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How to Win Friends and Influence People

How to Win Friends and Influence People

List Price: $49.95
Your Price: $32.97
Product Info Reviews

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Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Okay.....A Must Read for Everyone
Review: Here is how it works...we all need to improve our skill in dealing with others. I have met so few people who seem be able to listen to others attentively (including myself). Also, how to deal with adverse situations so that one avois conflict. This timeless book can offer you the foundation of creating a persona that is likeable! This is a characteristic that we all strive for. Time changes, technology changes, material desires change, but as I realized from reading this book--people stay the same. A general overview of what people want and deserve is nothing to pass by. Read this..It is one of the first steps to becoming a successful person!

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Positive Feedback Creates Positive Change!
Review: In business, those who are the most "emotionally" intelligent always rise to the top. Why is that?

As a management consultant, I am always asking our clients and potential clients what their major issues are. It almost always boils down to persuading someone else to change. In many situations, the person describes the situation as getting worse rather than better.

As I ask more questions, I soon learn that the person I am talking to is totally thinking about the issue from her or his perspective, not the perspective of the person they want to influence. Carnegie describes a situation where he and his son couldn't get a calf into the barn. They pushed and pulled, and nothing worked. A maid came out, stuck her finger into the calf's mouth to simulate feeding and the calf followed her right into the barn.

As you can tell from that example, Carnegie is a student of the stimulus-response school of human behavior. The book is divided into four sections: Handling People; Getting People to Like You; Getting People to Agree with You; and Being a Leader. Each section is comprised of a few principles, which are each exemplified in a short chapter with a number of examples. Handling people has to do with avoiding the negative and unpleasant, appreciating the other person, and making the other person eager to accomplish some goal of their own.

Each section follows the same format. Basically, it's the same way that you train any living being. You provide positive feedback to the person which makes them feel better, the person responds positively to you making you feel better, you then help the other person to link what you want to share with them with something they want.

Many people will be offended by this idea. I have long studied that reaction and find that it relates to one of two basic assumptions: (1) the decision to act should be based on the objective merits (if I deal with emotions, I am being manipulative) or (2) I want you to acknowledge that I am right, that you are wrong, and that I am superior to you because I am right. Both of those perspectives get in the way of establishing warm human relationships. If you would rather do things without emotion, your life will be very dull. If you would always like to be right, you will be very lonely (even if you really are right).

Let's look at a more fundamental question. Can these techniques be used for questionable purpoes? Probably, is my answer. However, at some point, the person's manipulative game will be found out. See Robert Cialdini's book, Influence, on what happens to smugglers of influence over time.

The best results will come from those who have integrity and are principled. They and everyone else can see that they are pursuing something with another person that is in the best interests of that person, and that there are no hidden agendas. Here is where I think Carnegie is a little weak. You get the impression from the book that hidden agendas are okay. My experience is that all agendas should be totally upfront. Don't pretend you are trying to help someone, when all you are trying to do is sell them something they don't need. Do encourage them to get the information they need to make a good decision for themselves about your idea, product, or service. Leave the whole circumstance with a stronger, more trustworthy relationship than you started with. That's how I interpret the Dale Carnegie principles.

If you really would like to get better results in your human relationships, this book is essential reading. To skip this book would be like skipping reading and arithmetic in grade school. It contains essential tools that everyone needs to understand. Since these things are seldom taught in schools, this is a good place to start.

Modern gurus of human relationships and effectiveness like Stephen Covey and Tony Robbins have a substantial debt to Dale Carnegie. If you read all of them, you will tend to reinforce your new habits. I like the Covey and Robbins approaches as a complement to Carnegie, because both authors focus on having principles at the center of what you do. That will help reduce the risk of turning Carnegie into techniques that lead to suboptimal results, instead of a mutually reinforcing virtuous cycle for everyone.

Researchers consistently show that success in many fields (such as business, politics, and teaching) is very closely related to one's social skills. Many people will work very hard to be more successful, but skimp on the relationship aspects. That's a mistake. Work on the relationships first.

I also recommend Daniel Goleman's "Working with Emotional Intelligence" to understand these concepts and the new book, "NLP Masterclass," to help you extend these lessons with specific skills.

Enjoy having easier interactions with others, having more friends, being more influential on important subjects, being more open to being influenced by others, and leading where it needs doing!

After you finish reading this book, think about where you are trying to pull a calf where you want the calf to go.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Deserves a double 5 star rating
Review: Excellent every time I read it. This book should be a prerequisit to getting a high school diploma. So many self-help books are a bit boring and too wordy but this book is very easy to read and understand. At the end of each chapter, there's an equivilant to "moral of the story" which makes reading this book fun as well as informative and helpful because you can't help but think of how to apply that particular chapter to life. This book is a must if you deal with the public at all. I hope my comments have been helpful but there is so much more to this book than what I have written but my main point is that you will enjoy it, it's very easy to understand and it will be a benefit to read. It has helped me be less stressed out with rude sales people and/or service people because there's even a chapter on them to help us all understand each other.

A great book, don't miss the chance to read it. Start in the back, the front, the middle or just skip around the book and read it. It's effective from all angles. Enjoy ;-}

Rating: 2 stars
Summary: How to be a good salesman
Review: I did not like this book. I acknowledge it is a smart book, full of practical advice to go up the ladder and get what you want. And, most of all, people still find it useful for their careers. But the title is misleading: it doesn't teach how to make friends (no book could be useful at that), but how to make good business deals. The anecdotes are fine, but the overall feeling I was left with is that the book tries to teach how to manipulate people without the others ever noticing. The message is cynical and extremely cheap: "Cheat and deceive, and you'll get a better position in an American corporation". There are better, deeper and funnier books to read.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: What can I say??? WOW
Review: I was in a college english class when a professor introduced me to this book. What a truly outstanding book. This is definately one of a kind. I was thrilled to find that the reading introduced some great moments in history, and some personal moments as well. I loved the idea of using different types of people from different types of backgrounds and finacial situations. It goes to show you from any stand point anything is possible. This book is great for anyone who works with people whether it be managment or just an employee.

Rating: 4 stars
Summary: Awesome rules to follow when having a conversation!
Review: This book is really awesome, I cant believe it was wrote 1937. Some people keep telling that it is just a lot of common sense. And it really is. But after you read this book, sometimes you will stop and remember something that you NEED to know to make the other person feels better. Just like saying his name, being kind, being interested in him, not criticizing neither arguing and many other good manners.

The bad point is that you start to do some of this stuff as a robot, I mean, you start to be selfish and use this "art" more to be sucessful instead of being good, but Dale warns you about it everytime he can!

My father was a priest long time ago and he is a very good guy, as far as I see, the church (catholic) made him follow some rules of this book, but he does this naturally, specially when he stops ANYTHING he is doing to listen you...

Buy it.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: It teaches how to be agreeable, though very few will learn
Review: If I were a teacher, I would certainly "push" (by means of assignment, ha ha) my students to read this book. The ideas are simple and common by today's standard. But so what, the book was just so well written and one can easily remember the highly applicable "rules". I had recited many "golden words" in the end of the each chapter to arm myself for the daily life. "The Lord, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of His days. Why should you and I?""Hearty in approbation and lavish in praise" etc etc. I had read the reviews of others that described Carnegie's suggestions as superficial and manipulative. It's just that they had neglected the key words like "hearty", "sincere" which are all over the book. Well, the book is intended for those who have the will but not the tool. No quick fix nor magical spell enclosed.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: Perhaps the best book I ever read.
Review: It's a while since I read this particaular classic through, but one reason I still return to it, is not just because it's makes so much practical sense and that it works, but also because it's an enjoyable, good humoured and warming read.

Some people I know are embarassed by the title, as if it is an admission of having no friends. Don't let that put you off. I know it's been said of so many things, but if you are thinking of buying a book, buy this one.

Rating: 5 stars
Summary: This Book Will Revolutionize Your Life
Review: Dale Carnegie book focuses on forming new habits that would allow you to understand and get along with people; how to make people like you; and how to win others to your way of thinking. To form good human relations requires a deep, driving desire to learn, a vigorous determination to increase your ability to deal with people. Say to yourself over and over: "My popularity, my happiness and sense of worth depend to no small extend upon my skill in dealing with people." The rules he has set down in the book are not mere theories or guesswork. They work like magic. I have seen the application of the principles literally revolutionized my life and the life of many others who practice them sincerely. It contains many excellent real life experiences to explain the principles. If you deal people then you need to read and practice the principles in the book. The success is guaranteed if they are practiced sincerely.

Here are the principles:

Gain Cooperation Win People to Your Way of Thinking

*To get the best of an argument - avoid it *Show respect for the person's opinion. Never tell a person he or she is wrong *If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically *Begin a friendly way *Get the other person saying "yes" immediately *Let the other person do a great deal of talking *Let the other person know the idea is his or hers *Try honestly to see things from the other person's ideas and desire.

*Appeal to the nobler motives *Dramatize your ideas

Six Ways To Make People Like You

*Become genuinely interested in other people *Smile *Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language *Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves *Talk in terms of other person's interests *Make the other person feel important- and do it sincerely

Rating: 1 stars
Summary: I can neither win friends or influence people after this bk
Review: I bought this book. I read it. But still, no one listens to me. I just sit there. I tried doing what the book said. Smiling. Shouting. Gladhanding. Patting men on the back. But I'm no good at it. This book is premised on the suggestion that it will help you. Well it sure didn't help me. I am so sad and lonely. The book made me feel even more isolated. Maybe this book will help you, but it didn't help me. Worse than before. Sad. Lost.


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