Acquainted With the Night: A Parent's Quest to Understand Depression and Bipolar Disorder in His Children

Rating:
Summary: A Father's Denial
Review: This book should be required reading for all parents of children with psychiatric disorders. Perhaps they will then see how their actions contribute to their children's illness. Raeburn spends most of the book complaining about his ex-wife's "failings" including her unwillingness to postpone dinner for the kids until 7 or so, when his 2 hour commute from New York to the tony suburb he chose to live would be complete. This is just one example of his selfishness and his complete inability to see things from any perspective but his own. He waxes nostalgic about the old fashioned family dinners he used to have with his parents, but ironically notes that his mother (or father) was often absent from them. It's like he wants his wife to live up to an ideal standard that never existed. It sounds like he spent more time griping about the lack of family dinners (hungry children be darned), rather than thinking of other ways the family could spend time together, or by considering a closer move to his job. He tries to minimize the consequences of his abusive behavior, including his verbal (and sometimes physical) abuse of his family. He doesn't seem to regret his behavior, and his justifications for his actions come off as self-righteous. Raeburn recounts some harrowing scream fests, including his own role in them. This is just a glimpse of what actually occurred, and it's told from his perspective. You get the impression that things were actually much worse than what he relates. One can only imagine the horror of living in a house where obscenity filled fights and cold silences were part of the daily routine. When he's not trying to blame his ex-wife for his problems, he's trying to justify his own selfish behavior, like moving in with his mistress far from the kids. He's obviously a guy who wants things to be his way all the time. I pity the child who did not live up to all his expectations. No wonder why they rebelled. Maybe Raeburn, who is a talented writer, should write a book for divorcing couples and teach them why they should not follow his example.

Rating:
Summary: Only the tip of the iceberg
Review: This books illustrates what happens when you have children with psychiatric illness raised by narcissistic parents.As you will find out, this is a devastating combination.The writer is right: the Mental health care system cannot handle this combo.Obviously,neither he or his wife have ever been diagnosed by any of the professionals the family consulted with.The only identified patients turned out to be the children.But the dx of Childhood Bipolar is only the tip of the iceberg.The writer is a good story teller,the story is sad.I hope the parents take a real hard look at themselves and get real help for their own pathology.This level of blindness is a wake up call for us all.

Rating:
Summary: Devastatingly Honest
Review: This is a devastingly honest account of the struggle to parent children with mental illnesses. Raeburn bares his anguish and his mistakes as he describes confronting his own denial and anger before fully engaging in the task of getting his kids the help they need. The story doesn't end with his own revelation, however, because psychiatric care for children is woefully inadequate. Raeburn's son sees 7 psychiatrists before getting a correct diagnosis, and his daughter doesn't fare much better. In my opinion, this book also breaks new ground in raising the question of how parenting can contribute to or aggravate illness--an issue people are afraid to talk about--without villainizing parents for falling short. The fact that it's told from the point of view of a father, someone from whom we don't often hear, made it even more unique. A must read for any parent struggling with a similar situation, mental health professionals, and the friends or family of parents like Raeburn.

Rating:
Summary: A gripping story about an important subject
Review: While I was reading Raeburn's book, I couldn't put it down, and the story he recounts stayed with me long after I got to the end. Raeburn is utterly, painfully honest-about what it's like to have mentally ill children, about how it feels to have your marriage and family life crumble around you, and yes, about his own flaws and failings. His writing, simple and strong, conveys the emotion and texture of his harrowing experience in an astonishingly vivid and immediate way. For much of the book I was simply swept along by its powerful narrative, but by its sad, reflective, and moving end, I felt that I had learned and grown along with the author. An excellent, inspiring book.