Difficult Conversations

Rating:
Summary: Practical, wise and gentle
Review: This is an excellent book. By dropping your ego at page one, you can gain insight into what makes conversations so difficult, especially with those closest to you.

Some amazon.com reviewers have missed the point of this book when they write that the authors suggest giving up your "side" of a difficult conversation in order to be more open to the other person. What the authors are really saying is that difficult conversations remain that way precisely because no one begins the process of dropping judgemental behavior, and truly finding the truth behind the difficulty.

This is a skillfull book that if read thoroughly and applied in life, will positively affect the results of your most difficult conversations.

Rating:
Summary: Dealing With Tough Talk
Review: This book proposes an interesting "framework" to approach difficult subjects and one that will work most of the time with most people. Obviously some people are just unable to reason rationally, but most people are able to if approached in the proper manner. I would highly recommend this book to people who are not in the business of teaching interpersonal skills. Those who are in the business will not be hurt by the authors skillful illustration of many difficult conversations and the way in which they recommend that the converations take place. However, as far as the basic message of the book, people in this business should already have that message; but people not in the business of mediation or negotiation have these 'difficult conversations' without a plan usually, and this book helps people to develop one, and therefore, not meet the subject with avoidance.

Rating:
Summary: Offers useful truths
Review: This book taught me a few things and gently reminded me of a few others. I had hoped that reading this book would make me better able to navigate difficult conversations. Instead, I found myself merely able to regain my composure faster *after* a difficult conversation. This benefit is valuable, but is not what I sought.

Rating:
Summary: Disappointing
Review: Being a lawyer, perhaps this all seemed self-evident to me, but there was little in this book that was new or innovative, either in the techniques or the way to think about them. I felt like I wasted money on this book.

Rating:
Summary: ...and three hours later I knew I had my answer!
Review: Wow...what a book! I found myself in a bookstore one day--slightly depressed, and wondering if their might not be some other book that I hadn't read that might help me out of the pits I was finding myself in. I already had a cache of some dozen books on interpersonal communication but was feeling not satisfied with what I had found. I walked over to the 'self-help' section, stuck my hands in and pulled out, 'Difficult Conversations...' I found myself a comfortable chair and three hours later I knew I had my answer. No, I didn't read all of it, merely scanned it but it was enough. That was a number of weeks ago and I'm now on the sixth time through! I've high-lighted and/or underlined virtually every page in the book. Then, I purchased several copies for some family members AND today picked up a hardback edition for my ever growing library. My life has changed and I have a new lease on life. Thanks to the writers of this wonderful book. Now I want them to create a workbook so that we can start support-groups and help others. This is a book that should be taught in the schools and churches to be sure. You will not waste your money on this one folks . . . trust me!

Rating:
Summary: Greate book for managers
Review: This book not only help me to deal with difficult conversations. It also allows me to help other people in handling this kind of issues. It offers practical and step by step instructions on what to do and what to say. The only thing I wish it had is a template.

Rating:
Summary: Everybody can benefit from this book!
Review: I have an audiobook copy of "Difficult Conversations" and I just finished listening to it. I felt compelled to come here and put in a good word for it. This book is excellent! I will listen to it many times I am sure, especially when I'm faced with a difficult conversation. The other reviews do a pretty good job describing the content of the book. I just had to say that everyone (and I want to say "should" but that would be stating an opinion disguised as a fact :)) can benefit from this book, and I'm confindent that that is indeed a fact!

Rating:
Summary: If you have DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS (you do) read this book!
Review: This book will help people with conversations we all have. Much of what you read will seem obviously correct even though you are not acting as the book suggests. A key point in the book is not to focus on blame but to look at the contributions of each party (i.e. what is going on that causes the problem.) In doing this you will figure out what needs to be done to solve the problems. This book is excellent! For a Masters in Dispute Resolution, I have read many books and none are better than this one. If you liked Getting to Yes or Getting Past No, You will like this book.

Rating:
Summary: Would be a pity if it sold any less than "Getting to Yes"
Review: It is a consultant truism that, for change to occur, it must work on three different levels: a rational level, an emotional level and a political level. The change has to be right, it has to feel right and it has to meet the needs of the key stakeholders. In saying this we are exploding the myth of scientific management and of the rational organisation that obeys well defined scientific rules. And with it comes the recognition that organisations comprise of people.

Unlike machines, people need to take part, they need to be informed, consulted and motivated. All these involve conversations, some of which are difficult. Too often we shy away from difficult conversations, thereby leaving critical issues unaddressed.

Difficult conversations are difficult because are a tangle of facts, emotions and perceptions. However small adjustments in our assumptions and in the way we engage can greatly improve the chances of success.

According to the authors, difficult conversations take place at a rational, emotional and identity level. Even at the rational level we make mistakes. We assume that we are talking about what is true and not what is important, and we assume that we know the intentions of others.

This book provides a conceptual framework within which to understand difficult conversations. It also provides the tools and techniques to handle and diffuse a conversation and convert it into a 'learning conversation'. It shows how to use the third story, a neutral statement from the outside, to start a conversation and illustrates techniques for exploring the issues and solving problems. The examples are real and realistic. They showing how the inappropriate responses do lead to escalation and they are used to coach the reader through the alternatives.

In the early eighties, in "Getting to YES" the Harvard Negotiation Project showed us how to negotiate interests and not positions, Ten years later the sequel, "Getting past NO" showed how to initiate such a win-win discussion with a reluctant party, the negotiator who had not read the first book.

"Difficult conversations" is the latest in this series. It tells you how to open the dialogue even when you are one of the reluctant parties. It deals with the conversations we avoid, or which, when we don't avoid them, tend to escalate. This book is useful both in management and in everyday life. "Getting past YES" sold over three million copies. It would be a pity if "Difficult Conversations" sold any less.

Rating:
Summary: Conversations Need Not Be Difficult
Review: Isn't there someone you've been wanting to discuss something with for years and, for one reason or another, couldn't broach the subject? Perhaps the subject is sensitive. Perhaps the other person isn't easy to communicate with. Perhaps you, yourself, want to avoid what you know will be a confrontational situation. I've had this problem for years with someone about a subject that needed clarification. No matter how many scenarios I mulled over in my mind in anticipation of having this conversation, they all pointed to disaster.

Not only did I read "Difficult Conversations" from cover to cover, but have already employed the authors' suggestions in broaching a sensitive subject with a family member. After years of worrying about the potential horrific reactions, I was able to elicit a positive response. The other party didn't become defensive, but, rather, wonderfully receptive to what had been preying on my mind for years.

If you're worrying about having one of those difficult conversations, believe me, it's needless. Pick up a copy of this very clearly written and powerfully effective book and discover that no conversation has to be difficult as long as you have the right attitude and tools.