The Gift of Fear

Rating:
Summary: It's What You Know
Review: I read THE GIFT OF FEAR when it was first released. Since then I've recommended it to friends and acquaintences - a few in direct danger of stalking exes, most worrying about the escalation of violence in our culture.

I thank Gavin DeBecker for writing this book. His penchant for awakening intelligent intuition is remarkable. Have you ever put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation because you didn't want to appear rude? (given too much information to a stranger? gotten on an elevator with someone even though you felt uncomfortable)? Has anyone ever thrown you off balance and then taken advantage of your weakness? DeBecker shows how fear sends us trouble calls, and how often, and easily, we ignore the signals. (An added plus, these techniques even work against the tactics of car salespeople!).

THE GIFT OF FEAR teaches the reader to listen to intuition and act with confidence. If we can perceive violence on the horizon, we can most easily avoid a confrontation with it. If it takes us by surprise, we can address it without panic. Now, go read the excerpt.

Rating:
Summary: Praise from an aspiring psychologist at fourteen.
Review: Yes, I'm fourteen years old. I'm probably one of the youngest readers of The Gift of Fear, but Gavin de Becker's words empowered me just as much as they did the next person. I loved the book. It made me realize that I have to stop ignoring my body, my intuition. If you haven't read this book, go out and get it! It will teach you so many things. Ever since a couple of years ago, I knew I wanted to help people. I'm the person my friends come to when they have a conflict, I like giving advice and solving people's dilemmas. There was one problem: I didn't heed my own advice. I didn't listen to myself many times because I could picture people saying, "Oh, that's a silly suspicion." Fortunately, I have never been in a situation in which I deeply regret ignoring my intuition, but after reading The Gift of Fear I have learned how to listen to myself. I also babysit. The other day I was holding one of the children, and he pointed to one of my brother's friends and whispered to me, "I'm scared of him." I thought for a moment and replied, "Well, you know what? That's OK." I told him that if he's ever afraid, he should leave where that person is and go find Mommy, or me, or someone he knows and doesn't feel afraid. I was proud that he listened to his intuition, but I think I was more proud of my response. I was totally psyched that I had reinforced something he needs to survive. My point is that The Gift of Fear taught me how to use my gift of intuition and my gift of fear. Read the book because you will learn from it; you will use the tactics everyday. Best of all, you will become more comfortable with every day life and you will use the wonderful treasures mother nature has given you because it was instilled in you by Gavin de Becker. Thank you, Mr. de Becker

Rating:
Summary: Epiphany after Epiphany
Review: From the age of 12 or so, ALL women begin to experience unwanted and often times threatening attention from the opposite sex.
-I've caught my friend's step father watching me undress (I listened to my intuition, turned around before I changed and saw him standing in the doorway in his underwear)
-Perverts particularly hang around middle schools when the school day is over, I've been flashed, seen men do things that are too explicit to recount here. (I was 12 and 13 yrs old)
-I've had countless men demand that I get into their car, I've been followed in stores and down the street by strangers.
-I've been grabbed and manhandled in crowded clubs or at concerts and couldn't identify who had done it because my immediate area was so crowded.
The terrifying thing about these situations I've just illustrated is that I could walk up to any woman on the street and she could tell me similar stories. One of the most important things I learned from this book were the specific methods used by attackers to convince a woman to let them into their house, give them a ride, etc. Now that I know the methods, I recall that many of them have been used on me. This is frightening because I know there are girls and women out there who find it difficult to say no to a man, are too trusting, easily charmed, or quick to rationalize their intuition. I say EVERY woman should read this book! I particularly believe that teenage girls should not only read it, but commit it to memory. It really could save your life, and offers insight into HOW these predators lure and persuade their marks. Once you know the methodology of these creeps, you can spot them blindfolded.
Also equally as important were the other topics covered, such as how to deal with a stalker (also extremely important information for all women-we've all dealt with exes who wouldn't let go, or persistent suitors who won't take no for an answer)
It is unfortunate that women are treated as prey but it is a hard reality. All women should be equipped to deal with potentially violent or threatening circumstances. We are victims only if we fail to educate ourselves. Read this book to garner that education! I think you should, my intuition tells me so.

Rating:
Summary: Excellent information!
Review: In a well organized and presented book, de Gavin discusses the fact that an individual often experiences the intuition of something wrong before the onslaught of a violent act. He then goes on to say that, rather than surpressing our instinctive awareness of danger, we should heed its call, and do what we can to avoid risk to ourselves. There are definite signs of what we should fear and what is not necessary to fear. There are also positive steps that can be taken to avoid putting ourselves into a potentially dangerous situation. He teaches what an individual can do to, not only become aware of potential danger, but often to avoid it. He then follows up with specific information pertinent to workplace violence, domestic violence, date stalking, violent children, and attacks against public figures. His clear-headed advice could be potentially life-saving. Here's a book well worth the read as its price could possibly be that of someone's life.

Rating:
Summary: important information both disturbing and reassuring
Review: Gavin de Becker offers a world of information in The Gift of Fear. While his summaries of situations involving public figures might seem distant and irrelevant to average daily life, in fact they provide plenty of insight into real-life situations that any of us might face. For instance, the escalation of letters and contact with a film star might resonate with the employer of an unstable worker (they did for me).

Disturbing situations are put before us all the time on the news, but de Becker puts them into perspective, and I applaud his emphasis, both in this book and in his recent television appearances, on the danger of domestic violence to women and children in the United States.

Much reassurance comes in the form of his tips for analyzing the behaviour of others, whether on the street, in the house, or at the office, and also his explanation of intuition -- minute details of strangeness that the subconscious can assemble and transform into an instinctive call to action.

The information de Becker provides makes for a more fear-free life; he encourages people to fear real danger, and let go of extraneous anxiety.

Rating:
Summary: Good backround information, but not a how-to book
Review: In this book, Gavin de Becker discusses personal safety from several aspects. There is information for people who are being followed by a stalker, parents who are afraid of their children, women who want to end a relationship safely, bosses who want to fire employees, and so on. Some of the information and advise is very practical, and can be directly utilized to increase your safety. Some of the issues handled is more theoretical in nature, and serves more as an backround information.

The text is very interesting and easy to read, and not too scientific. Even with the more complicated subjects, the advise is very easy to understand, and it is illustrated with several stories from real life. There are some chapters that are not as useful (like the story on how de Becker's company found and helped police to apprehend a person who had killed several people and was stalking one of de Becker's clients), but still it is interesting to read about these thing as well.

I really wanted to give this book 5 stars, but there was something missing to grant the missing fifth star. Although there are plenty of advise applicable to common situations, I believe that this book is more theoretical in nature than a real how-to book. By reading this book, you really don't learn how to make accurate predictions yourself, but you rather learn how the professionals do it. Anyway, this book is an excellent way to start learning about the subject.

Rating:
Summary: You Shouldn't Need a Book to Tell You This
Review: This book may be a useful read for many, but we really shouldn't need a book to tell us what he's trying to say. He just reiterates simple common sense that says, "Trust and Follow your instincts".

The author writes with a liberal political agenda. He's anti-2nd Ammendment and pro-choice and this is displayed in the book. It would have been nice if he could have left the politics out.

He does gets knocked down a couple of stars for his view on guns. He has let a personal experience with a psycho family member cloud his judgement. He also manages to repeat the fact that you are something like 47 times more likely to be kill with a gun if one is in your house. Which is a true statistic, ...if your whole clan is runnin' dope.

Be sure to read Paxton Quigley's "Armed and Female" along with this book to get a balanced perspective on whether the decision to protect yourself with a firearm is right for you.

Rating:
Summary: Intuition at its best
Review: This is a book I think every woman (and man, too) should read. I wish I'd read it years ago. The insight it gives is valuable in a great many situations. It is a fantastic resource, and a book I know I will read again.

Rating:
Summary: The Gift Is Within You
Review: When a young relative of mine was vacationing, a stranger grabbed her by the arm and said, "Come with me or I'll kill you." She reacted instinctively and broke free, and as she ran she expected to be shot at any second. But she made it to safety and provided the cops with a good description.

One year later and 100 miles from where that happened, another little girl was grabbed by a stranger, who said something to her--this was captured on videotape. The frightened child, instead of fleeing, cooperated. She was later murdered by her abductor.

I think most of us fall into that second category, because we don't listen to the instinct to run, or to fight, or to (best of all) avoid those situations in the first place. We've been trained to suppress those very instincts that exist to preserve our lives.

What deBecker's book so expertly does is re-train us to listen to our intuition, to scope out our environment and everyone in it, and to read the danger signs we would otherwise prefer to ignore.

Panic and anxiety are not useful emotions; fear is different. Fear is what compels us to take action if there is a clear and present danger; it's what allows us to see what's happening and respond appropriately. It's an emotion that should be nurtured instead of conquered. We don't want our kids to grow up afraid of the boogeyman, scared to go out of their homes or try new things or meet new people. De becker teaches us that, instead, if we develop and learn to trust our intuition, we can free ourselves from that trap, just as we can react positively if we are ever in a position that requires immediate escape.

He shows, with examples and self-reflective exercises, what to ask yourself, and what to do, if you have a "gut feeling" that tells you something is wrong.

Parents, children and women especially need this skill.

It's great to learn self-defense, to build your confidence in what you can physically do to protect yourself. But that ability is enhanced by the lessons in this book. And sometimes, being a black-belt is irrelevent to dangers that are out there.

DeBecker's best lessons are learning how to listen to yourself, how to interpret warning signs from dangerous people, and teaching us how to predict behavior. You don't have to be "surprised" by someone's crazy or hostile actions if you can see them coming and cut them off at the pass. He points out that every time we get behind the wheel of a car, we're predicting what every other driver on the road will do. All we have to learn is how to apply that knowledge to a boyfriend who won't take no for an answer, a neighbor who takes a creepy interest in our kid, or a job applicant who is a little too persistent.

DeBecker says some things that will rub people the wrong way--such as, for battered partners: the first time it happens, you're a victim and the second time, you're a volunteer. But that's actually true. If you KNOW what this person is going to do, and you choose to stay in the relationship in spite of this information, then you have to own the consequences.

The appendices are useful and the reading list is also a good resource, but the IMPACT self-defense classes deBecker recommends are not available everywhere. I wish the book gave a little more information about choosing a self-defense course if IMPACT is not in the area.

Rating:
Summary: A Must READ book for all women
Review: This is by far the most informative book I have ever read. I make a point to read it every year. I first read this book when I was getting a divorce. My ex threatened violence and I wanted to know if he was just blowing steam or meant business. This book gave me so much inner strength and self control imaginable. All my life I have had such a strong 'gut feeling' on things and I thought that I was just being silly. Turns out your intuition is you best defense.

This book truly will have you gasping and saying to yourself that you've been in the situations he describes. It will really hit home. You will realize just how many times you could have been a victim. The minute I read this book I remember thinking this will be the first gift I will give my daughters when they become young adults. The Gift of fear will save your life.