Families Where Grace Is in Place

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Summary: This book reminded me of what God is really all about!
Review: I bought this book at a point when I was frustrated and at the end of my rope as a parent. This book was a God-send. Now, the challenge will be to work on ways I can change my discipline style from one of controling behaviors to controling environment and let my kids choose their behavior (and the consequences thereof). But at least I know that God loves me, and loves my family, no matter what. Thank you!

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Summary: Great Read!!
Review: I grew up in a very controlling family. To date this is the best resource I have been able to find to address most of the issues that come along with this type of abuse. This book is a true gem for anyone struggling to understand their controlling upbringing, or even their own controlling behavior as a result of it.

Rating:
Summary: Great Read!!
Review: I grew up in a very controlling family. To date this is the best resource I have been able to find to address most of the issues that come along with this type of abuse. This book is a true gem for anyone struggling to understand their controlling upbringing, or even their own controlling behavior as a result of it.

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Summary: Tired of Trying to Measure Up
Review: If you have Chronic Fatique Syndrome or anything like it, READ THIS BOOK!! Excellent!!

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Summary: It gave me a new way to view family relationships
Review: In this book, Vanvonderen describes how many of us feel -- inadequate and unable to do what we are called to do and to be. But he also explains that that comes from doing or trying to be something other than what you are or were called to do. When we actually try to do what we are called to do and be what God wants us to be, He gives us the grace and the capability to do exactly that. We simply are not equipped to be or to do anything else.

Vanvonderen talks about Grace-full relationships and contrasts them to Curse-full relationships. Grace-full ones are those that are built on grace and spring from a right relationship with the Lord. Curse-full relationships are those that are run on the basis of wrong values or with a worldly philosophy. He describes the Grace-full relationship and how it should be done and lived (and on what basis -- that of a close relationship with the Lord). Then he contrasts it with practices that shouldn't be engaged in and often are. These are Curse-full relationships.

This transformed my approach to how I related with my husband and children. God has given me so MUCH, much that I didn't deserve (thus, His grace to me). I need to reflect that and be gracious to my family members. I believe it has strengthened all my family relationships, and I credit much of Vanvonderen's ideas with actually saving my marriage.

I was brought up in a Grace-full home. It is my belief that my husband was brought up in a Curse-full home; and many of the Curse-full practices were repeated in our home (not just by him, but by me, following my natural fleshly inclinations). It is my desire to create, as much as I possibly can, a Grace-full home for my husband (like he's never had) and for my children (the kind of a home every child SHOULD grow up in). Vanvonderen, in his book, gives the method and the tools for making that happen.

It is a very simple perspective, and the approach can seem naive and simplistic. But it actually works. This is what a gracious home and relationships are all about.

Guess I went off on a rabbit trail there, giving my interpretation of Vanvonderen's message. But I can't recommend this book highly enough. It is great for troubled marriages and parent-child relationships. But I'm sure it is even useful for strong families, too, ones that don't seem to need a lot of "help." I would urge you to get a copy and read it. You'll be glad you did.

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Summary: an excellent look at what it means to really live in grace
Review: This book is an absolute must read if you privately wonder if God is more concerned with your behavior than the needs of your heart. Vanvonderen explains why we will never feel fulfillment or joy simply by conforming to Christian standards. Using the Bible as the basis of his discussion, he reveals a God who wants to meet our deepest needs and transform us from the inside out. Vanvonderen shifts the focus from outward performance to the "fight of faith" in our marriages and our family life--defining the fight as the struggle to believe that Jesus can truly fill us when we are tempted to find our significance in people or things. Much of the book is devoted to parenting, and Vanvonderen shares honestly about his own process of becoming a grace-full parent. Without shaming or guilting, this book helped me reconsider what it means to really live a free and honest life. This practical and insightful discussion of grace is one you won't want to miss.

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Summary: By FAR the best parenting book I've ever read
Review: This book is the best book I've ever read on parenting. I'm so excited about how I will parent now, and I am not intimidated by its truths. They are freeing, and have given me so much hope for being a better parent! If you are a parent, this is a MUST read. This book will help you love your child and bring him up in a healthy way that will enable him or her to be a strong person of character. I also recommend the book "Tired of Trying to Measure Up" by the same author. I read it before I read this book, and it really helped set the stage for me as a person before trying to be a good parent. I can't say enough good things about it. I'd rate it 20 stars if I could!

Rating:
Summary: By FAR the best parenting book I've ever read
Review: This book is the best book I've ever read on parenting. I'm so excited about how I will parent now, and I am not intimidated by its truths. They are freeing, and have given me so much hope for being a better parent! If you are a parent, this is a MUST read. This book will help you love your child and bring him up in a healthy way that will enable him or her to be a strong person of character. I also recommend the book "Tired of Trying to Measure Up" by the same author. I read it before I read this book, and it really helped set the stage for me as a person before trying to be a good parent. I can't say enough good things about it. I'd rate it 20 stars if I could!

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Summary: Are you ready for a real change?
Review: This is an outstanding book. Now I really know what a shame-based family is. OUCH! But I also now know how I can change to make my life better. To become more gracious in my relationships. It was so good, I ran a workshop at our church to share the excellent information to others. No one can afford to spray shame on our spouse and children. This may just be what you are looking for if you are READY TO CHANGE.

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Summary: To Fix or Depend?
Review: To Fix or Depend?

"God's job is to fix and to change. Our job is to depend, serve, and equip. This is the work of grace."

I first read Jeff VanVonderen's Families Where Grace is in Place January 2004. I found myself nodding as I read, seeing so many of the conclusions I'd come to through studying theology and discussions with friends. Only Jeff VanVonderen had these thoughts organized and drew upon his experience counseling with families.

It's very true, as JVV points out, that we have been

". . .taught to gauge spiritual success by outward performance standards, and not . . .been shown the internal steps that lead to real, from-the-heart-out empowerment and transformation."

Fast forward through a rough year, and I'm rereading the book. However, instead of nodding in agreement with his ideas, I'm recognizing myself and my own struggles in life. I'm seeing how much I still strive to measure myself and my spiritual "success" by outward standards. How much I don't daily turn to the Gospel of Jesus Christ and draw upon His grace.

In this coming year, I desire to learn more to lean into God, draw my strength from and depend upon Him. And may His grace flow out so I can serve and equip my husband and children.