Rating: 
Summary: Children Need Their Fathers, too.
Review: Dr. Pollack tries to convince us that being male is a pathological abnormality that can only be cured by spending more time with ones mother. He then tries to convince us that a lot of societies ills stem from this revelation. Unfortunately, for his theory, there is nothing wrong with being male. Boys need to spend more time with fathers. In today's society 40% of our children don't have a father at home. Government programs make fathers expendable. For example, in most cases the presence of a father in a home severely decreases or eliminates any government help for a family. Courts overwhelmingly give custody of children to mothers in divorce proceedings. And, most notably, there is still a societal stigma against fathers staying home to raise children while mothers work. Children need support from both parents, not just mothers. There is nothing wrong with being male. There is something very wrong with a society that marginalizes fatherhood. Unfortunately, Dr. Pollack's book contributes to this disturbing trend.
Rating: 
Summary: boys can think
Review: Every parent I know tends to fall into the same old habit of not letting our kids think for themselves. This seems to be especially true for boys. Or, maybe we want to change their thinking pattern all together. The author feels the "feelings" of real boys are not real at all because we won't allow them to feel what they really want to express. Adults have a poor judgement call when it comes to not letting boys say what they mean and mean what they say. Here's the simple terms of the real message: stop, look and listen to everything your kids have to say. Don't label and certainly don't expect rough behavior without ever looking for the soft and sensitive side of little boys. Don't mock, laugh or blame boys for being afraid to speak up on various issues, but instead, encourage them to appreciate their own words and feelings when it comes to describing the high and low of their emotions. The book is a must have and will build a better life for all boys and thier families if it is taken to heart. Two other titles for good and reasonable reading for all children - Why Can't You Catch Me Being Good, by Edythe Denkin and one which will build success in any family, but not just for moms, "Mommy-CEO," new edition, by parent educator, Jodie Lynn. Many of Mr. Pollack's terms and also including the other two authors, in trying to explain how parents really do make a huge difference in the day in and day out adult behavior towards their children, are well thought out in each of the three books. If many of the most popular authors are talking about much of the same thing, their research and ideas must mean something: boys can think and learn from us like a reflection in a mirror. Let's build a new nation of mindful kids.
Rating: 
Summary: Men Are From Earth, Too....
Review: Having been blessed with all sons (ages 8 to 32), I've been able to see some of the external conflicts and internal workings as my babies grew into young men. This book supports what I've always suspected - boys are just as needy of nurturing (from both parents) as girls - perhaps more so, since to be emotionally needy and male in America is too often interpreted as a weakness.During the 70's, I sometimes found it difficult to listen to the angry cries of my feminist sisters (and yes, I think women's minds are of equal value to men's) who too often seem to be accusing men of just being born 'bad,' rather than being formed and influenced by the actions and reactions of people, culture, environment. We women expect our men (sons, husbands, friends and lovers) to be strong, yet sensitive. Their peers often expect them to be 'a man' - strong, not 'a wuss.' Trapped in a double-bind, most men respond to the heavy peer pressure, and turn off most of their emotions. When a son hits adolescence, with the body and voice of a grown man, we often think that means he is a man, and should act like one. Without defining clearly what that is (for there are often contradictions), just when they need us most, we set them free in a world that is confusing, demanding, and frightening. (And if you find your self thinking there's nothing wrong with that, since that's what being a man means, I beg you to read this book!) Little boys are expected to move away from their mother by five or six (to not do so means they'll have 'problems' later in life). When a young boy smacks a friend, we might just throw up our hands and say "boys will be boys." Worse, when an elementary school boy kisses a girl he likes, he may be accused of sexual harrassment. What is a parent to do? Pollack encourages parents to recognize and support the value in the different styles of parenting found in fathers and mothers - complementary, instead of competitive, styles gives more to the children. Instead of pushing young boys out early to 'be a man,' Pollack supports parents who allow their children to stay connected - to them, and to their own emotions. He encourages parents to find out what is going on behind those 'it doesn't hurt' looks on faces. Although written before the Columbine horror, one of the most important parts of this book is the last third, dealing with issues of violence and young men. Suicide, homicide, bullying are rampant (stats are in the book.) Anger is one of the few emotions boys are allowed to express openly - fear and hurt are no-no's for a boy who wants to be a "real man." This book has been extremely helpful to me, supporting things I've seen my former mother-in-law do - nurture her sons. Too often the idea of a mother nurturing her sons is thought to be emasculating - evidently, the opposite is true. Many fathers, too, will find encouragement in this book - and I suspect since they know more than I ever will about growing up male in America, much of this will ring true to them. The book isn't perfectly honed - there are portions that have logic that isn't fully explained - but this is a thick, enjoyable read that only hits the tip of the iceberg (he doesn't spend a lot of time on growing up male in different cultures within America - that would be another book in and of itself). A must read for teachers, social workers, youth leaders, therapists, this book is also a good source of information and consulation for young men and those who love them.
Rating:
Summary: An eye opener
Review: I consider myself to be a woman who is happily married, continues to have good relationships with her 2 brothers and father, and has many male friends as well (I worked as an engineer). Yet this book really stunned me. I have been struggling with my son, and now realize that maybe my biases about boys have contributed to his behavior. I am thrilled to hear that he does not have to be a violent wild-man, that our relationship does not have to be crushed. I think this is great reading for any parent of a son. The reader has to get past the first 25 pages of pshycho babble, but it is well worth it. It is well written and flows through storytelling. The author truly challenges the status quo. It's a little threatening, in fact! Another happy suprise is that it is full of insights from start to finish. Often parenting books are written by hacks who are exhausted after 100 pages, but keep repeating themselves for another 150 pages. This guy is a PhD and the real deal.
Rating:
Summary: NOT for parents
Review: I read a different book every month on some issue related to parenting, and this was one of the least helpful or relevant. Much of it was pedantic, some of it was common sense, and a lot of it was just plain not rooted in, or applicable to, reality but was instead too laboratory based. I would not be at all surprised if the author has no children of his own. However, I do appreciate the overall concept of what he is discussing and the book does provide some food for thought.
Rating: 
Summary: Valuable, but some shaky foundations
Review: I work with inner-city boys at church and read this book, knowing I wouldn't agree with all of it, to gain some insight into boy culture. I learned a lot from this book (the "timed-silence" syndrome, how boys play together, how boys show love, much more) but have some major philosophical questions. Most significant: What does it mean to be masculine? It's worse than meaningless to define "masculine" as anything a boy or a man happens to be. (Is bullying masculine behavior? murder? adultery?) We need to value masculinity, but first we need to know what it is. And surely it includes strength, not just emotional openness. It's helpful to see where boys have been given impossible expectations. It's shameful to see adults expect five-year-olds to be men. Boys shouldn't be expected to be self-sufficient. But surely it's OK to begin to teach nine-year-olds how to develop into men? I don't like the idea of a society with interchangeable genders. Women are more nurturing, men more protective-and that is a good thing. Frankly, a society that tries to train men to be as gentle as women will probably soon find the men irrelevant, because women will still do it more naturally. It's interesting too how much the author tried to change the way people react toward boys under the guise of trusting one's instincts. First, a woman should not follow the Boy Code with boys (though she's inclined to do so)-she should instead follow her instincts. Strange, the description of how women relate to boys sounded pretty instinctive to me! Odder yet, the author is downright suspicious of men being allowed to follow THEIR instincts in encouraging boys to be tougher. Can you imagine a man not letting his wife teach their daughter to understand others' feelings? Why do we trust a woman's instincts on this more than a man's, if not that this new way of raising boys actually leans toward feminizing them? Also, where is the role of discipline in expecting boys sometimes to do what's hard for them? Sure, boys have a hard time sitting in their seats, and teachers should know that and allow for creative breaks. But beyond that, boys (and girls) should be taught to do some things that are difficult for them. Cannot learning to sit still for periods of time lead to a harnessing of energy that will help the boy learn self-control? Sometimes a boy (or a girl) IS misbehaving, not responding to some emotion he's feeling. And boys and girls alike need to learn to obey authority even when they don't feel like it. It's the authority figure's responsibility, not the child's, to make the obedience as easy and pleasant as possible.
Rating:
Summary: An excellent read
Review: I'm a guy who works with teenagers and I found this book extremely interesting and useful. I found much of what I've learned about boys through my own experience to be closely reflected in Pollack's book. Over and over the boys the author talks about reminded me of boys I've worked with, and I feel that Pollack's insights have really helped me gain a better understanding of the reasons behind some of the behaviors I have observed in boys. I especially liked the "mix" of sound research and practical advice. The book has the depth that a foremost clinical psychologist can provide, but at the same time it's not overly theoretical. There are lots of practical suggestions that I know will help me do a better job working with boys. I can't quite give the book five stars for two main reasons: First, the book is sometimes a little verbose and repetitive; second, while the first several chapters are a very easy and fascinating read, I found the later chapters a little "flatter" (again, more repetition than new insights). Nonetheless, I really think that many teachers, coaches, and mentors (besides parents, of course) could benefit greatly from reading this book. Strongly recommended.
Rating: 
Summary: TOO MODERN, TOO POLITICALLY CORRECT...
Review: My take on this book is as simple as can be - TOO EFFEMINATE! It should be common knowledge now that trying to turn boys into girls does not work. Whether he wishes to face it or not, boys and girls are different. While Pollack does make some points, he neglects the fact that toughness, agression, hiding feelings (to a point), etc, are hard-wired into a boy. To try to turn boys against their very nature is not the way to go. 'Tis true that some boys' behavior has gotten out of control, but this is not the way to go about effecting change.
Rating:
Summary: Real Boys
Review: Real Boys by William Pollack, Ph.D. is a definite resource for any educator or parent. Although the content of the book does not seem to present "new" evidence or findings, the material forces the reader to become more aware of the moral and emotional development of boys in constant struggle with the Boy Code and our adult reactions to this struggle. The case histories offered in this book are concrete examples of a variety of developmental issues, such as sensitivity, separation, relationships, adolescent sexuality and expressions of love and anger. Even if these individual cases had been fictitious, the description of the difficulties experienced by the characters and the solutions suggested were food for thought. Only one example of these readings would be the connection referred to in the section on the generative father. The reference to the Biblical characters of Abraham and Isaac is used in this book as an example of the care for the next generation. This section on the father-son relationship took on a whole new perspective after I read that reference. Real Boys refers to the protection of the father for his son. If one continues with this thought, the occasion of the exchange was during the binding of Isaac as a sacrifice. Abraham says, "I am here, my son." Any book, in this case Real Boys, that inspires the reader to continue contemplating and searching beyond the written word, is worthwhile to read. This connection of our modern problems to an ancient relationship is only a hint of the interesting connections in Real Boys. Through the use of specific case histories and the general information such as the delineation of myths and truths, views on man's work, sports, peer pressure and what parents, families and educators can do, Real Boys contained theory and practice in one easy to read book. The section on depression describes particular instances and assists the reader in recognizing the telltale signs of depression. One can refer back to any of the sections in this book, as the situations arise. From the preliminary stages of repressed expression to the extreme of violence and suicide, the reader can take whatever tidbit might be helpful from this useful information. These sections are written with the straightforward language of any lay person, while noting the appropriate time to seek a referral for a professional. Many resource books regarding development are either theory or practice using excessive technical jargon or superficial examples. Real Boys presents some obvious observations regarding the emotional and moral development of boys and other insights which may not be as overtly expressed. The Boy Code referred to several times in this book is not a unique concept and one that most individuals, if asked, would agree exists. The utility of such a realization, that such a "standard" exists, is similar to the awareness of the usage of "wait time" in the classroom. Most educators, without realizing, wait seconds for a student's response to a question. By identifying "wait time" and including this area in the evaluation of a teacher, the teacher becomes more conscious of this tendency and more conscientious in waiting a few more "seconds" for a response. "Wait time" still exists, as does the Boy Code, but the adult's reaction may become more patient, sensitive and effective. Real Boys conveys the message that our responses to such a code can make the difference in the appropriate cessation of certain expectations from boys which may not be realistic, reasonable or healthy and the perpetuation of the expectations which encourage healthy emotional and sensitive moral growth for any child. Discussion and practical attention to these issues may result in the increased awareness of how we treat each other and a decrease in the behavior that negatively reinforces their perpetuation, particularly in our schools.
Rating:
Summary: Rescuing Our Sons from Destroying Themselves
Review: Real Boys is a pivotal book that explains in great detail how to shatter the myths with which most boys are raised in our society, which prevent them to be allowed to be who they are. Their roles have been stereotyped, and have resulted in deep pain. Many fathers do not understand the bond that their sons need with their mothers, as well as any boy's need to share feelings, even if that means to cry.
Dr. Pollack's book brings tremendously valuable insight for parents who have sons, and how to spare them from guilt, shame, and to embrace their authentic selves in order to thrive, as opposed to devalue themselves.
If you are raising a son, I cannot recommend this book strongly enough. It also addresses teen suicide, and the signs of depression to look out for in order to prevent this from happening to your son.
Highly recommended for the tremendous insight it brings in order for boys to be REAL, and thrive.
From my heart, Barbara Rose, author of 'If God Was Like Man' and 'Individual Power: Reclaiming Your Core, Your Truth, and Your Life.'
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