script of my marriage it left me feeling like the problem was so thoroughly understood that it left me no more question in my mind about my own sanity. If someone you love has ever threatened to kill themselves, cut themselves, if you have had a conversation with that person and felt like "was I really there when we talked about this?", or if you have been arrested 3-4 times without knowing why until the court date, you really need to buy this book.
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Summary: No manipulation ?
Review: This book sheds light on many issues related to BPD, which makes it really worth reading. The problem is, I find it extremely offensive when it downplays the manipulative character of the BP. Sometimes it even hints that it is only the perception of the non-BP, like saying "acting out in ways that, TO YOU (i.e. the non-BP), FEEL intensively manipulative". Well, that's just what non-BPs need, one more person to turn things around. It is extremely harmful to be in a relationship with a BP (which, by itself, may indicate you have issues of your own to deal with), and one of the craziest things in its dynamics is that in the end the non-BP is made to look like the bad guy, the one who is causing the problems and nobody else who isn't close and smart enough not to buy things at face value can't believe what's happening (I wouldn't believe anyone if I was told about the "other personality" of my ex-BP before being in an intimate relationship, although we were close friends for years before that). And since for the non-BP it is difficult to even acknowledge what he/she has been through, he/she gets more and more confused. Even if the origin of the behavior is the desperation of the BP, as the book proposes, IT DOESN'T CHANGE THE EVIL AND SELFISH NATURE of it. No matter what the origin of the behavior is, they are still doing extreme harm and causing hallucinating pain to their significant ones. AND THEY ACTIVELY CONTINUE TO DO IT, despite repeatedly seeing and being warned of the clear consequences of it. Now, if continually lying to escape consequences of their shocking behavior, proclaiming a love that disappears into thin air after they are relieved of their internal or external dramas, making all kind of promises and statements only to buy time until they get another source available, creating theories to present immoral actions as if they were just the opposite, threatening suicide to get things their way or to divert attention when they are caught doing something wrong among a thousand others isn't manipulation, we better change the definition of this word in every single dictionary. It took me a loooooong time to uncover the lengths my ex-BP had gone to make me and others believe the lies and creations (not mere reactions). And I know I was lucky, many non-BPs don't know what struck them. Of course a disorder has degrees, and a lot of BPs could very well be more reactive to their feelings than being manipulative people, in which case the book would be closer to reality in this specific point. But if you are in a relationship with a BP, be careful. Have the courage to look at his/her behavior as it has been since the beginning of your relationship and don't try to rationalize. What you see is what you get.
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Summary: Stop Walking on Eggshells
Review: This is the best book on Borderline Personality Disorder! This is the only book I am aware of that is targeted for the innocent party being terrorized by a BPD instead of targeting the person with BPD. During my time living in the world of BPD - not by choice - I would not have survived without this book.
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Summary: I Love This Book -- It's About Me!
Review: I read this book avidly, and it made me think of my own life. I've written about the subject of borderline personalities extensively and consider myself an authority. Why? Because I suffer from it. The way I deal with my disorder is to rant and rave about my ex-spouse-it's easier to accuse her of having a borderline personality than to deal with my own issues. I've been publishing a lot about the topic on my own website, though most people have told me that I have no evidence for my claims.
You see, I have been hurt. Badly hurt. I was abused as a young child, and it helped make me into the emotionally and physically abusive person that I am today. When I was married, I could use my spouse as my psychological screen, my punching bag. When she didn't want to play that role anymore, I lost out bigtime. Boy, I now wish I'd gone into therapy earlier. Are you intrigued? Visit me on the web under my name.
Rating: 
Summary: Like a Stab in the Heart
Review: This book does provide some useful information identifying traits, symptoms and behaviour of the BPD person and this is always useful in understanding why they are behaving the way they do. If you are close to a BPD person it is always worthwhile discovering that you are not going crazy for finding the ridiculous dramas and scenarios with the BPD confusing and distressing.
Despite this, I found sections of the book hurtful and demoralising. How much more do the loved ones have to be told they should adapt even more to the BPD's behaviour, and that "understanding" them is enough to make it OK, that learning and perfecting the art of "not taking it personally" is going to make life a lot easier. These things do cause a slight improvement but the emphasis placed on them is in denial of the seriousness of the effects of the BPD behaviour, and the intensity and energy and power the BPD person puts into pursuing his/her twisted agenda. What is worse is the tendency of some therapists and authors to focus on the Borderline being accepted (for extremely unacceptable behaviour) and placing unfair expectations on their significant others as a way of empowering them (the BPD).
The author of the review "Save Your Money & Your Mind put it so well - [...... Instead, it asked Borderlines what they thought non-BPD's should do in the face of the Borderlines inappropriate, inexplicable rages. Be good now and don't upset the Borderline, who can't help it. The Borderline's world is painful (as if everyone around the Borderline doesn't routinely pay the price for that), so try to understand. No, the Borderline doesn't need to understand, because Borderlines are like children and can't be expected to behave in any kind of responsible way. It's about their survival, so deal with it. If you suffer because of a Borderline's actions, you will suffer more from the underlying message of this book: a Borderline is in pain, so whatever he/she does must be understood and on some level (or all levels) excused. Borderline behavior (manipulation, lying, pitting people against one another, suicidal gestures, unpredictable, intense rages, etc.) is abusive and destructive to everyone around him/her. The fact that the people around him/her are expected to put up with it because it's motivated by fear or shame only speaks to the amazing ability of the Borderline to turn the tables and make a situation sound like something it's not. You do not ask someone with Anti-social Personality Disorder how you can avoid provoking his anger. It's understood that the problem is with him, not you. Why is this not clear with BPD? ....]
As if the loved ones of BPD's aren't already doing everything they can humanly think of to accomodate and please the BPD! Most people who are partnering a Borderline sufferer have already worked out, for survival purposes, every possible way of avoiding triggering their worst behaviour. Adapting, keeping quiet about serious problems, pretending to accept distorted views of reality to avoid arguments, letting things go of great concern and never being able to discuss them, the list goes on, you become an expert in not provoking to the point your own reality becomes distorted and "you" becomes buried, and then you find a book that tells you do to do more of this and asks the BPD person to prescribe your ideal behaviour, so they don't feel so bad! I spent years with my BPD partner trying to see his twisted side of everything, and take into account and keep up with feelings he had about certain things that changed daily or even hourly. This has to stop - as with any other dysfunctional behaviour that involves abuse (either psychological, emotional, verbal or physical) the perpetrator, no matter what the reason for his/her behaviour, has to start taking total responsibility for the behaviour. The therapists have to start working out how to achieve this with their patients, without others having to twist themselves into knots to adapt to the inappropriate behaviour of the BPD not changing. It's time therapists and authors stop believing and falling for the BPD's obsession with discrediting their partner. You can tie yourself in knots to ensure you don't upset a BPD, and they will still find something to twist onto you in order to justify an oncoming rage or tirade, or drawn out session of twisted ramblings and accusations. Even if you have behaved impeccably close to perfection in terms of what they have indicated they require, if the urge to rage or painful feelings overtake them they will just invent something in order to shift blame onto you. You can be accused of not giving any credence to the BPD's feelings, which are so important, even though they don't know what they are from one minute to the next. Where is the therapist/author who doesn't buy into this and focuses only on what the patient should do? The fact that it is so hard to treat the BPD should not mean that more and more onus is placed on those close to them - this approach has gone too far to the point where it has almost become a situation of expecting the loved ones to behave dysfunctionally so that the BPD feels better and happier and their reality is more accepted.
Rating:
Summary: Insightful, illuminating
Review: Kreger & Mason provide a clear, provocative, and equally sensitive, insight into the complexities of borderline personality disorder. As a former mental health counselor I've witnessed the misuse and abuse of BPD as a diagnosis and the negative impact of such misuse on clients. This misuse also compounds the task for those of us who love someone with BPD and desire a better understanding of the disorder.
A highly commendable work, I recommend it for anyone who wishes to learn about BPD.
Rating:
Summary: Thank you!
Review: I have been struggling for the past two years with my significant other's wild mood swings which followed a three month pattern that repeated, wondering what I was doing wrong. My significant other is a MSW from an abused childhood so she certainly knew how to explain in professional terms what was wrong with me when she exploded or imploded. Two months ago after starting to spiral into her pattern again I said "trying to talk to you is like walking on eggshells." She promptly cursed me in the most foul language possible. Little did I know that not only was there a book with the title "Walking on Eggshells"; there were many others just like me. After she stopped seeing her therapist and refused to seek further help I left the relationship. I wish I had this book available to me while I was still in the relationship. Thank you to the authors for recognizing the need for this book.
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