Real Boys : Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood

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Summary: This book shows you the truth of our society!
Review: Real Boys is an enlightning book that shows you how boys think and react. William Pollack gives you a good taste of this by explaining just how boys think and react in situations. How they differ from girls. Boys are made to be tough and told to hide their feelings and then people wonder why their are so many killings! Society needs to look at themselves and accept what has been unaccepted LET BOYS BE BOYS! Julie-

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Summary: Adolescent Development
Review: Robert Burbank EDUC 503: Adolescence Review of professional book July 12, 2000

The novel Real Boys, by William Pollack, PH.D. discusses the way boys are made to adhere to a stereotype that prohibits them from being able to understand and express the wide range of emotions they experience through their development. What Pollack refers to as the "Boy's Code" are expectations society has of males to be independent, tough, free of weakness and reliance on others. Pollack believes boys are pushed into the world too quickly, without the tools to listen to their own inner needs and without the confidence that others will aid them in satisfying those needs. Pollack also analyzes the shaming tactics that are involved in the training of boys to this social code. Statements such as, "don't act like a girl" or "don't be such a wimp" serve to further push boys away from a competency in perceiving their own spectrum of emotions. Boys learn the only emotions they are able to reveal are ones of aggression of anger. Because of this, many boys are not in tune with sadness, loneliness and feelings of inferiority they possess. To express themselves many boys "act out" aggressively. In doing this they perpetuate the stereotype of males being "brutes". It may lead to difficulties in the home or at school. The acting on emotions and not dealing with understanding them often causes deeper emotion problems. Pollack talks about the danger of drugs adolescent boys may turn to in an attempt to numb the emotional pain they are experiencing. He also discusses attention deficit disorder and hyperactivity many boys exhibit because of the anxieties that have built up within them. Finally, violence and depression may result from boy's frustration and anger at having to bear the façade of strength and complete independence for so long. Pollack not only explores the problems and mixed messages society places on boys, but he offers suggestions in what he refers to as "listening to boy's voices". He acknowledges that it is difficult to avoid the "boy code" established in our society, but he reminds that boys can be encouraged to express themselves in their own way and at their own pace that will not cause them to be ostracisized from the rest of society. Pollack talks about providing safe areas in several of his chapters, where boys have the freedom to reveal their emotions without the fear of ridicule. Pollack talks about the need for interdependence opposed to independence. The difference being that boys do not have to be abandoned to show strength, but can attain that strength and healthy personal identity with the support of those care about them. Mothers do not need to separate from a boy child until he is ready, fathers can remind the boy that he loves him and is proud of him. Even if it seems like the boy is not receptive, these reminders serve to reassure the boy about his own worth and serve to model the expression of feelings the "boy code" oppresses. Real Boys effectively explores a problem concerning how society raises and develops boys. Pollack mentions that the modern view of what a man is describes one that is able to express emotion and empathize with the feelings of others. To achieve this, adults need to understand how to counteract the lessons society teaches through the "boy code". By employing Pollack's strategies, teachers and parents will help to create future men who are not detached from themselves, understand their own self worth and are more prepared to deal with the emotional needs of themselves and others.

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Summary: Before you trash it, consider this...
Review: There have been a number of complaints about this book ranging from thoughtful to narrow-minded and ridiculuous. Among the top three criticisms are: (1) it is based on vague "research" by the author (2) it is repetitive, and (my favorite) (3) it suggests that parents raise boys as effeminate or as "girls".

First of all, many of the people who reviewed this book complained that it was written in a clinical jargon, that at times, made it unavailable to the casual reader. In the same breath, these readers demand that scientific citations be presented every time Pollack begins a sentence with "My research shows". In essence, they are demanding scientific text devoid of scientific terminology. It's in the back, look it up. Furthermore, Pollack is a Ph.d in Psychology, and as such, probably does his research empirically. It is unlikely that he would publish phony results for all of his scientific peers to see and criticize if such results had no grounding in reality or even a kernel of truth to them.
I also feel that Pollack's seemigly repetitive writing style was a necessary ingredient in this book. He is not merely cudgeling us with case study after case study to make us cry, or to fill 400 pages. Rather, he is emphasizing the fact that the problems discussed in the text are problems for a great many boys and not just a few isolated incidences. A few depressed individuals is not news; an epidemic is. He is suggesting an epidemic.
Some individuals also stated that this book is based on common sense, such as don't call your son a "sissy" etc. If it is common sense, why is it still a problem? People need to be made aware of this growing epidemic and that many boys still recieve this treatment, despite it being common sense that they should not be raised that way.
Finally, there is the claim that Pollack is preaching that parents raise their boys as "girls" or to be "effeminate". This criticism is so ridiculous that it is almost unworthy of a rebuttle. These individuals are unable to imagine a nominal area between extremes; they are only able to see in black and white. Pollack is hardly suggesting that boys should cry every time they get a paper-cut in order to be in touch with their feelings. Rather, he confronts the fact that boys have been conditioned to hold in their deepest fears and anxieties; things that really damage a boy's sense of well-being if he is unable to express or work through them in any way. This is a completely different concept from teaching a boy to be a girl; it is encouraging the boy to be a human being.
It is true that this is not an "end-all-be-all" book about boys in the context of modern society. However, it is an important step forward in acknowledging the existence of a developing problem worthy of our consideration.

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Summary: Too much cheese without any crackers
Review: This 398 page book of cheese could have been easily written in about ten pages. Pollack does introduce some interesting ideas about gender-straight jacketing and the harms of the boy code. Unfortunately, he does a horrible job of making his claims believable. First, he generalizes with phrases like, "research shows". He does list his sources in the back, but there are fifteen pages of sources without any indication as to which figures go with which sources. Secondly, the stories in his book seem too cheesy to take place in real life. If you are going to write a book about real boys, one should find some real boys to base your book on, because these stories don't happen to most of us real boys out there. Overall, I would recommend that you read the epilogue, as it is a great summary and presents the only real points of this dissappointing book.

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Summary: lets talk boys
Review: This bbok is so helpful and informative. It makes you think twice about the way we talk to boys. Boys are fragile and should not be put under the stress of manhood by society. Pollack is brilliant in his attempt to make his readers aware of this! People need to stop looking at blue and pink's and look at the underlying truth of boys and their never ending struggle to be understood...

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Summary: Beginning of a New Movement
Review: This book is a refreshing change, finally focusing on the issue of boys. Men--dads and sons--are the invisible people in this country, rarely getting any attention...until it's too late--a shooting rampage or a Littleton incident brings the issue to light. Pollack brings these issues to light and exposes the evils of the extraordinary expectations we've put on our sons...and the incredible myths that prevail ("boys will be boys..." driven by nature and uncontrollable). This is a movement--for sons and fathers--that may be showing signs of emerging...If you believe these are critical issues, check out the book Raising a Son (author?) and the boys chapters in The PC Dads Guide to Becoming a Computer Smart Parent (Ivey), which talks about raising a son in the "age of entertainment." With books like Real Boys there's "real hope" for all of us.

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Summary: Great Book
Review: This book was required reading for a child pychology class I took. I think this should be requrired reading for everybody who has a male in his or ger life. It offers some explanation about why males are so violent. It does not make excuses but give a better understanding of males and the struggles they go through. Reading this book may help understand themlseles better.

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Summary: Groundbreaking; Destined to be a Classic
Review: This is a book about the pervase, institutionalized child abuse that turns innocent boys with open hearts into shut-down, terrorized creatures of constant shame. It explains beautifully how it is possible that sweet-hearted children, who happen to be male, can grow up into numb dehumanized men, out of touch with affection. It provides one very plausible explanation why so many of our young men are depressed, violent, or substance-addicted. Even if a boy is never raped, hit, or otherwise physically abused, it is possible for him to suffer corrosive abuse that threatens his mental health. Indeed, it is happening right now in millions of homes and schools in North America.

The abuse Pollack describes is something we are all tacitly agreeing to impose on our boys and men. It is something we can change, one boy at a time. But doing so requires a new critical view of mainstream norms of masculinity, and the development of awareness of extremely subtle symptoms of emotionally troubled boys. Pollack provides all of this and much more.

If you are raising or helping to raise boys, and if you have a clue what it means to have an open heart, and to embrace the full gamut of emotional experience and expression, you need to read this book. You will need the framework it provides for raising boys into open-hearted, strong-hearted men with as much familiarity with love, joy, sorrow, and fear as they have with rage and dirty jokes.

You will also need courage, dedication, and willingness to be seen as the local lunatic who allows his son to cry.

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Summary: Anyone with a son should read this book.
Review: This is a facinating look into the lives and struggles of boys in today's American society. Reading this book will help you become a better and more understanding parent.

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Summary: Coddling is not the answer
Review: This was a book I was assigned to read for a graduate level diversity class. In a group consistng of myself and three women, our opinions on specific topics in the book varied. However, we all felt that the author was telling us that we need to coddle our boys.
In "Teachers as Cultural Workers"(1998), Paulo Freire discusses the differences between authoritative, authoritarian, and passive teaching, with the passive approach caused by parents and teachers "coddling" the child. Boys do need to be expressive, but not to the extent that Pollack would have.
The other issue I have with the book is his noted studies. Not only is the reader left not knowing which study belongs to which statement, but also some of the studies are extremely outdated. For example, Pollack notes results of a study linking gay boys to being hereditary through a report from 1953! ...