Breaking Apart : A Memoir of Divorce

Rating:
Summary: A Banal Attempt at Self-Pity
Review: As a divorced father of two, I tried to share the author's pain as she slowly delves into her own experiences. However, as I read chapter after chapter, I found out more about her own emotional problems than her husband's supposed ones. How could any good mother publicly denigrate the character of her children's father? One day her poor sons will realize how she put their pain on display in order to satisfy her fear that she was as much responsibile for the failure of her marriage as her husband.

Rating:
Summary: A Good Look At Divorce
Review: I checked out the book at the library for personal research on how divorce affects family. In this memoir, the author writes candidly about her family and her marriage to her ex-husband. She had fantasies of marriage as well as divorce only to be hit with the reality of both. Despite how tedious the book could be at times, one can't help but get delved into the story of her marriage and divorce.
It's sad that most divorces can't work out amicably. There are just some people who make these cases more difficult for those around them and our legal system just adds gasoline to the flames not even thinking of those most affected by it--children. Ms. Swallow had to realize that not only did she want was best for her children, so did her husband. Both had to seek therapy in order to make the best out of their worst situation. This book was worth the read.

Rating:
Summary: Uncomfortably dramatic
Review: I had considered reading this book after finding on this site an odd mix of older, mostly negative reviews, immediately followed by a cluster of positive comments. I have to say, despite my best intentions, I wasn't particularly moved by the end. I'm uncomfortable with the overly sentimental style Swallow throws out, particularly in relation to her personal problems. This is not material that lends to melodrama if children of divorce are meant to read and apply to their own lives. I fear all they will come away with is more than they needed to know about not divorce, but the author.

Rating:
Summary: Confirmation that I was not the only one to experience this.
Review: I have never written a review here, but I just looked at the negative reviews and I felt compelled to defend this book that was my life-line at a certain point in my life. I think, that unless you have experienced something similar to this -- and not all divorces or marriages mirror this -- it is difficult to understand. I was married to a very intelligent, charming, and bi-polar man as well. It really helped me to step outside myself and see the situation from a different vantage point to understand why I made the choices I did, like having a second child, then a third. I cried, nodded and talked to the book the whole way through. It was such a close mirror to what happened to me. It was also a great book to give to my mother, my best friend and my sisters who were never privvy to just how bad things were until it was over. It helped them understand what it was like for me. She ended it with hope for me that the future was going to be OK. Now I have just discovered her sequel, memoirs on remarriage. Once again she is a step ahead of me in the same life path. I remarried last weekend. This book may not be great for someone who has never had a similar experience. But for anyone who has clung to a dream of the way life should be despite being emotionally battered, and then faces reality, will definitely appreciate it.

Rating:
Summary: boring, slow, vapid - glad i got it from the library
Review: i read a review of this book on amazon.com that was very favorable - did we read the same book? i almost wonder if i should rate this book at all, considering that i only got through about 75 pages. usually i'll force myself to finish any book, but this was such a waste of time that i returned it immediately. good for my pocketbook, since it's the first book i've actually returned on time to the library in years! thanks wendy. better luck next time.

Rating:
Summary: If only we had "no stars" available...
Review: It seems to me that if more time and effort were spent with our families, our loved ones, our significant others - the world would be a far better place. And not only because the warm fuzzies would abound. Because there would be less cause for books such as this to be written.

It's not enough that the author internally blames everyone else for her problems; she has to tell us all about it, too.

I'm a fan of true "self-help" as much as the next person... however, this book helps no one. (Perhaps not even the author, who - though apparently trying to reach some semblence of catharsis - is so vapid and self-absorbed she will probably lose whatever respect she has from her children the moment they read this piece of "woe is me" drivel.

Don't waste your time. If you're going through a rough spot in your marriage, if you're thinking of a divorce, if you're currently going through a divorce, or if you're recently divorced (or, if you're close to someone who falls into any of the preceding categories), do yourself a favor - go see a therapist. It may cost a bit more, but you'll actually do yourself some good.

Rating:
Summary: Required reading for every married couple that fights!
Review: This book had me teary-eyed in the introduction when the author wrote about two photos she keeps of her kids on her desk. One, taken at the beach, was the last she took of her innocent sons before her parents "ripped their world apart by divorcing."

The value of this book is the author's ability to articulate the disappointment of the realities of married life. I found it more helpful than any self-help book I've ever read --and I've read tons. As her story (and her pain) was unfolding, I kept wanting to recommend good books to her! (The Dance of Anger, by Harriet Lerner especially.)

By describing the "reality" of what your divorce fantasies could lead to, I think this book can save a lot of marriages. Anyone who fights with their spouse and is even considering the option of divorce should read it. What horrified me at first --"Joint Custody" -- in the end did seem truly the best solution for everyone because of all the steps the author and her ex-husband took to help the other out as a single parent in the best interest of their kids. But I know I can't stand to be away from my kids for even 24 hours ... the reality of divorce is that you do lose significant time with your kids. Even absent fathers sometimes gain custody later on as kids idolize the non-custodial parent.
The author covers everything. Inept lawyers. Depression. Loneliness. Finding support. In one part where one of her married friends confides about kissing a coworker in the elevator-- confessing how exciting it was-- the author (rightfully) says : "Don't do it! Think of your children! Don't EVER stop thinking of your children."

Rating:
Summary: Please validate my feelings
Review: While I could see this book becoming a respectable late night Lifetime movie, I would hardly call it a must read. The book chronicles (in agonizing detail) the authors separation and subsequent divorce. The thinly veiled attempt at helping others through this difficult process is frequently overshadowed by seemingly unending pleas for sympathy and desperate attempts for the validation of her feelings.

If you are going through a similar situation, I would avoid this book at all costs. Upon finishing this book, you may, as the author did, have a completely distorted perception of your life and the rest of the world. On the other hand, if you would like to wallow in the misery of a failed relationship and convince yourself that a worse fate cannot befall you, order this book immediately.