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Summary: Lived the imperfect life
Review: Leanna Jackson, going to be a survivor
This is an excellent book and speaks as though it is talking about my own past. It has helped me to understand and learn to deal with the wrongs that i endured, and to learn how to make it right within myself.Also recommended: Nightmares Echo-because I was a child of sexual/child abuse and it spoke to me plainly. Lost Boy-Because I understood what he went through
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Summary: Take Control of Your Life by Understanding Family Dynamics
Review: This is the best mental health self-help book I've read. It takes a balanced approach in that the author says we can take the power back from our toxic parents, but that we shouldn't try to do so without help and support. She's also honest about the results we can expect. If our parents have never shown the qualities we hope for in good parents, why expect them to start showing such qualities now? The author's goal is to break the continuing pattern of abuse, which, she points out, can even continue after the death of our parents. Through real life experiences and transcripts of therapy sessions, the author demonstrates how toxic parents can greatly influence the way we view or treat ourselves today. By breaking the codes of silence and launching open communication in a family, we can help everyone in the family take responsibility for their own actions. The book is very empowering. It helps us confront long-supressed emotions and then encourages us to spend time with those emotions before rushing through the book. At the same time, it puts the responsibility for bad parenting where it belongs so we can stop punishing ourselves, and it lays out a plan of action that can change our relationships with our parents, hopefully for the better. I highly recommend reading "Toxic Parents". We can't expect our parents to change, but we can change ourselves.
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Summary: A Narcissist is Born
Review: The authors review the outcomes of toxic parenthood, one of which is pathological narcissism. The toxicity is rarely in the overt forms of verbal, sexual, physical, or psychological abuse (the overwhelming view) - and often the sad result of spoiling the child and idolizing it (Millon, late Freud). But one should adopt a more comprehensive definition of "abuse". Overweening, smothering, spoiling, overvaluing, and idolizing the child - are all forms of parental abuse. This is because, as Horney pointed out, the child is dehumanized and instrumentalized. His parents love him not for what he really is - but for what they wish and imagine him to be: the fulfilment of their dreams and frustrated wishes. The child becomes the vessel of his parents' discontented lives, a tool, the magic brush with which they can transform their failures into successes, their humiliation into victory, their frustrations into happiness. The child is taught to ignore reality and to occupy the parental fantastic space. Such an unfortunate child feels omnipotent and omniscient, perfect and brilliant, worthy of adoration and entitled to special treatment. The faculties that are honed by constantly brushing against bruising reality - empathy, compassion, a realistic assessment of one's abilities and limitations, realistic expectations of oneself and of others, personal boundaries, team work, social skills, perseverance and goal-orientation, not to mention the ability to postpone gratification and to work hard to achieve it - are all lacking or missing altogether. The child turned adult sees no reason to invest in his skills and education, convinced that his inherent genius should suffice. He feels entitled for merely being, rather than for actually doing (rather as the nobility in days gone by felt entitled not by virtue of its merit but as the inevitable, foreordained outcome of its birth right). In short: a narcissist is born. Sam Vaknin, author of "Malignant Self Love - Narcissism Revisited".
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Summary: Anyone Can Relate to this book !
Review: It is said that 1 out of 4 Americans deal with some form of mental illness,eg. depression) and everyone who is a genuine victim of mental illnesses should read this excellent book! Who wouldn't be depressed after dealing with parents like these? As a 30 yr old daughter of a mother who has been very bitter and controlling my whole life due her her own illness, Scitzophrenia, and a wealthy step-father w/ PHD who thinks oftentimes he is more like God than a Physicist, this book gives vivid portrayls of common misunderstandings and explains miscommunications of neglect and abuse. The best advice this book gives is that "You do not have to forgive for things or actions you do not understand and can not change." It sheds light on possibly naming exactly what behaviors you exspect or tell your parents to treat me in the right way or take the high road! A++++++ The Best Book Written!
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Summary: Not an easy book
Review: This is not an easy book. It is not a book that will make you feel good. It certainly is not a book to replace therapy. What it is is a great start on a long difficult journey. Using examples from her practice, Forward explains what toxic parents are and how they can happen to families. She explains the dynamics of dysfunctional families and how they will play roles that are assigned to the various members of a family. What surprised me the most was how she explained how a family can turn its back on the injured party to protect the toxic parent. It is one way a family copes. Not everybody is happy when the problem is challenged. If you are buying this book for yourself to help with a past, this book will give insights to what you can expect from others in the family. If your are buying this book for general knowledge, you will be surprised how much of your own family can show up in these pages. Forward talks about archetypes and these are present in all families in some degree. She also spends time explaining about enablers and how they also are part of the problem in a dysfuntional family. Forward does write about succeses and about failures. This is very important work she has done. This is not a book for enjoyment, but it can be appreciated later on especially if you are working through problems.
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Summary: Read and Reread Often If You Were Abused
Review: As a medical doctor who excelled in psychiatry (a great deal of which is pseudo-science), and as a child of a physically abusive mother and emotionally abusive father, I believe this "pop psychology" book is one of the best ever written. I do not agree with Forward's solutions completely, but they are far better than most psychoanalysis will ever offer and much less expensive. Don't act until you have reread the book several times and feel you really "get it." Although this book is an easy read, I think it helps to have some prior understanding of psychology and I am not sure that I would have found this book as helpful were I not very familiar with psychology in general. I know both psychologists and psychiatrists who have found this book to be helpful for themselves (it seems every one I know in this field was abused as a child). Read it again, especially, when you feel ashamed of your own behavior. The book won't solve all your problems, but it will certainly help you understand them AND deal with them in a more productive way.
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Summary: Look for healing, peace and happiness elsewhere
Review: I generally prefer not to write reviews of books I have read unless I have good things to say about them. However, in this case, I felt compelled to share with other readers, other human beings, what I have learned in spite of reading this book. I bought this book and read it hoping to feel better about my own past and difficult issues in my life. Instead, I felt much worse. I find the whole concept of placing blame on others for one's unhappiness self-destructive. Unfortunately, this is the generally accepted way of dealing with one's problems. Mental health professionals encourage us to discover our hidden demons (often creating them in the process) and place blame on others and get in touch with our anger and repeat this process over and over, purportedly to diminish their effects on us. The problem is, it simply does not work. Fortunately for me, I listened to the audio book of The Art of Happiness, by the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler, M.D. shortly after reading Toxic Parents. This extraordinary book has changed my life in so many ways. I highly recommend that every person read this remarkable book. Its basic premise is that we all arrive in this world the same way. We are all human beings, and suffering is an inevitable fact of life. But, as human beings, we share a fundamental right to happiness. It is in that realization that we find compassion for others, as well as true and lasting peace and happiness for ourselves. Placing blame leads to anger. Anger leads to hatred. Hatred leads to evils of all sorts, and is highly destructive for all humans. This book is a tool for anyone who genuinely wants to heal and achieve true happiness.
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Summary: Eye Opening Book
Review: Toxic Parents is a powerful, eye-opening book. It helped me to realize how enmeshed I still was with my parents and how hurtful this has been. It has changed my life by putting me on the path of recovery. It made me want Dr. Susan Forward (the author) to be my therapist!
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Summary: Excellent book
Review: Excellent book - highly recommended. Helped me reclaim my life.
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Summary: THE TITLE SAYS IT ALL!
Review: As the intro states, "All parents are deficient from time to time...But there are many parents whose negative patterns of behavior are consistent and dominant in a child's life. These are the parents who do harm." These parents usually claim to love their children, but this "love" never translates into loving behavior. This book is for you if any of the following are true: (in the past or present) *You feel like nothing you ever do is good enough for your parents.
*Your parents are constantly focused on their own needs and problems, and want you to take care of them.
*Your parents are incapable of controlling their own deep-seated rage and then blame you for it.
*Your parents use guilt and manipulation to control you.
*Your parents abuse alcohol and are mired in denial.
*Your parents are extraordinarily insensitive to both the pain they inflict and the lasting damages they do. Dr. Forward goes beyond identifying types of abuse and the how the harmful effects play out in your adult life. She offers her support in the form of tools to free yourself from a toxic parent's destructive influence and frustrating patterns. She promises to help you reclaim the dignity due to you and take charge of your life. She includes all of the necessary ingredients for healing yourself from the damage in order to move forward in a self-defined way. The one thing she doesn't promise, is to fix your parent-child relationship, because you can't make your parents change. You need to accept this in order to move forward, because holding on to the fantasy that you can get your needs met and receive nurturing and validation from toxic parents will only leave you perpetually disappointed. For me, this book was inspirational, positive, validating, liberating, reassuring, and empowering. Don't be persuaded by the negative review that tries to undercut Dr. Forward's knowledge and experience in this area and create doubt. If you are looking into reading this book because of your painful childhood and adult experiences with your parents, I highly recommend it. Lots of luck to you!!
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