Men are from Mars Women are from Venus

Rating:
Summary: Why We Love Our Men
Review: "Falling in love is always magical. It feels eternal, as if love will last forever. We naively believe that somehow we are exempt from the problems our parents had, free from the odds that love will die, assured that it is meant to be and that we are destined to live happily ever after." Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, is a book on how the opposite sex should approach different situations that could occur in a relationship early. Author John Gray realized that men and women are having problems expressing their needs to each other so he decided to write a book that would guide young couples to a loving and secure relationship. Unknowingly this book has affected a lot of relationships in the world today. Many people feel that this book has broken the code of silence between men and women everywhere. It has allowed them to expresses freely what they have been suppressing for far too long. Within this book John Gray discusses topics like "Mr. Fix-It and The Home Improvement Committee," "Men go to their Cave and Women Talk," and "How to Motivate the Opposite Sex." All of these chapters give specifics on how to improve a relationship without hurting the other feelings.
"We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in a certain way, the ways we react and behave when we love someone." This is a direct quote from Dr. Gray. Here I think that he is trying to show us that we can not change the way we are, as humans, even if the person we are trying to change is our partner. If you read the book thoroughly you will see that this book gives a lot of generalizations, but you should understand that this book was not written for a specific population, Dr. Gray was just trying to give some insight on relationships based on things that he personally experienced in his marriage and things he observed in different couples. While I was reading this book I noticed that even in my relationship I say things that may come across like I am uncaring, but after I got a thorough understanding of the true message in the text I realized that there are different methods of communication that I feel all couples should develop if they want to keep their relationships and marriage alive.
Dr. Gray uses situations that could happen to every couple to display several points that he felt was important. I can just about guarantee you that almost every situation or argument given is this book will relate to you as a reader on a more personal level. You will begin to see that some of the things you were arguing about were so petty that the whole thing can be very sickening. I am not going to say that everything you read in this book is going to apply to every situation you experience in life; however the bottom line is that you realize that there are certain situations that can occur in relationships that can be easily avoided. As a person who has read the book, I can honestly say that if you follow some of the suggestions that Dr. Gray gives you will experience some positive feed back from your partner. This could either work for the best or it could also work for the worse, however you will never know if you don't give the suggestions a chance. This book forces you to be open-minded and considerate of the other person's feelings and circumstances.


Rating:
Summary: If this is true ...
Review: According to the Rick Ross Institute research site: John Gray received a Ph.D. from California Pacific University, an institution that was shut down by the State of California's Attorney General's Office. Reason: A degree mill. California Pacific University was never accredited as an academic institution. Although accreditation does not mean that the theories isn't valuable, it does beg the question how credible it is in daily application.

Rating:
Summary: Eh...okay
Review: All this book did was make me relieved that I'm single. I can't handle people whining and this book should've been entitled "How to deal with whiners". The martian deal slowed me down--I felt like it kinda downgraded the reader's intelligence. I'm also glad I'm not a man, because if I was a heterosexual man, I'd have to deal with heterosexual women and I never thought they were more annoying until I read this book. I feel more lucky to like men and be single than ever before! Thanks for showing me never EVER to get into serious relationships or married! I got to page 166 and just couldn't handle this book anymore. It's annoying to figure out how women and men are so much alike but so different. They both equally whine, but just about different issues. I wish everybody would go in a cave and come out happy personally--but anyway...the book wasn't bad, the subject just wasn't of interest to me after a little while.

P.S. By the way, "caring" is a noun as well as an adjective,
caring, [e-mail]. Please do your research before you say things like this. English majors hate it when people don't do their research.

adj 1: showing a care; "a caring mother" [syn: protective] 2: having or displaying warmth or affection; "affectionate children"; "caring parents"; "a fond embrace"; "fond of his nephew"; "a tender glance"; "a warm embrace" [syn: affectionate, fond, lovesome, tender, warm] 3: feeling and exhibiting concern and empathy for others; "caring friends" n : a loving feeling [syn: lovingness]



Rating:
Summary: dangerous,damaging,dull,deceptive,demonic
Review: As long as people read rubbish about men and women,they will
be a odds with one another.None of Gray's books are of any help,
and only stand to reinforce old sterotypes and myths about the
sexes.He must know at some level how deception he is and I
totally agree with INPUT - JUNKIE about Gray,infact INPUT JUNKIE
is on right about their being no inherent difference between
male and female brains.The in quotes "researchers" who promote
this brain junk science are doing everyone on earth a horrible
dis-favor.They are promoting hate and suspicion between men and women and causing them to be trapped in old dangerous sterotypes which limit a person to nothing more than a myth caught in box of lies.These "researchers" don't care how much
damage they do and are only out to make millions at the cost of
the public.
How is Gray DANGEROUS? By causing sterotypes to flurish.
How is Gray DAMAGING? Once people read these books it sticks to their mind unless they are able to be strong enough to dig deep enough for their own answers to relationships and life.
How is Gray DULL? By writing all his books in the same dull formatt.I have read all his books to see how similar they are,
and they are all basically the same book in different books.
How is Gray deceptive? In his books he will make it sound as
though there are exceptions to HIS rules,but he weaves in so
much wordy deception that about "differences" that people are
more likely to believe him about differences.
How is Gray demonic? He is hurting relationships at a deep
level.His books bring to the table all the reasons why men and
women should misunderstad one another,than instead of saying the
behavior is learned,he calls it innate.
The theme which runs through this particular book is that
women need to warm up to sex,are needy,romantic,relational and
emotional while men are ready for sex all the time,need sex to
feel emotion for someone,are independent and must hide in caves
from time to time,logical,non relational.Old bunk.Either men
or women can be any of the above mentioned,but he has every
aspect of a person relagated to narrow gender patterns.
Unless society breaks free of this,it will fall into a
darkness of the mind,heart and spirit.
Anyone who tries to take your individuality from you is as far
as I'm concerned the worst of the worst.The worst thing to happen to someone is to have their mind occupied with someone
else's mass appeal mind games.


Rating:
Summary: A Good Guide to Communication in a Relationship
Review: ¡§Men are From Mars, Woman are From Venus¡¨ (MAFM) is filled with insightful advice and many illustrative examples on how to communicate effectively in relationships. Gray places a large emphasis on the importance of marital relationships and endeavors to help couples, going through rough times, to communicate effectively with each other. Within the context of modern society, where marriage is very often presented in popular media as an archaic social construct, it is refreshing to find a person that regards marriage with such high esteem.

MAFM explores some of the fundamental differences between men and women and seeks to explain why men/women act in the way they do. Gray aims to help readers to understand ¡§how completely different men and women are¡¨ but encouragingly teaches ¡§ways for successfully relating with, listening to, and supporting the opposite sex.¡¨ Gray places a large emphasis on ¡§practical techniques¡¨ and calls MAFM ¡§a practical manual for how to succeed in creating loving relationships.¡¨ MAFM is drawn from the author¡¦s own observations in an active counseling practice and from his own experience as a married man and father.

Men are described as ¡§rubber bands.¡¨ According to Gray, a man needs to ¡§pull away to fulfill his need for independence or autonomy.¡¨ Gray asserts that if men do ¡§not have an opportunity to pull away, he never gets a chance to feel his strong desire to feel close.¡¨ Gray also observes, ¡§When a man is stressed he will withdraw into the cave of his mind and focus on solving a problem.¡¨ Women, on the other hand, are described as ¡§waves.¡¨ ¡§When she feels loved,¡¨ says Gray, ¡§her (a woman¡¦s) self-esteem rises and falls in a wave motion.¡¨ Gray notes that, ¡§a woman¡¦s ability to give and receive love in her relationships is generally a reflection of how she is feeling about herself.¡¨ Gray also asserts women, in general, ¡§feel better by talking about solving problems.¡¨

Gray asserts, ¡§Most of our complex emotional needs can be summarized as the need for love.¡¨ He then identifies the primary needs of men as ¡§trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval and encouragement.¡¨ Woman¡¦s primary emotional needs, says Gray, are ¡§caring, understanding, respect, devotion, validation and reassurance.¡¨ Once these primary needs have been isolated, Gray argues that, for a successful relationship, a husband must be willing to meet the emotional needs of his wife and vice versa. If men/women do not set out to fulfill each other¡¦s needs then they may be unknowingly hurting their partner. ¡§Love,¡¨ says Gray, ¡§often fails because people instinctively give what they want¡K.So they are caught in a loop of failing to fulfill each other¡¦s needs.¡¨ Gray asserts that ¡§if men and women learn how to support each other in the ways that are most important for their own unique needs, change and growth will become automatic.¡¨

Gray also addresses the complex issue of arguments, and how they can be avoided. He asserts that men and women should ¡§negotiate¡¨ for what they want but that they shouldn¡¦t ¡§argue.¡¨ ¡§The secret to avoiding arguments,¡¨ says Gray, ¡§is loving and respectful communication.¡¨ He stresses that arguments should be identified and, once identified, people should stop and take a time out. He says that arguments are started for one reason: ¡§we are not feeling loved.¡¨ Although there may be apparent surface issues the deeper issue is the lack of love that a person feels. During difficult times in a relationship, it is important, according to Gray, ¡§to try to communicate with a loving, validating, and approving attitude.¡¨ If we endeavor to understand the emotional needs of our partner and work towards meeting those needs then arguments can be avoided.

Gray also sets about illuminating positive methods to communicate difficult emotions and needs to ones partner. He acknowledges the importance of having emotional needs met and constantly emphasizes that we need to inform our partners as to what those needs are and how to communicate those needs effectively to each other. His use of letters with clearly defined formats that encourage simple and meaningful communication are novel in their method and style. It is certainly something I will attempt to use in the future when I wish to communicate difficult feelings to my wife.

Although I find myself in agreement with much that is in this book, I do not agree with the expectations that he places within people. Gray talks about the ¡§love you deserve¡¨ and emphasizes this point towards the end of the book. I do not believe that it is correct to expect anything within a relationship although I feel I am obliged to give 100%. If I expect certain needs to be met, and those needs are not met, I will feel very disappointed. Other points I disagree with is his insistence that we get in touch with our repressed, painful feelings. Although they need to be worked out, we should not hover over them and be victims to them. We should rather empower ourselves in the here and now than be slaves to the past.

Apart from these differences, I found MAFM to be an encouraging book that delves into the depths of relationships and the causes for failures. The practical examples that are provided are insightful and do reflect the reality of relationships. Ultimately, this book is no guarantee to successful relationships, but rather it provides willing partners, who are both prepared to commit 100% to the relationship, greater understanding into the psych of their chosen one. MAFM shows how men and women can work with each other to enhance the good in their relationship and how they can confront difficult and troubling circumstances with hope.

Rating:
Summary: Cracking good read
Review: Cracking good read. Not sure, however, that Gray fully realises that love is simply a neurological by-product of the biological imperative of reproduction. Love between sexual partners is in fact (almost) impossible - we conjure the illusion of love when we project narcissistic self-love onto an other and hold them up as a mirror for our vanity. The maintenance of 'love' however is necessarily fragile and depends upon its possible cessation by the other - the other has to be a worthy mirror, otherwise they cannot reflect our vanity. It is within the parameters of this battleground that the human sexual relationship is enacted.

Furthermore, there is not a fine line between love and hate; they are merely different manifestations of self-love that have been affected by the objectified other. 'Love' is self-love propagated by the other; 'hate' is self-love subverted by the other. In the latter case, self-hatred is prevented as it is transferred onto the other thus preserving self-love. If the other managed to alter our self-love they would be free of the viscosity of our objectifying gaze and would have, in turn, moulded us into an objectified en-soi. Perhaps!

Rating:
Summary: Awesome
Review: He really puts things into simple terms, he makes it so you understand and really grasp what he's trying to point out. I liked the book so much I made my boyfriend read it, and now we have a new appreciation for eachother, and when we dont seem to have things under control in certain situations, I just tell him to remember one part in the book and we talk about it like the author explains. I really recommend this book, even for teenage relationships - most books base it on "marrage" or many years of being with one person.

Rating:
Summary: Great Book on Improving Your Relationship
Review: I really like this book. At a time where everyone wants equality for the sexes, it's vital to be aware of our naturally different temperaments.

In today's society, where we try to give everyone equal rights, equally chance, equal opportunities, we tend to forget that we are different. Books like this one by Dr Gray, remind us that no, you can't treat everyone the same. There is no total equality. Men will be men, and women will be woman.

And especially when it comes to intimate relationships between man and wife; how much more crucial it is--to be cognizant of one another's psychological differences and respect each other's natural needs, desires and wants.
Highly recommended.

Zev Saftlas, Author of Motivation That Works: How to Get Motivated and Stay Motivated

PS here is a cheat sheet for reviewing the ideas in the book at a glace.

Differences men/women

Men Need:
1. Acceptance
2. Appreciation
3. Admiration
4. Approval
5. Trust
6. Encouragement

Common mistakes men make:
1. Minimize the importance of feelings
2. Listens and gets upset - thinks she's blaming him - just listen
3. Doesn't reassure her

Women Need THESE THINGS CONSTANTLY - EVERY SINGLE DAY - YESTERDAY DOESN'T COUNT!
1. Caring
2. Understanding
3. Respect
4. Devotion
5. Validation
6. Reassurance

Common mistakes women make:
1. Improve him constantly
2. Doesn't acknowledge what he does, complains
3. Tells him like a baby (treats him)

Rating:
Summary: A good start.
Review: John Gray helps the reader in a child story like way throught different qualities men and women express. Great. Those you can figure most of this stuff out with a few well spent nights meditating. If you lack the time. Well get the book it really will clear up alot of communication differences between men and females.

Rating:
Summary: Great Communication Guide
Review: John Gray's book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in You Relationships is a great self-help book. Gray's purpose in writing the book was to help out both men and women to understand the opposite sex and help break down the communication barriers that occur occasionally between the two sexes. The author not only writes from both the typical male point of view, but also writes as an enlightened professional. Gray tends to believe and put forward what most writers feel. This particular work has greatly impacted society and has helped many couples in trouble. It is original in style and will definitely have lasting value because relationships between men and women will never be perfect. The main sources of the author's data come from his own life, marriage and personal experiences. The author simply questions human nature and how men and women behave and will react to each other and each other's decisions. This book is very well-written and does not contain a lot of argument because it is a self-help book. This book can be read by not only all intelligence levels, but all age levels as well. As long as you are in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, this book can help you. I agree with the author's point of view because he is not biased towards one sex and helps point out not only faults but also the strengths of the decisions of both sexes. The greatest strength of the work would be that Gray has finally broken down the communication barrier with his own wife and shares it with us all. The only weakness that I have found in this book is that Gray tends to be repetitive in what he says. This book has greatly contributed to my knowledge of communication and thought process of both sexes.