Dress Codes: Of Three Girlhoods--My Mother's, My Father's, and Mine

Rating:
Summary: Sharp, Fresh, Revealing...
Review: "Dress Codes" focuses on what it means to be a woman. Noelle Howey delves into her own life as a teen maturing into a young woman despite being raised by dysfunctional parents: her mom a codependent housewife, and her dad a cold, uncommunicative father who turns out to be a transsexual. Howey successfully plays her own girlhood off her father's as he transforms from Dick to Christine. The book is not really about transsexualism, but about a family learning to grow and thrive despite many challenges.

Howey writes with incredible skill about what had to be emotionally wrenching life experience. Her attention to detail gives the reader a strong sense of the time period (references to pop stars, movies and politics of the time), and she weaves her story with a sense of humor and insight into not only her parents but herself. By the end, the reader clearly understands the complexity of her relationship with both of her parents.

Those expecting to learn about transsexualism will be pleased on some level and dissappointed on another. The book is not about transsexualism but about the author's family and her father's journey into personhood, not just womanhood. However, it is eye-opening and reveals how a family is affected by transsexualism, and Howey's account portrays the experience as surprisingly normal.

"Dress Codes" is the kind of book that keeps readers hooked, and regardless of one's views on gender identity, offers something we can all relate to: family.

Rating:
Summary: Didn't Mean to Pick it Up (Couldn't Put it Down)
Review: I bought this book in the "on sale" part of Amazon one day, because it was the cheapest book that could get me over the "free shipping" hump. I thought, "It sounds alright -- maybe I'll find time to read it one day."

Well that one day happened while I was rearranging furniture last week. Dress Codes fell out of my bookshelf so I picked it up and said, "Huh! I forgot all about this book!" I sat down on my office chair and flipped to a random page in the book to see if it was any good. Six hours and a damn good story later, I went to bed.

The book weaves an interesting twist of biographical stories from the view point of her parents as children, along with her own childhood story. She explores the characters in her family with depth and humor. Each chapter leaves you hungry for more.

Enjoy the author's communist grandfather, socialite grandmother, goes-along-with-anything mom, and her grumpy dad with his humorous efforts to prove his masculinity!

Rating:
Summary: interesting, sad, and more about the author than the father
Review: I really enjoyed reading this book (I read the hardcover edition), though I found it to be short on enlightenment, and long on self-pity, as well as a deserved pity for the mom. While I can agree that what Noelle Howey and her mother experienced as a result of her father's sex change was disappointing and life shattering, I found very little information in the book about how it actually affected the father; it was mostly 'me, me, me.' Noelle was a supportive, though critical daughter during her father's sex change. I was left with the impression that, as explained by Ms. Howey, it was a sex change that was probably unnecessary and, in reality, not really wanted by Dick Howey. I was also left with the belief that had his family been more supportive of his desire to be a crossdresser, he might not have gone on to change his sex.
While Dress Codes was funny, it was also perplexing. I'm not so sure having a sex change is a funny thing; it seems more serious to me, than something of humor. I will grant Ms. Howey, however, that we all need a way to cope with such a devastating event in our lives, and I'm sure humor is a way to get through something such as what she experienced. Noelle Howey is a good writer, an excellent writer, though I'm not sure she served her father fairly in this book. I recommend this book to anyone interested in family dysfunctions or transgender issues.

Rating:
Summary: interesting, sad, and more about the author than the father
Review: I really enjoyed reading this book (I read the hardcover edition), though I found it to be short on enlightenment, and long on self-pity, as well as a deserved pity for the mom. While I can agree that what Noelle Howey and her mother experienced as a result of her father's sex change was disappointing and life shattering, I found very little information in the book about how it actually affected the father; it was mostly 'me, me, me.' Noelle was a supportive, though critical daughter during her father's sex change. I was left with the impression that, as explained by Ms. Howey, it was a sex change that was probably unnecessary and, in reality, not really wanted by Dick Howey. I was also left with the belief that had his family been more supportive of his desire to be a crossdresser, he might not have gone on to change his sex.
While Dress Codes was funny, it was also perplexing. I'm not so sure having a sex change is a funny thing; it seems more serious to me, than something of humor. I will grant Ms. Howey, however, that we all need a way to cope with such a devastating event in our lives, and I'm sure humor is a way to get through something such as what she experienced. Noelle Howey is a good writer, an excellent writer, though I'm not sure she served her father fairly in this book. I recommend this book to anyone interested in family dysfunctions or transgender issues.

Rating:
Summary: For anyone who thought their parents were weird
Review: I was transported back in time to my own adolescence while reading this book. Howey paints a picture so vivid and detailed, and uses humor and emotion in such a way that you finish the book feeling as if you've known her and her family all your life.

Rating:
Summary: Unlike any memoir I've ever read. Amazing.
Review: No matter how many memoirs you may have read, I can guarantee you've never seen anything like this.

This is a true story that is truly amazing in that the characters are such regular "ordinary people." I'm not giving anything away here, but the author's dad becomes a woman. The author purposely blows this "big secret" on about page 3 and you should be able to tell from the title anyway. And while this may sound somewhat sensational and shocking to a mainstream audience, that's not what the story is about. "Dress Codes" is the story of a family that honestly loves each other and stands by one another, even though they don't even come close to resembling the traditional definition of "family."

It's also about what it means to be a woman, which I am not, but it still gave me a lot to think about. It's also about the challenges of adolesence. And growing up in the '80s. And effects of secrets and lies on a person. And so much more.

It's also a unique memoir in that Noelle, the author, is not the only main character. The book alternates between characters, and decades, to illustrate her, her mother and her father all coming into womanhood. Watching the three stories intertwine made it hard for me to put this book down.

All in all, "Dress Codes" was such a pleasant surprise for me. I read it because a friend recommended it to me and I never expected it to be one of my favorite books I've read this year. It's touching, I'm not afraid to admit I got a little teary at one point. It really funny, especially if you grew up in the 80s at all. And it made me step back and think a number of times. Just a very cool book.

Rating:
Summary: wry, sensitive, recounting of a father's path to womanhood
Review: Recently, my community experienced the shock, horror and burden of having one of its own, a transgendered young man in the process of discovering his true shelf, murdered. This abominable hate crime opened up not only wounds but questions. What is a transgendered person? Is "it" a he, a she, or both? In what ways do transgendered people challenge our notions of sexuality? What does it truly mean to be a "man" or a "woman"? Do any of us have the courage to confront misplaced identity as much as transgendered people muster?

As we confronted the reality of a hate crime and its attendant national publicity, forgotten was the humanity of the victim. Noelle Howey's remarkable memoir, "Dress Codes," achieves the near impossible; she makes a type a real human being. Not only does Noelle's recount her father's evolution from Dick Howey to Rebecca Christine Howey, she does so with aplomb and humor. Every page of this wrenching, honest work is absolutely human. As a result, "Dress Codes" is in part angry, hopeful, remorseful and incredibly funny. The author refuses to pull any punches, instead preferring to let her story (and wonderfully trenchant observations) inform her readers.

The subtitle of Howey's work instructs us that she will be treating three girlhoods, her mother's, her father's and her own. Each person "comes out" and discovers not only the truth of his/her own sexuality, but the essence of his/her identity. And the discovery is never neat, tidy or convenient. Hearts break, marriage dissolves and a sensitive child must come of age, eventually unencumbered by the secrets of her family and the torment in her own soul. There is sufficient grist for the human mill in each of the three central characters for three separate books. Howey's skill as a writer emerges in her sensitive treatment of the interplay of mother, father and daughter, the intersection of sex, parenting and developmental growth through and between each of the three.

As Dick Howey transforms himself into Christine Howey, he becomes a she, and she develops a true humanity. At the onset of Dick's journey into transgendered identity, he "saunters around his bedroom, feeling ashamed, prurient, dubious, criminal, insance, peculiar and eccentric." Not only that, he is also "completely at one with himself." Noelle's coming to grips with her father's sexuality, one born in suppressed knowledge, causes a severe disorientation during which she is "inhabiting a surreal landscape of opposites where black was white, and of course, male was female." Noelle bristles at sympathy; she "couldn't bear to have normal people feeling sorry for me."

Quietly, unobtrusively, but surely, Noelle's mother, Dinah, emerges as a gifted, compassionate and strong force. Never once varying from her own sense of self, she suffers through the knowledge that not only did her husband never feel content with his biological sexual identity, but that social recrimination (ironically on her as much as him) would be the price she would pay for understanding. Dinah remains a close friend to Dick/Christine, and in so doing, becomes a model of humanity, one desperately needed by the young adult Noelle who descends steeply into her own world of pain.

One day, hopefully in the not too-distant future, sociologists will read "Dress Codes" and shake their heads at the stunted attitudes most Americans held in the late twentieth century about sexual identity and expression. Yet, at the same time, they will marvel at the authenticity of voice and the tenacity of spirit in this memoir. Noelle Howey's words serve as a moral compass, and her work should become a staple of any enlightened secondary school's sex education curriculum.

Rating:
Summary: Touching Story of an Alternative Family
Review: Some people may initially be turned off by the premise of this book, but would miss out on what's a moving and honest testimony to what constitutes a family.
Noelle Howey tells in a touching and at times quite funny narrative the process her family went through when her father realized he was meant to be a woman.
Howey recounts her story in such a simple yet personal way it's hard not to connect to her. A nicely told biography that doesn't grand stand or moralize. Just presents a family that may not be what is known as traditional, but is still a family nevertheless.

Rating:
Summary: Wow! This hits really close to home.
Review: This book was amazing. You could feel the torture of the author's spirit and the agony of all parties involved. It gives you insight into the lifestyles of transgenders, cross dressers, etc.
YOu get involved with the characters and care about the authors wellbeing.
A must read especially if you know someone who is going through this experience.

Rating:
Summary: TO THINE OWN SELF BE TRUE...
Review: This is a well-written memoir by a remarkable young woman who, at the age of fifteen, was made aware of the fact that her father was suffering from gender dysphoria. It seemed that her father enjoyed cross dressing and had decided that he would prefer to do so all the time. He had come to a realization that he was actually a transsexual and not just a transvestite.

This wryly funny memoir, which is not just the author's memoir but that of her mother, as well, and, to some extent, that of her father, though, as in life, his essence remains the most elusive. The author is clearly an intelligent, perceptive young woman, and she lays bare her parents' relationship, to the extent that she can, with their blessing, as well as her recollection of growing up in a household where the father was evidently deeply troubled by his gender issues. She outlines the impact that this had on him and, consequently, on her and her mother, as well as on the family dynamics. She fully discusses the changes that his coming out about his gender issues would confer upon them all, both good and bad.

Informative as well as entertaining, the author manages to infuse a great deal of perceptiveness in analyzing the familial relationships. She supported her father's decision, though some of the issues that she had with him were not as a direct result of his gender dysphoria, but rather with the way he treated both her and her mother as she was growing up. Still, as someone who grew up in a seemingly traditional nuclear family, only to find herself in a non-traditional one, the author has remained remarkable sanguine about the entire experience.

This is a wonderful book that gives a birds-eye view of the experience of living with someone who has gender dysphoria. It is also gives the reader a peek into a family that was simply trying to cope the best way that they knew how, given the little that they knew about what was really at the core of many of the troubling dynamics within the household. It is a book that grounds what some may perceive as an unreal situation in the context of a vital family that was simply struggling to survive a complicated situation into which they were thrust by forces beyond their control. It is a portrait of a family in pain that survives and comes to terms with its permutation.