The Penguin Dictionary of Jokes, Wisecracks, Quips, and Quotes

Rating:
Summary: Penguin Dictionary of...
Review: At my place of business (a public library), where I call home for 40 hours every week, we just got in a new book. It's the type of book that makes people think that once read and selections memorized, they will instantly gain friends, be the center of attention at any party, and generally woo the opposite sex with their recently aquired witty candor while effortlessly sipping on a dry martini.

In reality though it's much more likely they'll just be that much more annoying than they ever were. They may in fact, after reading this book, feel so inclined to add you to their email list to randomly send you what they feel to be the most humourous morsels ever created. These future spammers need systematically drug out in the streets, hogtied, and made to watch their favorite book burned in a huge funeral pyre. OK. Maybe not. But still...

The book in question is the Penguin Dictionary of Jokes. The back of the book sports a one liner that just about sums up most of the inside: "If you tell a joke in a forest, but nobody laughs, is it a joke?"

Wow. I just about fell out of my seat on that one, didn't you?

To further illustrate the reason you'll only hear most of these jokes following bad after-dinner speeches I've selected a handful of winners to give you a sampling.

I have this terrible fear of heights. Whenever I fly, I ask the pilot to stay on the runway as long as possible.

Is my brother greedy? I tell you, if he was Chinese, he'd use three chopsticks!

Could you cut the pizza into just three pieces?
Why's that?
I could never eat six!

To save money our local hospital now gets its patients to make their own beds. When you check in, they give you a toolbox and some wood.

He came in like a lion and went out like a lamp.

Which end of the train should I get off? It doesn't matter, it stops at both ends!

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Diploma.
Diploma who?
Diploma is here to fix the sink.

Rating:
Summary: Vintage
Review: This book disproves the adage that the old ones are always the best. I imagine that this might be useful for trite after dinner speakers, insomniacs, or anyone looking to write sitcoms that don't even make it to pilot.

The funniest lines are those from celebrated comedians, and you will have heard them all before. The other so-called jokes would make your grandfather cringe.

Truly awful.

Rating:
Summary: so unfair.
Review: Those other reviews are obviously from people with no sense of comedy at all. Everyone knows that jokes are only funny if they are told well, which is why the other reviewer only get the ones they have heard before from well known comedians. I think the one about the joke in the forest is sublime. A talented comedian can make anything funny, and this book is a really useful tool for preparing a speech, as long as you have enough imagination to think of a good context and time it well.