Rating: 
Summary: Everyone should read this
Review: I read this book for the first time when I was a first-year in college back in 91'. This book resonated back then and I just fished it out of my childhood closest accidentally after visiting my mom last week. I was compelled to read it again, particularly because I remembered how the book affected me more than ten years ago. I also just read the updated book, and it is just as good as the original. It is really a must read for individuals who grew up with the pressure to succeed, whether self-inflicted or pressure from their parents. It's also important for parents to read this book. I gave my parents a copy more than 10 years ago and I look forward to reading it when I have children.
Rating:
Summary: Not for Sissies
Review: It took me a month to read this little book, not because it was boring, but because I could only read small portions at a time. I had to stop and think about what I had read before I could continue. I have read many, many self-help books in my life, but this is one of a very few books that hit right between the eyes, and grabbed my heart.Sometimes people are unhappy, but don't really want to know what they are unhappy about, or what caused their unhappiness or depression. They think they want to know, but if the truth starts to get too close, up go the defenses and denial. Read this book only if you are ready to face the truth, whatever the truth may be. This book states that only after you can face and accept realities about your childhood and upbringing, mourn for your losses and lost childhood, and how some needs can never be fulfilled because the time for them being met are long gone, can you really begin to live. It would be nice if all therapists would read this book and others by Alice Miller. I also recommend "Reclaiming Your Life -A step-by-step guide to using regression therapy to overcome the effects of childhood abuse," by Jean Jenson, M.S.W.
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Summary: This book changed the way I see myself, my past, and my life
Review: If you feel that you have had controlling, obsessive, depressed, narcisistic parent(s) in any way, shape, or form you MUST give this book a chance if you are REALLY willing to change. After reading this, there was no more sweeping the dirt under the rug. It gave me the strength, courage, and the confidence to face and finally mourn the fact that I was emotionally abused and expoited by my father. It OPENED MY EYES to this fact: that I was never given a chance to be who I truly am. And knowing that comes from the ALLOWANCE TO FEEL ONE'S OWN FEELINGS. This book helped me to see that I could no longer allow myself to repress my feelings for the sake of "mommy or daddy's wishes." I realized the painful truth - that the chance to express my true feelings was ROBBED from me in my childhood over and over again by a parent who was exploited in the same way and unconsciously passed down what was done to him. Before I read this book I suffered from constant emotional torture in my mind. Obsessing over and over again over things I could not control. Worrying needlessly over what other people thought of me. Feeling that I was absolutely worthless. I went to therapy for 5 years which helped me a bit. I also have read over 100 self-help books, pop psychology books, etc. NONE of them helped me. That was all until this book was recommended to me by a woman I know. After I read it, I have never seen myself the same way again. The understanding and COMPASSION I was so desperately searching for finally came to me in the form of this little book. It taught me to acknowledge that ONLY AN ABUSED PERSON CAN ABUSE OTHERS. I am finally learning to have compassion for myself AND even for my abuser. But I also realize his abuse will continue if I ALLOW it to. Remember, most abuse is UNCONSCIOUS. Many times parents don't know they are doing it and even if they did they most likely would not take responsibility for it anyway. The reason is because their pain is so great to begin with. All they know how to do is continue the torturous, vicious cycle brought upon them starting in infancy - against their will. Most people cannot face the brutal pain they feel, lodged deep within, so they act it out in ways that can be so cruel and heartless. Unless the pain and suffering inside gets acknowledged and FACED then no change can occur. But the key thing is that the person themself has to want to change. YOU CANNOT change your parents. They must want to do it. And the sad reality is, most of the time they WILL NOT. So we MUST ACCEPT THIS, MOURN, and MOVE ON. Because we CAN change OURSELVES. That is the only person we truly have control over. This book also helped me to realize that the past is long gone and dead. There is no retrieving it. But as adults we now have the ability to form our own lives and independence. To take back those chances to grow into who we are that was never offered to us. We are NOT those helpless toddlers anymore. The book also talks about the CRUCIAL NEED for outlets to express this pain such as therapy as well as creative expressions like writing or art. If we do not accept and acknowledge what was done to us, we WILL pass the brutal exploitation we endured onto the innocent, helpless lives that we bring into this world.
Rating:
Summary: Healing
Review: DRAMA OF THE GIFTED CHILD is a lucid account of how children are used to meet the needs of their parents, and how this affects their development and manifests later in life in diffuse and confusing depression and anxiety, often awoken by romantic relationships gone inexplicably sour. Alice Miller has written one of the few vital psychoanalytic texts of our time. This book will be around forever: unlike some (arguably better, certainly more complex) theory, this book speaks clearly and makes sense to the average educated adult; and sadly, the problem of narcissistic parenting doesn't seem to be going away.
Rating: 
Summary: Wheat & chaff
Review: On the one hand, I'm grateful to this book for opening my eyes to a valuable perspective--this was my first book on narcissism in child rearing. On the other, as a skeptical person I could have benefited more had the author adopted a different style or tone, plus there's definitely at least one way in which she goes off the deep end--i.e. by accepting "recovered memories," such as in the case of her patient who "remembered" being raped at age 3 months by parents and their friends. Generally the author strikes me as a less than a critical or skeptical observer, and because she imputes enormous power and importance to her theory (e.g. Nazism and by implication WWII would never have happened if only Germans had been more sensitive as parents), this makes me view her as even more partisan. The book also has a couple distracting oddities: One is that often it very clearly presumes the reader is a therapist (suggesting the author recycled the text from another use without thoroughly adapting it). Also the author employs an extremely awkward convention of using "mother" to mean either parent--unreasonably expecting the reader to be able to bear this ever in mind--and switches dizzyingly between "he" and "she" according to context; i.e. whether she is discussing the behavior of an individual as a patient or therapist or parent. Anyway, as my first book on the subject I found it worthwhile and appreciated that it was brief. Apparently Al Gore describes this as his favorite book. Makes you wonder.
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Summary: A Begining
Review: This book was a start for me. A beginning that I thought I would never find my way to. I saw clearly, both of my parents narcissistic needs. There was no mistaking it. How I lived in the shadow of their bad marriage, their generational cultural trap, & the same mindless use of poor excuses for absolute obedience. A must read for anyone contemplating being a parent. I reclaimed my childhood anguish & anger. Never realizing that I had "swallowed" it for so long. Never knowing that I had rightful needs until now.
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Summary: Alice Miller Tells It Like It Is
Review: Ah. Are you An Adult Survivor of Child Abuse?
If so, you can very much benefit from this book. It can make clear issues that are painful and difficult to look at (for us survivors). And you are NOT alone! We are not alone.
If you are doing therapy, the book can help you to more quickly process through. It has for me.
There is clarity most literature in the "field" of psychology lacks. However, you really need grounding in psychoanalytic theory to fully understand what Alice is talking about.
If you lack that understanding, the book could be frustrating in places.
With that kind of background this book is beautiful and cuts through the psychobabble so often trouted as wisdom by those hiding from their own shadows.
God bless your seeking, and enjoy!
Rating: 
Summary: Wonderful, Insightful. It describes half the journey
Review: As others have said, if you take this book word for word then all you need is therapy and you'll be fine. Therapy is half the solution to a happy life. I believe combining the benefits of therapy to understand some of the 'learned feelings' that are a fallout from childhood, with some intellectual research into society and human nature, and a bit of understanding of the power of positive thinking is important. I find myself now quite well off in the latter two having done a lot of introspection into my life and trying to understand others behaviours, which leads to acceptance and reduces damaging expectations. Optimism is something I have always had. But having gotten to this point there was something missing: that is the ability to feel joy in some of the things I do in life. I trace this back to my childhood where in the absence of sufficient validation I was unable to appreciate self created joy. If no-one feels that joy with you (even if the opportunities are there), then how do you know?. To this point I would have given the book 5 stars for its thorough dealing with the topic, but I given it four because the book implies that a therapist is necassary to revisit these feelings. But the objectivity of the therapist can be a hindrance to some. Its here I feel that introspective meditation exploring all the same feelings may be beneficial, and may be enough for some people in lieu of therapy. If you know where to go, you can conceivably do it yourself too, or have it as a useful accompaniement to expensive therapy.
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Summary: A book that could yield a new definition of freedom
Review: This is one of those books that are not for the faint of heart. So many books in the world that people think are incendiary or revolutionary, challenging and rechallenging our conception of free speech, religion, citizenship, science and technology, philosophy, economics and politics or spirituality have an attraction to us because of how they serve as metaphors for the painful realities of our personal lives under the illusions we create for public consumption, and the secrets of our inner selves we wish to uncover. We yearn to break free of something and embrace some inner truth; we just don't know what, and therefore call it some aspect of the outer world. The desires we have to be and have more than what we are, the feelings of not knowing who we truly are and never truly being loved--and the root causes of such feelings--are unveiled in this powerful, disturbing, life shifting and life-affirming book. Alice Miller was one of the patron saints of John Bradshaw, the man whose work heralded the age of the Inner Child that became part of the pop-psychology lexicon of the 90's. Her perspective and conclusions, scientifically, sociologically and philosophically speaking, are practically undebateable. And without even needing the true case examples from her therapeutic practice to underscore her points (which she uses with striking and original clarity and precision across gender, racial, ethnic, cultural and socioeconomic lines), her elucidation of her central thesis on the ignored emotional life of children--and the cost of having parents unequipped to give them the love they need--will undoubtedly make deep seated memories of your own childhood come to the surface. Why does society have such automatic and irrational contempt for the egotist? Why do individulas run to prove themselves (or immediately start thinking of themselves defensively) as the antithesis, upon seeing anyone's character asessed in such a context? Why does even the WORD "self" conjure up confused and uncomfortable feelings when used in anything but a mind-numbing spiritual context with people? What do children need beyond basic nutritional and socioeconomic concerns, and what happens to them when they grow older but do not get it? How is it possible to have more material things and personal achievements than anyone, and still have less and less confidence in who you are? This book can explain things about your adult life and relationships that you'd rather not have so easily and individually explained. And those who look to books like these to figure out what's wrong with their friends, lovers and parents will discover more about themselves than they may think they're ready to process. We all are not just ready but overdue for these kinds of life lessons. Never has a writer, perhaps before or since, put the words "childhood" and "mourning" together in one thought, such that it can create a complete paradigm shift in how one sees oneself, and sees the opportunities for happiness one's world. The fault levied on any psychologist on her level- and there are very, very few- is that this kind of thinking all but demands the kind of narcisstic modern solipsism she seems to diagnose as symptomatic of the illness. (She refers to the dynamic not as an illness, however, but a "tragedy"; keeping us again, I believe, in tune with the ancient Greek mythic/philosophical reference inherent in the old title for this book, "The Drama of the Gifted Child".) Such blanket criticism of psychology books in general could only be concluded with one of this quality from a misreading of the text; the kind of misreading that usually comes when she has hit a nerve the likes of which one didn't expect, may be afraid of and couldn't imagine beforehand. Nonetheless, taking our culture's preoccupation with the self into consideration, there is still nothing of lasting value one could do in the world without at least endeavoring to answer the existential questions of soul, love, freedom, loss and pain- and the true self- that this book demands you to do in a new way for practically the rest of your life. I gave it four stars instead of five because it was too short. I didn't want it to end. And the idea that she could 1) prove her point, 2)deeply affect me by making me dream dreams that I've never dreamed before, 3)access undramatic but painful memories of childhood events that I forgot happened but have been behind more than half of the seemingly unrelated choices I've made in my adult life, and 4) feel a usually suppressed rage and grief give way to a new sense of purpose and a release of joyful energy and optimism- all in a little more than a hundred pages- still makes me queasy. In other words, read this as a five and a half star review! Then buy the book, put down the most recent bash on modern politics and the latest neo-spiritual mind candy on the bestseller's list, and begin a real journey.
Rating:
Summary: Right material, right time
Review: I read this book in my youth at what ended up being just the right time. For me, Alice Miller's summation about gifted children and how they 'parent to protect' wasn't about blaming Mum. Its truths were instead an aha moment and putting shape to what can occur when the 'perfect achiever-child' suppresses his or herself as a caring mechanism. Quite the contrary to feeling like a victim, it was empowering ...providing impetus to begin anew and soar with conscious choice going forward. The book doesn't pretend to provide answers for everyone, or every situation. Ultimately, we must choose for ourselves.
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