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Summary: True: Boundaries is always popular with boundary breakers
Review: This book was highly recommended to me by a female in-law who later turned out to be an appalling control freak with zero respect for others' boundaries. She ruthlessly used the material in the book as a weapon to invade and disrespect others. I'm afraid that kind of thing is all too common in the self help world. People who think they are "too kind, too giving" are often nothing of the kind. People who feel they are weak are often tyrants. People who feel their boundaries are too weak often run all over others in reality. The individual I referred to above is still choosing all her daughter's clothes at almost 15 years old. For some reason the daughter finds this infuriating. As for the actual material in the book I found it shallow and vacuous. If someone recommends this book, run - do not walk - to a safer place.
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Summary: How to optimize your personal power
Review: Boundaries shows us how to exercise our personal power and make good choices. When we face offensive or abusive people and situations, it is in everyone's best interest to choose and assert healthful options. I wholehearteldly recommend this book because it shows you how. If you have spiritual concerns about setting boundaries, I suggest you read a wonderful life-optimizing book called Optimal Thinking-How To Be Your Best Self too. Optimal Thinkers surrender what is out of their control to the creator, and make the most of what is within their control with Optimal Thinking. These books show us to create and live our best lives.
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Summary: Boundaries is always popular with boundary breakers
Review: I have read this book years ago and saw the spiritual holes that are all the way through it. Every time I had a problem in my marriage I had heaps of do-gooders telling me to set boundaries, and in the end it broke up my marriage. Thankfully in that break up I was isolated from all of the 'boundaries' people and learnt to read my Bible, about submission, about sacrifice, about obedience and about how God says we are to treat those who misuse us. I literally know hundreds of people who have read this book and the only people I know who truly love it are always people who are controlling themselves, and the book is written in such a way that everyone is the victim. Inevitably these people come away without ever repenting of their own bad behaviour but with a strengthened resolve to set more boundaries (which really means they feel empowered to be controlling of others but call it 'boundaries') My advice would be to read the counsel of scripture and work out your own salvation with fear and trembling. Jesus sent us here to serve, not be served. Ask God whether you perhaps like the feeling of power that 'boundaries' would give you, and whether perhaps you are already overbearing and need to learn to be less selfish, not more. Many, many people these days already are very well versed in saying "no" and how to look after their own rights, after all you are number 1, the most important person in the world and you deserve it! Of course I am being sarcastic, but just think about whether that is the way you approach your family, they are the enemy, trying to encroach your precious 'boundaries. Oh Please, spare me! Whatever happened to Jesus saying that if someone asks for your coat, give them your tunic also, if someone slaps you, to turn the other cheek, maybe Jesus should have read 'Boundaries' Like I said, read your BIBLE and don't let these men be your teachers when scripture witnesses against their principles.
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Summary: Practical Advice
Review: Recently I'd reached a stage of being overwhelmed by life; I'd been recommended several books, and I read "Boundaries" as the first one, the others being "Ordering Your Private World" by Gordon MacDonald and "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren. After reading Boundaries, I have come to terms with my own inability to set personal boundaries and I took ownership of my own choices which I have made. On reading several negative comments about the book, I notice the persons complain of things that are actually not promoted in the book - there is a balance that is actually promoted, that boundaries are not an excuse to say "No", as irresponsibility is warned as another extreme of boundaries and goes against biblical principles. Some persons complained that people didn't seem to like them after they established boundaries, "Bonding first, boundaries second". Like any concept it could be taken to an extreme. I should warn that without a strong biblical background or the support of a group these concepts could easily be misapplied and used as weapons (boundaries are not weapons) instead of defenses to protect who we are. The risk of misapplication of the concepts does not negate the fatc that this book is biblically sound, and promotes healthy relational concepts -- if applied correctly.
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Summary: Just amazing!
Review: This is a tremendous book on boundaries! With his simple but creative writing style, the author has a knack for getting some essential points about relationships through to the reader. This book helped me increase my awareness of what is happening in my relationships and my everyday interactions. Thanks to this wonderful book, the overall quality of my life has improved dramatically! If you are reading this, I assume you are interested in improving your relationships. Read this book as well as "The Ever-Transcending Spirit" by Toru Sato. Thanks to these books, all of my family members (my parents, my wife, my children) are leading happier lives now.
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Summary: Advice that does much harm
Review: My wife of 28 years got this book and read it. She was in the midst of a very stressful menopause. The anger, tension and paranoia caused her to grow restless and combative. She was argumentative, exacting, critical and suspicious. Though I had loved her without reservation and had always been a good husband, she used the foolish logic of this book as a basis to divorce me. She decided everything was my fault and I needed "boundaries". The bible teaches reconciliation and love and not abandonment the way this stupid book promotes. It is not a Christian book. She gave copies of the book to each of our children and convinced them that I should be isolated the way the book instructs. We had no violence or abuse in our marriage or reason for this kind of action. I did not drink, smoke, cheat, curse, shout, or misuse my wife, I was openly affectionate and considerate of her. I had spent ten years in the Christian ministry. I worked hard, we had a good life. Menopause changed her dramatically, and this stupid book, by a couple of young, foolish ecclesiastics was used to destroy my life. It is unbiblical trash.
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Summary: The Second-best Book I've Ever Read
Review: The subtitle caught my eye: "When to say YES...When to say NO...to take control of your life." I'd been struggling in a relationship with my girlfriend in which I couldn't seem to say "no" to "physical stuff" & never really felt like I could make a choice--like she and I were kind of melting together. I felt addicted to her, and I was miserable and desperate. About that time, I was also a first-year middle school teacher and my kids were constantly getting the best of me ("F*** you, Mr. Bockmann!") & my administration wasn't backing me up. I hated my job. So I bought the book and devoured it like a starving man devours meat & potatoes :0) I won't go into detail about its contents (you can see a list of chapters if you click on the "Boundaries" book jacket link), but suffice it to say that my life has changed dramatically since I've read this book & put its principles into action. Moreover, it prepared me for the responses I would get from people who were used to my boundary-less former self: from "You're so cold!" to "You don't love me!" to outright screaming of horrible things at me (by my own mother, no less). Thanks to Boundaries, I was able to stand my ground, respect my mother, and get throught those times. She has never yelled at me since then, and our relationship has become one of growing mutual respect and love. The difference is incredible. I'm also happy to say that, though my students hated me during my first year (they claimed I wasn't being fair, of all things...and they were right!), I was able to employ boundaries with my ensuing classes, with whom my popularity knew no ends. Most importantly, I was a good teacher & modeled respect and healthy limits to my students. (In case you were wondering, I taught for five years & I'm now a flight student--doing what I really love--thanks in part to what I learned through Boundaries :0) I recommend this book to anyone who will listen, and I'm especially gratified to see it improving their lives just as dramatically as it improved--and continues to improve--mine.
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Summary: This book changed my life
Review: This book is AMAZING. I have used it in studies with others and have watched it change their life as well. I have read all of the Boundaries books and highly recommend them. There isn't a person on earth that isn't stretched by an "unhealthy" person and this book gives great tools to help you have relationships that are mutually beneficial. You will be less stressed, less guilty, and more more fulfilled in life. If you are getting walked on, guilted into things, persuaded (and you can't quite figure out why you keep saying yes, when you want to say no) - this book is for you! I have seen it change lives, it did mine. I expect no less for you!!
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Summary: Where was this book 20 years ago?
Review: Although Cloud did wrote on boundaries in his previous work (Changes that Heal) this book picks up the theme and develops it more fully. It gives a strong biblical basis for those Christians who find it difficult and "unchristian" to say "no" to people. Cloud and Townsend are among the rate handful of Christian authors who pick up the Hebrew idea of covenant that implies that there is a greater power than power expressed- it is power restrained. Too many Christian buy into the Greek idea that power must be expressed to be effective. Like Anderson, the authors see that the "sins of the family" can be passed down from generation to generation and need to be confronted. Their illustration of forgiveness as being canceled debt is powerful and convicting. It is an old idea, but it is addressed in a refreshing and eye-opening way. Repeatedly the authors stress that we cannot change other people's behavior, nor can we assume responsibility for their feelings. The authors see great value in group therapy, a concept that Jay Adams condemns as being unbiblical. I could not help but noticing that they took the very popular Gary and Ann Marie Ezzo head on in condemning Ezzo's advice to put infants on strict feeding and sleeping schedules. The book was somewhat repetitive in nature. I believe the authors designed it this way because they realized that few of their readers will read it cover to cover. People tend to zero in on the topic that interest them most; thus the authors see the need to repeat ideas. This book should be required reading for every pastor since we often feel overwhelmed because we cannot say "no" to people. It will also help you distinguish between being responsible for and responsible to people. I highly recommend this book, it is must reading for every pastor. I only wish I had read this book twenty years ago at the beginning of my ministry.
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Summary: Unfortunately, too many women don't have BOUNDARIES!
Review: Your kids leave their backpacks on the floor. You pick them up. Your husband doesn't call to say he's going to be late. You save dinner. You ask for some help with the dishes. The family scatters. You're perfectly normal, you're perfectly typical, but you have few BOUNDARIES and you need this book! Boundaries helps women overcome the problem of serving too much and serving inappropriately by giving us the biblical basis for setting boundaries on what we will and will not do. It shows us that doormats are not true servants; true servants, instead, hold people accountable and point others to Christ. This book is a perfect complement to To Love, Honor and Vacuum, which deals more specifically with the issues that women often face when they let others take advantage of them. If you find yourself doing things for others because you're trying to get them to love you, take a look at both of these books!
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