Torn Asunder: Recovering From Extramarital Affairs

Rating:
Summary: well meaning...buuuuut.....
Review: Torn Asunder: Recovering from Extramarital Affairs
Written by Dave Carder (Moody Press, rev. 1995)
Reviewed by Pastor Ed Vasicek

I first heard Dave Carder at the Moody Bible Institute's pastor's conference in 2000. After attending his workshop about counseling situations involving marital infidelity, I returned home and immediately ordered his book. I was not disappointed.

Torn Asunder was written for those somehow connected to marital affairs, including prodigal spouses, their mates, pastors, counselors, or concerned friends. It is easy to understand, thoroughly evangelical in conviction, and based on the author's practical counseling experience and keen observation. It offers clear direction and principals upon which to build.

The book is divided into three main sections. The first division, "Understanding Extramarital Affairs" contains five chapters which distinguish types of affairs, causes, and factors that contribute toward improper relationships. The second subdivision boasts six chapters and is titled, "Healing from Affairs." The last three chapters tie up a few miscellaneous loose ends and are sectioned off as , "Special Circumstances."

The author writes clearly, simply, and informatively. He provides only a few necessary statistics (e.g., 50 to 65% of husbands and 45-55% of wives have had extra-marital affairs by the age of 40) as well as some surprising insights: "Young wives today are actually having affairs at a faster rate than same-aged men..."

Some of Carder's material is questionable. For example, the author describes the types of personalities that are more affair-prone than others without backing up his claims through documented studies. Most of what he says in this volume, however, does ring true to reality.

Carder offers a lot of meaty information. A few helpful statements include: "In sporadic, longer-lasting affairs, the spouse will need about two years to recover..." and, "The only lasting remedy is for the infidel to feel the agony he has caused the spouse." He does not minimize the pain and anger involved in these traumatic situations.

Carder views infidelity as not just indicative of a troubled individual, but rather indicative of a troubled marriage relationship involving both partners. He writes, "The goal for both to figure out is: what emotional and physical nurturance did the infidel receive from the affair that was unavailable in the marriage?"

I recommend this book to those struggling with recovery from infidelity, pastors, counselors, people-helpers, or anyone interested in a Christian perspective as to the causes, prevention, and recovery of marital affairs. It is thorough, sensitive, clear, balanced, and faithful to the Scriptures.

Rating:
Summary: Practical, Clear, Useful Book , Solidly Evangelical
Review: Torn Asunder: Recovering from Extramarital Affairs
Written by Dave Carder (Moody Press, rev. 1995)
Reviewed by Pastor Ed Vasicek

I first heard Dave Carder at the Moody Bible Institute's pastor's conference in 2000. After attending his workshop about counseling situations involving marital infidelity, I returned home and immediately ordered his book. I was not disappointed.

Torn Asunder was written for those somehow connected to marital affairs, including prodigal spouses, their mates, pastors, counselors, or concerned friends. It is easy to understand, thoroughly evangelical in conviction, and based on the author's practical counseling experience and keen observation. It offers clear direction and principals upon which to build.

The book is divided into three main sections. The first division, "Understanding Extramarital Affairs" contains five chapters which distinguish types of affairs, causes, and factors that contribute toward improper relationships. The second subdivision boasts six chapters and is titled, "Healing from Affairs." The last three chapters tie up a few miscellaneous loose ends and are sectioned off as , "Special Circumstances."

The author writes clearly, simply, and informatively. He provides only a few necessary statistics (e.g., 50 to 65% of husbands and 45-55% of wives have had extra-marital affairs by the age of 40) as well as some surprising insights: "Young wives today are actually having affairs at a faster rate than same-aged men..."

Some of Carder's material is questionable. For example, the author describes the types of personalities that are more affair-prone than others without backing up his claims through documented studies. Most of what he says in this volume, however, does ring true to reality.

Carder offers a lot of meaty information. A few helpful statements include: "In sporadic, longer-lasting affairs, the spouse will need about two years to recover..." and, "The only lasting remedy is for the infidel to feel the agony he has caused the spouse." He does not minimize the pain and anger involved in these traumatic situations.

Carder views infidelity as not just indicative of a troubled individual, but rather indicative of a troubled marriage relationship involving both partners. He writes, "The goal for both to figure out is: what emotional and physical nurturance did the infidel receive from the affair that was unavailable in the marriage?"

I recommend this book to those struggling with recovery from infidelity, pastors, counselors, people-helpers, or anyone interested in a Christian perspective as to the causes, prevention, and recovery of marital affairs. It is thorough, sensitive, clear, balanced, and faithful to the Scriptures.