Rating:  Summary: If a no-star rating were possible, I'd use it. Review: If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, why does my birth certificate say "Detroit?"I am a woman in my mid-50's and I am a person, not a stereotype. Some things I do may seem "stereotypically" feminine. I love babies, I think about relationships, and even though I am an adult, I like cute, cuddly, stuffed toys . . . especially dogs and teddy bears. And I have a two year old Chihuahuah mix puppydog whom I have lavishly spoiled. But I don't always talk about what bothers me, and while I appreciate a person's caring, I value my privacy -- in other words, I have a cave as deep as any man's, and I don't talk about my problems until I am good and ready to. Did I also mention that I have a dragon at the mouth of my cave, too? I care about my friends, but I don't always take an active interest in what they are doing because I am busy frying my own fish. Weddings bore the living daylights out of me -- unless, of course, as an organist, I can make some extra money playing for them. And as for being "romantic. . . " well, I am kind hearted and affectionate, but I've had several relationships with men go right down the drain because the one who has been unromantic was ME! At the moment I am contemplating getting married, but my idea of a perfect wedding is the Justice Of The Peace office with the secretary and maintenance man as witnesses! Men and women are different; of course! It wouldn't be fun if they weren't. But I don't think the line is as sharply drawn as Dr. Gray says it is. I'll admit that when a smart cookie like Dr. Gray makes his statements, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that something is wrong with me. But when it comes to a choice between self-acceptance and Dr. Gray acceptance, I'll take my own, thank you. I am wondering what kind of effect his book has had on men. Stereotypes are as unfair to men as to women. If a man has a dragon by his cave, that's OK. However, he had better keep his dragon tamed, just as I have to keep mine tamed. The second that I get bitten by someone's dragon, I confront the owner. We adults need to keep our pets under control, don't we?
Rating:  Summary: good to a certain degree.... Review: There is much good to be found in John Gray's book, such as the importance of truly listening, appreciating, and supporting your partner. Where he and I differ is his contention (not always laid out in the open, and I'm sure he would disagree that it exists at all) that women are somehow intellectually stunted, or that they need to be treated like large children; he implies this when he writes things like that women have a "need" to complain, and he seems to belive that a good man must silently suffer his partners' uncontrollable urge to whine.
Rating:  Summary: Communicating Review: I enjoyed this book a lot and It gives good practical advice for any relationship. I would recomend it to anyone that struggles with communicating with your spouce or partner.
Rating:  Summary: Men are from Mars Women are from Venus Review: Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus is a well written book. It is evident that the author has spent much time delving into male/female communication. This book offers a lot of practical advice concerning how to communicate correctly with a partner or spouse. The author first explains much of the differences men and women have and then goes about trying to explain the best ways to communicate with the opposite sex. Although every person is different, this book does help clear up many miscommunications that occur between the opposite sexes. I appreciate the many examples, and ideas the author has to offer. The author also has offered many practical applications of how to communicate more lovingly and respectfully with the opposite sex, as well as use personal examples from his experiences with his wife. This book is helpful when seeking to attain what one wants in a relationship. If one is looking to strengthen a relationship or to understand why there is a problem in a relationship, this book will prove to be very helpful in answering many before unknown answers.
Rating:  Summary: Good Guidelines, but Not a Final Word Review: This book is great as a way of understanding how our culture trains boys and girls to be different. We teach girls that they can cry when they're sad, talk about their feelings, and share experiences with each other. We teach boys that they need to 'buck up' and be manly, to hide the tears, to face it like a man, to be the rock on which the females can rely. It is no surprise that these lessons affect adults, and affect how male and females relate (or fail to relate) to each other. In essence, a few core themes run through the book, being supported by various examples, and different wording that help make the points clear. First, men are goal-oriented, internalizing, and when they are stressed, "retreat to a cave" to consider what to do. They want to come to a solution on their own, and *then* emerge. To try to help them while they are in the "cave" is counter productive. Men want to be trusted and admired. This is the whole Knight-in-Armor, John Wayne, Rambo training we have given men. They want to feel that the woman believes in them. To question a man is to show your doubt. The book recommends if your man is lost while driving, or forgets something while travelling, to just be quiet and accept it. It will show your trust in him to get there eventually or to solve the problem. I'm personally not sure if tihs is always wise advice. Women, on the other hand, are nurturing, expressive, feeling individuals who tend to use poetic license such as saying "you ALWAYS forget to do that chore" or "you NEVER listen to me". The advice given to men is to take what women say with a grain of salt, and not to react to any of it literally. Most of what women want, according to the book, is just to be heard. Women don't want solutions or answers. They want to feel that their feelings are being heard and understood ... they want to be held and be told "Yes, yes, I understand". The book explains that men make the mistake of thinking women tell them things in order for the men to *fix* those things. Instead, the women tell them things in order to share their feelings, but aren't seeking actual resolutions. While I agree that women are trained to share feelings and to sometimes be overly emotional, to tell a man that women never want resolutions, and always exaggerate, is not treating a woman as a logical human being perfectly capable of wanting answers. There is definitely a lot of helpful information in the book. It is of course good to show trust in your husband. It is important to understand what your wife *means* and not just pick apart what she literally has *said*. It is good to understand that society trains men to "retreat" to consider problems, and that they consider interference during this time as "harassment" instead of "helpful". It's good to realize that women have emotional cycles and can sometimes be happy, and sometimes sad, and that nobody is always happy. However, be sure to read the book as a guideline on how to help your relationship, and not as a Bible which has the exact ways in which you and your special partner can relate to each other. It definitely has interesting hints and tips, and interesting stories to share. It also has many generalizations that, for many individuals, simply do not apply.
Rating:  Summary: Hits the nail on the head Review: I've found relationship self-help books to be of dubious value - they usually rely on the quality of an author's intuition, generalized from the small population of their experience. The result tends to be very uneven, with nuggets of good advice buried in a mountain of words (and often indistinguishable from the downright bad advice!) Fundamentally this book takes the same approach, relying on John Gray's intuition based on his own experiences. But the difference is that Gray's intuition proves to be dead-on, and he zeroes-in on some real issues between men and women. The result is that he doesn't just present a few valuable nuggets. Rather, he describes a new way of looking at things, and this perspective shift gives you a mental framework into which to fit the specifics of your relationship. The book is particularly refreshing in that it avoids laying blame on either side. It takes the approach that each side has their own (legitimate) way of looking at things, and that problems come up when we mentally filter the other person's actions through our viewpoint. This approach makes it easier to be open to our partner's way of seeing things.
Rating:  Summary: Unsatisfactory relationships? Read this book. Review: I guess I must be one of the luckiest guys alive. My wife and I have an excellent relationship and the advice in this book was wasted on us. Not that we couldn't see the value for other people. First of all, let me explain that my wife is French and I'm British so, despite the fact that we both speak the other's language, we do suffer occasional misunderstandings due to nuances in the spoken word. Over the years we've been together, that has made us LISTEN more carefully to our partner. And this is one of the keys in Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. The book was given to my wife by a friend, who is still a single person, despite much partner-searching on her behalf. This same friend thought that it could help US! We couldn't resist a little chuckle as we read how women shouldn't seek to change their men (our friend dictates terms as soon as she's within hand-holding distance of her prey). We smiled over the section that explains how men should listen more closely to their partners to try to really understand what they are saying (my wife is given to speaking her mind rather more directly than is sometimes comfortable!). As I say, we gleaned nothing from this book that we did not already put into practice, but that does not mean that it lacks value. Quite the opposite. If you feel that your relationship is in the slightest bit shaky or stale, sink into Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. It will maybe help you understand how to improve things. Just one word of warning (which I feel should be printed in bold letters on ALL books of this type), take the contents with a pinch of salt. Modify them to suit your own needs. If you literally apply what you read, you risk making a poor situation even worse. No book can apply global solutions to individual problems. An excellent book.
Rating:  Summary: Completely Changed my thought Process Review: This book was an amazing wakup call for me. I know understand where my wife is coming from. I just hope that she will see the book in the same light that I have. Its a must read for anyone man that wants to understand his wife or girlfriend.
Rating:  Summary: A good book but nothing special Review: There are some good points. For example, women want a shoulder to lean on with someone to listen to them and not a quick answer to their problems. Also, I thought that the love letters was an excellent suggestion in communication. However, I thought that there was an overtone of woman bashing. For example, women want to give unsolicited advice. Ok, fine, what is wrong with that? Simply recognize that the intent is to be helpful in a loving way. Why should the woman stop with this advice? Why should the woman be the one adjusting to all of these situations? There is very little, if any, requirements that the man do the adjusting. In summary, some very good points but most of which are common knowledge by now.
Rating:  Summary: Good and helpful Review: OK book. It shows that in many relations, the same problems will eventually crop up and the book explains, in simple terms, why this is the case. That was an insight for me. The book gives advise how you can try to avoid these problems. Very helpful indeed. There might be better books on the subject, I don't know. I stumbled on this one and I'm glad I did. Who cares if he is(n't) a Phd, who cares if you can give a 'Synopsis in two sentences' (I could do that for the bible) ... it's the message that count. For me it was/is helpful. Maybe it is helpful for you too.
|