After the Affair

Rating:
Summary: Great book even 9 months later
Review: Even 9 months after learning of my husband's string of affairs - long term and one night stands - this book was a huge help for me. Our counselor was treating my husband for sexual addiction but not treating the severe depression I was slipping into. The book opened my eyes to some of the issues he was dealing with and put words to many of my deep feelings. Bottom line I realized the feelings I were having were normal and I wasn't out there alone! The book gave me hope. We are trying to rebuild our marriage - I was 10 days away from giving birth to our second son when I confronted his affairs. This book made me realize I wasn't a push over for wanting to try and build a family - that there was hope and there were steps to help us try. I am trying to find a counselor who can work with us in the same techniques found in the book. You'll see once you read the book - high cost and low cost actions - my one and only high cost for my husband - read the book! It would help him see what I am going through also and bring up some subjects that are hard to find a way to put into words. Not the one and only answer - it won't help you forget - but it will give you a starting point.

Rating:
Summary: If you realize your part, this is the right book
Review: I asked for an open relationship because I didn't want a committment but didn't realize I fell in love with my boyfriend. When he started hooking up with his ex, I broke up with him. He insisted that he played by the rules but psychologically to me he had an affair since I stopped seeing other guys and he for three months couldn't decided between the two of us. We are back together after he picked her and later realized that he wanted me more, so I still feel hurt but I realized I need to get over this and let go of all that happen but the hurt was so deep I still couldn't completely pull out of depression and still obsessed about his "affair". After reading the book, it made me realize that what I was going thru is normal and helped me slowly get better. The author doesn't judge who's right or wrong, so in my situation where my boyfriend definitely doesn't see himself doing any wrong can read it and be able to understand what I was/am going thru. People who are the one hurt looking for sympathy probably want to read another book first. But if you want to work on the relationship and seemed to get stuck not able to let go, this is a great book to read.

Rating:
Summary: My life and sanity saver after H's Affair
Review: I can not tell you how very much this ONE book did for me. After reading it over and over again I found that I was not crazy or losing it. That is was all NORMAL reactions to having your life riped apart by an affair. I found that this helped me understand both MY feeling and reactions and MY H's actions towards me and the Other woman. IT upset my H so much that HE THREW MY BOOK AWAY. WELL i just bought another one and I will continue to read until my healingis complete. I am re-building my marriage but when the pain and anger return I pick this book up and read read read. Thank YOU so much for my life back....

Rating:
Summary: Wonderful book!
Review: I kissed another guy about several months ago and my boyfriend and I are still dealing with the ramifications. This book has been an amazing tool for the both of us to use in analyzing our relationship. Are we going to make it through? I sure hope so!

Either way I think this book is excellent for couple to use as a way to get each other to talk about wants, needs, and what cheating means to each other.

I am so grateful to have read this book.

Rating:
Summary: After the Affair
Review: I read "After the Affair" about three weeks after discovering my husband had been having an affair for a year. It was helpful for me, because I thought the feelings I was feeling were abnormal. I didn't care for the term the "lover". I don't view the other woman as that. The book did help me come to terms with my husband's behavior. I do wish it had more information about the "lover" as Dr.Springer referred to them. (personality type)etc. I would recommend it. It is soft reading at a time that you may feel angry!!!

Rating:
Summary: Three Years Later
Review: If you suspect your spouse is having an affair, or if you know for sure an affair is occuring--YOU NEED THIS BOOK!!! If your suffering and think your losing your mind; or, if your on a road traveling from one extreme emotion to another---YOU NEED THIS BOOK When your suffering on such a magnificent scale, you need serious help. This book will provide you with that help. It will give you all the background knowledge you need--for both partners. She gives advice and information to the cheating spouse AND the faithful spouse. With her help, I was able to see that it wasn't ALL my fault, nor was it ALL his fault. She explains what the typical reactions of both parties are, and how to respond to those reactions. I found myself running back to read, and reread, sections that were pertinent to my situation, over and over again. My husband would say, or do something so typical of people involved in affairs, and I'd have already read about it. I can't even explain to you how much that helped me. I guess knowing what to expect kept ME from responding in unhealthy ways, at least most of the time. I won't say that it was easy to read some of the things she said, especially the section about revealing an affair to your partner, but it was enlightening and non-biased, nonetheless.

Today, three years later, we are still married. Our marriage is a LONG way from being healed, but it is also a long way from the unhealthy realationship that it was.

Whenever I think back on those painful, raw nerve, early days of our recovery, I am forever grateful to Dr. Abrahms for writing this book.

Rating:
Summary: This book is AWESOME
Review: My wife was sleeping in the guest room up to two months after my affair was exposed. She would lock the door and not utter one word to me. i was concerned for her health because she was acting so distant and she was staring out into space and i wasnt sure if she was capable of handling the stress for too much longer. i was so afraid i wrote a two page letter to her father explaining my concern.

After she read this book, she came downstairs and said she wanted me to read it. she began to keep her bedroom door open and she began to speak to me in a limited way.

she told me the book let her know that she had not gone crazy and things could be worked out after all.

i thought my affair was the worst ever and no matter how much i tried there was no way to fix things with my wife. the author includes many real-life examples of people of all ages and professions that have experienced infedelity. it made me see that others have been here too and it showed me that we can fix things and it outlined "the healthiest" ways to do it.

i am so happy my wife found this book.

Rating:
Summary: Psychologically horrifying
Review: Our therapist recommended this book. It has been a life saver. The feelings I was experiencing were put into words so perfectly. It gave me hope and made me feel like I wasn't quite so crazy after the worst experience of my life.

Rating:
Summary: Affairs not bad?Seriously lacks compassion/understanding
Review: Perfect for making the betrayer feel better -- see 5 star reviews are often from betrayers not the betrayed.

This is rough reading from the start. In the intro chapter, the author makes the statement that she doesn't classify affairs as bad or good. She then proceeds to formally state that both partners are responsible for the affair occuring. Not responsible for issues in the relationship, but directly responsible for the affair. For many this is pure baloney!!! She has very little compassion for the betrayed and it is clear even in the intro. If you are the betrayer, you will love this book. If you are the betrayed, this book may actually be traumatic to read. You will feel no empathy from Spring. She talks about people who are essentially describing how they feel they have been disemboweled and their guts are everywhere as 'normal' and again w/o empathy. She practically says, see those intestines, that is normal, now step over the mess and lets proceed with how they helped cause the betrayal.

I continued reading until I really couldn't take it anymore. I think it is written so callously it is scary. It is perfect for the betrayer who doesn't want to feel too bad. So if you are the spouse who did not cheat, tread cautiously, you may actually find yourself feeling really betrayed by Spring as well.

Rating:
Summary: Affairs not bad?Seriously lacks compassion/understanding
Review: Perfect for making the betrayer feel better -- see 5 star reviews are often from betrayers not the betrayed.

This is rough reading from the start. In the intro chapter, the author makes the statement that she doesn't classify affairs as bad or good. She then proceeds to formally state that both partners are responsible for the affair occuring. Not responsible for issues in the relationship, but directly responsible for the affair. For many this is pure baloney!!! She has very little compassion for the betrayed and it is clear even in the intro. If you are the betrayer, you will love this book. If you are the betrayed, this book may actually be traumatic to read. You will feel no empathy from Spring. She talks about people who are essentially describing how they feel they have been disemboweled and their guts are everywhere as 'normal' and again w/o empathy. She practically says, see those intestines, that is normal, now step over the mess and lets proceed with how they helped cause the betrayal.

I continued reading until I really couldn't take it anymore. I think it is written so callously it is scary. It is perfect for the betrayer who doesn't want to feel too bad. So if you are the spouse who did not cheat, tread cautiously, you may actually find yourself feeling really betrayed by Spring as well.