Rating: 
Summary: Kaiser rolled by Major League Baseball
Review: "Mother, may I slug the umpire?" an anonymously-written 19th century poem asks. "May I slug him right away? So he cannot be here, mother, when the clubs begin to play?"Baseball fans still feel the same way, so why has the umpire continued to endure to the present day? Well, even an umpire is entitled to his say, and it was with great interest that I picked up this book written by Ken Kaiser, former major league umpire who lost his job in the famous putsch of 1999 when the umpire's union crashed and burned against an implacable war of management sentiment. "In retrospect, this has to rank as one of the worst decisions made in the history of labor negotiations," Kaiser bemoans. "They were telling me that the best way to keep my job was to resign. Hey, made sense to me. I'd like to say that I knew it was a bad idea and fought against it. Oh, would I like to say that. I can't." Kaiser acknowledges trusting union chief Richie Phillips too much, based on Phillips's track record, and Kaiser's honesty throughout this book is to be commended. He insists that umpires cannot and do not favor certain teams or players, even subconsciously, because umpiring is an automatic process and it would take too much forethought to favor anyone. I'm certain that he really believes this, but there are too many credible stories floating around about strike zones expanding for pitchers like Greg Maddux and shrinking for hitters like Ted Williams. An umpire behind the plate during one of Hall of Famer Rogers Hornsby's at-bats once told fuming pitcher Jumbo Jim Elliott, "Whenever it's a strike, Mr. Hornsby will let you know about it." Kaiser admits that umpires make mistakes; he admits that umpires are human beings (that last point makes me hiccough, but I won't contest it). He admits that no two umpires have the same strike zone; he admits that no home plate umpire can work a nine-inning game without missing some calls. He's honest enough to admit these things, but not perspicacious enough to see their ramifications. An umpire can have all of the good will in the world, but one muff on his part can cost a deserving team a ballgame - or something more than just one ballgame. Don Denkinger's famous blown call at first base in the 1985 World Series might have cost the Cardinals a world championship. Kaiser acknowledges all of this and specifically alludes to the Denkinger call in this book, but his attitude is that the umpires are the most important aspect of the game anyway. Though he has friendships with a number of individual players and managers, he regards them, as a group, with disdain, In Kaiser`s opinion, a blown umpire's call that might rob an otherwise deserving team of a ballgame victory or championship is just one of the tributes that teams and their fans must pay to him and his colleagues. He tells one hitter that he called out on a third strike, "I might have missed one, but you missed two." Uh, Ken; the hitter was entitled to THREE strikes, and if you missed a call, you robbed him of one of them. His feelings are hurt that Roberto Alomar wasn't suspended from the 1996 League Championship playoffs for the high crime of spitting in the face of umpire John Hirschbeck. Alomar was fined and suspended for five games at the beginning of the following season, which would seem to have served the interests of justice, but Kaiser would have sacrificed the Orioles' championship dreams on the altar of his wrath by suspending Alomar from the playoffs. Yet, in the same breath, Kaiser professes to be shocked, shocked, shocked about umpire Tom Hallion's being suspended after a 1999 ballgame for bumping Colorado Rockies catcher Jeff Reed - the first time that an umpire had ever been suspended for this reason. In the eternal war between combatant and umpire, only one party, in Kaiser's estimation, is allowed to initiate physical contact with the other. It simply doesn't occur to Kaiser that it was probably just this sort of hubris that caused him and his colleagues to attempt to strengthen their job security by resigning from their jobs. It was that attitude which accounted for the almost universal lack of sympathy displayed toward the umpires during the labor dispute. Still, you have to love the game and be just a little bit crazy to become an umpire - the only participant in the game without any fans. Umpires tend to be large men with attitudes, and Kaiser, who also describes his brief career as a professional wrestler, fits the stereotype perfectly. Kaiser provides graphic descriptions of the hardships that must be endured by umpires in the minor leagues and indeed, had to be endured in the major leagues, before unionization. Umpire school is literally like boot camp, and it might have substituted as a military career. "When I graduated from high school in 1964, I had no precise plans for my future," he explains. "My long-range plan was lunch. The only thing I knew about umpire school was that they didn't look at your SAT's." True to form, Kaiser also tells of an interesting childhood in a working-class neighborhood that set him on the road to dark blue hell. "I never looked for trouble, but when it showed up, I didn't walk away." His profession was clearly a matter of destiny. Kaiser deserves credit for his physical and mental toughness and for his dedication to the game, but he leaves this fan unconvinced that umpires are even necessary for the game, let alone the most valuable participants in it. All I know is that the honor system worked well enough on the playground. "Let me mop the ground up, Mother, with his person, dearest do. If the ground can stand it, Mother, I don't see why you can't too."
Rating:
Summary: Right Guy, Wrong Book
Review: Anyone who read Ron Luciano's hilarious umpiring books about 20 years ago will remember all about Kenny Kaiser. Luciano was the larger-than-life ump (who met a too tragic end) with the penchant for over-the-top calls, and Kaiser the sidekicks featured in several of his anecdotes. Kaiser's baseball career also met something of a tragic end, and he's been out of the game exactly four years now. "Planet of the Umps" is his own attempt at setting the record straight, describing the horrible conditions that Major League umpires were subject to before the 1970s. However, if some of the material here seems familiar, it's because... you've read it before. Co-author David Fisher also ghost-wrote the Luciano memoirs. Granted, I haven't read Luciano in a few years, but I recognized at least three stories recycled wholesale from those earlier books. See pages 158, 167 and 172 for the repeat offenders. And, if memory serves me right, the one on 172 actually has a different ending. "Planet" also suffers from extremely poor editing and fact-checking. Fisher spells several ump names incorrectly (here we read about Lee Wyer, Harry Wendlestat and Dutch Rennart), and, even worse, commits the Cardinal Baseball Sin: He misspells the name Ripken. Come on! The name Ripken appeared in major-league boxscores for 2,632 consecutive games... and also several All-Star games and three playoffs. Why would anyone even think it's spelled "Ripkin"? I'm sorry, but this incorrect spelling crops up so often I'm starting to doubt my own sanity. Fisher/Kaiser also describe several games precisely as they didn't occur. The last out of Gaylord Perry's 300th career win, remembered on page 97, was not a strikeout. Kaiser lovingly recalls the length (4 hours, 40 minutes) of a 14-inning Seattle-Anaheim game in the 1997 season... however, those two teams didn't ever play an extra-inning games that year. In this era of Retrosheet, those mistakes are hard to forgive. It only takes about 45 seconds of web time to verify details... why not just get it right? Oh, and page 151 has the author watching ESPN several years before the network debuted. Anyway. "Planet of the Umps" is a short, easygoing read. It's a good source of classic baseball stories, especially if you're new to baseball bios. Baseball's own history is less than accurate, so you might easily forgive the lack of research. You can finish the book in a day, and the final chapter describing the undeserved ending of Kaiser's career is still a sad one. Buy the book, if even just to support the man himself. Just don't believe everything you read!
Rating:
Summary: Right Guy, Wrong Book
Review: Anyone who read Ron Luciano's hilarious umpiring books about 20 years ago will remember all about Kenny Kaiser. Luciano was the larger-than-life ump (who met a too tragic end) with the penchant for over-the-top calls, and Kaiser the sidekicks featured in several of his anecdotes. Kaiser's baseball career also met something of a tragic end, and he's been out of the game exactly four years now. "Planet of the Umps" is his own attempt at setting the record straight, describing the horrible conditions that Major League umpires were subject to before the 1970s. However, if some of the material here seems familiar, it's because... you've read it before. Co-author David Fisher also ghost-wrote the Luciano memoirs. Granted, I haven't read Luciano in a few years, but I recognized at least three stories recycled wholesale from those earlier books. See pages 158, 167 and 172 for the repeat offenders. And, if memory serves me right, the one on 172 actually has a different ending. "Planet" also suffers from extremely poor editing and fact-checking. Fisher spells several ump names incorrectly (here we read about Lee Wyer, Harry Wendlestat and Dutch Rennart), and, even worse, commits the Cardinal Baseball Sin: He misspells the name Ripken. Come on! The name Ripken appeared in major-league boxscores for 2,632 consecutive games... and also several All-Star games and three playoffs. Why would anyone even think it's spelled "Ripkin"? I'm sorry, but this incorrect spelling crops up so often I'm starting to doubt my own sanity. Fisher/Kaiser also describe several games precisely as they didn't occur. The last out of Gaylord Perry's 300th career win, remembered on page 97, was not a strikeout. Kaiser lovingly recalls the length (4 hours, 40 minutes) of a 14-inning Seattle-Anaheim game in the 1997 season... however, those two teams didn't ever play an extra-inning games that year. In this era of Retrosheet, those mistakes are hard to forgive. It only takes about 45 seconds of web time to verify details... why not just get it right? Oh, and page 151 has the author watching ESPN several years before the network debuted. Anyway. "Planet of the Umps" is a short, easygoing read. It's a good source of classic baseball stories, especially if you're new to baseball bios. Baseball's own history is less than accurate, so you might easily forgive the lack of research. You can finish the book in a day, and the final chapter describing the undeserved ending of Kaiser's career is still a sad one. Buy the book, if even just to support the man himself. Just don't believe everything you read!
Rating: 
Summary: Great Read!
Review: I enjoyed this book very much. Many funny and insightful stories. You really get a feel for what the life of an umpire is like...the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Rating:
Summary: A Great Book
Review: I loved this book. It literally made me laugh until I cried. I couldn't put it down. I loved reading about behind the scenes in baseball and I especially enjoyed walking down memory lane picturing Ken Kaiser on the field. A great read, highly recommended, and a note to Mr. Kaiser..........I hope you win your battle with MLB, you deserve it. You were a great umpire, hang in there. As a great lover of baseball, I still can appreciate the job you did, even if I didn't always agree. Good Luck! Everyone else.........buy the book and give it as gifts. It makes a wonderful reading experience.
Rating:
Summary: Great Read!
Review: I was given this book to read while I was sick in bed. I love baseball, but I probably would not have picked up this book on my own. I was not, however, at all disappointed. Ken Kaiser's book made for a wonderful read. He (or his co-author) correctly understood that this type of autobiography is only of interest as it pertains to the world of baseball, so there is very little about Kaiser's personal life away from the job. Kaiser's anecdotes are often funny and very revealing of the umpire's job. He dispels many ideas of how an umpire makes certain calls. Much of these myths are voiced by sportscasters/writers who like to sound as if they know the inside scoop of the game including the mind of the umps. I knew of Kaiser's name when he umpired, but I was mostly neutral about him, unlike my positive thoughts about the delightful Ron Luciano, or the less happy thoughts of someone like Rich Garcia. His stories also make clear that what some believe as the self importance of the current umpires is nothing new to the game, but their working conditions have certainly improved. The book ends sadly, though, with Kaiser an apparent victim of the Richie Phillips led union. Don't get me wrong, Kaiser is a big fellow and capable of making up his own mind, but the former union's advise was equaled in absurdity by the former air traffic controllers union. The result was predictable and the game is not better off. Kaiser deserves much credit for providing a well articulated defense of the umpire's job, his tributes to Ron Luciano, the Ripkens and his blasts at Earl Weaver, sports journalists, and the baseball hierarchy.
Rating: 
Summary: A safe call for baseball fans to read.
Review: I was given this book to read while I was sick in bed. I love baseball, but I probably would not have picked up this book on my own. I was not, however, at all disappointed. Ken Kaiser's book made for a wonderful read. He (or his co-author) correctly understood that this type of autobiography is only of interest as it pertains to the world of baseball, so there is very little about Kaiser's personal life away from the job. Kaiser's anecdotes are often funny and very revealing of the umpire's job. He dispels many ideas of how an umpire makes certain calls. Much of these myths are voiced by sportscasters/writers who like to sound as if they know the inside scoop of the game including the mind of the umps. I knew of Kaiser's name when he umpired, but I was mostly neutral about him, unlike my positive thoughts about the delightful Ron Luciano, or the less happy thoughts of someone like Rich Garcia. His stories also make clear that what some believe as the self importance of the current umpires is nothing new to the game, but their working conditions have certainly improved. The book ends sadly, though, with Kaiser an apparent victim of the Richie Phillips led union. Don't get me wrong, Kaiser is a big fellow and capable of making up his own mind, but the former union's advise was equaled in absurdity by the former air traffic controllers union. The result was predictable and the game is not better off. Kaiser deserves much credit for providing a well articulated defense of the umpire's job, his tributes to Ron Luciano, the Ripkens and his blasts at Earl Weaver, sports journalists, and the baseball hierarchy.
Rating:
Summary: Good stuff.. but a lot of it is already out there.
Review: If you have the late Ron Luciano's books (The Umpire Strikes Back" and "Strike Two", you have a lot of the stories that former Major League umpire Ken Kaiser tells in this book. If you can't find Luciano's books (they are long since out of print), these stories are FUNNY and an insightful look into the world of an umpire. Argumentative, intimidating, and expressive is the man known as Ken Kaiser. He was one of the few umnpires to ever make the major league baseball players top 10 list of umpires.. at the same time he was on the BOTTOM 10 list of umpires!! I guess what I'm saying is, you'll either like it, or hate it. I liked it a lot, besides the repeated stories.
Rating: 
Summary: Lame
Review: If you have the late Ron Luciano's books (The Umpire Strikes Back" and "Strike Two", you have a lot of the stories that former Major League umpire Ken Kaiser tells in this book. If you can't find Luciano's books (they are long since out of print), these stories are FUNNY and an insightful look into the world of an umpire. Argumentative, intimidating, and expressive is the man known as Ken Kaiser. He was one of the few umnpires to ever make the major league baseball players top 10 list of umpires.. at the same time he was on the BOTTOM 10 list of umpires!! I guess what I'm saying is, you'll either like it, or hate it. I liked it a lot, besides the repeated stories.
Rating:
Summary: LIFE WITH A UMPIRE
Review: Mr.Kaisers book is a must for anyone at all interested in what those men in blue do. I for one, did not know,but was extremely curious as to what goes on when a batter,manager,pitcher,or even a fan yells at a umpire. Kaiser tells it like you would be behind the mask yourself. I think the patience to be a umpire is only second to being a high school teacher. Having a somewhat career as a pro-wrestler helps in both cases. This book is the best I have read about the life on and off the field and the struggles to become a major league umpire.
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