Rating: 
Summary: Very Informative and helpful
Review: Everyone of us has gone through difficult conversations, arguments that were leading no where or felt that we were unjustifiably being taken advantage of. The solution - read this book. The authors have done a remarkable work in presenting conversations (real examples) that we can relate to. They educate the reader with the pitfalls and means o avoid them.In difficult conversations the participants generally fall trap to the three common crippling assumptions which are:
1.The Truth assumption : I am right you are wrong
2.The Intention Invention : When the other persons intentions are unclear a common perception is
that they are bad
3.The Blame Frame : Blame the other produces disagreement, denial and little learning The authors map a path by showing how to avoid the pitfalls when facing a difficult conversation and come out as a winner. In our life we prepare for almost every thing, like schooling and college for career etc. it is somewhat surprising that conversations that truly are a means to progress we spend little time on; this is one of the books in this area. I highly recommend that you read it.
Rating: 
Summary: Difficult Conversions
Review: Stone, Patton and Bruce have written a very useful and critical work on the dynamics of all conversations - the ones we've had and regret; the ones we don't have, because they seem too risky; and the ones we need to have to enhance our personal and professional relationships. They argue that there are three categories of conversations, which encompass every aspect of what transpires in our daily exchanges. They are: (1) The "what happened?" conversation (2) The feelings conversation and (3) The identity conversation. We can become more skilled and efficient in our conversations, if we begin to check our often flawed assumptions about what happened, how we're feeling and how our self-perceptions impact our understanding of what others say. Typically, we assume we are right and others are wrong, we assume the intentions of others, we don't treat feelings as facts, and we associate our identities too closely with the contexts of specific conflicts. To have productive difficult conversations, we need to change the way we talk to ourselves and how we approach our communications with others. One can't help wondering, however, if the only people reading this book are already self-actualized or so well on their way that they are, in fact, the best communicators among us. The authors' failed to address the lingering doubt left with the critical, reflective reader: that most difficult conversations are the fruits of difficult people, who, unless they read this book, have little capacity or motivation to be anything but difficult. In any case, Difficult Conversations is mostly devoted to explaining and analyzing the three conversations and how one can use these categories to have more productive exchanges. The book has many useful graphic organizers, including a checklist and a roadmap for engaging in difficult conversations. In effect, Stone and his colleagues argue that we must shift from a perspective of "knowing" to "learning". Meaningful conversations can take place when we don't permit our assumptions to rule the moment, rather when we take control by being curious, open, and self-aware. To find out what happened, we need to explore each other's stories, separate intent from impact, abandon the blame framework, and to consider all conflicts as a system ("the contribution system"), to which every party has contributed in some way. They argue that the blame framework is a clue that feelings are playing a significant role in a conflict. Feelings often get translated into judgements, attributions, characterizations, or solutions. The key to managing feelings is to treat them as facts by acknowledging them, and considering how they are part of the problem and exploring them fully. All too often our feelings emerge from the sense that our identity is somehow at stake. Most of us frame our identities around one or all of three core themes: competence, virtue, or worthiness. When we feel any of these is questioned, we revert to fight or flight. We can best manage the identity issue by understanding ourselves as complex, by knowing we make mistakes, by acknowledging that our intentions are not simple, and by recognizing that all parties contribute to problems. The "learning" must begin within ourselves before we can understand issues or problems with others. We can affect our own conversational "learning" by engaging in "the third story" conversation, which requires us to consider how a third party would describe and analyze the situation. This sets up a process of internal dialogue, which is necessary to check our own perceptions, feelings, and interests. Further, the authors encourage listening from the inside out, speaking for yourself, and taking the initiative. While the book combines theory, examples, and description, it is also a very handy guide to improving one's communication style in the workplace or at home.
Rating:
Summary: A must have for anyone.
Review: The trend in business books on management and leadership is to reemphasize
the human component. These days, authors can back up what they write
with a decade or two of research. The really good ones do this without
wandering into the touchy-feely realm that makes them easily dismissible by
old-schoolers. "DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS" is one of the good ones. It is
readable, smart and thorough. It delves into the anatomy of problem
communications in a business-like manner (the authors are from Harvard,
after all), yet the humanity of it all shines through without a touch of the
maudlin and sappy stuff that would turn off a stern businessperson. Don¹t
be misled, though. "DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS" is about you and your entire
life and contains examples that span the entire gamut of that experience. The authors lay out the anatomy of and solutions to difficult conversations
so well that by the time they were done, I was excited. I had a whole new
set of tools and in-depth knowledge. Another book that has recently
rekindled my excitement for self-exploration is "WORKING ON YOUR
RELATIONSHIP DOESN'T WORK" by Ariel and Shya Kane. This is the authors'
second book (Their first is WORKING ON YOURSELF DOESN'T WORK") and in it,
they delve deeper into the principles of awareness and living in the moment.
I have been a fan of theirs for some time now and reading their books has
had a lasting impact on my life and also made it easier to apply the lessons of other books such as "DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS". I hope you enjoy both
books.
Rating:
Summary: Foundational for discussing what matters most
Review: There were 3 aspects of this book that made a differecne for me: Thinking Differently, Making Shifts, and understanding the Structure found in all difficult conversations. If you understand these aspects it will significantly improve how well you handle difficult conversations. This is about Thinking Differently-- 1. This is an approach. 2. It's not about doing differently; it's about thinking differently. 3. It's about shifting from a message delivery stance to a learning stance. 4. All difficult conversations have the same structure. The structure is almost always "below the surface." It is hidden in what people are thinking and feeling, but not saying. Shifts (with this approach)-- We must shift our internal orientation: FROM: Certainty (I understand) TO: Curiosity (Help me understand); FROM: I am right TO: I am curious; FROM: I know what was intended TO:I know the impact; FROM: I know who is to blame TO: I know who contributed what; FROM: Debate TO: Exploration; FROM: Simplicity TO: Complexity; FROM: "Either/or" TO: "And". Understanding the Structure-- 1. All difficult conversations share a common structure. To make the structure visible, we not only need to understand what was said, but also what was not said. We need to understand what the people involved are thinking and feeling, but not saying to each other. This is usually where the real action is. 2. What makes a conversation difficult? The gap between what you are really thinking and what you are saying is part of it. 3. Our thoughts and feelings of all difficult conversations fall into the same three categories, or "conversations". 4. And, in each of the conversations, we make predictable errors that distort our thoughts and feelings and get us in trouble. 5. There predictable errors can be overcome this specific strategies that the authors suggest. I have developed workshops based on this material that we are finding very helpful in our hospital setting. Spend some time with this book - it will be worth your while.
Rating:
Summary: Cogent, well-written, concise and very useful
Review: Having researched numerous books on this subject, I found this to be one of the best. The book is structured well: the introduction gives an apt overview, the writing is simple and to the point with excellent examples and an outline is provided to assist with a final review. One of the book's strongest points is its focus on some of the underlying problems that create situations where conversation becomes difficult. The temptation to digress and meander into a quagmire of various psychological/environmental/biological explainations can be great, but the writers seem to use only the most pertinent examples and explainations, keeping the book fairly short and to the point. Many books of this nature focus on superficial quick fixes. Some of those techniques do work, particularly for short term situations. The items covered in this book seriously question techniques that often contribute and prolong difficult conversations/situations. Although the recommended techniques hold great promise, using them requires quite a bit of work. Unlike quick fixes, there are no promises of immediate success, rather, many obstacles both from oneself and from others will come up. However, perserverance does pay off. I work in a law firm and situations and people can get very demanding. Currently, I see all of this in a slightly different angle. A better angle that helps me see more clearly and negotiate situations far better than before. But it takes time and patience. This book will offer solutions that require time and patience: and that combined solution should at the very least improve communication. Good communication can often lead to a more productive and healthy lifestyle.
Rating:
Summary: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most
Review: Stone and his coauthors, teachers at Harvard Law School and the Harvard Negotiation Project, present an informative, practical guide to the art of handling difficult conversationsÄe.g., firing an employee, ending a relationship, or discussing marital conflicts. The information is based on 15 years of research and thousands of personal interviews. The authors define a difficult conversation as "anything you find it hard to talk about." Each chapter recommends step-by-step techniques that can lead to a more constructive approach for dealing with distressing interactions, so that a difficult conversation can become a learning conversation. Examples of right and wrong conversations from everyday life are used throughout the book, which is extremely well organized and easy to follow. This will be appreciated by readers who wish to improve oral communication in all aspects of their daily lives. Recommended for self-help collections in public and academic libraries
Rating:
Summary: Pretty close to perfect--for my purposes
Review: After a painful and difficult series of conversations with my mom and brother over Christmas (read: angry, frustrating), before he left, my brother asked me to find a simple set of rules for conversation, because he knows I like to do little research projects. Several months earlier at work (a very hierarchical organization), I had a disagreement with a client and there was much internal company disagreement over how to handle it. I later realized that however justified I felt (or was), I made some mistakes and could have handled it better--just wasn't sure how. This may seem naive, but it takes some people time to get it--I'm one of them, though generally deferential. Now, with the prospect of another project with this client, I was anxious about how to salvage relationships and do better this time. To handle the family problems, I found some good books on conversation that had useful insights and techniques. But they were just Ok. When I looked for "negotiation techniques" to handle the relationship to my client better, I remembered a brief encounter with _Getting to Yes_. That led me to _Difficult Conversations_. All I did was read the summary/index at the end of the book, and I saw that it had what I needed right now for both my personal and work life. In fact, its general strength is not compartmentalizing. It's pragmatic, and focuses its systematic analysis on one's thinking, rather than laying out a formula of "quotations" and words to use. There's some of that, but it's a small part. Unlike some other similar books I read through in the bookstore, the book isn't written as a "yes-book" (like a "yes-man") for people that want their ego to be stroked (or that like to be told that they're a bad person, either)--it's honest, direct, balanced, and helpful. I just wish they would have cited their primary sources and gave more description of actual case studies, rather than fictional, composite case studies. I sent copies of relevant pages to my family members, and we're going to see how well it works when we get together in two weeks! We have multiple, individual issues, but I think this will help us move forward with respect and concern, without each of us falling into familiar traps.
Rating:
Summary: Very Helpful!
Review: I didn't think there was any help for my difficult conversatons, so I was surprised to find this informations so thorough and helpful. The material is very well organized. "Difficult Conversations" gave me real, practical strategies that have made a big difference in my ease in bringing up tricky conversations and working through them with positive results. Everyone in my family has agreed to listen to the audio program, which will be a big help in our communication. I highly recommend it.
Rating:
Summary: Helpful, Detailed Information
Review: In a practical yet detailed manner, this book helps you to understand the issues surrounding tense discussions. You will develop a better understanding of why disagreements happen and the dynamics involved. The authors do a nice job of applying scientific studies to everyday life. The book lays out the three issues surrounding any disagreement. These issues are: 1. People don't agree on what really happened.
2. People experience various feelings about the disagreement.
3. A person's identity may be affected by the outcome of the disagreement. This book can assist you in your work and personal relationships. Kenneth McGhee - Author
Eleven Leadership Tips For Supervisors
Rating:
Summary: Helpful, Detailed Information
Review: In a practical just detailed manner, this book helps you to understand the issues surrounding tense discussions. You will develop a better understanding of why disagreements happen and the dynamics involved. The authors do a nice job of applying scientific studies to everyday life. The book lays out the three issues surrounding any disagreement. These issues are: 1. People don't agree on what really happened.
2. People experience various feelings about the disagreement.
3. A person's identity may be affected by the outcome of the disagreement. This book can assist you in your work and personal relationships. Kenneth McGhee
Eleven Leadership Tips For Supervisors
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