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Summary: A Book for a Man's Journey
Review: A practical guide for getting back in the journey. For those of us that gave up years ago, this book explains what manhood is, how to get there, and Who is available to help.
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Summary: Wanna grow up? Read the book!
Review: Alan Medinger now writes as he has come to live -- with openness, integrity and insight. His journey out of homosexuality, his over two decades helping other men do the same, PLUS his own experiences as a husband and father make this an irresistible read. His direct and comfortable writing style guarantee you won't put it down."But I'm not gay"! You exclaim. No matter. The book stands on its own as a road map into authentic manhood regardless of where you start. His advice to overcome fears and pursue male relationships by "doing the things men do" is right on the money. Unlike other "how-to be a man" books with clinical observations, Alan has LIVED life while a lot of other men just existed. Read as he shares his heart -- and then rest in the solid parenting he offers men lacking fatherly direction. Alan, please write more!
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Summary: The author is a nice guy but...
Review: At a low point in my life some years ago and at the inducement of a misguided friend; I attended some sessions of Mr. Medinger's "ex-gay" group, "Regeneration". (Both my friend and I ended up leaving--along with many others, but that is another story.) This book has many of the qualities that I observed in Mr. Medinger at that time: a kindly, avuncular manner, a pleasant and clear style of communicating, fervent Christian faith--and complete ignorance of what an untroubled, healthy gay man is like.
It is plain from his book that he regarded himself, and regards all gay men as suffering from a lack of masculinity that can be cured by learning how to 'act butch' from an appropriately masculine man. If this sounds facetious or oversimplified, consider that his organization regularly held softball games to help those cursed with individuality achieve the good ol' American and Christian conformity of team sports. Then, if the person is lucky, he will grow into a heterosexual role, perhaps even marrying (a woman that is). Instruction in feminine dress and deportment was given to lesbians (who were greatly underrepresented--perhaps women have more sense) to transform them into normal girls--in other words, into "a minx, a moron, and a parasite" to quote C.S. Lewis on the parody of femininity which conservative Christians seem to hold up as their ideal. In one instance that I know of, a gay man jubilantly declared himself 'cured' (he wasn't), then announced his planned marriage to a lesbian also enrolled in the program. (Thank God--literally--it never came off.) A wag remarked that such an arrangement would at least be better than if they had each married heterosexual spouses--this way there would only be two people made miserable instead of four.
Just because Mr. Medinger felt himself inadequate as a man is no reason to project this onto all gay men. Many, perhaps most gay men would pass anybody's criteria for masculinity-unless, of course, homosexuality is automatically equated with unmanliness, in which case no amount of reality will influence such views. Evidently for some, Greg Louganis can't possibly be a real man or a real athlete despite executing one of the finest dives in the history of the Olympics while wracked with severe pain from bone spurs, a vicious stomach upset, and a near-concussion brought on by striking his head on the diving board earlier. (But he has AIDS, still regarded as divine punishment by most conservative Christians although this view tends to be cloaked in Uriah Heep-ish saccharine these days.)
To confuse matters for those who think Real Men can't be gay (and vice-versa), many heterosexual men display effeminate mannerisms, pastimes, or occupations. Most male ballet dancer are not only resoundingly heterosexual, they are more athletic than football players because of the more rigorous training. Also because they are not hobbled by injuries, past and present, and tend not to use the performance-enhancing drugs rampant in the hypercompetitive world of both professional and amateur sports. (When are Christians going to start attacking a "lifestyle" that encourages--nay, requires the use of dangerous drugs beginning in adolescence that can cause cancer, testicular atrophy, and psychosis? Not to mention the brazen cheating involved. But hey--at least it's not pot, and it's more fun scourging gays anyhow.) Finally, I have known some effeminate gay men who had the hearts of lions; their spirits unbowed, their nobility and integrity intact despite the ill-treatment--from taunts on the street to murder--routinely dished out to them by Christians and even by some gays. If conformity to social norms is the ideal for American Christians, then perhaps those KGB "psychiatrists" who used to perform "reparative therapy" on Soviet dissidents (some of them Christian believers) tossed into asylums weren't so bad after all.
As I have intimated above, most gay men find their way to a book like this (and its associated groups) at a low point in their lives. In my case, I was unhappily stuck in a career rut, but in other cases hapless men had been remanded to Mr. Medinger's group by the courts after being caught "en flagrante" in some public place. These unfortunates, frequently married, feeling ashamed not only of their circumstances but also of being gay and facing conviction (and a public record) as a sex offender, naturally leaped into Mr. Medinger's arms (so to speak). Has it dawned on anyone but me that it is deeply immoral to take advantage of these people, no matter how well-meaning you are? Such doubly unfortunate men would not have found out from this book that a gay man can live an upright and satisfying life, find friendship, support, and--who knows?--maybe even love, if they come out and meet well-adjusted gays instead of secretly skulking about parks and restrooms.
To conclude, I must record here that Mr. Medinger once stated that--contrary to the assertion in this book--his attraction to men had not completely left him, although he was successfully suppressing it. Normally, I would not divulge the substance of this conversation, except that it goes to the very heart of this very misguided and misguiding book.
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Summary: Powerful! Challenging! Compassionate! Lifechanging
Review: I have read this book as part of my ongoing quest to find material for my clients. This is a must read for any man who is on the Journey to growth into Adulthood. It should not only be read by men who struggle with Same-Sex orientation issues but by men who desire to reflect on growth from childhood to maturity.
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Summary: Taken By Surprise
Review: I have to confess I didn't buy the book for me. I got it to help me understand how others struggle and the issues they face. Instead I found it to be a great help to my own personal life. As a man and father with three sons. It was very biblical, practical, and honest. It is a great book for any man who wants to understand God's design for masculinity. This is a great book if your looking for something that is quick and easy to read and understand.
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Summary: When you're ready
Review: I liked this book better than Coming Out Straight. Although, this book gets a little preachy regarding the author's perception of what God expects the roles of men and women to be. There are certain elements that I just can't agree with. However, the material he presents here is extremely good and well documented when it comes to the issue at hand, which is healing. I recommend this book highly to those who are struggling, have questions, and who just came from rotten childhoods. You don't have to be struggling with a gay life-style to get a lot out of this book. Just ignore the preaching and go on.
Rating: 
Summary: GREAT - but a little preachy
Review: I liked this book better than Coming Out Straight. Although, this book gets a little preachy regarding the author's perception of what God expects the roles of men and women to be. There are certain elements that I just can't agree with. However, the material he presents here is extremely good and well documented when it comes to the issue at hand, which is healing. I recommend this book highly to those who are struggling, have questions, and who just came from rotten childhoods. You don't have to be struggling with a gay life-style to get a lot out of this book. Just ignore the preaching and go on.
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Summary: WHAT PLANET IS HE ON?
Review: I think Medinger's suggestions that gay men develop their masculinity is a great one. I think all people can benefit from developing the qualities he describes.
I do know some homosexual men who have these qualities and some heterosexual men who do not. Some gay men are very comfortable on the athletic field for example. Yet they are still attracted to men. Medinger's own analysis is that making these "changes" will probably not lead to a change in a homosexual's sexual attractions --i.e. they will still be attracted to men. Yet he claims this does not make one homosexual. He proposes we "play act" that we are heterosexual. What about committed relationships between homosexual couples? He does not address that. What about the biblical quotation, "the truth shall set you free?" If one is still attracted to men but married and "playing the part" with his wife, is this really honest? Lots of holes in his arguements in my opinion. I fully support his encouragement that we develop these "masculine qualities" but his thinking that somehow in doing this one becomes "not gay" is ridiculous
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Summary: Step-by-step guide
Review: It tells what specific actions to take. He does make wild theological claims, but they can be ignored. I was disappointed in the chapter on relating to women; if you don't know the answer, just say so! But the rest was well, well worth it. Don't miss this book if you're interested in this form of recovery.
Rating:
Summary: Step-by-step guide
Review: It tells what specific actions to take. He does make wild theological claims, but they can be ignored. I was disappointed in the chapter on relating to women; if you don't know the answer, just say so! But the rest was well, well worth it. Don't miss this book if you're interested in this form of recovery.
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