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Rating: 
Summary: Present and future relationships can become healthy
Review: I read this book during a time of major upheaval in my relationship with my wife. Near divorce I read this book and realized how my parents' divorce adversely affected me. In ways that we today think are normal we sabotage our relationships and carry on the legacy of our parents' failed relationships. Unless we identify what happened to them by asking historical questions about our parents' life before, during, and after marriage, where they came from, what secrets lay in their family closets, we are going to repeat them. After all, it is what we recognize as "normal". Well, divorce is not normal. Fundamental problems that existed in our parents' relationship and our current relationship follow identical patterns. Recognizing them and understanding their effects on our current relationship skills (which were not modeled in a healthy manor) helps us define, change, and proceed with new and healthier attitudes about being married. Especially when children are involved, we should make every humanly possible effort to save the relationship. As spouses, we are both different and similar. We found each other for reasons we weren't cognizant of. We were looking to fill our unmet needs. In today's world where divorce is so accepted, fragmented and drastically unhealthy behaviors are being taught by parents who divorce. It is always easier to divorce than to heal a relationship. They take work, but they are worth it. This is not to say that those who are abused in any way should stay with an abuser. But as human beings we can change. I called Gloria Hochman and pleaded with her to reprint the book. She said they were thinking about it. And I am very, very grateful to her and Dr. Beal for helping me save my self and my marriage. I think that this should be required reading when an adult child of divorce is about to get married or if he or she is contemplating divorce. Don't let the mistakes of our parents ruin our relationships and perpetuate the cycle. Stop the cycle. Heal from the losses of divorce, absence of a parent, depression of the custodial parent, and unhealthy self nurturing children have to endure during and after the process. Co-dependency can develop and rear its head in unhealthy relationships we choose because it feels "safe", "normal", what we are "used" to. By the way, the changes I have made in my life have been so monumental and healthy, that my wife and I are pursuing a healthy, caring, supportive, accepting, honest, (many more superlatives) relationship now more than ever. And the lack of respect I once held towards my parents has healed and I have been able to carry on relationships with them that have been healthy, without emotional blackmail, emotional incest, or blaming. Dr. Andrew J. Boshardy
Rating:
Summary: Present and future relationships can become healthy
Review: I read this book during a time of major upheaval in my relationship with my wife. Near divorce I read this book and realized how my parents' divorce adversely affected me. In ways that we today think are normal we sabotage our relationships and carry on the legacy of our parents' failed relationships. Unless we identify what happened to them by asking historical questions about our parents' life before, during, and after marriage, where they came from, what secrets lay in their family closets, we are going to repeat them. After all, it is what we recognize as "normal". Well, divorce is not normal. Fundamental problems that existed in our parents' relationship and our current relationship follow identical patterns. Recognizing them and understanding their effects on our current relationship skills (which were not modeled in a healthy manor) helps us define, change, and proceed with new and healthier attitudes about being married. Especially when children are involved, we should make every humanly possible effort to save the relationship. As spouses, we are both different and similar. We found each other for reasons we weren't cognizant of. We were looking to fill our unmet needs. In today's world where divorce is so accepted, fragmented and drastically unhealthy behaviors are being taught by parents who divorce. It is always easier to divorce than to heal a relationship. They take work, but they are worth it. This is not to say that those who are abused in any way should stay with an abuser. But as human beings we can change. I called Gloria Hochman and pleaded with her to reprint the book. She said they were thinking about it. And I am very, very grateful to her and Dr. Beal for helping me save my self and my marriage. I think that this should be required reading when an adult child of divorce is about to get married or if he or she is contemplating divorce. Don't let the mistakes of our parents ruin our relationships and perpetuate the cycle. Stop the cycle. Heal from the losses of divorce, absence of a parent, depression of the custodial parent, and unhealthy self nurturing children have to endure during and after the process. Co-dependency can develop and rear its head in unhealthy relationships we choose because it feels "safe", "normal", what we are "used" to. By the way, the changes I have made in my life have been so monumental and healthy, that my wife and I are pursuing a healthy, caring, supportive, accepting, honest, (many more superlatives) relationship now more than ever. And the lack of respect I once held towards my parents has healed and I have been able to carry on relationships with them that have been healthy, without emotional blackmail, emotional incest, or blaming. Dr. Andrew J. Boshardy
Rating:
Summary: Reminded me the results of our actions may actual outlive us
Review: I recommend this book for all those who have experienced the divorce of their parents or are comtemplating divorce from their current spouse. Our response to accepting the truth about ourselves and our families and taking corrective changes in our behaviour can impact our ability to overcome the emotional disappointment of divorce.
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