Rating: 
Summary: Worth reading and go further than this!
Review: I read this book when I was trying to save my marriage to a volatile spouse. My spouse read it too and we went to a therapist who specialized in Dr. Hendrix's Imago Therapy. We hoped that the book and therapy would give us tools to save the marriage. But we ended up getting divorced. The book increases your awareness and promotes compassion toward your own emotional wounds and your partner's wounds which is very important. The book also provides great exercises for effective listening, a problem many couples experience when they are in conflict. But in the heat of battle, we did not use the exercises. Although I got a lot of help from this book, Dr. Hendrix's concept relies too much on the other person, which was out of my control. When my spouse did not use the exercises, the process broke down. I was out in the cold. After many years of heartbreak and soul-searching, I stumbled on Optimal Thinking: How to Be Your Best Self by Dr. Rosalene Glickman. Dr. Glickman believes that the purpose of relationships is to be your best self, regardless of the circumstances. In the first two sections of her incredible book, she provides simple exercises you can use immediately to become self-reliant and make the most of yourself. She emphasizes that whether you face criticism, withdrawal, stonewalling, offensive behavior or even a life-threatening disease, you can still make the choice to be your best. She shows you how to do this. The third section of Optimal Thinking is dedicated to bringing out the best in others. There are exercises to minimize undesirable behaviors, resolve conflict and you learn how to support your partner's best interests. I am now able to take full responsibility for my relationship and I feel like a new person. In my humble opinion, these two books are the key to personal and relationship success.
Rating:
Summary: Save yourself years of pain - Read This Book!
Review: It's hard to put into words just how powerful this book is. It does a really great job of explaining how you have become who you are today, and gives you the tools to understand yourself as well as your partner. From that, you can start to resolve long standing problems - some of which you may not even know you had. It really helps you to get below the surface problems and deal with underlying issues.The book is laid out in such a way that it continues to build on itself. In the beginning it educates you on how your brain works on a deeper and subconscious level, and then presents many examples throughout the book of situations, and how to overcome them. Near the end you're presented with two couples where everything you have learned is applied to show how situations can go from hopeless to happiness. In my opinion, this book is one of the best kept secrets. I only wish more people knew about it. Buy the book, and read it cover to cover. The time spent is more than worth it.
Rating:
Summary: The thinking couple's guide to marriage
Review: If you want an intelligent guide to making marriage work (as opposed to some quick fix or gimmicky guide, or, even worse, some retro-marriage guide that's based solely on female self-sacrifice!) then this is the book for you. This book recognizes that when two people seriously commit to working on a marriage, the results can be amazing. I have used this in my work with couples as well as in my own relationship with my partner. It's a first-rate resource.
Rating:
Summary: A MUST read if relationships seem to fall apart on you!
Review: This book is packed FULL of information and ideas that you've never even thought about! There are things that happen in a relationship, the way we act, respond and instigate that we never realized WHY. This book explains it and explains it WELL! I could barely put this book down. Let me just say that I am SINGLE and I bought this book in hopes of helping me figure out why all of my relationships end up being so rocky, dramatical and emotionally draining. I totally understand now! The author explains how our childhood and our relationship with our parents plays an important role in our choosing of partners. I agree with it 100%! It's very interesting to say the least. The author points out several critical triggers that are crucial in identifying reasons we behave the way we do. He also includes wonderful exercises to assist us to overcome some of our conditional thinking from our "old brains" which would be the imprints in our minds of what we learned when we were young & growing up. Every single and married person alike should read this book. It's an eye opener and definitely a helping hand to healing and beginning a healthy relationship. Even if you're currently in a relationship, this book tells you how you can start to change some of the ways you think helping to re-create the romance and love you once shared. I highly recommend this book. You WONT be disappointed!
Rating: 
Summary: Getting the Love You Want
Review: Getting the Love You Want is an excellent book for those who want to stretch past their self-limitations and the limitations of their relationship. I recommend this book to gain skills in effective listening, understanding of emotional wounds and dealing with unconscious behaviors, and more. I also recommend you and your partner read Optimal Thinking: How to Be Your Best Self by Rosalene Glickman Ph.D. to learn how to be your best in any circumstance. Optimal Thinking will empower you to make the most of yourself and your relationships. Additionally, if you are interested in research, John Gottman's books provide insight into why marriages work.
Rating:
Summary: A Note from a Villanova University Senior Thesis Group
Review: Amazon.com Review for Getting the Love You Want
Author: Harville Hendrix This review was completed by a group of five college seniors from Villanova University. We spent a semester researching and reviewing best-selling self-help books on the subject of romantic relationships. We evaluated five texts after reviewing academic literature specifically on the topics of commitment, trust, conflict, verbal communication, and intimacy. In order to make you a more informed consumer, we hope to provide you with a review of Getting the Love You Want.
The author's intent of this book is to help people improve their romantic relationships. He claims that the book will provide sound insight for dating couples, married couples, heterosexual and homosexual couples. Getting the Love You Want provides people with an understanding of where their difficulties may stem from and includes a section of the book with actual exercises for couples to do over a period of time to improve their relationship. The style of the book is very personable and easy to understand. Hendrix's extensive experience of working with couples and helping people shines through his writing and helps the reader to feel at ease. Hendrix is challenging, yet at the same time understanding.
Getting the Love You Want addresses couples who want to work together to improve their relationship. The exercises in the book target both individuals in the relationship, but allow for increased self-understanding and growth as well.
We evaluated how the following five topics were approached in the book: Commitment- The advice for couples in revolves around the theme of commitment. Two chapters are devoted to commitment as well as a subheading in another chapter. Ideal commitment is described as "a decision to join together in a journey that will last the rest of their lives." Personal dedication is described as a necessary component of commitment. Trust- Several implications of trust are discussed in the book, but the word trust is briefly mentioned. Hendrix points out that the process of developing trust is a learning experience that allows someone to really get to know their partner. He suggests that we need to get over our self-centered tendencies and deal with personal issues preventing trust. Conflict- This subject is addressed in terms of anger, criticism and arguments. Specific exercises deal with working things out as a couple. Conflict is described as something that is not necessarily bad, but rather expressing anger in a constructive manner can be healthy. Hendrix recommends approaching situations with more acceptance and understanding in order that conflict may be seen in a more productive light. Verbal Communication- This topic is addressed in a very straightforward manner in the book. Hendrix stresses the importance of good communication skills. Couples need to be clear and specific in their communication. The book provides specific step-by-step exercises to enhance communication. Intimacy- The book approaches intimacy in the context of self-disclosure, expression of thought and emotion, listening, providing support, and making positive verbal statements. Hendrix also stresses the importance of sharing one's feelings. This book is best for the subject of verbal communication.(...)
Rating:
Summary: It brought me comfort and understanding
Review: My relationship of 16 months has been faltering for 8 months. Three weeks ago my girlfriend told me she "didn't want to be with me anymore." I was devastated. I've spent the last three weeks living and re-living all the events of our relationship and have talked to friends for hours ad-nauseum. The relationship started out so well. We had been acquaintences for 8 years. Friends for 2 1/2 years and finally entered into a relationship 16 months ago. The stages of our relationship eerily followed the book. My pain, confusion and loss was all-consuming. I could find no understanding within myself, no peace and no answers. Then one of my friends recommended I read this book. I had gone through a "self-help book" craze 9 years ago for another issue I was dealing with. Although I did find some answers after reading so many books I ended up overdosing on them and haven't read one since. I was not enthusiastic at all about revisiting the "self-help" area again. But I opened the book and read the first couple sentences and knew immediately...instinctively...that this was the book that would be able to help me understand many of the issues we must face in relationships....why we are attracted to certain people and not others...what happens to relationships once you get comfortable with the other person and you begin to lower your "guard"...why many of the things you do to try to "fix" your partner actually do more to drive the partner away. As other readers have noted, this book will not be effective for immature readers. Although I am a bit wary of psychologists that embrace a single theory to explain behavior, I found the rest of this book valuable and directly applicable to my life. Thank God for this book. It has enabled me to have my first good night sleep in three weeks. Even if your partner lacks the maturity to absorb, understand and apply the message in this book, it will give -you- the tools you need to ensure a better relationship in the future. Thank you Dr Hendrix for writing this book!
Rating:
Summary: Life Changing!!!
Review: Let me start by saying I am not a self-help book devotee. That said, this book has revolutionized my relationship with my husband and taken it to a new level. BUT... I recommend this book for only those seriously committed to REALLY wanting an honest, soul-fully deep relationship. This is not a quick fix book full of easy answers. If you are looking for a book to tell you how to fix your partner or get them to be what you want them to be, don't buy this book. To make the concepts in Getting The Love You Want work, it takes a tremendous amount of gut wrenchingly honest introsepction, humility, willingness to do things completely differently, and total selflessness. It's hard work. But if you do what this book suggests, your life will be forever changed ... in all your relationships. This book has changed my life and enriched it beyond belief. I read the book - my husband didn't. Although he was not a proactive participant in the process, his life has been equally impacted and we are getting all we ever hoped for from each other.
Rating:
Summary: A Note from a Villanova University Senior Thesis Group
Review: Amazon.com Review for Getting the Love You Want
Author: Harville Hendrix This review was completed by a group of five college seniors from Villanova University. We spent a semester researching and reviewing best-selling self-help books on the subject of romantic relationships. We evaluated five texts after reviewing academic literature specifically on the topics of commitment, trust, conflict, verbal communication, and intimacy. In order to make you a more informed consumer, we hope to provide you with a review of Getting the Love You Want.
The author's intent of this book is to help people improve their romantic relationships. He claims that the book will provide sound insight for dating couples, married couples, heterosexual and homosexual couples. Getting the Love You Want provides people with an understanding of where their difficulties may stem from and includes a section of the book with actual exercises for couples to do over a period of time to improve their relationship. The style of the book is very personable and easy to understand. Hendrix's extensive experience of working with couples and helping people shines through his writing and helps the reader to feel at ease. Hendrix is challenging, yet at the same time understanding.
Getting the Love You Want addresses couples who want to work together to improve their relationship. The exercises in the book target both individuals in the relationship, but allow for increased self-understanding and growth as well.
We evaluated how the following five topics were approached in the book: Commitment- The advice for couples in revolves around the theme of commitment. Two chapters are devoted to commitment as well as a subheading in another chapter. Ideal commitment is described as "a decision to join together in a journey that will last the rest of their lives." Personal dedication is described as a necessary component of commitment. Trust- Several implications of trust are discussed in the book, but the word trust is briefly mentioned. Hendrix points out that the process of developing trust is a learning experience that allows someone to really get to know their partner. He suggests that we need to get over our self-centered tendencies and deal with personal issues preventing trust. Conflict- This subject is addressed in terms of anger, criticism and arguments. Specific exercises deal with working things out as a couple. Conflict is described as something that is not necessarily bad, but rather expressing anger in a constructive manner can be healthy. Hendrix recommends approaching situations with more acceptance and understanding in order that conflict may be seen in a more productive light. Verbal Communication- This topic is addressed in a very straightforward manner in the book. Hendrix stresses the importance of good communication skills. Couples need to be clear and specific in their communication. The book provides specific step-by-step exercises to enhance communication. Intimacy- The book approaches intimacy in the context of self-disclosure, expression of thought and emotion, listening, providing support, and making positive verbal statements. Hendrix also stresses the importance of sharing one's feelings. This book is best for the subject of verbal communication.(...)
Rating:
Summary: This book can and does save so much pain and suffering!
Review: No one should be allowed to marry or even graduate from high school without a thorough-going understanding of this book. It may be the 1 thing (if there IS only 1 thing) we could do to improve our world - IMAGINE: feeling love and Being Loved year after year, decade after decade...it can be done, it has been done, most of us want that desperately...and if we learned how to do this, then a happier citizenry, thriving kids from intact families, a civil society...Dr. Hendrix nails it... heavygoing... but heavygoing reading beats heavy heartbreak any day of the week... GENIUS, GIFTED. A classic that no one could ever improve on. Thanks a million Dr. Hendrix! P.S. OPRAH also says he and his wife are The Best at explaining all of this - and I take Oprah's word on anything and everything - since she obviously has done almost everything right!
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