Rating: 
Summary: Realistic look at crime that can benefit you
Review: THE GIFT OF FEAR: AND OTHER SURVIVAL SIGNALS THAT PROTECT US FROM VIOLENCE by Gavin de Becker is a helpful, engaging quick read (it's a trade paperback of around 380 pages). His premise is that fear is a means of survival and that if we listen to it and follow it, we can save our own and others' lives; however, for various reasons, we often discount our intuition about danger or we don't listen to our fear and put ourselves unnecessarily at risk.The book begins with a "true crime" story about Kelly, a woman who was raped in her apartment by a man she met in her stairwell who offered to carry the groceries she had dropped up to her apartment. De Becker parses the incident and categorizes the methods the attacker employed to get her to do what he wanted and put herself under his control, and this section is very enlightening. But the main theme of this first chapter and the book is that men and women should follow their intuition -- intuition isn't some flighty, sixth sense; it's a call to action when your brain has become aware of many small signs that something isn't right, even if, at that moment, you cannot articulate exactly what is wrong. This book is not a self-defense or how-to guide, but rather makes a case for intuition and believing in oneself when one senses danger or feels fear, and the best reading in it, I think, is the examples de Becker explicates from his many years in the security and risk-assessment business (he also lived through an exceedingly violent and abusive childhood). The chapters address being in the presence of danger, how intuition works and functions, the science of violence predictors, survival signals, violent crime from strangers, high-stakes predictions, understanding threats to kill, dealing with too-persistent people, violence in the workplace, domestic violence, dating abuses and violence, violent children, public figure attacks and pursuits and extreme cases. I found several things particularly interesting and engaging about this book. First, de Becker states emphatically throughout the work that violence is predictable, and that no one ever "just snaps" or is just an inexplicably bad person. Second, his predictor of violence is a useful tool -- and I would think may be applicable in other assessment situations -- to make informed judgments on risk. Third, I got a great deal personally out of his comparisons of worry and anxiety with fear in which he suggest that the first two are destructive and distracting (and may prevent someone from spotting real danger signs), but that fear is what has saved many, many lives and could save your own. Fourth, his writing on people who are too persistent is very interesting, and he shows how people's attempts to deal with stalkers is often just going to keep the situation alive. Finally, the chapter on domestic violence was absolutely fascinating, primarily because this is a man who deals in truth and reality, not romance and excuses. He states that when assessing relationships, women often make judgments based on potential rather than on the present situation, which causes them to ignore warning signs and predictive incidents. He also says that he is in the business of safety, not justice, and that because of that he isn't a supporter of restraining orders in all cases because in some, they aggravate the offender more and can actually be a precipitating incident toward murder or its attempt. Toward the beginning of the book, de Becker writes about how men don't really understand the risk under which women constantly live, but that for women personal safety is a constant consideration. He writes, "Men are worried that women will laugh at them. Women are worried that men will kill them." I learned a lot about listening to intuition, choosing not to worry and living safely. I recommend this book, especially to women.
Rating: 
Summary: wow.
Review: Eye-opening, myth-blasting, enlightening, exciting, and -- above all -- deeply insightful and correct. I'm going to force this book upon every woman I know, and cram it down the throats of a few men as well.
It's astonishing to finish a book called *The Gift of Fear* and feel such a terrific sense of relief.
Rating:
Summary: The Gift of Life
Review: This book freed me to trust myself by keeping the logical part of my brain on lock down. Logic is more likely to get people into trouble by adding unnecessary complexity to the decision making process. Intuition, my friends, is the key to freeing yourself from fear.
Example 1: We meet somebody we have not seen for a while and we know something about their physical appearance has changed, but we can't tell exactly what. They could have changed their hair color or fames of their glasses? Our intuition never goes on vacation and is NEVER wrong
Example 2: A man walks up to you and asks for directions. He doesn't have the outward appearance of a man who is lost and your intuition says "stay alert--this guy may be up to something." Later, you find out that the man was in fact lost, and that he looked relaxed because he used to live in the area. He was looking for a building that wasn't there when he left town. The man did not give off the signals of a typically lost person because he was on familiar ground.
Gavin de Becker raises the ante on all of us in this book he has given us the tools to augment and strengthen the best weapon we already have against crime our intuition
- Paul M.
Rating:
Summary: I believe this book saved my life
Review: Reading "GIft of Fear" helped me get out of a dangerous and potentially deadly relationship. De Becker's lesson is simple: you have fear for a reason. Reading the book helps you understand the clues that an abuser gives so you can understand the fear.
I highly recommend this to anyone who's been in a threatening situation or has a friend or family member with a similar problem. This book and De Becker literally are lifesavers.
Rating:
Summary: Must Read Book
Review: This is a book that is a must read for both women and men, the fears...the problems, the abuse we face in todays times. It is extremely helpful and I rate it up there with books such as Nightmares Echo and Courage To Heal
Rating:
Summary: How Fear is a Gift....
Review: A gift.. De Becker repeatedly offers us acceptance of our humanness. Our fear is a gift. Our instincts are trustworthy. We know far more than we think we know... we sense things with our intuition. Here we are encouraged to trust ourselves. Society has taught us to po-po our senses or to downright distrust them. However, they feed us knowledge beyond that which our sight alone can offer. De Becker knows his topic from the inside out, having been raised in violence. But rather than following his family's example, he has chosen the "high road" of learning and educating others. The outside of the book does not sound his trumpet but this guy is internationally known. I found his method of communicating to be personal and encouraging, his handling of the topic to be helpful and wise. Having faced much violence in my own childhood, this work helped me to feel better equipped for life: knowing that my fear is a gift and understanding how to use this gift to keep me safe. And I would even say that I am a more confident person for having read this work. Thank you, de Becker.
Rating:
Summary: This book could save your life!
Review: Several years ago my friend Carol tried to break up with her boyfriend Steve (not his real name). He threatened to kill her and tried a couple of times. The TRO was ineffective. After the first couple of weeks the cops were not much help either. I remember trying to fall asleep on her couch with a shotgun wondering why she hadn't seen this train wreck coming a whole lot sooner. Long story short, he's in jail; she's fine. She did not go on another date for more than two years afterward, however, until I bought her this book. It is illuminating and empowering. The best, most holistic treatise on the subject I've ever read.
Seems like every time there is a tragedy in the news where someone goes on a rampage, some reporter interviews the shocked neighbors who thought the guy or gal was perfectly normal until one day they snapped. Gavin DeBecker puts this nonsense to rest. There is always an indication ahead of time if you are trained to see it. This book is a step-by-step guide on how to identify these cues and avoid danger.
The same thing works on a national scale. When the President or Homeland Security asks us to be vigilant, what the heck does that mean? DeBecker sums it up quite well, "Before the courageous FBI raid, before the arrest, long before the news conference, there is a regular American citizen who sees something that seems suspicious, listens to intuition, and has the character to risk being wrong or seeming foolish when making the call to authorities."
This is an outstanding book. Buy it. Read it. Keep yourself safe!
Lawrence Kane
Author of Martial Arts Instruction: Applying Educational Theory and Communication Techniques in the Dojo
Rating: 
Summary: Fun read, but not a lot of practical information
Review: This book starts out with a really interesting example of a woman who is accosted by a "kindly" stranger in her apartment complex, who talks his way into her apartment and then rapes her. After he's done raping her, he leaves her in the bedroom and tells her to stay put, that he won't hurt her. She realizes that he's going to kill her (he closes the window and assures her he's going to get a drink - but why would he close the window if he doesn't intend to kill her? he has a gun, but he probably doesn't want to make noise, so he's going to the kitchen to get a knife). She sneaks out behind him instead of staying put, so even though she's been raped, she doesn't get killed. It turns out that they catch the guy and find out that he has raped and killed other women.
The "Gift of Fear" in the title refers to the intuitive ability of human beings that allows them to detect danger quickly, without conscious, logical thought. There's some good stuff in the book about how to recognize intuition, and also (in the very last chapter) how to distinguish real fear of real dangers from worry about hypothetical dangers.
The rest of the book, the swollen middle, would probably be useful if you are a wealthy, famous person or a large corporation that is in a position to enlist Mr. de Becker's security firm's services. There's a lot of stuff about how a business can detect problem employees, and some other stuff about how movie stars can recognize dangerous fans.
There are a few good tips on how to get a stalker to leave you alone, and how restraining orders might cause more trouble than they solve. But there's precious little else in the realm of practical measures. In other words, let's say my intuitive Gift of Fear has told me that the guy following me on the trail I'm hiking is bad news. Now what? What do I do next? This book doesn't answer that.
I'd recommend reading the first and last chapters of The Gift of Fear, and skipping the rest. I'm glad i checked it out from the library and didn't buy it.
Rating:
Summary: THIS BOOK SAVES LIFE
Review: There are so many reviews on this superb book, so I make it short: This book saves your life. Life skills and common sense is facilitated and activated, because we all have these skills. T
It should be REQUIRED reading for students!
Rating:
Summary: very valuable information
Review: This is my work background:
1) I've spent almost 10 years as a counselor in a psychiatric setting.
2) For over a year, I was as a counselor for a Domestic Violence Shelter.
3) Currently, I'm in Law Enforcement.
I thought that this book would have nothing to offer me; I was wrong. Becker has written an easy to read, fascinating, all too important book that could potentially save your life.
I have recommended this book to court service personel, who work exclusively with victims of violent crime. I have personally proffered the information, contained within this book, to numerous victims - especially, those people who are being stalked.
" The Gift of Fear" is invaluable.
It's worth your time. Quite literally, this book could save your life.
I'm not exagerating.
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