Boundaries in Marriage

Rating:
Summary: Boundaries are divisive
Review: A book that concentrates on building "boundaries" in marriages is bound to be divisive. I should've figured that out from the title.

My wife and I had just finished reading "Love is a Decision," by Gary Smalley, when we decided to try this title that had been recommended on "Focus on the Family." We got the workbook and made a sincere attempt to read and discuss each chapter.

The more we tried to get into the book, the more uptight I got, until I coudn't stand it any more and got rid of it.

Some of the principles in this book are bound to be helpful, and I have no argument there, except that they kept calling them "rules" or "laws" or some such thing. Once something is called a "law" and you have trouble "obeying" it, it's easy to get down on oneself.

The other problem I had with the book, is that I felt like it was written by a committee. There were many times when the examples and illustrations made me go, "What?" They just didn't seem to fit with the point the authors were trying to make.

If you're looking for something more positive to nurture your marriage along, I'd recommend books by Smalley over this. I'd rather work on being friends with my wife than setting up boundaries.

The next book we're going to read is "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," by John M. Gottman. It's been highly recommended by someone we respect a great deal.

Rating:
Summary: Boundaries are divisive
Review: A book that concentrates on building "boundaries" in marriages is bound to be divisive. I should've figured that out from the title.

My wife and I had just finished reading "Love is a Decision," by Gary Smalley, when we decided to try this title that had been recommended on "Focus on the Family." We got the workbook and made a sincere attempt to read and discuss each chapter.

The more we tried to get into the book, the more uptight I got, until I coudn't stand it any more and got rid of it.

Some of the principles in this book are bound to be helpful, and I have no argument there, except that they kept calling them "rules" or "laws" or some such thing. Once something is called a "law" and you have trouble "obeying" it, it's easy to get down on oneself.

The other problem I had with the book, is that I felt like it was written by a committee. There were many times when the examples and illustrations made me go, "What?" They just didn't seem to fit with the point the authors were trying to make.

If you're looking for something more positive to nurture your marriage along, I'd recommend books by Smalley over this. I'd rather work on being friends with my wife than setting up boundaries.

The next book we're going to read is "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work," by John M. Gottman. It's been highly recommended by someone we respect a great deal.

Rating:
Summary: A horribly harmful book!
Review: By focusing on the separateness of the two individuals in unifying marriage, this book will only encourage the divisions that it seeks to stop. Claiming a form of biblicalness by referring to biblical passages but missing the biblical model of marriage, they write a book that will harm many a Christian marriage. Their thesis is that many of the post marital problems comes because Christian couples naively assume that when two become one they will truly be that: one. No, they say, they remain to be two and the only way to keep the troubles out are to define boundaries of each's individuality from the onset.

You hear none of this in the Bible. Rather you read, 'What God has joined together let no man separate.' Marriage is designed by God to be a supernatural unifying to two individuals, much like in the trinity, indeed the best picture of this unity that the world can see. 'Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.' A selfless love by the husband will keep conflicts to a minimum because he leads, not by following his own desires, but by looking out for her best interest. 'Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.'

Rather than saying that our conflicts are because we are rebelliously living outside of God's plan for marriage, 'Boundaries in Marriage' says that we just need to give each other their space. Some of the suggestions are wise and would help to make a more godly marriage, but not because we are honoring each others' individuality, but because they involved thinking of the other.

If you are just newly married or have been married for a while and are looking for some practical advice on making your marriage a better agent for God's glory I would recommend:
For wives - The Excellent Wife: A Biblical Perspective by Martha Peace
For husbands - Sex, Romance, and the Glory of God by C.J. Mahaney
For couples - Reforming Marriage by Douglas Wilson (although I do not agree with one-size-fits-all applications on areas such as homeschooling).

Rating:
Summary: Excellent book for all married people
Review: This book like all the others in the Townsend/Cloud series is real specific and great for anyone wanting to know more about healthy ways of relating. It helps to define who is responsible for what behavior and how to handle those that are out of control whether it is your spouse's or yours. Yes I had some real eye opener's and I like to think I do a great job, but I was just as responsible for my part in the marriage's success. Not all, but part. Boundaries in marriage gives you the tools for healthy relating and how to take action even if the other person is not. It brings people together not seperating with some cooky formula about men being so very different that they are from Mars. I think anyone who wants to take charge of the marriage or just feel good about their relationship should read this book.

Rating:
Summary: Excellent book for all married people
Review: This book like all the others in the Townsend/Cloud series is real specific and great for anyone wanting to know more about healthy ways of relating. It helps to define who is responsible for what behavior and how to handle those that are out of control whether it is your spouse's or yours. Yes I had some real eye opener's and I like to think I do a great job, but I was just as responsible for my part in the marriage's success. Not all, but part. Boundaries in marriage gives you the tools for healthy relating and how to take action even if the other person is not. It brings people together not seperating with some cooky formula about men being so very different that they are from Mars. I think anyone who wants to take charge of the marriage or just feel good about their relationship should read this book.

Rating:
Summary: a rehash
Review: This book was a rehash of the original Boundaries. Save your money and buy it instead.

Rating:
Summary: a rehash
Review: This book was a rehash of the original Boundaries. Save your money and but it instead.

Rating:
Summary: Boot Camp for Marriages
Review: This is an incredible book. It mirrors basic biblical principles and applies them to marriage. The whole time I was reading the book, I was thinking "This is so simple, but so profound". The book stresses Biblical "boundaries" for behavior between husband and wife. It encourages individuals to look at their own actions in a marriage and concentrate on improving their weaknesses. This could be uncomfortable for those who are unwilling to face the truth about themselves or take responsibility for their own faults. But if you are looking to read something that could greatly improve your marriage and your attitude towards relationships in general, this is the book to read.

Rating:
Summary: Boot Camp for Marriages
Review: This is an incredible book. It mirrors basic biblical principles and applies them to marriage. The whole time I was reading the book, I was thinking "This is so simple, but so profound". The book stresses Biblical "boundaries" for behavior between husband and wife. It encourages individuals to look at their own actions in a marriage and concentrate on improving their weaknesses. This could be uncomfortable for those who are unwilling to face the truth about themselves or take responsibility for their own faults. But if you are looking to read something that could greatly improve your marriage and your attitude towards relationships in general, this is the book to read.

Rating:
Summary: Boot Camp for Marriages
Review: This is an incredible book. It mirrors basic biblical principles and applies them to marriage. The whole time I was reading the book, I was thinking "This is so simple, but so profound". The book stresses Biblical "boundaries" for behavior between husband and wife. It encourages individuals to look at their own actions in a marriage and concentrate on improving their weaknesses. This could be uncomfortable for those who are unwilling to face the truth about themselves or take responsibility for their own faults. But if you are looking to read something that could greatly improve your marriage and your attitude towards relationships in general, this is the book to read.