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Rating: 
Summary: Straight Talk
Review: I purchased this book because my best friend's husband told her that he wanted to break up (they had been married less than 1 year) and that he had had an affair. Probably because I've never been through the pain of having someone cheat on me, and because of our society's acceptance of just getting a divorce if things don't work out, I wasn't even very shocked by his behavior. My initial reaction to his adultery was for her to be the one to try to win him back. After reading this book (which I sent to her) it made me very angry at what he had done. This book provides the biblical approach to dealing with something as devastating as a cheating spouse.
Rating: 
Summary: this is NOT the authority
Review: I read this book a little over a year ago and had an even stronger negative reaction than I do today. the reason I upped it to two stars over a possible negative number is that I do believe there are cases in which this is exactly what it is needed. I have yet to read a christian fix your bad marriage book that does not fall into one of two camps: those such as this and Dobson love must be tough that advocate placing the blame on the "obvious" bad boy (or girl as the case may be) in the marraige, reading them the riot act and making them work like a dog to get you back. there is no look at dynamics, no realization that horrible as adultery is there MIGHT. just MIGHT be bad behavior on the other side, repentence of which could make a huge difference in the repentence of the adulterer. I mean if say, a guy is demeaning his wife and very cold and affectionless, maybe putting her in the doghouse for having an affair without addressing his contribution probably will just drive her completely out of the marriage. or it could easily be the woman. which brings us to the other stream of christian marriage books: those that assume that whatever your spouse is doing, if you get your act together and love on them then they will do likewise. sometimes it happens. but sometimes it does not. I think this approach works best when the "injured party" has created a lot of very real grievances for the other party who responded in a socially unacceptable manner. with these "love must be tough" books I always wonder what exactly the authors would propose if BOTH people are cheating on each other adn treating each other badly. HOWEVER some people are just creeps, you could be the spouse of the year and it really wouldnt matter (these are the poeple who might wake up and smell the coffee if the other party applies the principles in books such as the one reviewed here) but NONE of these books, at either end of the extreme ever recommends praying to discern what is really going on and what your response should be. I believe scripture contains justifications for both approaches: perhaps because some situations demand diffeent responses. people can do the same things for different reasons. someone could be cheating because their spouse continues to be deeply hurtful to them on a daily basis (not that that makes cheating right however I would think that the solution to the problem would take this into account) or they could be cheating because the grass is always greener and they need to grow up. how one proceeds depends a great deal on what is going on beneath the surface. this of course requires prayer. but then again, where would the market be for all these instruction manuels if folks just got on their knees and asked God for personalized direction and discernment. and of course where would therapists and coaches make thier money if they didnt have techniques that need constant coaching and moral support(from them of course) to carry them out.
there is a place for tough love HOWEVER it would be a very good thing indeed if they would acknowledge that every case of infidelity or other bad behavior on the part of a spouse is individual and what works in one situation does not neccessarily work in another. his statements that "unless you follow my advice your marriage, even if it continues on paper will never be whole and healed" are simply bogus. and his advice that the injured party has the right to just blast away. in this respect Dobsons book is much better: while he is all for sticking up for yourself and showing some self respect, he says it is NEVER alright to be insulting and hurtful to "cleanse yourself". this is the most bogus bit of nonbiblical advice I have ever seen and I can see a still fragile marriage that has survived adultery being dealt a death blow when the "injured party" is permitted, indeed even encouraged to vent with whatever comes into their head as a way to deal with their legitimate anger over the betrayal. remember Jesus says "be angry and sin not".
Rating: 
Summary: Questionable Theory
Review: I think the action plans in this book could easily back-fire, leaving the spouse who wants reconciliation in more trouble than before. I would advise those who read this book to carefully consider how the book fits with what the bible says concerning marriage.
Rating:
Summary: Tough Love - May not work, but can't hurt
Review: The title of this book is what grabbed my attention - the five words nobody wants to hear. Inside, Dr Clarke gives hard hitting advice for dealing with an adulterous spouse, based on the tough love approach probably first advocated by Dr James Dobson. I found Dr Clarke's book more direct in its advice than Dobson's however. Clarke makes the victim realize that they have nothing to feel bad about, which if all that's one is to get out of the book, isn't a bad thing. Clarke hammers home again and again that nothing one spouse does to the other justifies the adulterer from the sinful action of adultery. Preach it, Dr Clarke. I suspect the people that take Dr Clarke's advice are not very likely to win their spouses back - but then they aren't likely no matter what strategy they follow. So why not? Take Dr Clarke's advice and start picking up the pieces and feel better about yourself. Don't let your adultering spouse attempt to transfer their guilt onto you. Take charge! They flipped your world over, so flip it back!
Rating:
Summary: Tough Love - May not work, but can't hurt
Review: The title of this book is what grabbed my attention - the five words nobody wants to hear. Inside, Dr Clarke gives hard hitting advice for dealing with an adulterous spouse, based on the tough love approach probably first advocated by Dr James Dobson. I found Dr Clarke's book more direct in its advice than Dobson's however. Clarke makes the victim realize that they have nothing to feel bad about, which if all that's one is to get out of the book, isn't a bad thing. Clarke hammers home again and again that nothing one spouse does to the other justifies the adulterer from the sinful action of adultery. Preach it, Dr Clarke. I suspect the people that take Dr Clarke's advice are not very likely to win their spouses back - but then they aren't likely no matter what strategy they follow. So why not? Take Dr Clarke's advice and start picking up the pieces and feel better about yourself. Don't let your adultering spouse attempt to transfer their guilt onto you. Take charge! They flipped your world over, so flip it back!
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