And I Don't Want to Live This Life

Rating:
Summary: Not an easy read, but fascinating
Review: I bought this book because I wanted some insight into one of the most enigmatic couples in pop culture history - Sid and Nancy. While Nancy's story as told by her mother was not at all what I might have expected, it did not disappoint.

Not knowing about Nancy's horrendous suffering (seemingly equal to that of her family)as baby, child and adolesecent, one would obviously think her last two frenetic years spent with Sid --ending in murder/suicide --represented the end of a tragic downward spiral of a young life. But having read the chronological saga of Nancy as told in Deborah Spungen's book, it becomes crazily apparent that the short few months in the Punk scene with Sid was the pinnacle of Nancy's miserable life, and complete with lurid aspects, without doubt the only period in which she was happy.

Though Nancy's mother (who in subsequent years has gotten her Masters in Social Policy Work) seems to realize this with a singularly objective eye on one hand in her account, she raises some curious questions about her own perspective and priorities on the other.

Readers looking for the skinny on Sid and Nancy will need to work their way through the painfully hair-raising episodes of Nancy's tormented babyhood, childhood and adolescence which take up 80 percent of the book. (These details may sound unbelievable to anyone who has not personally known of such a biochemically skewed child, but Nancy's story may offer interest -- though not much in the way of hope -- to parents of children with undiagnosed congenital personality disorders.)

But the background, the difficult and lengthy recounting of the horrific sufferings of Nancy and her family, is essential in order to appreciate the relationship of Nancy and Sid -- one of the saddest, the bitterly sweetest, and arguably the only real love story to come out of the punk period.

Some of the most revealing and poignant Sid lore available in print comes unexpectedly in Sid's own voice as quoted by Deborah. Remarkably, after being released on bond from jail after being charged with Nancy's murder, Sid called Mrs. Spungen with a heartfelt apology for not being able to attend her funeral. And what do you know, the book title "And I Don't Want to Live This Life" comes--not from Nancy's words, but Sid's--in a surprisingly well-written and juicy letter to Mrs. Spungen about his love for Nancy.

Some interesting quirks exist in Mrs. Spungen's tome (one small but curious example: in the only two references made to Johnny Rotten Lydon, she calls him John "Lyman"). And other more intriguing questions could be raised about where Deborah Spungen is really coming from. In one aspect of consciousness, Deborah seems to realize that a)Sid and Nancy truly loved one another as best these two individuals could, b)Nancy's death was more suicide than murder in view of what few facts are known (for example, Nancy herself purchased the knife that killed her two days before her death), and c)Nancy was destined to die young as a victim of her own incorrigible biochemical nature.

Yet, when all is said and done, Deborah chooses to pledge her resources in the aftermath to "Parents of Murdered Children." From all Deborah and her family had been through for the entire twenty years of hell Nancy was on earth, this focus seems to rather miss the point. It would seem to an observer that a more fruitful and applicable endeavor might be research into congenital aberrations of personality -- more specifically blood bilerubin abnormalities at birth -- which she early on identifies as the prime suspected cause of Nancy's life of frenzied misery.

It's probably more of a woman's than a man's book - but a truly fascinating read on many levels.

Rating:
Summary: Captivating
Review: i've never been one who reads for enjoyment, but i must say, deborah spungen keeps your eyes glued to the pages in this book. her words pain the story out. you cna literally picture exactly what she's talking about. it's an amazing story of a mother's struggle with her troubled daughter.

Rating:
Summary: An exceptional account of a mother's love
Review: Until I read this book a few months ago, I believed all the negative things I'd heard about Nancy - mostly that she was a repulsive, drug-addicted, attention-seeking groupie with absolutely no redeeming qualities. There never was anything good in the press, even these many years after her death. I'm not one to accept everything I hear as gospel; I just never heard anything to convince me otherwise. When I first learned that Nancy's mom had written a book about her I was curious to hear the inside story. It took me over ten years to find it, and from the start I was drawn in, because I was reading things that reminded me so much of my own childhood, but far more extreme. I cannot begin to imagine the horrors the Spungens endured as a result of Nancy's existence. I've read hundreds of books in my life, but not one has moved me the way Mrs Spungen's account has. I truly believe that she and her husband did the best they could for their daughter. For detractors who claim that Mrs Spungen was not an adequate mother and was simply shifting the blame for her own perceived failures onto her daughter, I can only say that unless you've lived through a similiar situation, you cannot possibly understand or appreciate what she went through, and how difficult it must've been for her to invite an underserving public into her own world to share her experiences. I was only six years old when Nancy died, so I didn't have a first hand account of the punk era, or the violence that came with it. Everything I learned came from my reading. I believe the story is well told, giving the reader insight from the beginning of Nancy's life up until the tragic end. And despite everything that Nancy was, I felt a certain love for her, because I know what it is like to have to deal with uncontrollable emotions. I was diagnosed with schizo-affective disorder when I was 22. My entire life up to that point (and even beyond) had been a source of anguish for both my parents, neither of whom ever sought medical attention until I almost succeeded in ending my life. It was only after my mother's death that I was able to seek treatment on my own, and receive the medication I needed for stability. Even so, I do not believe my illness is taken seriously by the medical community. The Spungens constantly tried to get help for their daughter, and were similarly told that Nancy's behavior was 'normal'. I believe this book should be required reading for anyone involved in the mental health profession. Mrs Spungen helped me realize a lot about myself in relation to others, and I have a better understanding of the inadequacies of the medical world. I just hope this book helps others to understand that they are not alone.