Why You Should Give A Damn About Gay Marriage

Rating:
Summary: Why I give a damm about this book
Review: I love the passion which Dr. Kotulski has brought to this issue.

At a time when I personally thought I had seen every public display of emotion possible on this issue, she surprised me (and many other readers, doubtlessly) with more examples. Same-sex marriage is not just being written about to make headlines or money, it is an issue which she personally feels obligated to stand up on behalf of.

She believes that same-sex marriage is not something which certain GLBT people should care about. The legality of these unions is a human rights issue which everybody (including myself and other heterosexuals) should publicly support.

Unfortunately, the examples which she uses (and the arrangement of this book) leave something to be desired. Since the far right is able to convince some voters of their own position largely through simplicity of their own arguments (i.e. "because the bible says" or "do you want to be moral?" Kotulski does her own argument a huge disservice.

People who are scared of the changes which might be brought with legalized same sex marriage are not necessarily going to examine the intricate parts of this book for subsequent answers. Feeling confused, those same people will instead turn to the first source which can provide them with easy and immediate answers about this world...even if the ensuing positions are intolerant.

I am concerned that the author inadvertently cedes an opportunity for social change by assuming everybody will take the time to calm down and reject fear. As much as I would also like this to happen, I have to recognize how powerful paranoia of the 'different' has been in American public policy processes.



Rating:
Summary: A witty, down-to-earth, and valuable new resource ¿
Review: The intricate system of laws that protects heterosexual privilege while denying lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered (LGBT) persons the responsibilities, privileges, and benefits of civil marriage is another form of segregation - but made all the more insidious by its apparent invisibility. In her new book, Dr. Davina Kotulski, Ph.D., attempts to persuade us why civil marriage equality is an issue we should all, "give a damn about." This task would challenge any writer, given the immense scope of the subject and the skepticism with which this issue is still met by many well-meaning LGBT activists -- it is one thing to say "1,349 rights, benefits, and protections" but another entirely more daunting task to list and describe them while also developing a cohesive argument.

Fortunately, Dr. Kotulski begins with the most important point of all. Second-class citizenship demeans our integrity; it assaults the liberty guaranteed us by the U.S. Constitution -- and the U.S. Supreme Court, it would seem, now agrees with us (just read the fine print of the Lawrence v. Texas ruling). In Dr. Kotulski's words, "The language of love has power, and we have been given a very slim piece of the pie and asked to stay in our corner of the room and eat it quietly ... we live a half-existence compared to our heterosexual friends."

Dr. Kotulski is at her best when arguing that "Marriage Lite" (domestic partnerships, civil unions, reciprocal beneficiaries, etc.) is LGBT "Fool's Gold". These legal arrangements are only valid in their native states and most of the responsibilities, privileges, and benefits to which we have been denied access are enshrined in FEDERAL marriage, tax, social security, and inheritance laws anyway (for this reason, incidentally, the argument presented by many of our so-called political allies that this is a "states' rights" issue is a deceptive way of avoiding taking a position at all). And didn't the U.S. Supreme Court already determine in 1954 that "separate was not equal"? Dr. Kotulski offers her most compelling evidence when describing the process same-sex couples must endure to register a domestic partnership in California. The process, much more difficult to traverse than obtaining a simple marriage license, is itself demeaning because it reminds the same-sex couple of their second-class status.

Although Dr. Kotulski has made a cohesive argument, the reader must be cautious to avoid missing the forest while wandering amongst the 1,349 trees. This book is best read in small portions; the subject matter is monotonous and tedious. But Dr. Kotulski has given us all many compelling reasons to "give a damn" about civil marriage equality.

Rating:
Summary: Great resource
Review: This book is a quick and informative read, but if you are interested in justice and equality for all in the US, it will likely make you very angry. I already knew much of the information here, but having it all in one handy reference book is invaluable. The issue of gay marriage is crucial because of the far-reaching implications of denying equal rights to a minority of citizens. Please - read this book, keep it handy, and share it as widely as you can.

Rating:
Summary: A Heartfelt Book
Review: This book is writen by someone who clearly cares deeply about the subject of gay marriage and many of the ideas she raises are insightful and will answer many of the questions that are raised by those who opose gay mariage.

The way she structures the book is a jumble however. At the start of each chapter, she takes a "right" that is given to straight marriage and explains why it is wrong to opose it being given to gay marriage. As the argument for the right is explained, she introduces examples of how the "missing right" would work in the real world before moving onto the next "right".

The two problems that I have with the book are the way she links the "rights" together and how she moves from argument to example.

With my former complaint, I couldn't see why she went from one right to another. All the rights she mentions are important but it was never clear why she went from the rights for old people to rights in the military, for example. The link, in my mind at least, simply isn't there.

With my latter argument, the way she moves from argument to example was simply "cluncky".

Don't get me wrong, I liked the book it's just I think it could have been edited better.


Rating:
Summary: easiest read of all on this issue
Review: True to its cover description: "a quick-witted, common sense handbook addressing the absurdities embedded in arguments against marriage equality, as well as in separate-but-equal 'marriage lite' options such as domestic partnerships." It will make you laugh. It will make you mad. Recommended for anyone sitting on the fence, and includes tips on how to get involved.

Rating:
Summary: Kotulski's helpful primer on gay marriage
Review: why you should give a damn about gay marriage

BY STEFFEN SILVIS
Willamette Week

At first glance it looks like the curse of tardiness. Davina Kotulski's helpful primer on gay marriage hit the press prior to the revolution breaking out in San Francisco (her native city) and Portland (ours). But though recent events will be missing from her primary arguments, the absence will in no way invalidate her message: Gays and lesbians deserve full equality now.

Kotulski wrote Why You Should Give a Damn about Gay Marriage for three groups of people: the committed (who are, as I write this, marching bravely to the altar), the straight but not narrow (best wishes, Ms. Linn and Co.) and those queers, such as myself, who have long looked disdainfully upon gay marriage as a plot to domesticate our uniqueness. Although I have lingering fears that this part of our struggle for rights might propel Bush and the Paleolithic evangelicals back into power, Kotulski (along with a few wedding receptions last week) has convinced me that this is a cause worth fighting for.

Kotulski rigorously marshals her facts both to promote a wider definition of marriage and to respond to many of society's fears (all of which are either baseless or born of ignorance). Her case begins with rights: "There are more than 1,049 federal rights that accompany civil marriage, and some additional 300 per state." These are rights that cover medical emergencies, taxes, insurance, inheritance, burial decisions and such trivialities as frequent-flier programs. Even the right not to testify against one's spouse is denied queers, as Rosie O'Donnell and her now-wife Kelli bitterly discovered in recent legal battles.

Kotulski emphasizes each of the legal problems that queers face with traumatic stories from real people who were left without recourse when partners were severely injured or killed, such as that of a homophobic father actually carrying his son's body off for a funeral that would exclude his son's long-term partner. This litany of abuse should put the lie to the idea that what we are demanding is "special rights." Still, never underestimate the viciousness of the severely religious.

"What do a serial rapist, a murderer, a child pornographer, a lifer, and an armed bank robber share in common?" asks Kotulski. "As long as they are heterosexual, they can all get married in prison." Kotulski has much to say about the "sacredness" of heterosexual marriage; after all, "gay people did not invent the term wife-swapping."

It's depressing that in the 21st century, and in what is purportedly a secular country, that we are forced to entertain the views of an opiated mass of Baptists, brandishing the storybook of their sky god as if such ravings had relevance in rational discourse. Yet we must. Marriage is for procreation? "What about a man who wants to marry a post-menopausal woman?" asks Kotulski, or "a woman who marries a man with a vasectomy? Should these marriages be annulled?" There are also the fatuous Christian claims that gay marriage will pry open the lock on incest and polygamy, though the former is excoriated in the Bible unless it's between fathers and daughters, and the latter was practiced quite freely by David and Abraham, two of Jehovah's favorites. The "saved" should try and save themselves.

Kotulski ends by supplying helpful outlines of letters to send our elected officials on the subject of marriage as well as an international guide to where in the world civilized minds have triumphed. "Gay marriage is gay liberation," Kotulski stresses. Her book proves that it's also a victory for human rights. I see that now.

Rating:
Summary: Kotulski's helpful primer on gay marriage
Review: why you should give a damn about gay marriage

BY STEFFEN SILVIS
Willamette Week

At first glance it looks like the curse of tardiness. Davina Kotulski's helpful primer on gay marriage hit the press prior to the revolution breaking out in San Francisco (her native city) and Portland (ours). But though recent events will be missing from her primary arguments, the absence will in no way invalidate her message: Gays and lesbians deserve full equality now.

Kotulski wrote Why You Should Give a Damn about Gay Marriage for three groups of people: the committed (who are, as I write this, marching bravely to the altar), the straight but not narrow (best wishes, Ms. Linn and Co.) and those queers, such as myself, who have long looked disdainfully upon gay marriage as a plot to domesticate our uniqueness. Although I have lingering fears that this part of our struggle for rights might propel Bush and the Paleolithic evangelicals back into power, Kotulski (along with a few wedding receptions last week) has convinced me that this is a cause worth fighting for.

Kotulski rigorously marshals her facts both to promote a wider definition of marriage and to respond to many of society's fears (all of which are either baseless or born of ignorance). Her case begins with rights: "There are more than 1,049 federal rights that accompany civil marriage, and some additional 300 per state." These are rights that cover medical emergencies, taxes, insurance, inheritance, burial decisions and such trivialities as frequent-flier programs. Even the right not to testify against one's spouse is denied queers, as Rosie O'Donnell and her now-wife Kelli bitterly discovered in recent legal battles.

Kotulski emphasizes each of the legal problems that queers face with traumatic stories from real people who were left without recourse when partners were severely injured or killed, such as that of a homophobic father actually carrying his son's body off for a funeral that would exclude his son's long-term partner. This litany of abuse should put the lie to the idea that what we are demanding is "special rights." Still, never underestimate the viciousness of the severely religious.

"What do a serial rapist, a murderer, a child pornographer, a lifer, and an armed bank robber share in common?" asks Kotulski. "As long as they are heterosexual, they can all get married in prison." Kotulski has much to say about the "sacredness" of heterosexual marriage; after all, "gay people did not invent the term wife-swapping."

It's depressing that in the 21st century, and in what is purportedly a secular country, that we are forced to entertain the views of an opiated mass of Baptists, brandishing the storybook of their sky god as if such ravings had relevance in rational discourse. Yet we must. Marriage is for procreation? "What about a man who wants to marry a post-menopausal woman?" asks Kotulski, or "a woman who marries a man with a vasectomy? Should these marriages be annulled?" There are also the fatuous Christian claims that gay marriage will pry open the lock on incest and polygamy, though the former is excoriated in the Bible unless it's between fathers and daughters, and the latter was practiced quite freely by David and Abraham, two of Jehovah's favorites. The "saved" should try and save themselves.

Kotulski ends by supplying helpful outlines of letters to send our elected officials on the subject of marriage as well as an international guide to where in the world civilized minds have triumphed. "Gay marriage is gay liberation," Kotulski stresses. Her book proves that it's also a victory for human rights. I see that now.

Rating:
Summary: Why You Should Give A Damn About This Book!!!
Review: With the many current judgments, opinions and feelings swirling around the topic of gay marriage, the facts get lost. Kotulski's witty, engaging, informative book is easy to read and up to date. One thing Kotulski reflects on that resonated for me was her comment about us calling our partner "boyfriend" or "girlfriend." ... She adds that because we are left out of the "adult fraternity" called marriage, we're unfairly denied the adult responsibilities that marriage would give us. ...
For far too long, we Lesbians and Gays have been told about our lives by heterosexists reflecting on our lives according to the way they feel subjectively, not on what the data, statistics, and accurate research can tell about our culture. Davina Kotulski's book is another tool to help bring the truth into the light and break down decades of false judgments based on fear.