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Summary: Biblically Sound Permission for Christians to Set Limits
Review: While many of us, Christian or not, have trouble setting limits on the behavior of others, and often feel guilty when we do, many Christians seem to have a unique dilemma in that they believe setting limits to be something the Lord does not approve of- something they have no right to do.
"All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for TEACHING, REBUKING, CORRECTING, and TRAINING IN RIGHTEOUSNESS"...2 Timothy 3:16.
"If your brother sins, REBUKE him, and if he repents, forgive him"...Luke 17:3
In the Book of Ezekiel, we are taught to rebuke both evil people, and those who have always been good, but are now doing something wrong. Regarding wicked people, Ezekiel says:
"Son of Man, I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel; so hear the word I speak and give them warning from me. When I say to a wicked man,'You will surely die,' and you do not warn him or speak out to dissuade him from his evil ways in order to save his life, that wicked man will die for his sin, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. But if you do warn the wicked man and he does not turn from his wickedness or from his evil ways, he will die for his sin, but you will have saved yourself."...Ezekiel 3:17-19
The Scripture then goes on to instruct us regarding those we consider to be good (righteous), but who are now doing something they should not be doing. This could apply to family members or friends:
"Again, when a righteous man turns from his righteousness and does evil, and I put a stumbling block before him, he will die. Since you did not warn him, he will die for his sin. The righteous things he did will not be remembered, and I will hold you accountable for his blood. But if you do warn the righteous man not to sin and he does not sin, he will surely live because he took warning, and you will have saved yourself."...Ezekiel 3: 20-21.
"Rebuking" is something we are taught to do in the Bible, and yet many Christians feel guilty for doing it.
"Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time. After that, have nothing to do with him. You may be sure such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned:..Titus 3:10-11
It is a common misconception that Christians have to patiently tolerate all kinds of abuse from others, or risk being labeled "un-Christian." Many who are unfamiliar with scripture believe this to be so, when in fact, we are scripturally admonished to stand up to evil. As adults, we are not to consider ourselves under the spiritual dominion of any man, but only God.
A wrongdoer will typically defend himself by telling us we "can't judge him" because the "Bible says we can't". Such a person is failing to make the distinction between "judging" and "rebuking". Rebuke is not judgment, it is reprimand and correction.
In "Boundaries", not all of the people who need limits set on their behavior can be called "evil", although some can. Most can be referred to as manipulative, controlling or even abusive.
This book gives Christians what they have trouble believing they are entitled to- permission, from a Biblical perspective, to set limits on the behavior they will tolerate in their presence.
The authors are Christian psychologists and writers and Zondervan is a Christian publishing house. Boundaries is a winner of the Gold Medallion Book Award in Recognition of Excellence in Evangelical Christian Literature, and is Biblically-based. It is well-known in the secular world as well, having been discussed on national talk shows, and it has sold over 700,000 copies.
The book discusses setting limits in many areas of your life, including at work, at home, with your parents, spouse, children, friends, etc. It answers many difficult questions, such as, 'Can I set limits and still be a loving person?', 'Why do I feel guilty or afraid when I consider setting boundaries?', 'Are boundaries selfish?', and 'What if someone is upset or hurt by my boundaries?'
Boundaries lists and talks about the Ten Laws of Boundaries, such as The Law of Sowing and Reaping, The Law of Responsibility, The Law of Respect, The Law of Envy, and The Law of Power. It defines what a boundary is and discusses how to set boundaries in your life.
The book also includes information on how others will react when you set limits, and the types of resistance you may encounter. For example, regarding 'Angry Reactions', we are told, 'The most common form of resistance one gets from the outside is anger. People who get angry at others for setting boundaries have a character problem. Self-centered, they think the world exists for them and their comfort. They see others as extensions of themselves....'
Boundaries grants us permission to stand up for ourselves and others against those who do not respect people, while giving us the freedom to do so without feeling guilty. This book will take you step-by-step through setting and enforcing your boundaries. It is an excellent resource for those who are just learning to stand up for themselves.
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Summary: Turning my life around
Review: As a Christian, I continually struggled with feeling depressed from being a doormat, and being nice because it was "part of the abundant Christian life." Everyone spoke about Christianity as being a joyful, full life that I would love and never want to return to the secular world. Then why did I feel so miserable? Why did the secular world seem so appealing, where I could be as nasty and selfish as I wanted to? The answer was in "Boundaries". As I read the book, I could identify with something in every chapter. I'm the type of person who will let everyone else step all over me to keep themselves happy. As long as I didn't raise a ruckus, and the peace was kept, everything was okay, right? WRONG! Inside I was always seething with anger, and I was livid with the fact that I had to continually step out of the way for everyone else while they ran right over me. Through reading this book, I realized that it's OK to set boundaries in all interactions; in fact, I now believe that it would be wrong NOT to set boundaries in things. Slowly but surely, with the help from this book's message, I've been setting boundaries for a happier life that's filled with more peace, joy, and abundance than ever.
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Summary: Excellent Self-Help Guide for men & women of all ages
Review: I found Boundaries to be extremely helpful to me and my family. The authors point to Biblical references for boundary development & enforcement. The authors also illustrate real-life examples of people who have boundary issues and give practical advice on how to resolve conflicts in all relationships...parent-child, spouse-spouse, friend-friend, etc. I firmly believe that this book is vital for people who desire to have Godly, healthy relationships. When my children are mature enough to read & understand this book, I will definitely encourage them to read it. I believe that it will be helpful for my children as they prepare for adulthood and also as they begin searching for a mate. I highly recommend this book for everyone who is in the midst of relationship trials & tribulations.
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Summary: Helpful
Review: I found this a very helpful book for my marriage. I have read through the chapter on Boundaries and Marriage several times. My wife and I have found it to be a great help in teaching us how to set appropriate boundaries for ourselves in the context of Christian marriage.
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Summary: For anyone who has ever wanted to set even one boundary!
Review: I have worked as a jail chaplain for almost twenty years and this book has been both an inspiration and a clarifier. Not only is it important for me to set clear boundaries in the work place with inmates, but because of the nature of the work on my personal life, I've needed to set countless boundaries in my relationship with people who don't understand my love and concern for the incarcerated. I have asked all of my volunteers to read the book also because we've used it as a teaching tool for inmates, most of whom have never learned how to set boundaries. We have found it most helpful in dealing with battered and abused women, as well as those needing anger management. Because the text is filled with biblical principles, I believe it is in line with what God chooses for us, but allows us to make the choice for ourselves. Personally, I also have children and grandchildren and I'm using the guidelines to create a place of harmony in my home. Thank you, Drs. Cloud and Townsend for giving us a user friendly guide to boundaries and the happiness they give.
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Summary: Boundaries was a great read for a soul in need
Review: I purchased this book after an important relationship ended in my life. I was searching for the signs to look for in healthy relationships and to determine if I even knew what a healthy relationship would be. After reading this book, I discovered that boundaries help us to be better and to be more giving and more loving to those around us. The book contains many references to scripture to help guide Christians to establishing healthy, biblical boundaries. I also discovered that my former
Rating: 
Summary: dangerous
Review: I used to read books like this and would get something out of them. In this case, that I need to set boundaries, say no to people who ask for help, avoid people who will take advantage of me, and so forth. For some reason it just doesn't feel right. I mean, we're all sinners. God sure does put up with a lot of our crap. And he does so on a minute by minute basis. And yet, according to this book, I am to put up boundaries to keep people from taking advantage of ME. Does anyone else notice that "me" word in there? Since when is the Christian walk about me? It is not. But these guys feel that you should protect yourself from other people. Other people? I could have sworn that Jesus did not set boundaries, except from maybe the pharisees-oh, wait, he still did talk to them and tried to get them to understand. So I guess he did not set boundaries, at least not the ones that Townsend and Co. are talking about. He helped the blind, the lame, the sick, Jews, a Roman Centurion, a woman in an adulterous relationship-I could go on. And he did all this without complaint. If we have one of these boundaries 5 star reviewers in Jesus' time doing the same miracles I'm sure they would have told at least one person that that person violated their boundaries and that they would not be helping them as a result. What a shame. Whatever happened to prayer and Bible reading? If you feel that you are in a bind, perhaps you should go take your problem to God. It sure is a lot better than setting up boundaries. God's gift is something we did not earn. I'm sure that if God Himself had boundaries, there would be no Christianity, because our constant failings would probably violate his boundaries. No wonder there is such coldness in many chuches. They went off and read this book and came to the conclusion that most of the people in their lives are harmful and need to be avoided. Avoiding people is not a message of Christ. Christians are supposed to be an example. We're called to love others, even people we don't like. We're called to serve others and give to others. We're told we're supposed to get along, that we are not supposed to cause our brothers and sisters in Christ to stumble. Alienating your friends, by the way, may cause some of them to stumble. We are supposed to love others as Christ loves us. He accepted us long before we accepted him, and he did not care about what we had done or whether we violated His boundaries. (Don't believe me? Start reading Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, Acts, and Romans, for beginners). This book lacks both mercy and grace. God showed those to us, why can't we show that to others? The message I got from this book is that I am too merciful and friendly; I need to set boundaries so that I can protect myself from other people. Notice that me again. The Christian walk is not about us, it's about God. This book is not Biblical, it's harmful. It causes dissention in churches and in families. When I read this book some years ago and honestly went through it, it informed me that I needed to ditch my best friend and my parents. With what little Biblical knowledge I possessed at the time, I knew that it had to be wrong. For the Bible says flat out that you are supposed to honor your father and your mother. Had I honored the advice in this book, I would have been in a world of hurt, isolated from my parents and best friend. This book is awful, and should not be used in churches. It causes coldness and unfriendliness as people decide to ignore and avoid others in their lives because they are "hurting" them.
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Summary: Next to the Bible, the Best Book on Christian Relationships!
Review: Most Christians struggle with the demands and frustrations resulting from their everyday relationships. Cloud and Townsend have produced a true classic in this volume, presenting Biblical concepts that address those demands and frustrations. I have just finished reading this book again for the second time, and chances are good I will read it again in the future. The authors introduce their work with a short section entitled, "A Day in a Boundaryless Life." Most persons can easily identify with the young woman depicted in this typical life situation. The authors then describe the concept of boundaries in detail, and how boundaries are developed in our lives. They present ten laws of boundaries, and then proceed to describe common myths regarding them. These laws and myths, as well as the rest of the book's content, are very readable and easy to understand. In the second portion of their work, the authors touch upon the areas of life in which boundaries can be helpful. I cannot think of any area that is unaffected. These areas are: family, friends, spouse, children, work, self, and God. The authors conclude by describing typical resistance to boundaries. They also summarize the benefits to be gained as persons persevere through that resistance to a more ordered life. Before ending their book, Cloud and Townsend revisit the young woman depicted in the opening section. This time the title is, "A Day in a Life with Boundaries." She now has learned to incorporate boundaries into her own life, and the change for the better is amazing. This book is a must-read for every Christian believer who wants a wealth of Biblical insight into Christ-honoring relationships. I have recommended it to others in the past, and after this second reading am even more enthusiastic about doing so. Buy it, read it, and allow God to transform your relationships for the better!
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Summary: Very Well Done
Review: The authors do a great job of simplifying complex relationship issues. I have recommended it to two clients and one has gained a great deal of self-awareness from it. The book superbly connects psychological principles with Christian scripture. I am not particularly attracted to this style but those who read scripture will get that added bonus. In any case, the book stands on it's psychological merits. At times the book seems to repeat itself but that's a matter of individual tastes and needs.
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Summary: Amazed
Review: This book came highly recommended by a well known counselor where I live. After expressing to her my past relationship problems, she thanked me for sharing my thoughts and concerns with her and asked that I read this book in order to better understand what I was allowing people, especially men, in my life to do to me. I had just come out of a very mentally abusive relationship with a man who lied to me over and over, and also a very controlling relationship as well. In the meantime, I had met a very sensitive, warm and caring man who knew my past and did not want to put me through what I had been through with previous relationships and thank goodness, by reading this book it has taught me so much about myself and how not to allow others to control and manipulate me in the future.
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