The Secret Lives of Married Men : Interviews With Gay Men Who Played It Straight

Rating:
Summary: OK, so it's not the best book you'll ever read...
Review: ...but while I respect the opinions of my fellow reviewers, please give this one a chance. EVERYONE out there---straight AND gay---can relate in one way or another to one or more of the personal declarations in this anthology. What is of interest here is the inflexible march of time and how things change and evolve as the clock ticks on...from oldest to youngest, the contributors share with us a chronicle of feelings, perceptions, fears, hopes, expectations, aspirations, losses---you name it, the list is almost endless---not only for themselves but their families, friends and loved ones as well. Leave your judgement behind---this is real life and it really happens, whether or not you choose to believe or accept it.

Rating:
Summary: OK, so it's not the best book you'll ever read...
Review: ...but while I respect the opinions of my fellow reviewers, please give this one a chance. EVERYONE out there---straight AND gay---can relate in one way or another to one or more of the personal declarations in this anthology. What is of interest here is the inflexible march of time and how things change and evolve as the clock ticks on...from oldest to youngest, the contributors share with us a chronicle of feelings, perceptions, fears, hopes, expectations, aspirations, losses---you name it, the list is almost endless---not only for themselves but their families, friends and loved ones as well. Leave your judgement behind---this is real life and it really happens, whether or not you choose to believe or accept it.

Rating:
Summary: Lots of stories, but no illumination
Review: Because I, like many gay men, have an interest in and attraction to married men, I purchased this "true stories" book. While the interviews are interesting, most are not very enlightening. Also, the author apparently interviewed only good looking, younger-than-their-age looking men. I guess men who look their age (or, horrors, older) and/or are only average looking aren't gay and don't get married. Perpetuating self-hating stereotypes contradicts the advancement this book strives to achieve. The writing is amateurish at best, and the publisher apparently does not employ an editor. The book is a nightmare from a writing perspective. I applaud the men presented in the book for telling their stories. I'm sure that, if presented properly, they would be very helpful and educational to all men. The author's conclusion does not belong in this book. It is more suited for a text about non-traditional families. If you must read this book, borrow it or buy it used. At full price, it's disappointing.

Rating:
Summary: Some interest, little insight
Review: David Leddick's volume of interviews with gay men who once were or are currently married to women promises a good deal more than it delivers. Organized by the age of interviewed subjects, starting with the oldest, the mostly short interviews are sometimes touching, sometimes titillating. After a very short while, however, monotony sets in, due to the sameness of the subjects (handsome, successful, professional, and with a very few exceptions, white) and the persistent lack of any real insight into the motivations of the men profiled. Credit must be given to Leddick for not attempting psychoanalysis for which he is obviously not qualified; but the lack of any compensating interest or other profundity means the final impression is quite similar to many of his collections of male nude photographs--polished, facile but hard to remember when one has closed the book.

Rating:
Summary: Dull Dull Dull
Review: I think my title says it all really. Not insight very repetitive and not well written. What should have been an interesting topic poorly handled. The only interest was the changes of attitudes over the decades. Borrow this from the Library or but second hand

Rating:
Summary: Review by Richard Violette, Library Journal, Sept. 1, 2003
Review: I would like to call readers' attention to a review by Richard Violette of "Secret Lives" by David Leddick. This review appeared in the Library Journal of Sept.1, 2003.
"Why would a gay man marry a woman? Leddick ('Intimate Companions'; 'My Worst Date') has discovered as many reasons as the 40 men profiled here. Ranging in age from 29 to 88 and representing a broad spectrum of ethnicity and spirituality, these men are grouped by generation. Men born before World War II married almost by rote, succumbing to parental pressure, desires to procreate, or the mores of the time, which deemed wives necessary for socioeconomic mobility. Succeeding generations, influenced by the sexual revolution of the Sixties and gay liberation in the Seventies, have more easily accepted the fluid nature of their sexuality and adapted their lives accordingly. While most ultimately abandoned their marriages, many genuinely loved their wives and sought to establish a modus vivendi that allowed for both traditional family life and discreet same-sex relationships. Leddick trains a novelist's eye on his subjects, allowing each to emerge as a fully fleshed human being in a few pages. These engaging portraits are subtly voyeuristic, as the come-hither title implies, without being prurient. By turns witty, frank, thoughtful, and compassionate, this book is recommended for all gay and lesbian studies collections."

Rating:
Summary: Terrible Writing
Review: This book is a nightmare to read - the writing was so bad that I had to read multiple pages two or three times to even understand what the author was trying to say. The publisher obviously did not employ an editor.

Not only is the writing terrible, the stories are shallow and unenlightening. Leddick seems more interested in how the people he interviewed looked than what they had to say. Here are just a couple quotes showing how little depth this book has:

"He has quite a story. But the first thing you should know about him is that he is very cute."

"Brad Appel is a dashing guy. With his powerfully muscled body and wrestler's stance, he attracts quite a few admirers at the gym he frequents."

Anyone with a bit of education will have trouble understanding his child-like writing from the poorly written introduction to the disappointing end. There is no logical link between much of what happens in this book. The interviews are reminiscent of how a Kindergartener would tell a story - "he did this then he did this then he did this then he did this" - however, it does not attempt to analyze in depth the psychological processes going on in these married men's heads. It does more to perpetuate sterotypes of gay men (including the author) than allow the reader to draw any insightful conclusions about what should be a very interesting issue. I am quite disappointed in the book and would NOT recommend it to anyone. I am shocked it was published in this form.