Becoming a Man : Half a Life Story (Perennial Classics)

Rating:
Summary: Brilliantly Written but Disingenuous
Review: Born in 1945 to a small-town, middle-class New England family, Paul Monette--like most Americans of the era--was spoon-fed a negative knee-jerk re homosexuality. When he himself began to realize that his own sexuality was at odds with society's dictums he entered two decades of struggle: first a struggle to at least give the appearance of conformity, then a struggle to step beyond the status quo itself. And BECOMING A MAN is a very powerful testament of that struggle, of the price paid, of the self-destructive behavior that the false conformity of "being in the closet" inevitably produces.

It is extremely difficult to read BECOMING A MAN without sharing the sense of fury and bitterness that Monette felt when he contemplates his life, and if ever there were an argument in favor of sexual honesty, this is it: the language, an artful mix of the literary and the hardbitten, is remarkable, and Monette pulls no punches when it comes to detailing the fear that drove him. Truly, the book deserves every accolade heaped upon it.

All the same, it is a remarkably disingenuous memoir. Even as Monette displays a justifiable loathing for the social institutions that buried him alive for some three decades, he tends to disregard a basic point: he was in many ways a remarkably privileged individual who actually fed upon those same institutions, having a host of opportunities that few people--gay or straight--ever have. It was his own determination to place social advantage above personal integrity that led to his decision to remain in the closet in the first place.

True, Monette (who died of AIDS not long after this book was published) was born and came of age in an era that had little tolerance for anything beyond the status quo. But Monette presents being in the closet as something forced upon him by external forces--and this is not strictly true. There was a choice, and bitter though it was for him and the many others who made it, being in the closet was actually the path of least resistance at the time. To pretend that it was otherwise does a tremendous disservice to those of his generation who found the courage to select an even more difficult road of sexual honesty.

GFT, Amazon Reviewer

Rating:
Summary: Brilliantly Written but Disingenuous
Review: Born in 1945 to a small-town, middle-class New England family, Paul Monette--like most Americans of the era--was spoon-fed a negative knee-jerk re homosexuality. When he himself began to realize that his own sexuality was at odds with society's dictums he entered two decades of struggle: first a struggle to at least give the appearance of conformity, then a struggle to step beyond the status quo itself. And BECOMING A MAN is a very powerful testament of that struggle, of the price paid, of the self-destructive behavior that the false conformity of "being in the closet" inevitably produces.

It is extremely difficult to read BECOMING A MAN without sharing the sense of fury and bitterness that Monette felt when he contemplates his life, and if ever there were an argument in favor of sexual honesty, this is it: the language, an artful mix of the literary and the hardbitten, is remarkable, and Monette pulls no punches when it comes to detailing the fear that drove him. Truly, the book deserves every accolade heaped upon it.

All the same, it is a remarkably disingenuous memoir. Even as Monette displays a justifiable loathing for the social institutions that buried him alive for some three decades, he tends to disregard a basic point: he was in many ways a remarkably privileged individual who actually fed upon those same institutions, having a host of opportunities that few people--gay or straight--ever have. It was his own determination to place social advantage above personal integrity that led to his decision to remain in the closet in the first place.

True, Monette (who died of AIDS not long after this book was published) was born and came of age in an era that had little tolerance for anything beyond the status quo. But Monette presents being in the closet as something forced upon him by external forces--and this is not strictly true. There was a choice, and bitter though it was for him and the many others who made it, being in the closet was actually the path of least resistance at the time. To pretend that it was otherwise does a tremendous disservice to those of his generation who found the courage to select an even more difficult road of sexual honesty.

GFT, Amazon Reviewer

Rating:
Summary: Inspirational story of someone that could be you or me...
Review: Each time I pick up this book I feel like I'm reading a letter from a friend. Paul Monette writes like you or I, in his most colourful autobiography, which pulls you in from the outset and doesn't let you go until the end. If you've read Borrowed Time, Monette's simple sentence at the conclusion strikes you with amazing inspiration - "Paul Monette, say hello to the rest of your life" as he meets Roger for the first time, his partner of many years to come. You realise that events that change your whole life can happen in an instant, with no warning.

This is the story of his life up until that moment, filled with honest stories and no apology recollections. For anyone that has ever doubted whether it's worth it, this book is a must. If only for that brief moment at a party that changes the rest of your life, your past was definately worth it.

Read this book!

Rating:
Summary: Almost Too Close for Comfort
Review: I bought this book both because it was a coming out story and because of the National Book Award. I knew it would be a good read but had no idea of the power and sheer force of personality that would come through in Paul Monette's writing. As a gay man who also grew up in New England with parents of mixed religion, (although my father converted to Catholism) my experiences were so similar to Paul's that there were times I literally had to put the book down because my emotions were too much to bear. The pain, the loneliness, the self-loathing are all too familiar to any gay person, but this is by no means a book only for gays. Any straight person who knows and loves a gay person will find no better description of what it is to grow up knowing you are that THING that is to be hated and feared, and how hard it is to overcome those early lessons. But be warned, at no point does he "sanitize" the gay experience so as not to offend straights.

I was saddened to learn Paul lost his battle with AIDS, and at a time when new treatments were so close. However, any writer who has to die too young could leave no better legacy than this memoir. It will live on long after Paul; it is a truly brilliant book.

Rating:
Summary: I Concur
Review: I don't think that I can add more than Doug Kilburg has already said. Paul, spoke to me. We attended similar schools, and had similar feelings. Paul, however, had more courage than I. I reflect on this as I read Becoming a Man. I may have lived longer, but Paul lived more and gave more in his writing than I. I can't recommend this book more hightly.

Rating:
Summary: poignant enough to alter the course of my life
Review: I'm a straight girl. I read this book when I was fifteen years old. Paul Monette's story was the most moving, heart-wrenching I have ever read, and his honesty, humanity, and incredible gift of writing made it all the more powerful. Being straight and young and female posed no barier to my empathy for him, or his impact on me. Since reading Becoming a Man, I have dedicated myself to gay rights; I have composed two articles on the topic of homophobia, started a gay-straight alliance at my high school, which is dedicated to the memory of Paul Monette, and become close friends with several gay and lesbian students. Monette's words and stories seeped into me so deeply that they're a part of me, a part of what I do, a part of the way I think and act. I consider him the most influential person to me besides my immediate family and best friends. I ache that I can never meet him and tell him how heroic and nobel I think he was. He is my favorite writer, and my personal hero for combatting oppression, ignorance, disease, and the suffocating trap of the closet, and for refusing to go quietly into the night. I recommend this book to anyone, straight, gay, closeted, young, or dying. No one will read it all the way through without being changed.

Rating:
Summary: Beautiful writing
Review: It's hard to describe what this book has made me feel. Like others, I was tremendously moved. I wanted to know more about him, and I was taken by surprise when a web-search came up with a link titled "Grave of Paul Monette". I hope many, many others discover this beautiful and empathetic treasure - gay & straight. For my part, I plan not to forget the fight this "Gay Brother" put up on behalf of himself, and future generations.

Rating:
Summary: Moving, courageous, honest
Review: Like a previous reader, I read an older version of Monette's 'Borrowed Time' and hoped I might one day meet this wonderful man; it wasn't until I saw nfalzone's review here before reading 'Becoming a Man' that I realised Monette has since died. I also cried; Paul Monette really touched something in me and I can only hope that many, many more people will read this book, though I fear he is somewhat preaching to the converted. For those of us with gay family members it is a real eye opener, though I don't know that many parents would be able to handle this book. His story will drag you through so many emotions, not least anger; may Paul Monette rest in peace and may he be an example to us all to speak out, with open hearts and minds.

Rating:
Summary: Proud and also ashamed
Review: This novel represents a lot of things to a lot of different people, who relate to it on different levels. I myself relate to it in a number of ways -- as a great autobiography, an extended coming-of-age tale, a look into the gay past -- but I think for me one of the most special aspects is that Paul Monette and I grew up in the same home town. Andover, Massachusetts, plays a prominent role in this book and as a resident, I got chills during certain parts, times when I could see and feel the scenes he was describing all so well. The old crumbling cemeteries, the staid wooden Colonial homes with their old money residents, the men at the Andover Spa -- all of it's there. Of course, Paul Monette grew up in Andover long before my time, but it hasn't changed so much. Besides, it's the pain I could relate to.

If there is any reservation I hold about this book, it's the fact that at certain points in the book, Paul Monette implies that certain cruelties he encountered in his life were directly caused by being gay. It seems to me (and my brother also, who also read it) that some of the things he describes have more to do with being sensitive or being a geek or not being rich enough for the crowd, than they do with being gay per se. I think there are guys who went through a lot of what he did only they weren't gay. Growing up in certain envrionment with certain personalities is painful whether you're gay or straight. I'm not saying it wasn't a factor, just that it seemed a few times the author was blaming everything on that.

Rating:
Summary: Engaging
Review: When I first started reading this book, it started out a little slow. After the first few pages, however, I found that I couldn't put it down. It provides a very clear picture of what he was going through in his life. I highly recommend it.