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Summary: John Gray's "PhD"
Review: To the reviewer who said that John Gray has a PhD -- yes, he does...one he got via mail order.
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Summary: Psychological blather
Review: I am angry with myself for spending time reading this drivel. Books like this and authors like Gray are part of the reason that American culture is an international embarrassment. Save your time and money, as insightful as an infomercial.
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Summary: Synopsis in two sentences
Review: The only thing worth getting out of this book is this: Men talk to impart information. Women talk to express feelings.If you got that, that's it. The rest of the book is puerile psychobabble.
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Summary: OK, but not the cream of the crop
Review: I think Gray over-simplifies things quite a bit. Yes, men and women are different in many ways, but we're also different in so many more ways as individuals, regardless of gender. Too many blanket generlaizations that I think just miss the mark. Actually, I read a better book ont he subject by Dr. Betsey Bittlingmaier, "Shape Your Personality -- Shape Up Your Marriage." A lesser known book, but actually much more on the mark.
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Summary: Overrated fluff by a phony "PhD"
Review: I was very disappointed after reading the book I've heard so much hype about. I found it full of ridiculously broad generalities and stereotypes. Although there are a few nuggets of truth in the book, the majority of it is pop psychology at its worst. I read this book over a year ago, and didn't care for it then. I like it even less since discovering that John Gray's "PhD" so proudly flaunted on the cover comes from Columbia Pacific University, a diploma-by-mail mill which was shut down by the California Department of Consumer Affairs. (Look it up for yourself on the web.) All in all, I'm very disappointed with this book, its author, and the media attention it has received. There are far better books on relationships available, written by people who earned their credentials instead of buying them. Don't bother with this one.
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Summary: SOUND RESEARCH AND ADVICE...IF YOU UNDERSTAND THE PRINCIPLES
Review: Looking at previous negative reviews, it is evident that some reviewers lacked sufficient knowledge of human behaviour to fully grasp the context of Gray's book. First of all, for the reviewer who questioned Gray's credentials, the author of this book is extremely well qualified and respected scholar in his field, as a matter of fact, he holds a Ph.D. As one who has studied psychology and counselled in human behaviour for many years, although certainly not on Gray's level, I can assure the reader that Gray's opinions are not merely personal opinions nor is he "gender bashing;" rather, opinions are based on proven concepts and theories. The reader can agree or disagree with these fundamental principles, but it is often very easy to disagree with something one does not fully understand. Perhaps some readers lacked sufficient knowledge of human behaviour to understand their partner's needs, which could be why they are reading this book in the first place. I have referred this book to many couples over the years with very positive feedback. One couple found such a tremendous wealth of knowledge in this book that they purchased all of Gray's books. Over time, and with great effort and commitment on their part, their communication skills and the relationship improved so dramatically that five years later, while they continually work at it, every week is like a honeymoon, and this was a case where divorce proceedings were once in progress. One reviewer implied that "the book did not help or change anthing" and that is probably very true. While the book provides some very fundamental truths about the differences between men and woman in the communication process, it is not the book that is going to "change anything," it is the INDIVIDUALS who are going to have to change to resolve any difficulties in communication. It is not necessarily a matter of whether or not the reader agrees with Gray's principles, but a matter of whether or not the reader understands what their partner needs, and whether both parties are willing and committed to change on a long-term basis. This is an excellent first step in improving communication in relationships and a book I highly recommend.
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Summary: Generally sound but a bit too many generalizations
Review: This book has been around for a while and I've finally read it myself. His insights are practical and his metaphoric language is memorable. For the most part, his generalizations are accurate, but I also believe that there are more individual traits that can't be generalized solely on gender that make some of what this author has to say inaccurate.
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Summary: Fortify stereotypes in gender roles
Review: This is a book that heavily emphasizes the traditional male and female roles in romantic relationships. Gray's writing is easy to read. He uses many good metaphors to describe the romantic relationship, such as men are like rubber bands and women are like waves. John Gray thinks that men and women are inherently different in every aspect: men like to fix problems and women like to change men; men need to be alone sometimes and women love to talk about their problems; men need to get away from the romantic relationships before they can get close; women's moods naturally change up and down quickly. The author takes the stand of an expert and tells the readers to do what he believes an ideal romantic relationship should be like. It seems to me that John Gray is telling people that they should never try to challenge the traditional male and female roles. In fact, he thinks that problems in relationships occur because men and women don't understand the opposite sex's traditional gender roles enough. His way of curing relationship problems is to encourage the couple to nurture and fortify the partners' traditional gender roles. I have a problem with his overgeneralization about men and women's gender roles. Not all women and men behave and think the way he described. Gray pathologizes those people who don't fit into his ideal gender roles, "Sometimes in my seminar couples and individuals will share that they relate to the examples of men and women but in an opposite way. The man relates to my descriptions of women and the woman relates to my descriptions of men. I call this role reversal.... Many men have denied some of their masculine attributes in order to become more loving and nurturing. Likewise many women have denied some of their feminine attributes in order to earn a living in a work force that rewards masculine attributes. If this is the case, then by applying the suggestions, strategies, and techniques in his book you not only will create more passion in your relationships but also will increasingly balance your masculine and feminine characteristics" (p. 6). If a man is loving and nurturing and a woman is tough, Gray would say that they are not in their correct gender roles. Why does Gray get to define what are the correct gender roles? I think a better way to present his ideas is to list his own biases, state the limitations of his theory, and avoid supporting stereotypes. This book is all about what Gray's ideal romantic relationship is like. It doesn't give the couple the space to define what their ideal romantic relationship should be like. I personally think Gray does a good job helping couples to understand the opposite sex's traditional gender roles, however, this book also supports sexism. In addition, if men and women are inherently different, how could the author explain romantic relationships between homosexuals or bisexuals? Because Gray (1) overlooks the reader's own strengths and competencies, (2) supports sexism, (3) focus on deficits (emphasizes finding out what is not working instead of what is working), (4) does not acknowledge his own biases and/or the limitations of his theory, I wouldn't recommend people to read it. However, there is one exception. If both of the partners think that the traditional gender roles work well in their relationship, I might suggest they read this book.
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Summary: Venus Schmenus.
Review: When reading these marvelous insights into the character of woman, I kept thinking,"who is this guy talking about?" I have since discovered that according to Mr. Gray (is he a licensed psychologist??) women like me must try to get more in touch with our Venusian side (that is, the side that criticizes his books). I think he's focused on some general superficial aspects of behavior and touts them as the actual inner nature of man and woman. Freud did this junk years ago, and Florence King could wipe the floor with this malkin. Use this book for mulch.
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Summary: "Well Duh."
Review: It took me almost 6 weeks to get through this book because the writing is so freaking boring. Yes, unlike many people who talk about this book all the time, I have read the book from cover to cover, front to back, the whole enchilada and to be perfectly honest I am not any different than I was before. This book did not change my life and I can't understand why it was a best seller for so long. The premise of the book is simple: men and women are different, so different they might as well be from different planets. The author only got the equation half right. Men and women are different, but we aren't from different planets. Yes, we are different physically and have different thought patterns and emotional structures, but we are all human. This is one area where this book fails (as so many other relationship books do as well) pointing out the differences in the sexes, but failing to illustrate the similarites. Of course, it fails in a lot of other areas, too. Most of the helpful tips are things that should be obvious to anyone who has any maturity at all (talking about conflicts, giving people their space, etc.). The writing is bland and more repetitive than the bass beat in techno music. Nevertheless, I can understand how some people could be helped by reading this book. For someone who is emotionally immature or who has never learned basic relationship skills, this book could be useful. However, other than that, don't waste your time buying it and if you want to read it, go to the library.
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