You Can't Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded) : Strategies for Bringing Out the Best in Your Strong-Willed Child

Rating:
Summary: Positive Persuasion
Review: Ah power struggles, common occurrences in a home containing two strong-willed adults that are parenting two strong-willed children. Yes, I am the parent of two persistent, determined, selective, high-spirited, adventurous children. Although exhausting at moments, I really prefer it this way. You see, given the knowledge and guidance, these children can utilize their strength in positive ways. They have the energy, force and talent to change the world.

But I need encouragement, guidance, and a full tool-belt in order to accomplish this parental task. One of the publications that has assisted me is You Can't Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded) by author Cynthia Tobias Ulrich. This woman has a bachelor's degree in education, a master's degree in learning styles, and she is founder of Learning Styles Unlimited. She and her husband John, have twin boys, Michael & Robert. She is author of many inspiring books including "The Way They Learn." My first awareness of this fine author was during a speaking engagement she held in May of 1997. Since then I have read many of her books, and gleaned great benefit from her advice.

Cynthia Tobias provides insight on the mind of a strong-willed child (I prefer to call mine spirited, as per Mary Kucinka in Raising Your Spirited Child). She aids you in recognizing the choice patterns your children partake. You literally learn to share control without compromising authority. We are encouraged to decide what issues are negotiable, nonnegotiable, and to really choose our battles carefully. She provides practical advice for avoiding power struggles and enabling cooperation. Being strong-willed herself, having raised a strong-willed child, and having worked with many parents, enables Cynthia to give proven advice for working with this personality type.

Rooted from her own Christian walk, she encourages us parents to seek God's help in this process. God can assist us with the unconditional love that children need to feel. She points out the abundance of mercy and grace that God has for us, and that we can in turn provide to our children. Insights are provided on methods to teach a SWC self-motivation. Pointed out is the fact that we sometimes need to allow children to experience the consequences of "not doing something". We are reminded that we can enforce rules, but can't enforce compliance. It is stated that these children don't have a problem with authority; they challenge with how the authority is communicated to them. We are provided with a plan of action for helping our children to prepare for the best of their lives. We are instructed that from early childhood through encouraging our children to pursue their interests, they can recognize their strengths and preferences.

Additionally, examples of when something drastic needs to be done are provided. We are encouraged to hang on to hope and to continue providing our child with unconditional love.

So, you think you've blown it? Plenty of workable advice is provided! We as parents always are capable of telling our children what we do like about them. Further, we are able to example forgiveness to them.

In the epilogue we are reminded that most importantly we need to realize that:

"You Can't Make Me."
~Don't back me into a corner and leave me no choice.
~Don't demand that I obey without question.
~Don't tell me what I can or cannot do.
~Don't insist on something that can't be done

"But I Can Be persuaded!"
~Do value my ability to see the world from a unique perspective
~Do find ways to inspire me to change the world.
~Do ask me for my input.
~Do recognize my uniqueness even if it bothers you.

I highly recommend this book to parents of strong-willed children! I firmly believe that all educators and others who work with children will benefit from reading this book. When we recognize the positive in children and teach them how to work with their strengths, we are providing them with a healthy outlook.

Rating:
Summary: Positive Persuasion
Review: Ah power struggles, common occurrences in a home containing two strong-willed adults that are parenting two strong-willed children. Yes, I am the parent of two persistent, determined, selective, high-spirited, adventurous children. Although exhausting at moments, I really prefer it this way. You see, given the knowledge and guidance, these children can utilize their strength in positive ways. They have the energy, force and talent to change the world.

But I need encouragement, guidance, and a full tool-belt in order to accomplish this parental task. One of the publications that has assisted me is You Can't Make Me (But I Can Be Persuaded) by author Cynthia Tobias Ulrich. This woman has a bachelor's degree in education, a master's degree in learning styles, and she is founder of Learning Styles Unlimited. She and her husband John, have twin boys, Michael & Robert. She is author of many inspiring books including "The Way They Learn." My first awareness of this fine author was during a speaking engagement she held in May of 1997. Since then I have read many of her books, and gleaned great benefit from her advice.

Cynthia Tobias provides insight on the mind of a strong-willed child (I prefer to call mine spirited, as per Mary Kucinka in Raising Your Spirited Child). She aids you in recognizing the choice patterns your children partake. You literally learn to share control without compromising authority. We are encouraged to decide what issues are negotiable, nonnegotiable, and to really choose our battles carefully. She provides practical advice for avoiding power struggles and enabling cooperation. Being strong-willed herself, having raised a strong-willed child, and having worked with many parents, enables Cynthia to give proven advice for working with this personality type.

Rooted from her own Christian walk, she encourages us parents to seek God's help in this process. God can assist us with the unconditional love that children need to feel. She points out the abundance of mercy and grace that God has for us, and that we can in turn provide to our children. Insights are provided on methods to teach a SWC self-motivation. Pointed out is the fact that we sometimes need to allow children to experience the consequences of "not doing something". We are reminded that we can enforce rules, but can't enforce compliance. It is stated that these children don't have a problem with authority; they challenge with how the authority is communicated to them. We are provided with a plan of action for helping our children to prepare for the best of their lives. We are instructed that from early childhood through encouraging our children to pursue their interests, they can recognize their strengths and preferences.

Additionally, examples of when something drastic needs to be done are provided. We are encouraged to hang on to hope and to continue providing our child with unconditional love.

So, you think you've blown it? Plenty of workable advice is provided! We as parents always are capable of telling our children what we do like about them. Further, we are able to example forgiveness to them.

In the epilogue we are reminded that most importantly we need to realize that:

"You Can't Make Me."
~Don't back me into a corner and leave me no choice.
~Don't demand that I obey without question.
~Don't tell me what I can or cannot do.
~Don't insist on something that can't be done

"But I Can Be persuaded!"
~Do value my ability to see the world from a unique perspective
~Do find ways to inspire me to change the world.
~Do ask me for my input.
~Do recognize my uniqueness even if it bothers you.

I highly recommend this book to parents of strong-willed children! I firmly believe that all educators and others who work with children will benefit from reading this book. When we recognize the positive in children and teach them how to work with their strengths, we are providing them with a healthy outlook.

Rating:
Summary: Finally, someone who doesn't see Satan in my son's eyes!
Review: For a long time I thought that I must be doing something wrong in my parenting style to make my child so disobedient and mean. This book helped me realize that I was right. My style of parenting worked wonderfully for my older son, but trying those same harsh, disciplinary actions with my three year old, strong-willed son, have been disasterous. This book did a fantastic job of helping me realize that my child is unique and my ways of dealing with him must adjust to fit his needs. Especially helpful was the chapter on "the line between right and wrong". I could not see, until reading this book, that it is not a sin to be strong-willed, or determined, or even stubborn. God has created us each in a specific way with certain desires for us to searve him individually. God made my strong-willed child that way for a purpose. My job in parenting is to help my son find that purpose through love and understanding. This book was wonderful, and I would recommend it to anyone who needs good Christian advice on raising a strong-willed child. The elderly ladies at my church, one in particular, often comment on how they can see the evil in my son's eyes. I find this incredibly sad, for where they see evil, I see a determination to not walk the straight line, and a potential to change the world.

Rating:
Summary: This book is a gold mine!
Review: I was thrilled and relieved to find some answers for dealing with my strong-willed son. This book is written with love for the independent, frustrating, creative, impossible SWC! It is chockful of antecdotes and practical advice for defusing the constant clashes of wills that were the norm in our house. I highly recommend this book. I find myself re-reading and highlighting passages that speak directly to the SWC in my life.

Rating:
Summary: Great Parenting Tool
Review: My daughter is more of an independent child than a strong willed child, but this book was very insiteful on HOW to talk to your children. Get them to do what you want by letting them think it's their idea. . . Wonderful book, some of the ideas even work on husbands ;)

Rating:
Summary: One of the best parenting books I've read!
Review: Ok, so I listened to the audiobook. It actually was better to listen to the audiobook because I could hear the author reading her book with her emotion and specific points accentuating specific things, like how something should be said, or a tone you could try with your kids.

I have to say that this book has given me more ideas than anything I've read so far in any book about strong willed kids. Basically I need to find what motivates my child and never, ever, give orders. It just doesn't work. The author places a lot of focus on incentive, rather than punishment. She doesn't advocate that kids should be able to run wild, or use being "strong-willed" as either a character defect OR an excuse for "bad" behavior.

There is some focus on being Christian, just an FYI. This may be good for some people, but not others.

In all, fantastic book!!