Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender People With Developmental Disabilities and Mental Retardation: Stories of the Rainbow Support Group

Rating:
Summary: Good, but not as good as I'd hoped
Review: First off, I went into this book, an autistic lesbian, with an expectation. I expected that I would be included in the book's definition of 'developmental disabilities'. I don't seem to be. The book focuses entirely on 'intellectual disabilities', never on the peculiarities of autism as juxtaposed with sexuality and gender. But autistic people face prejudice and discrimination similar to that of people with different developmental disabilities. Within the first chapter, I adjusted my expectation as to who the book was about, and moved on to read the book without my original expectation.

This book tells the story of a support group for LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered) people with intellectual disabilities. Importantly, it tells it from a staff point of view. It starts with background information on the group's formation, moves on to descriptions of the members, and finishes with descriptions of the staff.

It is a good reference on this subject, and one of the only books I've seen that addresses this issue directly and continuously, instead of a chapter here and there. But there were some things in it that were decidedly unsettling.

It is interesting, and perhaps ironic, that the author describes the members of the support group as often being much more accepting of their LGBT qualities than their disability. Because the major flaw of this book is being sensitive to LGBT people but not to disabled people.

You can sense the staff-centered nature of the book when several members in a row are described as "manipulative" and "attention-seeking", labels that would likely not be given to them were they non-disabled. One man who acts in ways I'm very familiar with -- rocking, for instance -- at varying frequencies at varying times, is described as liking to engage in "obnoxious" behavior and exaggerating his disability at times to affect other people's behavior toward him. At the same time as the book's descriptions had me wanting to attend the support group, I was thinking, "Wait a minute, if I attended, what would the facilitators think of the fact that I rock and flap my hands a lot? Would that get written up as attention-seeking in the next book? Especially if the frequency changed under stress?"

To view survival tactics, ways of taking control when oppressed, and ordinary behavior as "manipulative" or "attention-seeking" is an old pejorative trick staff use to belittle disabled people, and I very much wish it was not occurring here. This was doubly disturbing when an incident was revealed, halfway through the book, in which an administrator used a series of individual phone calls to cause two disabled men in love with each other to avoid pursuing a relationship. The word "manipulation" was curiously absent in descriptions of this event, and the event was never confronted head-on for what it was.

Among the issues of discrimination discussed in the book, in fact, are the fact that other people try to prevent these relationships. Group homes, where too many of us unfortunately live, often have policies against sex or against closed bedroom doors. Education programs don't have sex education, and if they do it's usually heterosexual only. Adults are put under guardianships in which their guardians can control whom they see and when, and may not regard them as capable of consent to sex or relationships. People are stuck viewing people with developmental disabilities as childlike and don't even want to *think* about us having romantic relationships or sex, much less being anything but heterosexual. I have seen too many stories like this in real life to disbelieve anything the book has to say in this regard -- such as parents who chase away their offspring's lovers, believing, even if their offspring are the ones who initiated the contact, that someone else led their 'innocent helpless children' into a gay lifestyle.

The book describes this discrimination, and the way people face it. It describes people taking pride in who they are, as well as people turning desperately to heterosexuality for solace. It describes successful relationships and unsuccessful ones, as well as love triangles. With few exceptions, it doesn't sugarcoat the experience of LGBT disabled people.

This is a powerful myth-buster that I would recommend, among other reasons, because it strips away the thick layer of denial around the issue of sexuality and gender in people with developmental disabilities. But I dearly wish that it had been written in a way as sensitive to people with disabilities as it was to LGBT people.

Rating:
Summary: Good, but not as good as I'd hoped
Review: First off, I went into this book, an autistic lesbian, with an expectation. I expected that I would be included in the book's definition of 'developmental disabilities'. I don't seem to be. The book focuses entirely on 'intellectual disabilities', never on the peculiarities of autism as juxtaposed with sexuality and gender. But autistic people face prejudice and discrimination similar to that of people with different developmental disabilities. Within the first chapter, I adjusted my expectation as to who the book was about, and moved on to read the book without my original expectation.

This book tells the story of a support group for LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered) people with intellectual disabilities. Importantly, it tells it from a staff point of view. It starts with background information on the group's formation, moves on to descriptions of the members, and finishes with descriptions of the staff.

It is a good reference on this subject, and one of the only books I've seen that addresses this issue directly and continuously, instead of a chapter here and there. But there were some things in it that were decidedly unsettling.

It is interesting, and perhaps ironic, that the author describes the members of the support group as often being much more accepting of their LGBT qualities than their disability. Because the major flaw of this book is being sensitive to LGBT people but not to disabled people.

You can sense the staff-centered nature of the book when several members in a row are described as "manipulative" and "attention-seeking", labels that would likely not be given to them were they non-disabled. One man who acts in ways I'm very familiar with -- rocking, for instance -- at varying frequencies at varying times, is described as liking to engage in "obnoxious" behavior and exaggerating his disability at times to affect other people's behavior toward him. At the same time as the book's descriptions had me wanting to attend the support group, I was thinking, "Wait a minute, if I attended, what would the facilitators think of the fact that I rock and flap my hands a lot? Would that get written up as attention-seeking in the next book? Especially if the frequency changed under stress?"

To view survival tactics, ways of taking control when oppressed, and ordinary behavior as "manipulative" or "attention-seeking" is an old pejorative trick staff use to belittle disabled people, and I very much wish it was not occurring here. This was doubly disturbing when an incident was revealed, halfway through the book, in which an administrator used a series of individual phone calls to cause two disabled men in love with each other to avoid pursuing a relationship. The word "manipulation" was curiously absent in descriptions of this event, and the event was never confronted head-on for what it was.

Among the issues of discrimination discussed in the book, in fact, are the fact that other people try to prevent these relationships. Group homes, where too many of us unfortunately live, often have policies against sex or against closed bedroom doors. Education programs don't have sex education, and if they do it's usually heterosexual only. Adults are put under guardianships in which their guardians can control whom they see and when, and may not regard them as capable of consent to sex or relationships. People are stuck viewing people with developmental disabilities as childlike and don't even want to *think* about us having romantic relationships or sex, much less being anything but heterosexual. I have seen too many stories like this in real life to disbelieve anything the book has to say in this regard -- such as parents who chase away their offspring's lovers, believing, even if their offspring are the ones who initiated the contact, that someone else led their 'innocent helpless children' into a gay lifestyle.

The book describes this discrimination, and the way people face it. It describes people taking pride in who they are, as well as people turning desperately to heterosexuality for solace. It describes successful relationships and unsuccessful ones, as well as love triangles. With few exceptions, it doesn't sugarcoat the experience of LGBT disabled people.

This is a powerful myth-buster that I would recommend, among other reasons, because it strips away the thick layer of denial around the issue of sexuality and gender in people with developmental disabilities. But I dearly wish that it had been written in a way as sensitive to people with disabilities as it was to LGBT people.

Rating:
Summary: An Eye Opening Read
Review: This was a fascinating read, as it really opened my eyes to the needs of my students as they progress into adulthood. The discussion of the clients included in the book was intriguing, and the ramifications for those of us who are responsible for the education and care of disabled people were inumerable.

There were times that I blanched, thinking that a professional could really get into trouble with some of the situations that clients were placed in, but I would then remember that the clients were all adults, and that heterosexism prevents many disabled adults from experiencing appropriate peer interactions.

Perhaps the most important story to underscore caregivers need to support disabled adults in their pursuit of their sexuality was the story of the woman who met a partner on the internet. The subsequent manipulation and heartbreak by her cyber-partner shows how critical it is that we actually educate in and provide our students, clients or loved ones appropriate sexual outlets.

I would recommend this book to anyone who works with disabled adolescents or adults, or is the family member of a disabled adolescent or adult.

Rating:
Summary: An Eye Opening Read
Review: This was a fascinating read, as it really opened my eyes to the needs of my students as they progress into adulthood. The discussion of the clients included in the book was intriguing, and the ramifications for those of us who are responsible for the education and care of disabled people were inumerable.

There were times that I blanched, thinking that a professional could really get into trouble with some of the situations that clients were placed in, but I would then remember that the clients were all adults, and that heterosexism prevents many disabled adults from experiencing appropriate peer interactions.

Perhaps the most important story to underscore caregivers need to support disabled adults in their pursuit of their sexuality was the story of the woman who met a partner on the internet. The subsequent manipulation and heartbreak by her cyber-partner shows how critical it is that we actually educate in and provide our students, clients or loved ones appropriate sexual outlets.

I would recommend this book to anyone who works with disabled adolescents or adults, or is the family member of a disabled adolescent or adult.