Difficult Conversations

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Summary: practical and useful for personal and professional life
Review: I read this together for a negotiations class in law school. The book provides good insight and useful guidelines for a range of situations in personal and professional life. And, I would tend to disagree with another reader's review that says the book doesn't cover the situation "where I'm correct and the other person is wrong." Actually, Chapter 2 is entitled, "Stop Arguing About Who's Right," and is devoted entirely to this situation.

Rating:
Summary: Absolutely Essential!
Review: This book is absolutely essential to anyone in business and a fabulous resource for everyone, period! I recommend it without qualification.

Rating:
Summary: Smoothing it all out
Review: I find that everything goes smoother, including those most difficult conversations, when I use what they teach in this book. It is surprising that these techniques work so well, but they do. I give it only three stars because the writing is not that compelling. Also very useful in dealing with intimate sommunications is the experience taught on the "New Sex Now" dvd.

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Summary: Dealing with difficult people
Review: My wife is volatile and I have a temper, so I have to walk on egg shells sometimes. I read this book and learned how to deal with my wife when she is angry and when we have different opinions. It really helped me. Another book that changed my life completely is Optimal Thinking; How to be your best self. Optimal Thinking showed me how to be my best amd make the most of any situation.

Rating:
Summary: Well done
Review: Like many of the other books resulting from the Harvard Negotiations Project - this is filled with very practical suggestions for dealing with difficult discussions - how to fire someone, how to break up with someone, how to deal with an arrogant opponent in a debate, etc. The book is divided into a series of sections that deal with specific situations.

Again, like the negotiations books this is very well organized. Anyone who works with people or wants to be more effective in dealing with the tough discussions of everyday life including job situations should work through this.

I used the Audio book (CD) which was great for two long drives. All three authors take time reading the text. I liked the CD so much I also bought the book!

Rating:
Summary: Useful, but doesn't cover MY difficult conversations
Review: The thesis of the book is fairly straightforward: often we "think" we know the motivations of someone we are having a hard time communicating with, but most of the time we don't. For example, when a spouse does something that the other spouse doesn't like, a likely thought by the offended spouse is "you are doing that just to bug me." The offended spouse thinks he or she KNOWS why his or her spouse does the irritating thing, but an in depth, thoughtful conversation makes the offended spouse realize that there is a non-offensive motivation involved. (I know, I know, "Say what?" Just read it again).

If those are the types of difficult conversations you have -- i.e. you are either suspicious of the motives of someone you have trouble communicating with or you are convinced someone else thinks your motives are disrepectful, by all means, read this book. It is helpful in that respect. However, my difficult conversations take a slightly different turn, and the author devotes very little time to them. The conversations I need help with are the ones where I'm correct and the other person is wrong (just trust me here -- I'm sure you've had the same problem at one time or another). The only thing I found in the book that even touches this is where the author gives the example of a teenage daughter caught smoking. Clearly, the daughter is in the wrong and a parent trying to eliminate that behavior would be right. The book does little if anything for this.

So, if you are a parent looking to better your conversations with a difficult child, an employer trying to motivate a low performing employee, or a professional trying to convince a client/patient that their way of doing things is dangerous, I'm afraid you will have to look elsewhere. A parent who has to deal with a lawbreaking child shouldn't be concerned with the child's motivation, nor should a doctor trying to counsel an obese person to live a healthier lifestyle. Yes, in those situations, a parent who is never home should realize the lawbreaking is only a symptom, and the doctor with "smokers breath" should understand he isn't going to have credibility unless he takes his own advice. But in both these situations (and hundreds of others) one person is right and the other is wrong. I found little in this book that shed light on those difficult conversations.

Rating:
Summary: An Everyone-Should-Read Book
Review: I picked up this book when I was in the middle of the worst fight I'd ever had with my husband. I prided myself on being a good communicator, so, of course, the book was going to be for him. That was over a year ago, and, like usual, he's still not gotten around to reading something I desperately want him to read, but he has benefited from it nonetheless because I learned new things about communicating and about myself in the process of going through the steps outlined in this book. In fact, my husband and I finally put to rest a recurring nineteen-year-old argument as a result of picking up this book and then being unable to put it down.

The authors do an excellent job of showing how we all avoid the conversations we need to have or fall into traps that don't solve the real problem. They also acknowledge that you don't always have to have the conversation--but only if you understand why, and not just because you "doan wanna." Where any two people are, miscommunication and misunderstanding arise, and if those are two people of goodwill, there should be a desire to clarify things. This book can show you how to get there. It's a journey well worth taking.

Rating:
Summary: I've seen better books
Review: I think this is a very important topic that definitely needs to be addressed. I think the authors do a good job, but I do have a few problems with the book. Although I can learn how to overcome conflicts, I still feel like conflict is approached as a problem. I recently picked up another book on this subject: The Coward's Guide to Conflict by Tim Ursiny. I loved Coward's Guide because it approached conflict as an opportunity, which I think is a tremendously positive outlook. Staying positive is one of the greatest challenges in dealing with conflict.

Rating:
Summary: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most
Review: I felt the book was profond. The authors were versed and presented a number of topics in a concise, sequential manner. It definitely helped to alter my way of thinking about about a broad range feelings. It was "meaty" and not filled with unnecessary jargon. I know when books/CD's have an impact; it causes me to stop and think before turning the next page. Extremly high on my list of gift "give-a-ways". This book can help change your life forever.

Rating:
Summary: Book is better than the CD audio version
Review: this is a fabulous book with lots of suggestions for how to manage difficult situations. I also bought the CD version but don't recommend it. It is not read well and it's much easier to find solutions in a hurry by using the book.