Say When

Rating:
Summary: There is beauty in simplicity...
Review: That's what Elizabeth Berg does best. She takes the mundane things in life, the normalcy, and she changes it around, to help us remember what we saw once, as well.

In this new book, Say When, it opens with a wife and husband, Griffin and Ellen, where the husband has found out that his wife is in love with someone else, and she wants to leave him. To me, this is news enough, because I always feel as though Im reading about the husband doing this to the wife. Needless to say, Griffin is not happy with the separation. He seems to be a character who is happier when married.

The twist on it is, is that no one wants to leave the house. The one thing that they seem to have in common, is the great love they have for their eight year old daughter, Zoe. From then on, they try to reside in the same household peacefully, but, instead, they have much anger and resentment toward one another. I noticed that Griffin, like many others in relationships, thought that everyone was happy and satisfied. Instead, he never realized how unhappily married she had become. She used a great metaphor, "I think our marriage was like a house we stopped using. I mean, you know, you move in, and there are all these terrific rooms, .... and you end up being in the same two rooms all the time... We got swallowed up by a domestic routine that didn't leave room for us as the individuals we are."

I think the good thing about Griffin, was that he found satisfaction within himself, so that, if she ever did come back, he would know that he was being with her for the right reasons, not because he didn't want to be alone.

There is a lot of deconstruction of people and what keeps them togther and pulls them apart. There are a lot of memories and nostalgia so you get to know who you are reading about, wonderful descriptions of people so you feel you can see them, and it was a very quick read. Highly recommended.

Rating:
Summary: Berg doing what she does best
Review: This is a somewhat unusual book. What might normally be told from the wife's point of view: her feelings of unappreciation, feeling suffocated, needing out, etc., is all told from the point of view of the husband. For most of the book, I didn't like Ellen at all. I thought she was a jerk and wanted Griffen to get on with his life.

Berg is not that simple though. She lets the reader see--as Griffen sees, and not before--that he is equally at fault for what's going on here. As the book comes to fruition, the reader is left thinking how easily this can happen in a marriage. And how it can sometimes be to NAME what our wrong is and to communicate that in a way that is not going to turn our partner away, but instead make them truly understand.

You put down the book and think, hmmm.. And what would have happened if Griffen had moved out as Ellen asked? Which is what normally happens in these scenarios. Interesting book.

Rating:
Summary: Disappointing
Review: This was a fascinating book in many ways. I love Berg's writing and I liked many things about this book, but I couldn't rate it higher because I didn't believe in these people. I liked Frank and I felt bad for him, but I wanted to smack him for allowing Ellen to indulge her immature behavior. And I wanted to shake her for being so immature and self-centered and selfish. On the plus side, even a less-than-wonderful book by Berg is better than the best other writers can produce. Still, I'd recommend waiting for the paperback before plunking down a big chunk of cash for the hardcover.

Rating:
Summary: Just wish that I had liked Ellen....
Review: When Ellen has an affair and wants a divorce, Griffin is (dishonestly) surprised. Zoe, the pampered and loved child is all that matters any more. As the marriage unravels at the seams, the reader is permitted insight into the whys and hows this came to be: "the catalogue of intentional slights, his moments of soft cruelty, his awareness of complicity in creating a relationship that could not work". An unsympathetic wife who is shy and difficult to know, a husband who is passively content and unwilling to see his own lack of contribution. When Griffin refuses to move, the marriage moves on to a "roommate: situation and the two alternate nights out. Ellen goes to her lover and Griffin finds himself employed as Santa and having a couple of dates. Watching lives spiral off and become unrecognizable, the hindsight required to see what really was good and what might not have been - the early contentedness moving onto complacency and becoming contempt. Ms. Berg paints a multilayered picture in this sadly compelling insight of what really does go wrong.

Rating:
Summary: Pathology of a Marriage
Review: When Ellen has an affair and wants a divorce, Griffin is (dishonestly) surprised. Zoe, the pampered and loved child is all that matters any more. As the marriage unravels at the seams, the reader is permitted insight into the whys and hows this came to be: "the catalogue of intentional slights, his moments of soft cruelty, his awareness of complicity in creating a relationship that could not work". An unsympathetic wife who is shy and difficult to know, a husband who is passively content and unwilling to see his own lack of contribution. When Griffin refuses to move, the marriage moves on to a "roommate: situation and the two alternate nights out. Ellen goes to her lover and Griffin finds himself employed as Santa and having a couple of dates. Watching lives spiral off and become unrecognizable, the hindsight required to see what really was good and what might not have been - the early contentedness moving onto complacency and becoming contempt. Ms. Berg paints a multilayered picture in this sadly compelling insight of what really does go wrong.

Rating:
Summary: A Wise, Wonderful and Bittersweet Novel
Review: When Frank Griffin learns his wife Ellen is having an affair, he feels his marriage begin to dissolve. And when Ellen says she wants a divorce, his whole world starts to fall apart. Griffin's struggle to save his marriage and his realizations of his role in its demise are at the center of Elizabeth Berg's latest novel, SAY WHEN. Griffin and Ellen seem to have it all: a home in the suburbs, a beautiful and smart daughter, and a relationship that has lasted. Still, Griffin's suspicions of his wife's new relationship are confirmed, and he must call into question his marriage and his emotional history with Ellen in order to secure their future together.

Neither Ellen nor Griffin is initially willing to leave their home or their daughter. So the two live for a time as roommates, even as Ellen continues to see her lover. Griffin is torn between his need for Ellen and wanting her back, and his anger and loneliness that drive him to begin a relationship of his own. Griffin's daughter Zoe is a source of comfort to him in the midst of marital turbulence. She is a wise little tomboy who reacts to the turmoil (as well as social pressure) by both pulling away from her parents and exploring her femininity. In Zoe, Ellen and Griffin have a gauge for their relationship and their emotions. Griffin is also grounded by his seasonal job as a shopping mall Santa Claus. Working as Santa turns out to be an unexpected and much needed distraction, besides being a simple and effective way to put his life in perspective.

After Ellen finally moves into a place of her own, Griffin is stuck with the emptiness she leaves behind. He is also left to try to understand the things she has told him about his treatment of her over the years. Griffin begins to see his role in Ellen's leaving and starts to reevaluate their relationship and his feelings for her. Just as Griffin starts to get comfortable with the idea of Ellen being gone for good, he rallies one last time to win her back. It is possible that, just as they told Zoe, Ellen will be back for Christmas.

SAY WHEN is not a long novel; in fact it is concise and conservative with its words. But the emotional life of Griffin, caught at this moment of crisis and reflection, is powerful nonetheless. Berg's prose is deceptively simple, neatly packaging a complicated story. Griffin is an undeniably real character; he is written with honesty and integrity, yet his flaws are large, many and important. Zoe, too, is an interesting and realistic character. Ellen is harder to understand; she is complex, sad and just as confused as Griffin. Because the story is written from Griffin's perspective, Ellen is harder to understand and relate to. She is elusive to the reader perhaps because, despite what he says, she remains elusive to Griffin.

Capturing the nuances, the hope and the frustration of a marriage in trouble, Berg has written a wise, wonderful and bittersweet novel that raises many questions about love and relationships. Griffin is, in many ways, an everyman. We know Griffin and relate to him and really want this marriage to work. Incredibly insightful, SAY WHEN is a novel unafraid to explore issues of modern marriage, and the fantasies and realities of love and intimacy.

--- Reviewed by Sarah Rachel Egelman

Rating:
Summary: a very realistic book
Review: _Say When_ is prolific Elizabeth Berg's first attempt at the male point of view, and she does not let the reader down. Because she has so successfully written from the perspectives of women and children I was unsure whether the character of Frank Griffin would be believable. He is, in fact, painfully believable in his reactions to his wife's announcement that she is in love with someone else and wants a divorce. Griffin, who goes by his last name, has been inadvertantly ignoring Ellen for a very long time. Now he has to wake up.

Throughout the novel, the reader gets to know the two main characters and to learn with them what their mistakes were. Griffin, almost immediately after learning about the imminent separation, impulsively gets a job as a mall Santa Claus. It is that job, as much as his wife's infidelity, that changes him. Griffin and Ellen's daughter, Zoe, adds another dimension of sadness to the story, and also helps the reader to get to know her parents better. She's a sweet addition to the novel, bringing out their different techniques with her, and also their tenderness and love for their daughter. However, as one of my only criticisms of the book, I think that Zoe's actions and habits didn't completely ring true for the 8 year old she is in this story. She also seemed merely incidental to the dramas playing out in both of her parents' heads, which may have actually been Berg's intention.

Ultimately, this novel was a simple, interesting read with great characters and almost palpaple emotion. By the end, the reader feels that the conclusion is right and makes sense for the characters, producing a wonderful sense of completion. Elizabeth Berg's books almost always grab you. With this one, she has us in the palm of her hand.