If You Had Controlling Parents

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Summary: Excellent book!
Review: After 35 years of being controlled in subtle and manipulative ways (but never verbally or physically abused), I finally broke free from my controlling parent. The process was painful, but short, and now we have a wonderful HEALTHY relationship.

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Summary: A MUST read for parents and anyone that has had parents!
Review: ALL parents are controlling, they have to be, but sometimes "absolute power, corrupts absolutely"! It's when the boundaries of normal controls are pushed into the abusive or extreme catagories that life-long problems can arise.

If You Had Controlling Parents... is a fascinating look at different styles of extreme control, and their effects on the children (and now adults) they are targeted on.

Parenting (especially in these trying times) is difficult and complex and the trap many of us seem to fall into is to either repeat the mistakes our parents made or to go in the totally opposite direction in an effort to NOT do so. This books is about helping to find the balance.

It is said that those that forget the past (or history) are doomed to repeat it. This book is a tremendous first step in recognizing certain unhealthy patterns, learning to cope with them and thus heal from them and thereby being able to prevent them from re-occuring in the furture.

As a parent myself (coming from a controlling environment) I saw snippets of myself and my style and was able to re-adjust my thinking on certain issues with my own children. Raising emotionally healthy children is a glorious undertaking and we need all the help we can get. This book should definitely be in the arsenal as preventative medicine!

J.R. Burton

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Summary: Opens your eyes
Review: I read this book in just a few days and I'm so glad I did. It helped me finally clearly see the problems of my childhood. I felt before that I had somehow gotten stuck while I was growing up. But aside from a vague feeling that my parents hadn't let me express myself much, I felt that *I* was flawed and had somehow messed things up for myself. I didn't make the connection until I read this book. It brought everything into focus for me, and I see now that my parents fit the descriptions of controlling parents to the letter. I answered "yes" on all but a few of the quiz questions. I can look back and see things now so clearly, how my parents controlled, limited and confused me in just about every aspect of life. I thought normal parenting was that way before, having nothing to compare it to. It helped me to validate my own experiences as a victim, and stop feeling that I was just over-reacting or too sensative. Society seems to say so strongly that it's wrong to blame others for your problems, that it's the easy way out - finally this book says that it's ok, and it's the truth. And yet the beauty of this book is that it doesn't condemn the parents who control their children. I came away from the book with a feeling of sympathy and kinship for my parents as children who went through horrible and painful childhoods of deaths and beatings and abuse. And I feel that one day after I have fully worked through my anger and pain of how my childhood was, I can forgive and find peace with my parents because now I understand why they were the way they were.

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Summary: If you had controlling parents - please read this book
Review: If you had controlling parents, this book is one that you must read! It is indeed a life changing book.
This book is written with compassion, personal experience and years of research.
Controlling parenting and the effects on the psyche of the adult of such a childhood is enormous. However, this topic is not one that is often discussed. Therefore, adults of such childhood experiences often dwell with personal problems that are not understood within the proper context.
This book will lead you on a journey of self-discovery. It will tie together loose ends and make sense of unresolved issues and personal struggles. Dr. Neuharth helps the reader to understand that whatever personal issues they are facing, they can and will overcome them. The book discusses the different paths/resources one can take to begin the journey toward wholeness and health and encourages the reader to begin that journey.
The real work must be done once someone completes the book. They must decide what path they will choose to heal from their controlling childhoods and begin that journey.
Hats off to Dr. Neuharth for writing such a comprehensive compassionate and informative book that will set all who read it on the path to personal freedom and growth.

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Summary: Tremendously healing & thought-provoking book!
Review: So many self-help books are badly written, offering warmed-over rehashes of what's been said many times, or giving simplistic "Dr. Laura"-type answers to complex problems. IF YOU HAD CONTROLLING PARENTS is one of the most original, well-written, thought-provoking books I have read. This book provides the most penetrating understanding of dysfunctional family dynamics I've ever seen. I understand my controlling mother and "strong, silent" father on so many more levels than I thought possible after reading this book. The author gives many examples, exercises and questions, all of which encourage you to think for yourself -- which is particularly good after a lifetime of being told how to think.

While many self-help books help you understand a life problem but offer few tools to solve it, nearly half of this book is dedicated to offering wonderfully original ways of both healing and problem solving -- giving readers many ways to grow instead of some simple-minded pat formula.

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Summary: Moving and practical
Review: The stories in the book are touching and I believe everybody with psychological or self-esteem matters can find in it something he/she can relate to. Its biggest virtue is that it provides the first systemization of psychological cruelty and thoughtlessness in parent-child relationships which can also be applied to all, even adult relations where physical coercion and reality corruption is involved. You can go through the extensive checklists and find a lot to reflect upon your past, analyze it, and finally let it go.

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Summary: I had no idea
Review: This book from Dan Neuharth describes the different aspects and forms of toxic parenthood.

You learn to analyze your particular "controlling" situation and how to counteract. Quite practical!

If your feelings about your parents are somehow strange,guild loaden, fearful etc, the author helps you to clarify the situation and offers practical adivse. Interaction and communication get improved adhoc. Highly recommendable!

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Summary: fantastic book
Review: This book was written for those of us who grew up in an unhealthy environment, and had parents who controlled us in unhealthy ways. The author emphasizes working through our issues as adults, not playing "blame games." Interviews with people from all walks of life are liberally quoted throughout each chapter.

What makes this book exceptional is that the author is advocating education and change, not revenge. He shows how examining your parents' history in detail can help you heal and move forward as a fully functioning adult free to make decisions based on something else than what your parents' would say.

Controlling parents don't have to be outwardly abusive nor do they always have malevolent intentions towards their children. However, trauma stays with a person and its after-effects can be passed on to the next generation.

The author clearly contrasts unhealthy with healthy parenting and offers checklists to help the reader. He explores why people overcontrol, and he provides exercises to help the reader work through his or her feelings. Most helpfully, he reiterates that it was not the reader's fault, and it is not required that the reader change - but if he or she begins to explore that possibility, it can lead to great rewards.

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Summary: very real and I can relate to so much
Review: This was the first book I bought to help me get through the long journey of healing that I am beginning now after years and years of abuse. I started to read it and couldn't put it down. I was reading so much about my own life that I couldnt wait to see what else it said. I come from a family of emotional, verbal and physical abuse and have constantly struggled with feelings of anger, sadness, resentment and guilt. This book opened my eyes to alot of things I didn't know but also made me feel like I'm not crazy, this did happen to me and I have a right to feel how I do. It helped myself feel stronger and stern about having my own emotions and not ignoring how I feel. I definitely think this book can help you learn if your parents controlled you and what you should do about it now, especially if they are still doing it. I think that this book can help, but I think that someone who has gone through what is discussed in this book, should also seek therapy to heal as well.