Rating: 
Summary: Pass on this one
Review: Much of what I thought has already been said, and probably better than I could say it. I've read many relationship books. It just seemed like the Dr. was more interested in getting a book out and demonstrating to the reader that he's a smart and sophisticated guy. Far too important and serious a Dr to be accused of writing a pop psychology book. And he certainly hasn't. Feels like the book was written because he felt some sort of obligation. The tone is pompous, the book wanders, and I came away learning nothing new.
Rating: 
Summary: This book played a key role in saving my marriage.
Review: One chapter of this book could have been written about my husband, whose mild but chronic depression had led him to feel unhappy with our marriage and to become entangled with a younger, wilder woman (referred to as "Carmencita" in the book). He had moved out of our home when I found this chapter and finally persuaded him to read it. Miraculously, he recognized himself in the story, began to understand what had happened, gained the courage to begin prozac and psychotherapy, and found hope that our marriage might be salvageable (the chapter helped give me hope as well). Just as the chapter predicted, he discovered joy in his life and in our marriage, and has re-gained the character that his depression had smothered. Thank you, Dr. Kramer. Your insight was uncanny and invaluable.
Rating:
Summary: Boring
Review: The "reader from San Francisco" says it best - this is a one star book - and that is really for the author's reputation. In my opinion, this book is a conceit. It is more about whether pyschiatrists should give advice - it provides minimal advice directly - and quite frankly, for me, getting advice was a motivation in reading this book. Dr. Kramer is a well known author and certainly has a talent for writing. His previous book, "Listening To Prozac" was a breakthrough in introducing complex subject material concerning mental health issues. It was useful, well written, insightful, compelling, informative and authoritative. Its success was well warranted, despite some criticisms and quibbles in parts of the psychiatric/psychological community. This book is entirely different. For me, it was a disappointment mainly because I had high expectations considering the author. I was left with some unanswered questions. Why did he even write this book? More to the point, why did I read this book? I did and I wish I hadn't. It wanders - yes, there are ocassional gems - he discusses aspects of relationships. He discusses himself and his role in helping people to know the nature of their relationships. He refers back to authorities that influenced his outlook on psychiatry and on relationships. Are there any insights? Was there any information of a compelling nature in this book? Not for this reader. For me, this was one boring book. The question of leaving a relationship is a worthy subject. Ironically, as I made my way through the book, I became increasingly concerned about whether to leave this book (prematurely) - but, because of Dr. Kramer's good reputation, I remained hopeful that there would eventually be something of interest. I didn't leave the book and I am hard pressed to recall anything that made the endeavour worthwhile. Should you leave? I persevered and regretfully, I wish I had left much earlier.
Rating: 
Summary: Thought-provoking
Review: The reader below from Austin TX notes that Kaplan chooses to counsel childless couples on the "should you leave" question, and considers that a copout. But the author makes clear that he feels that once children are a part of the picture a relationship has an overwhelming reason to continue in spite of the sort of relationship troubles he discusses in this book. He is successful at evaluating reasons to leave or stay when children are not part of the relationship, and if they were I'm sure most readers would agree that these relationship problems would be worth working on.
Rating:
Summary: Very intelligent and empowering
Review: There are far too many "Cosmo" type books thatpromise to give the reader the definitive answer which I believe holdsout a false hope of curing the problem if only one answers a quiz correctly or follows the author's prescriptive advice on the best way to cure the problem. Dr. Kramer has both the humility to recognize he holds no particular magic answer that applies to all people's situations and demonstrates a belief in the reader's intelligence to make their own choices based on the material he presents in the book. I appreciated the book greatly for its presentation of all the complexities involved with such a decision and for its assumption that I had the ability to use the material in the way best suited to my situation.
Rating:
Summary: Most Thought Provoking Book on Leaving a Relationship
Review: This book provides a lot of information on relationships. How they start, how they work, and forces that tend to tear them apart. In fact, I would rate it as the one of the best books on relationships that I have ever read. The author provides a survey of many different theories about relationships. This can help the reader form new perspectives about how to view their own situation. This book really makes you work. If you want to learn and dig deeper, expecially about yourself, this is a great book. If you want simple fast advice, in the "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" style, this is not for you. It seems that the reviewers who did not like this book, must prefer a book that "fixes" their relationship with relatively simple and straight forward advice. I understand the desire to have things that easy, but my experience suggests otherwise. Kramer's discussion is very intelligent and engaging. Sometimes the style was a bit frustrating, but it was different and probably made the book much more interesting. A must read for anyone who wants to gain a very broad perspective on relationships in a reasonably short amount of time.
Rating:
Summary: This is a book about REAL relationships
Review: This is a very excellent book because it demonstrates that no therapist or self-help book can tell you what to do because no such book can understand your history or the context of your current problems. Kramer underlines the point that there is really no standard of "emotional health" or anything like it that can really determine whether a relationship is worth continuing or not, and that is a message the reading public needs to hear. A sensitive, subtle, interesting book.
Rating:
Summary: Deep, intelligent, funny, useful, challenging, unusual, ...
Review: With Beck's Love is Never Enough, it is by far the best book I have read on couples. With so many self-help books centered on finding fault in the other, this one brings a rarer and more usefully challenging perspective. I found it worth reading every year. Some of the most striking points made by Kramer in this book:
- a promising relationship is one in which, when you change enough, a reciprocal response occurs.
- you need to grow in willingness to be slightly taken advantage of
- you want change ? then stay this time !
- if you want change, change yourself first
- to be committed is to be able to find the bills a mess (or anything else that drives you crazy) and be perfectly fine.
- if you chose somebody with about the same level of differenciation/maturity as you, then you are at the right place
- if you are with somebody easy enough to love and not frankly abusive, you should stay
- learn not to tolerate, but to actually love what you now disdain in your partner (stop being vicious about the unclosed soda cap bottle and learn to find it charming)
- you say your couple or partner do not feel right. Don't you have a problem with your work instead ?
- hidden depression in one or the other partner is the cause of half of the couple problems and breakups. A partner suddently finding all sorts of flaws in the other is a strong hint of depression.
- a partner suddently finding all sorts of flaws in a partners is a strong hint of depression.
- insist ! Not on leaving, but on staying and having it your way.
- beware of negative projective identification: you unconsciously force the other to behave in ways you fear.
- maturity consists in a large part is resisting (and resisting the use of) projective identification
- use the current relationship as a greenhouse to develop your relationship skills.
- ethics do matter.
- men are from Illinois and women are from Indiana. They are different, but not in especially confusing ways.
- relationships are exactly like skiing: it does not work as long as you are in the back seat.
| 
