The Gift of Fear : Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence (Cassette)

Rating:
Summary: A Gift to Anyone who Reads It
Review: De Becker offers in The Gift of Fear a gift of insight and wisdom to his readers. This book is a true must-read, not just for women but all people. It shares important lessons that De Becker has learned from his experience and his training. The knowledge he shares about dangerous people is priceless, as is what he shares about listening to our own intuition that warns us of danger. The examples he shares in the book drive the points home.

This book has helped me to become a wiser more prudent person, father and husband. In addition to being helpful, it is also eye-opening and interesting. Although non-fiction, it is a page turner that keeps your attention.

You will learn how some people become threats to you and your loved ones and how to protect yourself from them. It is especially startling when discussing people dangerous to children.

After reading this one, if you are a parent or have involvement with children, then definitely read the Gift of Fear. It is about protecting children from the many dangers that face them.

Thank You Mr. De Becker.

Rating:
Summary: It's What You Know
Review: I read THE GIFT OF FEAR when it was first released. Since then I've recommended it to friends and acquaintences - a few in direct danger of stalking exes, most worrying about the escalation of violence in our culture.

I thank Gavin DeBecker for writing this book. His penchant for awakening intelligent intuition is remarkable. Have you ever put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation because you didn't want to appear rude? (given too much information to a stranger? gotten on an elevator with someone even though you felt uncomfortable)? Has anyone ever thrown you off balance and then taken advantage of your weakness? DeBecker shows how fear sends us trouble calls, and how often, and easily, we ignore the signals. (An added plus, these techniques even work against the tactics of car salespeople!).

THE GIFT OF FEAR teaches the reader to listen to intuition and act with confidence. If we can perceive violence on the horizon, we can most easily avoid a confrontation with it. If it takes us by surprise, we can address it without panic. Now, go read the excerpt.

Rating:
Summary: Required Reading: police, DV counselors, people who care
Review: Read this book! So many people have been looking for answers about how to protect themselves from the most dangerous form of violent behavior: that involving acquaintances and obsessives. "The Gift of Fear: Survival Signals That Protect Us From Violence," is clearly destined to become the primer on threat management and violence prevention. Gavin de Becker, the nation's best known personal security expert, provides a series of very readable case studies of obsessed, violence committing criminals. The result is effective guidelines for recognizing and managing potentially violent relationships. Anyone who has faced the horrors of domestic violence, stalking, workplace violence, or persistent pursuit someone with romantic interests, will receive the best threat management plan available anywhere. It is REQUIRED READING by law enforcement and probation officers, domestic violence counselors, attorneys and judges, legislators, anyone is has been or has known a victim of violence, and everyone who wants to avoid victimization. And please, after you read it, give it to your children before they leave for college.

Rating:
Summary: Common Sense Tactics
Review: The Gift of Fear does take an in-depth look at the pitfalls of celebrity life as well as addressing the dangers of American society. DeBecker paints a grim picture of violence in America, but also states that the media is largely responsible for our anxieties and fears. We hear and see so much violence on television that we are almost desensitized. Our basic instinct is eroding to the point where we can no longer distinguish the difference between real fear and worry. He offers scenarious which illustrate the differences between these two emotions.

He also states that we have a better chance of hurting ourselves than someone else doing it for us. How? We ignore our basic instincts when someone approaches, whose behavior is questionable. The Gift of Fear not only addresses the signals these people throw at us, but tells us how we should handle that person.

In his book, he fictionizes his cases to illustrate how women put themselves in a situation where they beaten, raped, stalked, and murdered. At the end, he summarizes how they could have avoided their snag. He points out that the police and judicial system offer little to help these women once they are in this situation. I, myself, have heard about this scenario many times.

What got to me was a thirteen year-old boy, named Eric. He and his mother had their luggage stolen while on vacation. The hotel manager was very helpful and 'nice'. He was so nice that he made a special trip across the country to see this boy. In short, he was a sexual predator. Fortunately for Eric, his mother was put off by this man. Out of all the stories recounted in this book, this one gave me chills.

Again, DeBecker lists the danger signs that we should watch out for and the common sense tactics of avoiding these criminals. At the back of the book, is a list of agencies who help battered women and children cope and survive. I would recommend this book for everyone.

Rating:
Summary: Realistic look at crime that can benefit you
Review: THE GIFT OF FEAR: AND OTHER SURVIVAL SIGNALS THAT PROTECT US FROM VIOLENCE by Gavin de Becker is a helpful, engaging quick read (it's a trade paperback of around 380 pages). His premise is that fear is a means of survival and that if we listen to it and follow it, we can save our own and others' lives; however, for various reasons, we often discount our intuition about danger or we don't listen to our fear and put ourselves unnecessarily at risk.

The book begins with a "true crime" story about Kelly, a woman who was raped in her apartment by a man she met in her stairwell who offered to carry the groceries she had dropped up to her apartment. De Becker parses the incident and categorizes the methods the attacker employed to get her to do what he wanted and put herself under his control, and this section is very enlightening. But the main theme of this first chapter and the book is that men and women should follow their intuition -- intuition isn't some flighty, sixth sense; it's a call to action when your brain has become aware of many small signs that something isn't right, even if, at that moment, you cannot articulate exactly what is wrong.

This book is not a self-defense or how-to guide, but rather makes a case for intuition and believing in oneself when one senses danger or feels fear, and the best reading in it, I think, is the examples de Becker explicates from his many years in the security and risk-assessment business (he also lived through an exceedingly violent and abusive childhood). The chapters address being in the presence of danger, how intuition works and functions, the science of violence predictors, survival signals, violent crime from strangers, high-stakes predictions, understanding threats to kill, dealing with too-persistent people, violence in the workplace, domestic violence, dating abuses and violence, violent children, public figure attacks and pursuits and extreme cases.

I found several things particularly interesting and engaging about this book. First, de Becker states emphatically throughout the work that violence is predictable, and that no one ever "just snaps" or is just an inexplicably bad person. Second, his predictor of violence is a useful tool -- and I would think may be applicable in other assessment situations -- to make informed judgments on risk. Third, I got a great deal personally out of his comparisons of worry and anxiety with fear in which he suggest that the first two are destructive and distracting (and may prevent someone from spotting real danger signs), but that fear is what has saved many, many lives and could save your own. Fourth, his writing on people who are too persistent is very interesting, and he shows how people's attempts to deal with stalkers is often just going to keep the situation alive.

Finally, the chapter on domestic violence was absolutely fascinating, primarily because this is a man who deals in truth and reality, not romance and excuses. He states that when assessing relationships, women often make judgments based on potential rather than on the present situation, which causes them to ignore warning signs and predictive incidents. He also says that he is in the business of safety, not justice, and that because of that he isn't a supporter of restraining orders in all cases because in some, they aggravate the offender more and can actually be a precipitating incident toward murder or its attempt.

Toward the beginning of the book, de Becker writes about how men don't really understand the risk under which women constantly live, but that for women personal safety is a constant consideration. He writes, "Men are worried that women will laugh at them. Women are worried that men will kill them." I learned a lot about listening to intuition, choosing not to worry and living safely.

I recommend this book, especially to women.

Rating:
Summary: BUY IT-READ IT-DO IT
Review: This is an excellent text outlining the psychological aspect of self-defense. DeBecker writes with apparent authority on the subject and the books use of several case studies truly help the reader understand what type of mind one is dealing with in a self-defense situation against these sick minded whack jobs. I recommend the book to all my students of self-defense, regardless of their gender or age. Further, I suggest that my martial art and police students read it. The book serves as a great foundation of knowledge for those sincerely interested in self-defense and self-reliance. The pre-attack indicators are an excellent tool for avoiding and attempting to prevent personal danger. This book along with some good physical techniques of self-defense should be mandatory for all teenage girls prior to leaving home for college or work. For those of you who are serious about self-reliance and self-protection may I refer you to my "Listmania" suggestions.