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Summary: This book was EXACTLY what I needed!
Review: A must read for every gay man at any stage of his life. If you're just coming out, this will give you some strength and ideas how to avoid the pitfalls that are headed your way. If you've been out a while and are tired, bitter and conflicted about choices you've made, Joe gives examples and ideas about how to put your emotions in the correct context. It helped me get clear on things that I'd been avoiding in my own life. Now I'm off to therapy!
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Summary: Save big therapy $$ with this enlightening, practical guide!
Review: As a psychology student planning to specialize in gay and lesbian issues, I found this book to be of enormous help in understanding the challenges faced by gays - and even lesbians - everywhere. This is not the typical self-help book, full of stuff you already know. It's obvious that the practical information contained within is provided by someone intimately aware of the subject matter and with a genuine caring for those he hopes to help. This is a must-read not only for gays who are struggling to live a content, happy life, but also for family and friends of gay people everywhere. Well worth the price!
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Summary: Already taking some of his advice
Review: I bought this book on a chance and it has turned out to be a great purchase. I like the way the book is broken down into specific topics some of which are fairly easy ( for me) while others are more difficult (for me). There aren't many books out there that deal with helping gay guys with some of the harder parts of life - I thought this one was really good.
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Summary: A Must Buy
Review: I couldn't put this book down. Very well written and I think every gay man should buy this book. Covers many different issues that we gay men deal with.Buy it today!
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Summary: Order it NOW
Review: I didn't expect this book to be as good as it is -- maybe it's my own problem with the "self-help" genre, maybe it's the somewhat clunky (though appropriate) title. But I read this book in about two days and it not only proved a perfect compliment to the weekly therapy sessions I was in, it brought everything I'd been working on into clearer focus. I recommend this book to all gay men wrestling with problems of self-image, relationships, sex, family, etc., you name it. A quick read that will stay with you and might even change your life. If you can't find something in this book to help you, then you have totally mastered life as a gay man, wow!
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Summary: I'm reccomending this book to several people.
Review: I found valuable information in every chapter. This book actually made me cry as I read about things I had done in the past that hindered my relationship.
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Summary: Thank You Mr Kort
Review: I had the honor of meeting Joe and hearing him speak about his book before I read it. He is an amazing person, and a great writer. This book is honest and straightforward, without making people (myself) feel like they are bad for reading a "self-help" book. Its easy to read and apply these 10 things to our everyday lives...they are nessecary tools for anyone to live by. Thank you Joe!
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Summary: Just Right
Review: I have read a lot of books on gay self-esteem ("Coming Home to America" by Torie Osborne, "Empowering the Tribe" by Richard L. Pimental-Habib, and "Setting Them Straight" by Betty Berzon are all good examples if you're interested) but this one sets itself apart from the crowd by speaking to gay men of every age. No matter if you're in your 20s or 80s, or if you're not even out yet, this book is all about possibilities, about the life you CAN have if you want it. It's just the right length (I read it in an afternoon). The chapters on graduating from eternal adolescence and in finding gay mentors are especially insightful. Most importantly, it doesn't speak to gay men as if we're damaged goods in need of repair. I look forward to Joe Kort's next book; I hope he's writing one.
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Summary: A step in the right direction, but just a first step...
Review: I just finished reading _10 Smart Things..._ and I must agree with previous assessments that the book is a bit self-congratulatory. While I certainly would have welcomed this book when I was in my early 20s (I'm in my 30s now), I do feel that there are a number of paths to ultimate self-actualization than the grow-up/get-married approach Kort advocates here. Don't get me a wrong: it's an approach that works for a lot of people, and it is an approach that will work for many, but not all gay men.
I also have a problem with the way Kort glosses over the intersectionality among race/ethnicity, class and sexuality. Kort mentions being raised a Jew, but doesn't explore how being Jewish informs his being gay. As an African-American kid who grew up poor, but "made good" and got Ivy-league degrees, I can wholely testify that my journey to self-actualization was (and continues to be) fraught with challenges that being gay only complicated. It is this intersection I wish he had explored more because ethnicity and class create complications that should be integrated when addressing sexuality. For example, according to Kort, the whole "DL" phenomenon in African American communities is explained away as a guys stuck at Stage One in the coming out process (identity confusion). But a culturally informed view would recognize that DL guys can NEVER identify as gay--gay is seen as a white identity, and being on the DL is the best he can do to acknowledge his sexuality and remain "authentically black." I'm not affirming this as a healthy outlook (far from it), but it does point to Kort's culturally narrow view (white and middle class) of the construction of a mentally healthy gay man. Kort should realize that men of color and men from different classes have to construct their sexualities with their differences in mind, and can construct them in healthy ways that don't embracing the white, middle-class gay identity as it has been popularized in the media.
My other major criticism is the assumption that a committed, monogamous, long-term relationship is the healthy "gold standard" for having a completely self-actualized life. Kort backpedals from completely making this assertion outright. But there are no examples of men who chose to be single and are completely self-actualized and happy! These men have wonderfully fulfilling friendships that provide much of the intimacy that Kort seems to be saying you can only find in a monogamous relationship. The assumption that only monogamy is healthy is pretty harsh too. True, many open relationships are dysfunctional--but so are many monogamous ones. I've seen loads of healthy, non-monogamous or polyamorous relationships. These relationships are actually HARDER to maintain, but when the folks in them are committed to them, I don't see them as any less healthy than the monogamous ones. Also, Kort seems to gloss over the observation that many of us know: we know of more long-term non-monogamous relationships than monogamous ones. In fact, of all the 25 or so relationships I know that are 10 years or longer, only one is monogamous.
Don't get me wrong: Kort has made a valuable contribution to the cannon of self-help books for gay men. I just wish it was a bit more inclusive.
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Summary: This book has been a huge help!!!!
Review: I read this on the bus on the way from visiting home. Oh man did it open up so much discussion with myself and my better half. We are trying to work out so many issues and this book has helped me see why we do certain things and that is helping us!! It is more than just about relationships though. Everything on how to grow up and comming out, family issues, agism in the gay community... There could be a book written on every chapter!!! I wish there were!!!
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