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Summary: There is room for argument
Review: This book has some practical ideas for talking with kids but I don't feel its useful in many aspects. I personally disagree with its philosophy that you should treat your child the way that you would want a friend to treat you. The example that the book gives for this shows what is wrong with this philosophy. They say that you shouldn't say "I'm so proud of you." Instead you should say "You must be proud of yourself" Why? Because if you had just done something great you would not like it if a friend said "I am so proud of you." You would think that it was strange and wonder why the friend was taling about their feelings. Yeah, that true. But almost everyone I know would LOVE it if their parent said it to them. Why? We all seek the approval of our parents no matter how old we are. The friend/parent relationship is fundamentally different. We know that for any parent, a child's accomplishments make one as happy as anything we could do ourselves. Anyone who doesn't recognize the special relationship between parents and children can't write a fully effective parenting book. This book also fails to accept the fact that kids really need discipline. This does not mean you have to punish a child. I believe that Anthony Wolfe's books which understand the primacy of the parent-child relationship are much better than this one. Dr. Wolf does NOT belive in punishment. He does believe in discipline. If you think those two things are the same, read his books.
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Summary: True to it's title
Review: I thought this book might be about how to use praise and language to avoid facing discipline issues with children but it is not like that at all. It teaches parents to be authorative and send the right messages without micro managing their children. The suggested changes are fairly straight forward and common sense, but may require some practice. Fortunately thare are many well illustrated examples and practical exercises to reinforce these ideas. This book stictly sticks to the topic of comunication and establishing cooperation which makes it an excellent supplement to any parents existing parenting style. Teaches mutual respect without surrendering parental authourity. A very good read.
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Summary: Talking To Feelings With Just the Right Words...WORKS!
Review: Although this best selling book was originally written more than 20 years ago, I find the advice and specific suggestions extremely on target in 2004. The main strategy that has made such a positive difference in my life is to acknowlege my child's feelings before I give the direction for compliance. Most of the time, I do try to give well-meaning, honest (not always calm) responses to my 3-year-old that unfortunately sometimes escalate into a raging tantrum or no win power struggle such as in the following example at bedtime...My son announced, "I'm really scared of the big closet monster, Mommy." I responded honestly, "There's nothing to be scared about, there is no such thing as a real monster. Monsters are just make believe."...This conversation was followed by a long screamimg and kicking fit from a very tired, frustrated little boy. Now I have learned that by calmly talking to my son's feelings first, he knows that his point of view is understood and important to me. Then I have a better chance of getting him to stay in his bed. Because I chose to validate his feelings first, I got the cooperation I was after. I learned to say, "I see how worried you are...I've got a great idea...I'm getting the broom out to sweep the entire floor including every corner of your closet to make sure nothing is hiding in there...OK, it's completely empty, honey...only clothes in here. Hop in bed and I'll rub you back before our special good night kiss." ...It worked like a charm! I also highly recommend another newer pocket-sized book to accompany this classic tome called "The Pocket Parent." It is based on the very same philosophy of Haim Ginott and is chock full of hundreds of quick read tips and funny, true, short anecdotes from moms and dads relating to the challenging behaviors of 2-5 year olds (anger, bad words, bedtime and mealtime refusals, sibling fights, interrupting, whining and many more). These 2 books have taught me and my husband so many techniques that have worked at least once. We continue to refer to them for specific sensible strategies (including the exact words to try on our son). We appreciate the upbeat tone and great sense of humor of both books. Additionally, FYI...both parenting books have been translated into Spanish and are both available through amazon.com.
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Summary: Alternatives to Yelling, Nagging, Threatening, Criticizing
Review: As a preschool teacher and parent, I found this book to be the major influence in forming my communication style with children. In fact, this book has given me the skills to communicate more effectively with everyone... my friends, my husband, my boss, and even my mother-in-law! When I changed my approach in how I spoke to them, they often changed their behavior. The logical, respectful strategies really work! My only criticism is that the format of the chapters does not always fascilitate quick 're-read' referral. For example, when I recently wanted to quickly look up a whining, or biting, or mealtime strategy for three of my preschoolers, I became frustrated and confused as to where in the book I had seen the information. These topics were not listed in the index and I began to flip through the pages trying to find the stories and suggestions that I thought I remembered seeing somewhere. Therefore, I would also like to recommend another wonderful new book with the very same philosophy that is organized differently...for quick use on the spot for very busy parents. THE POCKET PARENT is literally a pocket-sized A-Z guide exclusively written for parents and teacher of preschoolers (2's, 3's, 4's, & 5's). It is loaded with hundreds of easy to find quick-read bullet answers (called 'sanity savers') to 40 common behavior problems of 2- to 5-year-olds. I recommend these two books for every mom and dad with a 2- to 5-year-old. Both books are permissive with feelings, but strict with behavior while preserving the dignity of both parent and child. Both books are full of humor and compassion from authors that have 'been there,' too. For help on the spot as well as long term understanding ...keep both books handy!
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Summary: Good book, but not so easy to follow
Review: I just read this book and -- though it it's right on the money in its attitude towards childrearing -- it doesn't describe the mechanics of how the "listening" and "talking" skills work as well as Thomas Gordon's Parent Effectiveness Training (P.E.T.). P.E.T. has a chapter called How to Listen so Children Will Talk and another called How to Talk so Children Will Listen. I wonder how the autors of this book got away with borrowing the title for their book straight out of some chapters in another (the original P.E.T. was published years before -- the one at stores now is a new edition). Lest it sound like I'm slamming this book, truth is it's not a bad read at all. But for an in-depth explanation of how these skills can be put to daily use, I'd go for P.E.T. Better yet, read both. Even better yet, first read Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman to get an idea WHY these skills are so important to a child's development, then follow it up with P.E.T. and this book.
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Summary: If you only read one parenting book...
Review: ...make it this one. Effective communication is the foundation of good parenting. This book has practical, easy-to-implement techniques to improve your communication with your kids. The format is such that busy parents can pick it up and read briefly, yet still come away with a couple useful ideas to put into play right away. It is written in themed sections and there are cartoon scenarios to illustrate exchanges between parents and kids. The cartoons show things going poorly and then a better way to approach the exchange. At the end of each section, a one-page box sums up the techniques described, along with a real-life example of each principle. Authors Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish worked with noted child psychologist Haim Ginott. In running parenting workshops utilizing Ginott's ideas, they accumulated lots of great real-life stories from parents that they use to illustrate their advice in this book. The content of the book is based on the themes that emerged from their parenting workshops, and thus resonates well with parents who want practical, straight-forward advice. This is a book that we keep handy on the nightstand and each of us picks it up again from time to time for a refresher (it's so easy to fall back into non-productive ways!) Improving your communication with your children will help you to get them to do what you want them to do; to understand better how they feel about things; to help them become more responsible; and to get them to talk to you--a real key as your child grows older and enters the teen years. *If you have more than one child, check out Faber and Mazlish's Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together so You Can Live Too, which is really the chapter on sibling rivalry that grew too large to fit into How to Talk!
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Summary: Listen to Their Advice
Review: This is a great book and has helped so much in my home and is especially handy with the under 6-year-old child. I found that instead of trying to remember what I should say when, I wrote many tips on index cards and put them in different areas throughout the house. It kept me tuned-in on what to say when until I had used them enough to remember them and sound natural. Also recommended: Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman and Mommy-CEO, BUY THE REVISED EDITION, (it is a family book with lots of contributors). Bravo for these three authors who finally gave us a reason to live a normal life while we raise normal kids in a hectic fast-paced world. Thanks so much!
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Summary: The Communication Bible
Review: As a parent of 3 toddlers, I've read lots and this is by far the most useful, intelligent and common sense approach to communicating with anyone. If you read one book on parenting, this is it. It changed our lives. By practicing the concepts in this book, you will raise children that are self confident, curious and not afraid to communicate their feelings. Childrend want to tell you how they feel, the trick is learning how to respond. Now, of course, I watch our friends make far-reaching mistakes with their kids...but that's another book!
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Summary: Best parenting book for frustrated parents
Review: My mother-in-law, who is a child psychologist, introduced me to this book. She's been using it for years in her practice. I have been irritated by other books that seem to talk exclusively about how to help children while ignoring parents' needs. This book has great real-life examples and doesn't come down on stressed out parents for getting angry or saying dumb things. Instead, it gives practical exercises and rules for helping your relationship. Some of them are hard to do. Habits are hard to change. But it has made a world of difference between me and my 3-year-old. I'm so glad to have read this book so early in her life. I think it will spare us some of the heartache my mother and I experienced, mostly due to poor communication skills.
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Summary: Little Secrets - Luv & Patience
Review: My in-depth study on the psychology of childrens' minds reveal the facts that their attitudes are solely dependent on their circumstances and their upbringing levels at home & school. It's one thing sure any kid require is 'Love, patience & Self Esteem.' Communication is proven skill. Talking n Listening to kids simply doesn't mean communication but Understanding with luv and patience is the key to successful parenting. This book by How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish has even been adopted by many parents in their day to day upbringing of kids. Parenting is made less stressful by the authors as the book deals with coping with parental frustrations and negative attitudes of kids. The child would not develop warm relationship due to damaged sense of self. The need for positive self regard is obvious in the illustrated book. The higher children's self esteem, the more secure, decisive, friendly, trusting, cheerful, optimistic and purposeful they are. Child's willingful cooperation, setting limits, alternate punishments are all the points covered up so effectively that parenting becomes more a joy to bring up kids. The book is a use alone or workshops/parental groups as its excellent exercises will improve ability as a parent to talk and problem-solve with your children. Afterall, children need continuity of guidance and when they learn the consequences of their acts, it teaches them to be responsible for what they do. A great reference book for parents on their shelves - bedroom or kitchen, whatever be!
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