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Summary: How Can I Get Through To You? by Terrence Real
Review: I have been looking for this book for the longest time. There are so many other "relationship quick fix" books out there that I didn't even know where to begin. After picking up Mr. Real's book I realized that a 'quick fix' may not be what I need. He explains all about where we are coming from emotionally, where we need to get to emotionally and the background info we need to grow a healthy relationship - It certainly explained a lot! I always joked that perhaps I wasn't speaking loudly enough when my longterm boyfriend wasn't listening - we really just weren't connecting. Terrence Real helped us to get started in the right direction and to continue that way. This is an amazing book that can help any couple!
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Summary: THIS BOOK MAY HAVE SAVED MY MARRIAGE!!
Review: I have read everything out there to try and salvage an eighteen year relationship. I saw myself and my husband on every page of this book. It was amazing. For the first time I understood what was going on and why it has been so hard to talk to each other. I gave this book to my husband and insisted that we read it together and we actually talked about it.
This is the smartest book on couples I have ever read. It explains why so many men and women have so much trouble. It's full of ideas about how to make it better. The stories made me laugh and sometimes even cry, like a good novel. I loved every minute of it. And it's just brimming over with casual comments that are so profound. Like this - "The great paradox of intimacy is that in order to sustain closeness we have to be capable of bearing solitude inside the relationship." Or what Terry calls, "normal marital hatred." There are a million of these. I honestly can say I'd like to see everyone who wants their relationship to work to read this. It should be passed out along with marriage licenses. It is far and away the best thing I have ever found. Thank you!
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Summary: I already wrote one...where is it?
Review: I wrote a review for this book last week...why is it not posted?
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Summary: An Absolute MUST READ
Review: If you are want to save your relationship, or be a powerful couples therapist, read Terrence Real's revolutionary new book How Can I Get Through to You? It is SINGULARLY the wisest, most poetic, book I've ever read about the problems facing couples today. In the clinical setting, I recommend it to every couple who walks through my door, and I enjoy watching the proverbial light bulbs go off as couple begin to see light where previously it was dark. At home, I utilize Real's wisdom daily in my relationship, and both of us are exponentially happier and more fulfilled. Terrence Real has the skill, and the courage, to look our cultural and therapeutic paradigms in the eye, while turning them on their heads. While most conventional therapies are useful, they are limited in scope. Real's work offers fresh insight to couples and clinicians working with couples, and expands the horizons of the struggles couples face to include the cultural context. By suggesting that intimacy is a daily practice Real empowers couples to live in truth and integrity - and he demands that clinicians do the same. If you read one book this year on couples, make it this one. Not only will it help you navigate your personal, or clinical, world with dignity and joy - it will change your life.
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Summary: deep, interesting and yet easy to read
Review: Like many people, i got to this book trying to solve a relational crisis, but this book gave me a lot more then just relationship tips and ways to solve interaction problem. I bought it based on people response and mostly, cause the title reflected exactly the way i was feeling within my relationship. And what this gave me was answers to many of the question me and my partner were living though, like why women and men are so different, how does our relationship with our parents effect the relationship and how does it all fit within a cultural context.
What i liked mostly about this book is that it doesn't separate psychology from other fields in life in personal understanding - such as sociology, philosophy and even movies and myths. It's very deep and bring many examples that are easy to identify with. It doesn't just scratch the surface of understanding, it goes real deep into the history of a person and the social expectation they face in order to understand how our minds, and more then that - how does our emotion work and react.
Most of all, for me, the main importance of this book was learning the see the gap that's happened within my relationship as something that can be bridges, and knowing that in order to do that, both me and my partner would have to change.
This is not a self help book, most of all it gives you a deep understanding on where your problems stem from, not an east 12 (or 11 or 8) steps program of how to solve them. Personally, this book helped me to seek couple therapy and give an 8 year relationship another very honest shot.
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Summary: issues of intimacy
Review: mr. real is a superb writer capable of communicating to an audience very effectively. this book cautiously navigates through this touchy subject with examples that pretty much everyone will be able to relate to.
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Summary: Know then thyself
Review: My wife bought me this book for me. It's a good book alright but I'm not sure why she gave it to me.
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Summary: Should be Mandatory Reading!
Review: Terrance Real has shown, once again, his understanding of men, women and relationships! You will see yourself and your loved ones on every page of this book. Real's courageous and compassionate view of the pain of intimacy is by far the most honest explanation we have had for the state of marriage in our culture. As a man, he owns his own history and behaviors in favor of a more truthful, albeit painful, capacity for intimacy. As a woman reader, I was able to have a deeper understanding of men's behaviors and also of the ways women collude with avoiding intimacy, despite their cries for it!
This is an eloquently written, easily readable book that will enrich the life of anyone interested in understanding their own relationship, or helping their children grow up with a greater ability to tolerate the joys and pains of intimacy!
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Summary: Where did the love go????
Review: This book is not to be missed. It is a breakthrough, not the usual pablum, self-help, instant fix.
I thought loneliness between partners was inevitable after a few years of marriage and I should just get over the loss. I have changed my mind after reading this book. Being in relationship, deeply connecting through the years is absolutely possible. I believe in my bones that this book offers deep and true insights. It is groundbreaking. It describes the subtle detail of what men do, don't do and need to do, what women do, don't do and need to do, what is poison, and what works. It is clear and straight; it pulls no punches. The case studies are so real - often heartbreaking. Without a doubt Terry Real has been to hell and back with his clients. He knows how to break through our cultural myths, common assumptions, and deep fears. Don't miss this book if you are in a relationship or coach people in relationships and if you want to understand and heal the male/female chasm. This book teaches the finest points about love.
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Summary: Promises not delivered
Review: This book was a great dissapointment. His first work on men and depression was superb but this lacked the clearness and continuity of the subject matter. What started off as very intereisting led off into repetition, vague ideas without substance and generally nothing holding the book togeter. It isnot the kind of book you can read and use in our clinical practice. His stories of couples are too general and imposible to extract what theorical model he his trying to use.
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