Siblings Without Rivalry

Rating:
Summary: In Need of a Peace Treaty For Your Siblings?
Review: Are you tired of your children fighting over everything big or small? Are your nerves frayed at their ends? Are you spending too much time setteling your childrens' agruments? This excellent book teaches parents all these different techniques to help children help themselves solve their sibling problems without violence and parental intervention.
When investigating the problem of sibling rivalry, the culprit and the root of the problem comes from parents' attitudes toward their children. Are you a parent that has labeled your children? Sometimes parents attach a label to their children without realising it and the consequences are creating excesive pressure on the children to play a certain roll that they have no desire to but continue to act it out in order not to hurt the parent.
Children want to be heard and adults must first learn to listen and acknowledge the childrens' feelings. When children are mad or angry, it is important that we help the describe what they are feeling and let them know that it is alright to be mad, sad, angry or disappointed, however it is not acceptable to hurt the person with whom they are having conflict. The whole idea of this solution sounds like it was concieved in some fairy tale but it works about 90 percent of the time to reduce the tension between the fighting children in our family. After the tensions have subsided between the siblings, the parents suggest the children find a solution to their problem and they actually come up with some creative things.
The authors have integrated numerous real live scenarios they have encountered from parents who have participated in their seminars over several years.
Two years ago I purchased a book from the same authors, "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and How to Listen so Kids Will Talk" which brought a lot of peace and sanity between parents and children. As our family expanded, the conflicts and bickingering between siblings started to increase and with the help of this book they are now on the decline.
An excellent book that all parents should read.

Rating:
Summary: I love this book
Review: Authors Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish has published books like Siblings Without Rivalry & How to Talk so kids will Listen & Listen so kids will Talk. However, my in-depth study on the psychology of childrens' minds reveal the facts that their attitudes are solely dependent on their circumstances and their upbringing levels at home & school. It's one thing sure any kid require is 'Love, patience & Self Esteem.'

Psychologists caution against casting children in specific roles: the quiet one, athletic one, smart one, clumsy one and even a negative type can provide harmful self image that a child may carry throughout his life. Sibling rivalry is a competition for the affection and attention of their parents. Two best known Bible stories deal with bitter feuds between brothers-The Cain and Abel and the rivalry of Joseph and hisbrothers.Even in fairy tales - in 112 of the Grimm's' fairy tales, it is found that the youngest child came out a winner in battles with everything from evil gnomes to jealous siblings 92 percent of the times.

Psychologists authors of `Siblings without Rivalry' suggest that instead of thinking of equality in everything from parental attention to music lessons, parents should be sensitive to each child's individual needs.Self esteem of a child plays a major role. Comparisons should be avoided as each child is born with a difference. The authors have very valuable tips telling parents to adopt various methods and outcome with cartoons illustrating key points. The book reflects on the inner instincts of kids like jealousy and selfishness. Parents need to be aware of their attitude which become homegrown sibling rivalry. Communication is also important part that a parent miss out and impatiently tackles the sibling rivalry which only worsens things. Demonstrating love is very important and telling the child that he is so special. "I enjoy your friendship' or `I can always count on your support' or `You make me feents with + 2 & above kids.

Rating:
Summary: This book has made such a positive difference in my life!
Review: I am in love with this book. When my second child was first
born, I read the first chapter or two of this book and found it
very useful for dealing with my older child's jealous behavior.
Now that my second is 1 1/2 and the two children are playing
together and having so many conflicts, I picked the book back
up and read it from cover to cover. There are so many helpful
anecdotes. The book has given me words to handle so many
frustrating situations. It is one of my favorite
books on child-raising!

Rating:
Summary: This book has made such a positive difference in my life!
Review: I am in love with this book. When my second child was first
born, I read the first chapter or two of this book and found it
very useful for dealing with my older child's jealous behavior.
Now that my second is 1 1/2 and the two children are playing
together and having so many conflicts, I picked the book back
up and read it from cover to cover. There are so many helpful
anecdotes. The book has given me words to handle so many
frustrating situations. It is one of my favorite
books on child-raising!

Rating:
Summary: Couldn't live without it!
Review: I love this book! It is filled with practical advice complete with sketches of common arguements and how to respond. I re-read a chapter every six months as problems arise. You will refer to it again and again. I give it as a "second baby" shower gift and have received RAVE reviews!

Rating:
Summary: Couldn't live without it!
Review: I love this book! It is filled with practical advice complete with sketches of common arguements and how to respond. I re-read a chapter every six months as problems arise. You will refer to it again and again. I give it as a "second baby" shower gift and have received RAVE reviews!

Rating:
Summary: Great suggestions for handling 'Quibbling Siblings
Review: This book has so many ideas to try with children of all ages. I'm sure I will continue to consult it as my children get older. I really like the "How To Step In So You Can Step Out" strategy that teaches parents how to intervene by acknowledging the feelings of both kids in the heat of the moment which defuses the situation so the kids can work it out themselves. I like the simple cartoons that clearly illustrate the communication "do's" and "don'ts" with quibbling siblings. I also like the way the discipline tips maintain the dignity of both the parent and the child. When I am able to resist "automatic parenting" reactions like yelling and threatening, and use some of the great techniques I've learned, I feel so much more competent as a parent. Because I have three young children (5, 3, and 2 months), I would like to also recommend a new pocket-sized book that has been very helpful addressing my specific current sibling issues. Appropriately entitled "The Pocket Parent", the entire book is written for parents with normal, but often challenging preschoolers. There are hundreds of short bulleted suggestions addressing sibling issues such as: "the new baby", "comparing and labeling", "sibling rivalry", "hitting and hurting others", "biting", "bad words", "I hate you's", "listening", "power struggles", and "traveling with the kids". These two books with exactly the same discipline philosophy compliment each other--both having great examples of the exact words to try in many sibling situations.

One of the strategies suggested in both books that has really reduced my frustration level is to redefine being "fair" as "meeting each child's needs" rather than focusing on being totally "equal" at all times. This thought is very helpful because my kids seem to always keep score...and I, no matter how hard I try--will often lose! Although it doesn't come naturally, I am learning to change my behavior to address needs. For example, Sunday morning I painstakingly tried to serve the exact same pancake presentation to each of the kids--and my son whined, "Mommy, that's not fa-a-ir!" and he continued to scream that his sister's pancakes were much bigger and browner than his (...in his mind, proof that I love her more). Instead of really losing it and yelling back that he was absolutely wrong, lunging for my ruler to prove it...I PAUSED...And, before I responded, I took a deep breath (...maybe 2 deep breaths) and focused my response on solving the jealousy problem. In total control of the situation, I looked my son directly in his eyes, put my hand gently on his shoulder as I replied in a very calm voice, "Hmmmmmmm. It sounds like you're still hungry, Brian...Here are two more delicious pancakes just for you!" GREAT ADVICE...and it worked!! Bad news...It does take practice, but feels so good when your thoughtful response avoids a no-win power struggle.

Rating:
Summary: The best book I have read in a long time...
Review: This book is truly amazing. I have never written an online review of anything in my life, but I simply had to stop and sit down and write my thoughts on this extraordinary book.
As an only child who now is the mom to two boys I was dumbfounded by their ever changing relationship. I worked on trying to get the older one to be "nicer" to the younger one, but it seemed the more I tried, the more it backfired, and I was really at my wits end. It was so difficult to watch. And then I read this wonderful book. It gave me so many tools to work with and it really helped me to understand their relationship. Instead of watching from a distance and being powerless it made me realize that I was the key to helping them understand each other. The results were immediate and I am happy to say at this point my boys, who are only 19 months apart, are best friends. They rarely fight and when they do I know just what to say to get them to stop and listen. Usually with this gentle help they can work things out on their own.
I can't say enough good things about this book. Anyone who has more than one child should read it...anyone who has siblings of their own should read it as well as it gives much insight into adult sibling relationships too.
This book has changed our lives!!!

Rating:
Summary: A very helpful tool in dealing with your kids
Review: This book is useful not only for dealing with sibling rivalry, but also with diffusing conflicts between any children. It is valuable not only for parents but also for those adults who regularly deal with children avocationally (as in Scouts, or AWANA Clubs) as well as professionally (school teachers). This book refrains from dry theory. To the contrary: It contains many cartoons that depict a common response to childrens' conflicts versus a much better way of handling these conflicts. The conflicts dealt with range from children's feelings of adult favoritism all the way to open fighting.

Rating:
Summary: Excellent!
Review: This is a really good book. I especially like the point about not getting caught up in treating kids equally but rather individually. They do not want to hear that you love them as much as you love their siblings. They want to know that they are special. As a Mom of twins, it is especially easy for me to fall into that trap and worry constantly about fairness and equality rather than their individuality. e.g. "I love you as Suzie, and you're my only Suzie." instead of "I love you as much as your sister Janie."

I don't normally read this type of book and I don't often give 5*s but this one deserves it!

Small portions of the book were a little dry but all in all I found it hard to put down. The only small thing I disagreed with was the advice at one point to use a doll to act out anger. This, however, was a minor point and was not at all typical of this excellent book.