Rating: 
Summary: A very important book, insufficient by itself.
Review: I read this book once, several months ago, and now I'm reading it again, more carefully. The first time, I found myself constantly fighting to continue reading in spite of what seemed to me to be Miller's unbearably arrogant self-righteousness. I fought my way past that, and past some of Miller's patently absurd opinions, because I believed in my gut that there was something extremely important to me (and to the world) buried in this stream of psychobabble. I found that Miller's concepts of childhood abuse and it's effects (and I mean childhood starting at one minute past-partum) were astoundingly insightful, although they didn't apply to me since my mother has always been unconditionally loving. I returned the book to the person who had recommended it and went on with my life as usual.Elsewhere in these Amazon.com reviews, "A reader" claimed that, "For you to really use the material in this book, you must be willing to look into yourself and into your past. If your defense mechanisms are out in force (or if you don't realize that you even have defense mechanisms), then you will not be able to see what you have to do. (In fact, some of your defense mechnisms are there specifically to prevent access to the very content you need to get to.) "A reader" nailed the problem. Last week I discovered, with the help of a therapist I recently started seeing, that my life is riddled with narcissistic patterns. When I asked if there was any literature I could read about "narcissism", I was dumbstruck when he said the best description is given in a series of books by someone named Alice Miller. When I went to a bookstore and leafed through the book I had already read several months previously, I was dumbstruck again to see the words "narcissism" and "grandiosity" and "depression" sprinkled through the pages. I had read the pages before, and I had thought I understood them, but they never really applied to me and I forgot them easily. I was in denial. It's interesting that Miller's book was seemingly useless to me before an insightful therapist somehow made a crack in my defense mechanisms. However, I suspect that it was my first reading of Miller's book that propelled me into therapy (that led me back to the book). Now I wonder why a casual acquaintance loaned me that book in the first place. There seems to be more to the psyche than meets the eye. One wonders how far it goes. On my first reading of "Gifted Child", I thought Miller seriously underestimated the potentially positive, and in some cases lifesaving, contributions to a person's growth attributable to social interactions beyond the immediate family or therapist. In general in "Gifted Child" as well as in "Thou Shalt Not Be Aware", Miller seemed to focus on destructive, cultish effects of social group interactions. I suspect that her ideas about social effects are incompletely developed and overly pessimistic. I base that suspicion on my own repeated interactions with ordinary people who willingly pay close attention to my words solely in order to understand my point of view, without passing judgement on me, and without being motivated by any overt or hidden agenda. That kind of interaction can be described as a "loving" one, in some sense, and I think Miller would not disagree. I suspect such interactions are not uncommon and are perhaps essential for both personal and societal health. We are a social species. I regret that Miller seems curiously unimpressed by that fact and uninterested in its implications. Childhood abuse is her main concern, and for excellent reasons. But a view of the world through pathologist's glasses can not be an unbiased view.
Rating:
Summary: A Wise & Perceptive Book That Changed My Life!
Review: Alice Miller's "Drama Of The Gifted Child," was originally published as "Prisoners Of Childhood; The Drama Of The Gifted Child," in 1981. I read the book over 20 years ago, and recently reread it. I find that it is just as relevant, wise and perceptive today as it was then. Ms. Miller was a practicing psychoanalyst, who gave up her work with patients to write books, for the layperson, primarily dealing with early childhood abuse. In a new Forward, Miller continues to disavow psychoanalysis. Although I am not in agreement with her on this, she continues to be one of my heroes. Ms. Miller, who writes an elegant and easily understandable prose, discusses here the issue of children raised by a narcissistic parent(s). She explains that this book is not about high I.Q. children, but about those who were able to survive an abusive childhood because they developed an adequate defense system. At a very early age the child intuitively apprehends the parent's needs. Since the parent, especially the mother, is the child's soul source of survival, the child strives to please, fearing disapproval, or abandonment. Thus, the child sublimates his needs for the parent's. Roles reverse and the child frequently takes on the parent's responsibility as emotional caregiver. This impedes the growth of a child's true identity, and a "loss of self" frequently occurs. The child adapts by not "feeling" his own needs, and develops finely tuned antennae, focusing intensely on the needs of the all important other. Ms. Miller writes, "An abused child, (emotionally), does not know it is being abused, and in order to survive and avoid the unbearable pain, the mind is provided with a remarkable mechanism, the 'gift' of 'repression,' which stores these experiences in a place outside of consciousness." Although, later in life, these "prohibited" feelings and needs cannot always be avoided, they remain split off and the most vital part of the true self is not integrated into the personality. The results are often depression, and tremendous insecurity. Alice Miller makes her readers aware of the unexpressed sufferings of the child and the tragedy of the parent(s) own illness. As she frequently states, "any parent who abuses a child," knowingly or otherwise, "has himself been severely traumatized in his childhood, in some form or another." Gifted children are often the products of emotional abuse by a narcissistic parent. However, if the child's great need for admiration is not met, for his/her looks, intelligence or achievements, he/she falls into severe depression. Miller says one can only be free from depression "when self-esteem is based on the authenticity of one's own feelings and not on the possession of certain qualities." Children need a great deal of both emotional and physical support from the adult. According to Miller, this adult support must include the following elements in order for a child to develop to his or her full potential: "Respect for the child; respect for his rights; tolerance for his feelings; willingness to learn from his behavior." Miller also writes about the "origins of grandiosity as a form of denial and its relationship with depression." Another interesting chapter deals with the "process of parental derision" and how it results in humiliation and possible psychic trauma of the child. Alice Miller's extraordinary book, along with consistent psychoanalytic psychotherapy, enabled me to understand my past, modify behavior, forgive, and finally, best of all, to heal. I cannot recommend "The Drama Of The Gifted Child" highly enough.
Rating:
Summary: A Wonderful Beginning...
Review: This is a remarkable book which enabled me to understand the emotional trauma I suffered from an angry, depressed, and emotionally abused himself, parent. I read it 10 years ago and it was a wonderful, needed beginning to cope with the effects of emotional abuse. But analysis and thinking about the past is not enough; action is required for recovery, therefore I also recommend "Toxic Parents" by Susan Forward, a tremendously helpful book, which will assist you in activeley changing your life, and the "Self Esteem" tapes by Carolyn Myss, a enlightening series which redefines and opens up the concept of self esteem and illustrates how crucial it is to your survival.
Rating:
Summary: A strong start to finding yourself and inner peace
Review: I have read this book and given it to others over the years so much that I have to keep buying copies. Alice Miller's books have helped me find a true path back through my life to who I was, how I became who I am. This is not a self help book with pointers, nor is it an easy read. Some people who read it and call it outdated or fluff, I feel sad for them that they could not see the wisdom in finding out who one really is inside. The book itself does not point you in a direction... is frees your mind to realize the direction you came from. It's amazing. I wish everyone in the world understood the value of Miller's writings... if people of the world found peace with who they are, the viscious cycles of humanity could end, and true happiness for our world could begin.
Rating:
Summary: An Extremely Brave and Insightful Work
Review: I am on my second reading of "Drama" and am finding it even more riveting. It seems written for me personally. Miller takes on the reigning Freudian methodology with the heretical insight that even well-meaning parents can contribute to the suppression of their children's true selves. It is common knowledge that Freud initially determined that his "hysterical" female patients had often been sexually abused by men in positions of trust and power in their lives, but that the medical society of the time refused to believe this. In order to not be thrown out of the Viennese Medical Society, Freud came up with ingenious but destructive theories (Oedipal complex, etc.) to explain his patients' symptoms. Miller takes us back to the truth - that early childhood trauma and betrayal causes peculiarly destructive symptoms in adult life, and that the situation is further complicated by the psychological process of denial and suppression. The victims even feel positive about their tormentors, so that they can survive (the "Stockholm syndrome"). Miller relates this process to the now well-documented "post-traumatic stress syndrome", but argues that it is even more difficult to understand and undo when the trauma happens not to fully formed adults, but to pre-verbal children, who can only feel the pain, but cannot express its cause. The memories can be suppressed, but the feelings and their effects cannot be eradicated without witnessing them as an adult. This is a very liberating discovery for one who has been traumatized as a child, and leads to methods of recovery that provide hope for adult sufferers. Interestingly, in the preface to the 1994 edition, Miller enthusiastically credits the methods of J. Konrad Stettbacher with helping her overcome her own symptoms of childhood abuse. In the 1996 version, this forward is omitted, as is any reference to Stettbacher's work. I wonder if that is because Miller has changed her mind about his methods, or if there was some kind of proprietary struggle? In any event, "Drama" is a seminal work, and will likely reverberate in the psychotherapy community for a long time to come. A must-read for anyone struggling with the effects of their childhood - and who isn't? Give a copy to your shrink, your parents, your kids, your significant other...but be prepared for some interesting dinner conversations!
Rating: 
Summary: Seasick
Review: When I closed Alice Miller's book the word "nauseating" kept arising in my mind. At first I thought, "That's an awfully dramatic way to say you didn't like a book." Then I realized it was almost literally true. I was a tiny bit queasy after the experience. I then realized it was the same queasiness I get when I'm in the presence of delusion. When someone I don't know well comes into my study for a visit (I'm a pastor of a small urban church), and they start talking, and I begin to understand they're delusional, I get a little sick feeling in my stomach. In interacting with a delusional person, there's a sense of a loss of moorings. This person isn't, in the full sense, living in the same world I am, and if I am to have a meaningful talk with them, I'll need to stand on some common ground with them. A search begins for what aspects of reality we can agree on, since only from there can I go on to find ways to assist this person in testing reality. Until that common ground is found, it's as if I've left terra firma, I'm at sea, and the effect on me (this is slight, mind you, I don't vomit or even grimace) is that of seasickness. Reading Alice Miller I have a gnawing sense of being in the presence of someone whose reality-testing is deficient. It isn't gross; it's not like a man who believes the police in town are doing no work other than spying on him. But it's there. First, there are stories in the book I cannot believe. Foremost is the one about the woman who "remembered" being raped by three people at the age of three months. My objections to accepting this story at face value are many, and I know that at least some of them are shared by highly competent mental health professionals, including experts in memory. The data and arguments required to convince me of this story would take a book thicker than /Drama/. Next (and much subtler), there was something just slightly off in the telling of the story about the ice cream bars that begins chapter 3. It's hard to put my finger on it, but I can at least point out that the phrase "he cried in despair" misuses the word "despair," whose precise clinical meaning should be known to and respected by anyone who deals with depressives. (I know there's a translator involved, but still. . .) Although no other use of language in this story is actually wrong in the same way, still the entire telling is consistent with this very slight hyperbolic twisting. My impression, in the end, is that Miller doesn't grasp the whole distinction between the trauma of triple rape and the trauma of being denied ice cream. What is at stake here is the crucial matter of where the line should be drawn between the unhealthy squashing of a child's spirit and the sorts of wish-denial that will always be necessary to socialization. The boundary markers have been removed in my lifetime, and in many ways this is good. But modern parents work in an environment in which the boundary markers haven't found a new home, and this is very bad. Based on /Drama/ I distrust Miller as the guide who can show us where the markers ought to be.
Rating: 
Summary: Excellent but painful - not to be taken lightly
Review: Miller has created a work that reaches into the soul and guides the reader through innermost (sometimes forgotten) memories and details of early life. By showing very clearly how gifted children are often relegated to that back burner of the family because of their own innate self-sufficiency, she paints a vivid picture of unconscious, conditioned manipulation and a common lack of emotional maturity in the part of the parents. The child is essentially denied a self of its own, as the needs of the parent are always paramount. WARNING: This book is powerful and extremely insightful, but not the informational or educational manual you might expect from the title--it is very personal, and is likely to evoke unexpectedly strong emotions. Several people saw me with the book over a course of a few months, and immediately thought it would be for them: "Oh, I should read that--I have three gifted children!". I found myself almost discouraging their interest, as they clearly were looking for validation of this statement, not actual insight. The content of this book is extremely powerful and can be a painful experience, especially for a reader who finds himself relating to the content but not ready to face their own reality. Although it is certainly a classic, it is not a book to be offered capriciously to friends and acquaintances--a casual recommendation may be detrimental to your relationship with the unsuspecting victim. In my case, my role as peacemaker and surrogate caregiver in the family left me with an overall sense of personal worthlessness and confusion about my own reactions to the events of my adult life. Not having been allowed true feelings of my own through my childhood, I found myself lost in a sea of immature emotions once separated from the needs of both of my parents. Miller herself has identified one of the basic problems of her approach: she views the mother as the most probable source of this type of emotional manipulation, as the mother is traditionally the primary caregiver in very early childhood. But if read with a deliberate awareness that both parents (present or not) are involved in the panorama of childhood experience, a more balanced reading will yield surprisingly sharp images and a keener understanding of one's formative years. I found myself reading it in small bursts, as some sections resonated so keenly that I had to put the words away for a while to ruminate. But I always came back, as it helped me examine closely some things about myself that I truly had not realized, and has helped me resolve some issues that have caused me continued anger and distress. The work inspired by this book has left me feeling more capable of identifying my true feelings in times of stress, and I feel that the insight into my true self will help me as I continue to grow.
Rating:
Summary: Illuminating
Review: I thought this book was insightful, concise, and truly illuminating. It truly changed my perspective on aspects of narcissism, its manifestations, and treatment. If you are interested in reading a stimulating, no-nonsense treatment of these topics, this is it.
Rating:
Summary: Seasick
Review: When I closed Alice Miller's book the word "nauseating" kept arising in my mind. At first I thought, "That's an awfully dramatic way to say you didn't like a book." Then I realized it was almost literally true. I was a tiny bit queasy after the experience. I then realized it was the same queasiness I get when I'm in the presence of delusion. When someone I don't know well comes into my study for a visit (I'm a pastor of a small urban church), and they start talking, and I begin to understand they're delusional, I get a little sick feeling in my stomach. In interacting with a delusional person, there's a sense of a loss of moorings. This person isn't, in the full sense, living in the same world I am, and if I am to have a meaningful talk with them, I'll need to stand on some common ground with them. A search begins for what aspects of reality we can agree on, since only from there can I go on to find ways to assist this person in testing reality. Until that common ground is found, it's as if I've left terra firma, I'm at sea, and the effect on me (this is slight, mind you, I don't vomit or even grimace) is that of seasickness. Reading Alice Miller I have a gnawing sense of being in the presence of someone whose reality-testing is deficient. It isn't gross; it's not like a man who believes the police in town are doing no work other than spying on him. But it's there. First, there are stories in the book I cannot believe. Foremost is the one about the woman who "remembered" being raped by three people at the age of three months. My objections to accepting this story at face value are many, and I know that at least some of them are shared by highly competent mental health professionals, including experts in memory. The data and arguments required to convince me of this story would take a book thicker than /Drama/. Next (and much subtler), there was something just slightly off in the telling of the story about the ice cream bars that begins chapter 3. It's hard to put my finger on it, but I can at least point out that the phrase "he cried in despair" misuses the word "despair," whose precise clinical meaning should be known to and respected by anyone who deals with depressives. (I know there's a translator involved, but still. . .) Although no other use of language in this story is actually wrong in the same way, still the entire telling is consistent with this very slight hyperbolic twisting. My impression, in the end, is that Miller doesn't grasp the whole distinction between the trauma of triple rape and the trauma of being denied ice cream. What is at stake here is the crucial matter of where the line should be drawn between the unhealthy squashing of a child's spirit and the sorts of wish-denial that will always be necessary to socialization. The boundary markers have been removed in my lifetime, and in many ways this is good. But modern parents work in an environment in which the boundary markers haven't found a new home, and this is very bad. Based on /Drama/ I distrust Miller as the guide who can show us where the markers ought to be.
Rating:
Summary: This book was the turning point in my healing.
Review: Without going into too much detail this book was the closure I had been looking for for years. I was at a point in my healing where I felt that I was stuck. I had explored all avenues of my past and had come to an understanding of my childhood and how it affected me especially my relationship with my mother. It wasn't until I read this book that it all became so clear. I had been hanging on to all the hurt I felt in relation to my mother and our relationship, and it wasn't until I read a statement in this book that I was able to let it all go. The statement read something like this, "Get over it!" It was so profound and so simple. It is a wonder I never thought of it before. Alice Miller's way of describing what it is like to be in such an unstable household was so simple yet straightforward. She talked like I talked and we seemed to be speaking the same language. I am sure that is why I related so well to this book. I recommend this book to anyone who has come from a "dysfunctional yet unstable family" and who may be having trouble with "love" and relationships. It is an easy read yet so profound. This book took my breath away and it is a treasure I will keep always.
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