Rating: 
Summary: Incredibly accurate description of a dysfunctional system.
Review: This book will set you free to become who GOD made you to be, not who a self-proclaimed "prophet" says you should be! God says "My yoke is EASY and my burden is LIGHT." A spiritually abusive system puts so many requirements on you, it's impossible to meet them all! VanVonderen is so accurate in his description of the psychology and strategies behind an abusive system, that even the most "deadened" person will recognize that they have been "duped." You will also learn why it is so hard to leave an abusive system. This book will change your life!!
Rating:
Summary: Exposing the Pink Elephant
Review: Well written, this book addresses the issue of spiritual abuse in the church. Yeah, it is worth the read, but I can only give it a tentative recommendation. The authors take great care in defining what they mean by abuse so that ordinary issues of discipleship and church discipline can be exercised without the abuse epitaph being sounded. Yes, there are abusive and insensitive spiritual leaders in the church. Yes, there are pastors and church leaders who try to manipulate their congregations through intimidation and shame. Yes, there are church leaders, churches systems and denominations that are just plain toxic. Yes, I even learned that some of the children's songs we teach our little ones promote legalism and shame rather than freedom and grace. Yet, with this said, I was very uncomfortable reading this book. Part of my discomfort was conviction that, on occasion, in the past, I as a pastor have used legalism and shame to motivate my people; part of it was shame and embarrassment at how some leaders abuse their congregations, but most of my discomfort comes from what I perceive as the unintended consequence of this book of spreading the victim mentality in another area of our lives. Let's take a look at chapter three where the authors describe the ten common areas of struggle for those who have been spiritually abused. As I read this chapter, I could not help but think it described every church that I have attended, ministered in or know of. For instance, what Christian or church does not have a distorted view of God? Can anyone really comprehend the infinite God? Human understanding and human reasoning can never comprehend the infinite God and fallen human nature tends to corrupt what little we do comprehend. Also, in every congregation you will find people who have problems in the area of personal boundaries, or who may have difficulties with personally accepting personal responsibility, does this mean they were spiritually abused? Or have they been abused outside of the church and brought their fragile victim mentality into the church? Or, could this just be a character flaw? Or perhaps, they are just human. But here is the clincher: The authors state that you may be spiritually abused if you have a hard time admitting the abuse or cannot remember it (repressed memories). Let me see if I got this right- If I admit I have been abused, I have been abused. If I cannot admit I have been abused, I have been abused. If I have no memory of being abused, I am abused. Hum. Let me prove a point concerning repressed memories. If horrid abuse causes the victim to repress his or her memories, then, it would seen to me that victims of the holocaust would as a group be prone to have no memories of their abuse by the Nazis. Every holocaust survivor I have talked to remembers everything. Speaking of repressed memories, how about spiritual abuse by those who claim that they are fighting spiritual abuse? I am acquainted with a so-called Christian counselor who specializes in recovery of repressed memories. Guess what? Almost every client she has discovers that their parents in satanic rituals abused them. Whoa! Who would have known in our little town of 2500 had so many secret covens. Personally, I choose not to a victim, no matter how rude people are to me and no matter how bad people treat me.
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